CHAPTER 12

west

T he alcohol floating through my system was almost enough to make her touch feel like something other than fucking razors on my skin. Almost. I just kept drinking because once Marley was in my space, she wasn’t leaving. And I didn’t know how to get mean with her.

I knew what she wanted—what she expected. I wasn’t a fucking moron. Pretty girl like her could have any guy in the place. She should’ve stuck with that. Instead, she picked the one guy with a broken dick. It hadn’t worked in years, and that wasn’t changing. Not for her. Not for anyone.

All I could hope was that, at some point, she’d realize all her efforts weren’t working. All her ass-grinding didn’t do a damn thing to me. When that happened, I had to think she’d move on. Either that, or she’d try even harder to convince me.

Fuck, I hoped to hell she didn’t. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to fix my dick. I’d tried. And I didn’t know how to explain that to her—nor did I want to.

When a hand grabbed my elbow, the panic spike was instant. My chest tightened fast and hard, hurting something fierce and sparking something animalistic in me. Marley yelped as I whirled on my heel and threw a punch. I didn’t know who I was hitting. I didn’t care. I couldn’t see past the increasing fear lighting up my entire fucking body.

I grabbed a shirt and kept hitting. Hit after hit, I went after him.

Hands slapped and smacked me, shoving at my chest and shoulders. My hold tightened and my fist flew harder.

Shadows pressed in on my vision.

I was a livewire, violently charged with no direction.

More hands grabbed at me, hauling me off my feet. I screamed and fought back. Screams filled my head—memories I tried to fucking bury climbed their way to the surface. The fucking pain. I felt it in every part of my body.

I hit.

I broke things.

I fought like hell.

I belonged to no one, and there was no way in hell I was going back there.

No way, no how.

I’d rather be dead.

Swaying on my feet, I gasped for air.

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t…

Voices filled my head—voices I desperately wanted to forget.

Voices that taunted me.

“Hey!” Fingers snapped in front of my hazy vision. “Look at me, boy.”

I muttered… something. Maybe . Words were so fucking heavy in my mouth.

“Come on, West. Look at me, boy.” Mickey? I tried to say it out loud. Maybe I did. Nothing seemed to work. “Yeah… yeah, that’s right, West. Look at me. Ain’t no one goin’ to hurt you, you hear me? Ain’t no one goin’ to hurt you.”

Words fell out of my mouth, incoherent babbling even to me.

“You’re safe, West. You’re safe,” he said, soft and soothing. I wasn’t safe. My heart pounding erratically in my chest was a surefire sign of that. It galloped hard enough to fall out of my fucking ribs. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t fucking breathe. “Say it with me, West. Tell me you’re safe. Ain’t no one goin’ to hurt you, boy, I promise. ”

My gaze flitted around the swaying room, desperate for something—anything—to help. A beer bottle on the table next to Mickey was my only option. I grabbed the bottle and smashed it on the table. Before he could stop me, I shoved the biggest piece of glass into my palm and closed my fingers around it.

The burst of pain was mind-numbing, and I groaned. But I squeezed harder until I felt the blood dripping between my fingers. The buzz in the room softened and the hazy darkness seeping into my vision began to creep away.

I squeezed hard enough to make me gasp.

But it fucking worked. The pain took over the panic, erasing the violent chaos crashing through me. I clung to that stupid piece of glass as tight as I possibly could, letting it cut deep. It was the only lifeline I fucking had.

“You’re safe, boy,” Mickey said again. I blinked at him. I wasn’t safe. I wasn’t ever safe. I just shook my head. “You are. You’re goin’ to walk right out that door, you hear me? Right out the door and ain’t no one goin’ to stop you. Go, West. Go.”

I was numb head to toe. My legs were heavy and uncomfortable. My body barely cooperated as I stiffly walked toward the door. I ignored the deafening silence and the looks. I didn’t have the answers they wanted.

Hell, even I didn’t know what was wrong with me.