CHAPTER 45

jackson

W est was more relaxed than he’d been… well, ever . It was like riding a horse again unlocked something inside of him. He went on and on about the horses and what he was doing with them as we sat on the corral fence. I didn’t have much to add to the conversation, but I could listen to him talk all afternoon. And I did.

Eventually, evening rolled around and my guys wandered in. I didn’t bother getting off the fence. I’d kept track of their work on the radio—not that there was much going on anyway. Instead, I just tipped my hat in their direction as they corralled their horses and stayed right where I was.

The last one to come in was Mickey, and I stiffened as he started in our direction. I had no fucking desire to talk to Mickey. There wasn’t a damn thing I needed to be updated on, so there wasn’t a damn reason he needed to talk to me.

“Boss.” Mickey tipped his hat in a pleasant greeting that I didn’t return.

“Night, Mickey.” The words came out short, but they were all I had in me. West glanced in my direction, but I purposefully ignored him .

“West,” Mickey continued. “You’re lookin’ mighty good on the back of that horse today. You did good work with him.”

“He did most of the work,” West corrected. Mickey shifted his weight as he considered West’s words. I didn’t want him to consider anything. I wanted him to continue on his fucking way.

“Night, Mickey,” I repeated, my tone sharper this time. His tired gaze met mine, but I was unwavering.

“Night, boss.” He tipped his hat one more time before shuffling away.

“Why the hell are you so mad at him?” West asked when he was out of earshot. “For weeks you’ve been giving him the cold shoulder or snapping at him. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“You’re fucking kidding me, aren’t you?” I demanded, but West just shrugged. “After everything he did—rather didn’t do when it came to Harrison.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Mickey, my mom, my dad… they should’ve done more about Harrison. They knew what the hell he was fucking doing and they did nothing. He never should’ve been allowed to treat you how he did. You deserved better, and they should’ve fucking done something about Harrison back then.”

His brows furrowed together as he thought about what I’d said, his hand running over his beard. His silence felt damning.

“Look,” he began with a sigh, “I know you’re mad at them, but they did protect me, you know? They did their fucking best. Your mom bought the horses because I liked them, not because she did. The more horses she had, the more work I needed to help her with. It kept me away from him. Your mom doesn’t like horses all that much if we’re being honest. Most of her herd were horses I picked out when she took me to auctions to help her with shit.”

I hadn’t known that. Mom had always made it seem like the horses were her thing.

“And Mickey… Mickey used to lie for me whenever I was late or not where I was supposed to be,” West continued. “And your dad… well, your dad kept Harrison busy. If Harrison had shit to do, then he was too busy to beat on me. I don’t blame them. They did what they could.”

“It wasn’t enough,” I said. “They should’ve done— ”

“It was enough,” he interrupted. “This ranch… this is their legacy. It’s their whole family history. I ain’t that important, Jackson. Never was, never will be.”

“West—”

“Some people are born great, some people are born worthless, and everyone else is somewhere in between,” he told me “I know where I stand on that scale.”

Knowing what I knew, he believed himself to be on the worthless end of that scale.

“You can’t really fucking think that.” I hated when he talked like this. It killed a little part of me. I understood where it came from but fuck. A part of me wanted to grab him by the fucking shoulders and shake him until it made sense.

He made a small sound and half-heartedly lifted a shoulder.

How the hell could I make him see otherwise?

“Look.” West slid off the fence and rubbed his hands on his thighs. “I ain’t mad at them. You’re wasting your fucking energy fighting with Mickey and ignoring your mom.”

“How the fuck do you know I’m ignoring her?”

“She leaves a lot of messages on your answering machine,” he replied. “You also have to be the only motherfucker I know who still has a goddamn landline.”

“Don’t make fun of my fucking phone,” I snapped.

“Let it go, Jackson,” West said. “I ain’t worth all that shit.”

Yeah, he fucking was.

“We’re going to come back to that,” I warned him, knowing that if I tried now, he’d walk away. I hopped off the fence and followed him while he approached the horses. “I should probably visit her, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“You could come with. I know she’d lose her shit to see you again.” I suggested with no belief that he’d take me up on it, but to my surprise, he nodded slowly.

“Sure, why the hell not,” he muttered. “Now, get the hell out of here, so I can get my work done. You’re a goddamn distraction.”

I grinned, liking that idea. However, I liked the idea of him coming home faster instead of delaying that more.

“All right.” I took off my hat and fussed with the brim of it. What was the protocol with him? If he were any other guy, I’d kiss him before I left—it wasn’t like any of my employees had stuck around. But with West? With the way he didn’t like being touched? How the hell did I approach him?

“What’re you looking at, cowboy?” West asked when I did nothing but stare at him.

“If I wanted to…” My voice trailed off, and I shut my mouth. It was a dumb fucking question to ask. If I wanted to kiss you, could I?

“It’s your goddamn ranch. You can do whatever the hell you want.”

“It’s your stables, your rules,” I quipped back. That made him falter, his back going rigid. Fuck. His shoulders squared off as those gray eyes held mine. He was bracing for whatever shit I threw at him. That was the last thing I wanted to make him feel.

“Just ask your question, Jackson.”

“If I wanted to kiss you before I left, could I?” God, it felt stupid asking that out loud. Boundaries. I had to keep reminding myself about the boundaries. And the look on his face didn’t help the situation. It was as if he was debating the right way to respond—as if he didn’t know the right way to approach the situation either.

“I guess,” West whispered. “I mean… yeah. That’s fine.”

But did he mean it?

I couldn’t tell.

I didn’t want to question it either. It was his choice, and he was giving me permission. Who was I to second guess that?

With several long strides, I closed the distance between us and kissed him—the kind of kiss where my lips barely touched his. His chin tilted slightly as he kissed me back, but it was… awkward as hell.

For both of us.

I pulled away and drew in a deep breath, trying to gain some semblance of understanding. That kiss in the barn had been intense and emotional. It meant something. It felt like something. And for the life of me, I assumed it would lead to more. I just didn’t know how—especially not now with both of us just standing there and staring at one another.

“This was awkward, wasn’t it?” I muttered.

“Yup,” he agreed all too quickly, nodding .

“Fantastic.” I dropped my hat back on my head. “See you at home, West.”

“Yeah,” he replied, but I barely heard him as I made a quick exit, feeling all too uncomfortable with everything that had happened. I didn’t know how to be around West. Not like this.