Chapter 8

Chapter

Eight

February 16th

6:19 A.M.

Her cries of pain destroyed him.

Shredded his insides as effectively as any blade could ever do.

Failed.

He hadn"t brought her daughter home to her, and the sense of failure Panther felt was crushing.

Tightening his hold on Elle, he spoke loud enough that she could hear him over her sobs of grief. "We didn"t find her body, honey," he soothed, praying she hadn"t misinterpreted his apology and believed him to be telling her that her daughter was dead. "Ruthie is still out there somewhere, and I will bring her home to you. I promise." Not a wise promise to make given there was no way he could actually guarantee he would follow through despite his best efforts.

But it was a promise he had to make.

Lifting her head from his chest, tear-drenched eyes looked up at him. "She's not gone?" she asked in a voice so heartbreakingly lost that he broke all over again.

"No, honey, Ruthie isn't gone. She's still out there. And now we know who has her."

Fingers curled into his shirt. "It was Jimmy? He stole my baby?" Through the tears, he saw a bolt of anger hit her, and he felt himself relax a fraction. Elle was struggling, teetering on the edge. A month of living this nightmare had taken a toll on her, but she was a survivor, a fighter, and she wasn't going to give up until she had her daughter back in her arms where she belonged.

"There were photos in his house that prove he's been stalking you and your daughter," he told her gently, keeping a hold on her as he maneuvered her to the now vacant couch. The guys had all gone to their women and whispered something to them, likely asking them to give them some time alone with Elle to talk through this development in her daughter's case since all five women had quietly left.

"It was him? He was the one breaking into my home, leaving me all those letters? He's the one who took my baby from me, who thinks he's in love with me and is going to be a family with me and my daughter?" Color was quickly draining from her face. Although the anger remained in her eyes, there was still enough pain there to fill the ocean. "I think I"m going to be sick."

Elle was shaking violently, and she'd pressed a hand to her stomach in an attempt to quell the nausea churning there. Someone—he didn"t bother looking up to see who—passed him a blanket which he immediately wrapped around Elle, then shifted so he sat beside her on the couch and began rubbing her back.

"The photos were all framed, hanging on the walls, sitting on the fireplace mantle, on furniture, in every room of the house. The photos go back years, they're like a chronicle of your life for the last five years or so," he told her.

"Th-that's as long as Jimmy h-has been working f-for me," she said, the shakes making her teeth chatter. "I … I brought h-him into our l-lives. I already k-knew this was m-my fault, but I d-didn"t realize how b-badly I had m-messed up."

If his heart wasn't already breaking that would have done the job.

Her desperate words, the complete and utter grief and guilt in her words, it was nothing he ever wanted to hear fall from her lips again.

"You don't say that," he snarled, surprising everyone in the room, including himself. "I told you before and will tell you again as many times as you need to hear it. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Do you hear me?" He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, pinching just hard enough that she winced, needing to be certain she was hearing him and not lost in a guilt-filled void. "Say it," he ordered.

Wide-eyed, Elle stared up at him.

"Say it," he demanded again.

"I … can"t," she whispered, sounding so defeated he couldn't not respond. Dragging her into his lap he banded his arms around her, willing her to believe the truth.

"Say it," he said again, gentler this time. "Say it's not your fault."

"How could I not know?" she asked brokenly. "How could I not know that he was a danger to me and my daughter? He asked me out the first time we met in person. I spent ages looking for someone I trusted to run my website for me. I trusted him, Rafe. I trusted him. I thought I wanted a woman because romance is mostly a women's genre, but he seemed smart, sensitive, enthusiastic, and I thought maybe having a man's perspective when I needed it would improve my writing."

"What did you say when he asked you out?" Scorpion asked.

"I told him he was a great guy, but I was recently divorced with a toddler to care for. I told him I didn"t have time for dating, but …"

"What, honey?" he asked when she trailed off and didn"t continue.

Elle shrugged. "It wasn't just that. I just … I don't know. I liked him and I thought he was sweet. He was good-looking and intelligent, funny, too. But …"

"Your gut told you not to go out with him and you trusted it," Rock told her.

"What did he say when you said no?" Tank asked.

Her brow scrunched as she thought. "There was a moment when I thought he was going to blow up. Now you mention it, I remember bracing for a storm and reaching for my phone to call the cops. But then it was like he flipped a switch and he just smiled, told me I was such a great catch he had to ask, but he'd love to just work for me and be friends. I thought I imagined the whole thing and was overreacting because he was the first man to ask me out since I was divorced."

"He decided your answer wasn't a no, it was a not yet," Trick said. "He decided to wait you out, thought you would eventually come to him. Probably got tired of waiting, and since you never dated anyone else, he assumed you just needed a little push to be ready. When the notes didn"t work and you called the cops, he likely got angry and decided to force your hand."

Elle flinched, internalizing Trick's words and adding them to her list of reasons why this was all on her. "I don't understand how I didn"t see it. We talk often, he helps with my website, but he's also a sounding board for my heroes' points of view."

"This isn't his first time," Panther gently broke the news. "He's stalked women since he was a teenager. He was forced to get counseling, and things have been quiet with him for almost twenty years, but he didn"t change, he just got smarter and better at hiding it."

"So you"re sure? It's him?" she asked.

"It's him. He has the skills to hack your computer. Most of the photos were ones you had on your laptop, they weren"t ones he took himself. He hasn't been home since the day Ruthie was taken. When he took her, he obviously had another place lined up and ready to take her to, probably just in case the cops looked at him as a suspect. Wherever he's holed up with your daughter, I'll find him."

"Okay," Elle agreed, although she didn"t seem sure that she believed him.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" he asked, already knowing the answer. She hadn"t, and she'd slept only a couple of hours the night before that, and likely every night since her daughter's abduction.

Elle gave a tiny shake of her head.

"Rock is going to give you something to help you sleep." When he looked to his friend, Rock nodded and held up a bottle of sleeping pills.

"I can"t sleep now." Elle looked aghast at the very idea. "Not when we're finally making progress in finding my baby."

"Don't you see, honey?" His hands lifted, framed her face, his thumbs caressing her still-damp cheeks. "That's exactly why you need sleep. We're closer to finding Ruthie than we've been, and that means I need you on top of your game. Your daughter needs you on top of your game." It might be a low blow to use her missing child as a reason why she needed sleep, but the facts were, Elle was running on empty and she needed the rest before she dropped. Needed it for both her sake and her daughter's. Because when he found Ruthie and brought her home, the little girl was going to need her mommy.

"Okay," she said again, this time sounding utterly defeated. "I guess I better go home then."

"You"re not going anywhere." Panther tightened his grip on her. "Jimmy Hillier might have taken Ruthie, but you"re the one he really wants. He's not going to wait forever. I want you here where I know you"re safe, and where I can make sure you're being taken care of."

Whatever protest she might have given faded, replaced by a soft look and a tiny smile. Whether she would admit it or not, Elle needed to know someone had her back, that she was being looked out for, and that she wasn't all alone in this nightmare. She had him and Andy and they weren"t going anywhere.

Not when he brought Ruthie home, and not if the worst happened.

February 16th

12:32 P.M.

"Mmm," Elle moaned sleepily as wakefulness came slowly, for one beautiful moment cocooning her in a blissful bubble of ignorance.

As she hung there in a sort of state of suspended animation, she felt peace and security wash over her, and she inhaled it, trying to make it part of her so it couldn't leave, because even as she wasn't altogether sure of what was going on, she knew that this was where she wanted to stay.

But as it always did, the bubble popped, the sense of peace disappeared like it had never even existed, and reality came crushing back down.

Only for once the security lingered.

Elle was surrounded by Rafe's scent. After she had reluctantly agreed to take the sleeping pills and get some rest, he'd given her some of his clothes to wear, and told her to go and lie down in his bed.

She couldn't resist that offer even if she did want to stay by his side as he ran down leads on where Jimmy Hillier might be hiding out. Whenever she and Jimmy spent time together, they talked about work related things, and now that she thought about it, he was always asking her questions about herself she usually brushed off because she was busy and just wanted to get down to business. The little she knew about him was likely already eclipsed by what Rafe had found out.

Reality was, there was nothing useful she could do, and since she was teetering on the edge of collapse and she wanted to be there for her daughter when Ruthie came home, she had agreed to the sleep.

Now that she was awake though, she was desperate to find out if Rafe had anything new to tell her.

Unable to give up the comfort being wrapped in Rafe's clothes brought her, Elle didn"t change back into her own as she padded downstairs.

"Elle!" Andy exclaimed, tossing down his game controller as he bounced off the couch and across the room, throwing his thin arms around her waist and hugging her hard. "Dad said I couldn't wake you up because you needed to sleep, but I"ve been waiting for you."

Warmth spread through her. Even though she missed her baby girl with every fiber of her being, it was nice to spend time with another child. Andy was such a great kid, so smart, so sweet, and even though when she played with him her heart ached because Ruthie wasn't there, there was comfort there as well. Rafe and Andy were keeping her sane at a time when she could far too easily fall apart.

"What have you been up to?" she asked, returning the boy's hug.

"Dad's working so I've been playing video games. Now that you"re up though can we play?"

"Course we can." Elle gave his messy brown locks a ruffle. Being affectionate with this child was easy because he didn"t hold anything back. Andy was an open book and she hoped that life didn"t wind up changing that.

"After you eat some lunch," Rafe said, appearing in the kitchen doorway looking delectable in a pair of jeans and a black long-sleeve T-shirt. "After you both eat some lunch," he amended, giving her a pointed look.

It was weird having someone look out for her, making sure that she was eating and at least attempting to sleep. Self sufficiency and independence were her parents' mantras and she was expected to do a lot of things other kids her age weren"t required to. Then in her marriage, her husband had been more like a child she had to care for than an equal partner. After he left, there was no one to help raise her daughter, and taking care of herself fell a distant third after Ruthie and work.

Having Rafe look out for her was nice.

Really nice.

A whole lot nicer than it should be given she had no idea if he was even interested in anything with her. Well, his friends had said that him letting her call him Rafe was an indication he was … so maybe the question should be if she was interested in anything with him.

"Hey, buddy boy, what if we make some mashed potatoes for lunch? We'll make extra, pop it in the fridge to cool down, and for dinner tonight we can make potato pancakes." Before she could worry that she had overstepped, once again insinuating herself into Rafe and Andy's plans without checking with Rafe to make sure it was okay, the man smiled.

"Sounds perfect," Rafe said. "Elle, would you mind staying here with Andy for a while? I have to pop out for a bit."

"I don't mind. Is it something to do with Ruthie?" she asked, wondering if he had gotten a lead on where Jimmy was hiding with her daughter.

"Partly, but no, I haven't found her yet. I will though, I"m working on it and I won"t give up until I bring Ruthie home," he promised. He'd said that to her several times, and for some reason each time he said the words she believed them a little more. Almost like in speaking them he was giving them some sort of power, sending them out into the universe to make them a reality.

"Okay," she agreed. "Don't worry about Andy, we'll have lots of fun together, won"t we, buddy boy?"

"Yeah, we will," Andy agreed excitedly.

"All right, you two be good. Don't get up to mischief while I"m gone," Rafe teased as he kissed the top of his son's head.

"Mischief is the only kind of fun play, right, buddy boy?" she teased right back. It wasn't easy allowing herself to have moments of joy when her daughter was out there alone and scared and needing her mom, but these two were little lights in the dark, and their light was shining on her whether she wanted it to or not.

"Right, Daddy. Mischief is the best." Andy bounced from foot to foot in that energetic way only young children could.

Rafe laughed, then kissed his son again before moving to her. When he bent for a moment, Elle was positive he was going to brush his lips across hers. Instead, his lips pressed to her cheek, and despite the very non-sexual nature of the kiss, Elle felt her knees get weak.

When was the last time she'd kissed a man?

Maybe several months before her husband announced he was leaving.

This one little kiss, simple though it was, ignited a spark inside her.

A spark she couldn't allow to grow. Not now, not when her focus had to remain on her daughter. But maybe when Ruthie came home … maybe … maybe a relationship with Rafe could be in the cards.

"I won"t be gone long, a couple of hours at the most," Rafe told her. "You two be good, there's mischief and then there's mischief."

Both she and Andy were giggling as they headed into the kitchen. Somehow, they kept managing to make her smile even as her heart wept.

They wouldn't be enough to save her though.

Not if Ruthie was never found. Not if Jimmy killed her because he couldn't get his hands on Elle.

But for now, they were helping her get through each day, and that was enough.

"Can I help peel the potatoes?" Andy asked.

"The peeler can be a little hard to use, and I don't want you to cut yourself, but I have an idea." Rifling through the cupboards, she found the apple corer, peeler, and spiral cutter she'd seen when she was making lunch yesterday. "How about if I put the potatoes on and you turn the handle, then I can cut them and put them into the pot," she suggested.

"Elle?"

"Yeah, buddy?" she asked as she grabbed a handful of potatoes from the bottom of the pantry and set them on the counter.

"Does Ruthie have a dad?"

"Yes, she does. Everybody has a mom and a dad whether they're part of their life or not."

"He's not part of her life?" Andy asked, taking the handle when she put the first potato on and beginning to turn it.

"No, sweetie, he's not part of Ruthie's life or mine." It should hurt more that her husband hadn"t wanted to be part of raising their daughter, but it was absolutely his loss, and Elle hurt more for her child knowing her dad didn"t want her, than she did for herself having her husband walk out on her.

"How come?"

"Because he didn"t want to be. He left us when Ruthie was a baby."

"My mom didn"t want to be in my life either," Andy said it matter of factly, no emotion, no anger or sadness like it just was what it was. Even if the boy felt like that now, at some point he would feel the betrayal of knowing his own mom hadn"t wanted any part of his life.

"You know that's her loss. You"re a great kid, Andy. Anyone would be proud to be your mom. I"m proud to know you and spend time with you."

"I don't miss her, I don't even know her, and I have my dad, but …"

"But what, sweetie?"

"Sometimes I get lonely. My daddy is always busy. Do you know what I wish?"

"What do you wish for, buddy boy?"

"A mom. Not the one who doesn't want me, but a real mom, one who wants me and will love me. Elle, I need a mom, and Ruthie needs a daddy. Maybe you could be my new mom and my dad can be Ruthie's daddy."

Andy looked so hopeful at the idea, and a part of her wanted to buy into what he was selling, but the problem was, life wasn't that simple. Right now, she had no idea what the future held, getting through each second was almost more than she could handle.