CHAPTER 84

west

J ackson was in his element. That much was clear as day as I watched him dance with a group of cowboys and bunnies—one of those line dances or some shit. I didn’t have a clue what they were doing, but he did. His smile was wide, his laughter was loud, and I had a feeling nothing would stop him from enjoying the night.

This Jackson was different. So different I almost didn’t recognize him. I knew from following his career that he was more lighthearted while on the circuit, but I hadn’t anticipated this.

But me? I stuck to my seat, doing whatever I could do to stay invisible on the sidelines. My nerves burned, misfiring left and right until I couldn’t sit still. The restless energy funneled into my legs, leaving me bouncing anxiously. It was too loud. Too chaotic. Too much.

I wasn’t cut out for this lifestyle.

I wasn’t cut out to keep up with Jackson like this—not when I wanted to crawl into a hole where not a single fucking person could bother me.

There wasn’t a hole I could crawl into, but I did walk my ass out the door without letting Jackson know. He wouldn’t notice anyway, and I didn’t want him to. He didn’t need a night where my stupid bullshit swept in and ruined it all.

The knowledge I had of Rampage made me curious. Enough so that I fucking broke into the animal holding area. They needed better fucking security. Considering the value of the animals in the pens, I shouldn’t have been able to walk in like I did.

Rampage’s pen was set away from all the rest, which did nothing but solidify the stories about him. Still, I leaned on the metal gate and studied him. The Bushwacker bull just stood there.

He watched me.

I watched him.

Neither of us moved.

My heart bled for him. This wasn’t some vicious wild monster in front of me—not like they made him out to be. He was broken and hurting. He had nothing left to give anyone.

“How’d I know I’d find you here?” Jackson asked, amusement lacing his voice as he strolled down the aisle toward me. “If you wanted to leave, all you had to do was say so, baby. I don’t mind.”

“How long did it take for you to figure out I was gone?” I replied.

“I watched your ass walk out the door,” he told me. My gaze flicked in his direction, surprised. “If you think I wasn’t watching you all night, you got another thing coming. Took me a hot minute to say goodbye to everyone. By then I thought I’d lost you.”

“How’d you figure I was here?”

“You like animals more than you like people. You’ve spent all fucking day around people. It don’t take a genius to figure out you’d look for a few animals to spend time with.”

He had me there. Admittedly, I liked that he knew that about me.

“I see you found Rampage,” Jackson said, and I nodded.

“He’s sad.” I stared at the bull all over again. I wanted nothing more than to open the fucking stall and take him with me. He didn’t belong there.

“How can you tell? ”

“It’s in his eyes.” Without hesitation, I stuck my hand through the metal slats, offering it to Rampage to smell. The bull didn’t move an inch. No anger. No interest. Not a damn thing.

He just didn’t care anymore.

“He’s the most dangerous one in here,” I commented quietly.

“We already talked about his reputation,” Jackson replied. “I know what I’m in for.”

“I don’t think you do.”

“And why’s that?”

“When you spend your whole damn life being hit, you start to expect it. And the anger… they just go hand in hand,” I whispered. “And it just stays there and festers and fucking builds until you can’t hold it in no more. One day you just… snap.”

Jackson leaned against the gate next to me, scrutinizing Rampage—trying to see what I saw. He never would. He didn’t know what that was like.

“He don’t look it,” he said. “He’s got no fire in his eyes. Not like some of these other bulls.”

“It’s not the fire you want to look out for. If they’ve got fire, they’ve still got something to lose.” I tried once more to make a connection with the bull but had no luck. “You want to look for the broken one… the one without a fire in him… the one with nothing behind his stare. That’s the one that’s got nothing fucking left to lose. That’s the one that’ll explode because the fallout doesn’t fucking matter. Not anymore. There’s nothing left to save.”

Rampage had nothing left to save. It was in his face. I recognized that look. I’d seen it for years whenever I looked in the fucking mirror. Maybe less lately, but it was still there.

Jackson’s silence was uncomfortable and the weight of his gaze on me was a heavy burden I didn’t want. I could see from the look on his face that he was worried about me—that he was drawing a few too many conclusions. He didn’t need to go down that road.

“I’m fine,” I said quickly. “It’s just a thing to know.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat and stepped away from the fencing. “We should go before I end up in the tabloids for breaking in to hang out with the fucking bulls. ”

“Yeah,” I agreed. One more time, I tried to bridge the gap with Rampage. I held my hand in front of his snout and hoped for some kind of response. I wouldn’t force it, but I couldn’t help but be disappointed when the bull didn’t budge.

I wanted more for him. Better. He didn’t fucking deserve this.

“Do they sell the bulls here?” I asked as we made our way to the exit.

“What do you mean?” He stopped to stare at me, and I shrugged. “Are you wanting to buy a fucking bull?”

“Maybe,” I admitted. I glanced back at Rampage, wishing I could take him home right now. “He deserves better than the fucking monster they say he is. Someone has to show him that.”

In two quick steps, Jackson closed the distance between us, dragging my face to his in an intense kiss.

“You’re too goddamn good, you know that?” he whispered.

“I think you’re the first fucking person on the planet to believe that,” I scoffed.

“But I’m right,” he said. “And I love you all the more for it.”

My throat clogged up with a wild wave of emotion. I merely nodded and kissed him again because fucking words.