Chapter 22

TWENTY-TWO

Phoenix

M y heart beat hard in my chest with every jostling person who bumped into me. It beat even harder at the ones who's eyes widened as they took me in before giving me a wide berth.

The half face mask didn't cover all of my scars, and the staring was something I'd had to grow used to. For most of my life, since the fire, I tried to avoid crowded spaces as much as possible.

It would be worth it.

For Laura.

The supermarket's lights glared above me, and row after row of colourful items stretched out seemingly endlessly. A tremble made my fingers quake when I reached out for one of the packets, picking it up and feeling the squishy contents within. The gummy worms weren't at all nutritious. A waste of money, really. Frivolous. Perfect.

Throwing the jellied sweets into the trolley began an avalanche of food stuffs. Things I remembered loving from my childhood, like chocolate mice and tiny icing covered biscuits. Packet after packet of items I'd never even heard of but would love to taste. Pizza flavoured crisps. Wine flavoured sweets. BBQ ramen noodles.

After almost an hour and a stuffed trolley, I reined myself in. The trolley was teeming with nothing but junk food, and my fiery little ember would need some real food. Never in my life had I had to actually shop and cook actual meals.

The cool pack of burgers I picked up chilled the tips of my fingers as I scanned the back. Fry until cooked through. I could do that for her. My mouth watered at the distant memory of melted cheese and seasoned patties my dad would cook on the barbeque in the summer.

Damn. I'd have loved to taste even one more bite.

Almost as much as I longed to taste Laura.

Being near her drove me insane. The way her nose scrunched in distaste at the shakes made my heart want to explode in my chest. The little snores she gave off in the night. Her soft hair clinging to my chest in the middle of the night when she was too deep in the unconscious to remember to be mad at me. When she'd sung along to my violin I'd been hit with a hundred more poisoned darts that inflamed my desire for her a thousand-fold. I wanted to hear her cry my name out in that pretty sing-song voice of hers.

My thumb was digging into the minced beef patties through the cellophane as I lost myself in Laura. The supermarket dimmed, so inconsequential compared to even the smallest thought of her.

I had to make her mine.

To show her I would worship her like no other man ever would.

To torment her body in ways that would leave her never wanting to be anywhere but at my feet.

Someone cleared their throat, dragging me right back into the supermarket with a sharp bump. The elderly woman glanced down at my crotch, her eyes widening.

Shit.

The thoughts of Laura on her knees had made me hard, and to the other patrons it must have looked every bit like I had a chub on for fucking hamburgers.

I tossed the pack of burgers into the cart before winking at the old woman and walking past her, very much trying to ignore the glances from others at my crotch.

After piling some vegetables and fruit into the cart, I stopped next to a basket of the shiniest, reddest apples I'd ever seen. Would Laura like them?

That damned pony would.

And Laura liked the pony.

And I wanted to make her smile so fucking badly.

With a sigh, I scooped an armful of the apples up and dumped them into the cart.

Stupid bloody pony better at least let me pet him.

Or Laura might beg me to pet her…

M y muscles spasmed as I wrangled the stuffed carrier bags into the cottage. The birds chittered above the front door in their early morning sing-song, adding to the blissful quiet of the day. Having been back in the busyness of the real world always made me appreciate the isolation of the island. However hard it had been being stuck there with my uncle, at least there was no one to stare at my ugly, deformed face. No gasps or children pointing. No mothers pulling toddlers out of my path or people asking what happened.

At least on the island it was only me.

And Laura, now.

Flexing my fingers to stretch out the cramp from the bag's indents, I walked through to the sitting room. Laura's pretty face pressed against her arm in the worn old armchair, her mouth open a little. Her breath was soft against the woollen blanket that covered her.

My sweet girl hadn't been able to go to bed without me. A bloom of pleasure filtered through me. I stepped closer to her sleeping form and slowly dragged my thumb over her bottom lip.

What I'd give to kiss you.

To have lips to press against yours. To be able to feel your breath against my tongue. To swallow down every little gasp.

The temptation to thrust my thumb into the heat of her mouth pulled at me. I had no doubt she could bring me to my knees with that mouth if she wanted to. I may be waiting for her to beg, but if I could talk, I'd throw myself at her goddamned feet and plead for the slightest ounce of her attention.

My pulse thundered in my chest. Standing there at a precipice. Wanting horribly to wake her and make her writhe against my hand.

Closing my eyes, I sighed.

Waking her up with food might at least make her hate me a little less.

The old range cooker hadn't been switched on since my uncle had stopped needing to eat. I hadn't even considered getting gas.

Damn it.

I took the pack of bacon I'd opened outside along with an old frying pan and set them aside while I made a ring of stones on the grass. The wood scraped at my fingers, sharp little daggers cutting into me while I stacked them in the ring.

The fire took easily when I held a match to the thinner pieces of kindling I'd piled at the bottom of the stack. Soon orange flames crackled up, and my eyes glazed over while I waited for them to peak. The sea lapped at the shore, the minutes passing glacially slow while the wood burned black, glowing embers soon replacing the bright flames.

The bacon fat sizzled in the pan, spitting and bubbling in the heat.

Fuck, it smelled delicious.

Would Laura like it crispy? Or soft?

My mouth watered.

‘You came back.' I startled at the voice, turning to nod at Laura.

‘I can't believe you left me here on my own! What kind of absolutely insane fucker…' Laura stopped mid-sentence, her expression changing when she caught sight of the bacon. ‘Is that bacon? '

I gave another nod, moving aside as she came to stand beside me, her eyes like saucers.

‘Did you go shopping? For me?'

I glanced at her face, seeing sleepy eyes glittering. The fire it ignited in me was more fierce than any of the thousands I'd lit.

Reaching out, I took her hand, upturning her palm.

YES

Laura snatched it back before clearing her throat.

‘Thank you,' she whispered.

Feeling awkward at her mixed reaction, I walked inside and buttered a white bread roll.

Laura sat next to the fire, her eyes fixed on the frying pan.

The minute I scooped the hot bacon into the bun, she all but snatched it out of my fingers, moaning as she took a bite.

Her eyes rolled backward, and there I was, jealous of a fucking sandwich. Grease leaked out over her fingers as she chewed, and I desperately wanted to lick them clean.

Fuck my stupid fucking mouth.

After swallowing down a few more bites, Laura smiled shyly at me before licking her fingers clean.

My poor heart nearly stopped at the way her tongue wrapped round the digits.

‘I don't think I've ever tasted anything so delicious,' she said. Her eyes flicked to my mask, and then back down to her food, a frown crossing her perfect lips. ‘I'm sorry. I was so hungry I didn't even think about how it must feel for you. You hate the shakes too.'

I shrugged, and lifted a hand indicating she should keep eating. Moving closer, I sat beside her and placed a finger on her exposed thigh.

THERE'S NO NEED FOR US BOTH TO SUFFER

‘Thank you.' She nibbled at the sandwich. ‘I thought you'd left me here. It scared me.'

I spelled out sorry on the soft skin of her thigh.

‘I don't know what to do. I hate you. You were watching me. You've been touching me. And I hate that it feels good.'

Guilt hit my chest. Of course she didn't want someone like me touching her.

‘Why do you even want me here? Is it because you've never had sex? If we have sex will you let me go?'

No, sweet girl. I can never let you go .

I shook my head.

‘But why?' Her voice rose to a higher pitch.

OBSESSED WITH YOU

Her breath hitched, and she scrutinised my face with those big doe eyes.

‘Why though? You don't even know me.'

I lifted one of her hands and pressed it against my chest. It wasn't about knowing. It was a feeling. The moment I saw her in the burning room, there was something that told me she was supposed to be with me. To be mine.

Her eyes focused on mine, my pulse thudding against her palm with the closeness of her. Then her brow creased and she pulled her palm away.

Awkwardness settled over us like a stifling blanket.

‘Did you buy anything else?' she asked, focusing on the burning logs.

EVERYTHING

A smile turned up the corner of her mouth as I traced the word on her skin.

EVEN APPLE S

Her eyebrow quirked up as she made sense of my spelling.

‘Apples?'

PONY

Softness infused her features and gave me an injection of pleasure of a whole different kind.

‘I've called him Muffin. Thank you. It was… sweet… for you to think of him.'

I cleared my throat and stood, conflicting feelings swarming through me. She didn't want to be with me. I didn't want to be without her.

With the awkward exchange playing over in my mind, I left the cottage, seeking a distraction. How could I make Laura see past the scarred face and the fact I'd taken her?