Chapter 17

Chapter

Seventeen

March 19th

8:25 A.M.

"You can"t do that," Ruthie said staring at him incredulously.

"Sure can," Panther shot back, hiding his grin at the look of complete and utter shock on the little girl's face.

"I've never seen you do it," Andy piped up.

"Just because you haven't seen me do it doesn't mean I can"t," he told his son.

"I don't think you can. I don't think anyone can," Ruthie said adamantly.

Elle watched the exchange from the table, an amused smile on her face. She had no idea where he was going with this but she knew he was up to something.

She was right, teasing the kids was so much fun and he knew he was going to prove them both wrong.

"Well, maybe not anyone can, princess, but I can," he told her as he grabbed the butter from the fridge. Breakfast time was his favorite time of the day. Usually, they ate lunch and dinner at the table as well, but breakfast was his meal to cook and he liked taking care of his family.

"Prove it," Andy said, looking every bit as doubtful as Ruthie did.

"I'll do just that," he said confidently, grabbing peanut butter from the pantry and setting it and the butter beside the toaster and the four plates waiting for their toast.

"You can"t cut the toast into a dinosaur shape, it can"t be done," Ruthie insisted adamantly.

"Totally can"t," Andy added.

"About to prove you both wrong, kiddos," he told them.

"But, Dad, you're not so great at drawing," Andy said gently like he was breaking bad news Panther might not be aware of.

"Never said anything about drawing, bud," he reminded the boy.

"But if you can"t even draw a dinosaur how can you cut one with a knife in toast?" Andy asked, perplexed.

"I"m better with a knife than a pencil." He shrugged, making Elle snort her tea and choke herself. "You okay, honey?" he asked, filling a glass with water and delivering it to her.

"What are you up to?" she asked, taking it and drinking the water to clear her throat.

"Just making the kids breakfast. Not my fault they asked for their toast cut in an interesting shape and then insulted me by telling me I can"t do dinosaurs," he teased, making both kids giggle. Elle and Ruthie had been there for just over a month, long enough that Ruthie no longer stiffened instinctively when he was too close, long enough that she was comfortable with him, knew when he was teasing, and that she wasn't going to get in trouble and be punished.

Every day he felt the bond he was building with the little girl, and the one with her mother, growing stronger, and he loved it.

Toast popped up and he went to the cupboard to grab his secret weapon. The kids were watching with interest as he hid what he was carrying on his way back to the toaster. Buttering all four slices, he added peanut butter to the kids' ones, and blackberry jam to Elle's. Then he opened the container of cookie cutters, found the dinosaur, and cut all four slices.

"See, dinosaurs," he said as he balanced the three plates in his hands and delivered them to the table.

"Dinosaurs," Ruthie breathed in amazement, but his son eyed it suspiciously.

"How did you do that? They look too good," Andy said, obviously not caring about sparing his dad's feelings.

"Ta-da," he said, picking up the cookie cutter and setting it in the middle of the table.

"Dad, that's cheating." Andy looked aghast, but both Elle and Ruthie burst into laughter.

"Not cheating at all, bud. You said you wanted your toast cut in the shape of a dinosaur. Voila, dinosaurs."

"But you"re supposed to cut the toast with a knife," Andy protested.

Putting four more slices in the toaster, Panther grabbed his plate and joined the others at the table. "Na-uh," he said. "You never specified that I had to use a knife, you just said you wanted the toast cut like a dinosaur, and that's exactly what I did."

"Still think it's cheating," Andy grumbled as he picked up his dinosaur toast and took a bite.

"I think it's amazing," Ruthie piped up. "Can you do a princess next?"

"Don't have a princess cookie cutter, sorry, princess." Although as soon as breakfast was done he would hop on his computer and find a place that sold them and order one. "But I do have a crown. Would my princess like a crown for her next slice of toast?"

Ruthie beamed at him, and he felt that smile down to his soul. Damn, he was falling in love with this kid right along with her mother. They were the sweetest pair. So similar in so many ways, and other than Ruthie's eyes having her father's blue gray color, she was her mother's absolute mini.

Nothing he had ever done in life, other than loving his son, had ever been easier than falling for the mother daughter pair. They just made it so easy.

"Yes please," Ruthie exclaimed, picking up her dinosaur and taking a huge bite, clearly in a hurry to get it eaten so she could have her crown.

"Does Mommy also want a crown, my queen," he asked as he started eating his toast.

"If Ruthie's a princess, and Elle's a queen, then that means I"m a prince," Andy said, his annoyance over being tricked with the cookie cutter forgotten.

"Sure does, my prince. It also means I"m the king." Panther made a big show of pretending to put a crown on his head, making the others laugh.

"But we can"t really be kings and queens," Ruthie said, sounding disappointed.

"Why not?" Elle asked.

"Because what are we kings and queens of? We don't have a country. I mean, we do but it's just regular old America. If we were real kings and queens we'd have our own country," Ruthie explained.

"Hmm, I guess that is a problem." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I suppose we'll have to make up our own country then. We'll be the kings and queens, princes and princesses of … Cabinland."

The kids giggled like he hoped they would.

"Cabinland?" Andy groaned. "Dad, that's a terrible name for a country."

"You think you can come up with something better?" he asked.

"The dinosaur toast could come up with something better," Andy shot back. Sometimes, like right now, like this whole last month when his son had been such a support to Ruthie, his little boy seemed so grown up. Two more years and he'd hit double digits, then the teenage years would be right around the corner.

It was going too fast.

A knock on his cabin door had him pushing away from the table. He gave a low bow. "I will leave my subjects to determine the name of our kingdom while I go see to whoever is at the door."

"Hey, I"m not your subject I"m the queen," Elle called out to him, so he was laughing as he pulled open the door.

Assuming it was going to be one of the guys or their women—not that anyone had texted to say they were stopping by but who else would it be—he was already bowing as he flung the door open. "Welcome to the kingdom of Cabin—" The words died on his lips when he saw who was standing there.

No.

Impossible.

In fact, it was so impossible that Panther actually pinched himself, positive he must be dreaming because that was a much more plausible option than admitting who was standing before him was really standing before him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, not even bothering to hide his shock or irritation. When he found out who had allowed her onto the compound, some not so pleasant words would exchanged.

His ex-wife could not have gained access to the compound without someone letting her in. She hadn"t been part of his life for well over seven years, she didn"t know the code to the gate.

"I … came to see you … and …" Marcia trailed off, not even able to speak their son's name.

Panther didn"t want anything to ruin the fun he'd been having, but his ex was like a bucket of ice water. She took the fun out of everything. Nothing she could say would convince him she had really come, after all this time, just to pop in and say hi to the ex-husband and son she had abandoned so casually.

"Sure." He gave a mocking laugh. "Course you did. And what possible reason could there be for you to make time in your busy schedule to come and see the boy you gave birth to?"

If you'd asked him, he would have said nothing could have made this day any worse than it had become.

He would have been wrong.

"I came because I realize I made a mistake walking away from the two most important men in my life. I came because I want a second chance. I came because I want you and Andy back."

The shriek of the smoke alarm told him he'd forgotten about the toast, and so had the rest of his little kingdom.

Only it wasn't his kingdom anymore.

It had just gone up in smoke.

March 19th

9:04 A.M.

"What about Poopyland?" Andy said with a grin, causing both children to burst into fits of hysterical laughter.

Elle rolled her eyes.

Poopyland, could anyone other than a little kid think that was a good idea? Maybe a teenage boy would agree it was funny, although a teen would probably have made it a little cruder.

"I am not going to be the queen of a place called Poopyland," she told the kids, using her best royal voice.

The kids just giggled some more, and then the smoke alarm began to blare, and she looked over to see smoke coming out of the toaster. The toaster she had completely forgotten about because usually Rafe made breakfast and he took care of everything.

"Rafe, the toaster is smoking," she called out as she hurried over and unplugged the appliance. "Oops, your kingdom got a little distracted," she added when she heard him enter the kitchen.

Everything suddenly got really quiet.

The kids stopped giggling.

Rafe must have switched off the alarm because it was no longer shrieking at them, but he hadn"t said anything.

A bad feeling settled in her gut.

Something was wrong.

Call her a coward, but a huge part of her didn"t want to turn around and find out what it was. She wanted to stay right there in her happy little bubble, pretending to be queen of her happy little kingdom.

But hiding wouldn't change anything.

So she pulled herself together and turned around to find an attractive woman standing beside Rafe. She didn"t have to ask the woman's identity, she knew exactly who she was because she had the exact same hazel eyes as Andy.

This was Andy's mother.

Or at least, the woman who had given birth to him since Elle hardly believed you could call yourself a mother when you abandoned your baby for seven years and made not a single attempt to make contact with him.

"What's going on?" she asked, dismayed when her voice came out strangled and filled with anxiety. Rafe had been so sweet to her and Ruthie, he'd promised them that he would always be there for them, but now he had his ex in his home and she didn"t know what to think. Elle definitely knew she felt stupid, almost like she had been played this whole time.

Only that wasn't possible.

Rafe hadn"t lied to her. He wouldn't do that.

"Elle, this is Marcia. Marcia, this is Elle and her daughter Ruthie," Rafe said so formerly that whatever hope she had been clinging to vanished.

He was speaking about her and her daughter like they were strangers. People who just happened to be in his house at nine in the morning, like they hadn"t spent every day for the last month there. Like she hadn"t spent the last month sleeping in his bed, making love to him, playing with his son, cooking and cleaning, and doing laundry.

Like they hadn"t spent the last month living like a family.

Whether Ruthie sensed her distress or her daughter just suddenly felt as uncomfortable as she did, the little girl scrambled out of her chair, ran over to Elle, wrapped her arms around her waist, and pressed herself close.

There was pain in Rafe's eyes, but he didn"t comment on Ruthie's sudden shift in behavior. Just nodded to Andy who was sitting at the table staring at the woman in shock.

"Marcia, this is Andy. And Andy this is?—"

"I know who she is," Andy cut in, using a voice she'd never heard the boy use. Andy was sweet and even tempered. Sure, he was eight years old and he sometimes pouted and complained, but he was such a happy child that hearing him sound so angry was a shock.

Taking a hesitant step toward the boy, Marcia gave him a smile. "Hi, honey. I"m your?—"

"No." Andy shook his head violently. "You"re not my mother." The little boy's gaze cut to her, and Elle felt every bit as tossed into the stormy ocean as he did.

While nothing was official, she had thought she and Rafe were building a future. She had already begun to think of him as Ruthie's father, the same way she had started to think of herself as Andy's mother. With neither other biological parent in the picture, it was easier to feel yourself step into the role because you weren"t worried about stepping on someone else's toes.

"I don't know you," Andy said firmly.

"I was kind of hoping we could get to know one another," Marcia said uncertainly.

Elle kept waiting for Rafe to say something. To tell the woman that she'd had a chance to be Andy's mom and his wife, and she'd thrown it away. But he didn"t say anything. He just stood there like he was in shock, not saying or doing anything.

Although, really that told her everything she needed to know.

Andy was his son, and Marcia was the boy's mother. If it came down to a choice between Andy and Marcia, or her and Ruthie, then she knew what he was going to choose.

She couldn't even really be angry with him about it. Because if it was a choice between her child and someone else she would choose her daughter every time.

Only …

Since she had already begun to think of Andy as hers, she wasn't sure she could toss him aside like it seemed Rafe wanted to do to Ruthie.

Maybe she couldn't be angry with him about choosing his ex over her, but she sure as heck could be upset about it. Her daughter had been through so much, and Elle had thought that she and Rafe were building a safe place for Ruthie. A place to heal, to feel safe, to find herself again.

Rafe wouldn't rip that away from the little girl.

She was overreacting.

Sure, he'd had a shock, but that didn"t mean he was throwing her and her daughter away.

"Rafe?" she asked, bringing Ruthie with her as she walked toward him. She needed him to tell her that everything was going to be okay, that Marcia was leaving and she wasn't coming back. That she'd lost her chance to be his wife and Andy's mother.

Instead, he took a step back as she approached, holding up a hand to halt her.

Right there, in that very moment, her heart broke into a thousand pieces. A million pieces. A decillion pieces.

"It's over," Elle said, not sure if she was asking him, or telling him, or telling herself.

"No, damn it, Elle." Rafe looked agitated as he dragged his fingers down his face then speared them through his locks. "I just … I need some time."

"Time?" she echoed. He was telling her to leave, she knew that, she was just having a hard time comprehending it. Ruthie didn"t want to go home, she didn"t want to go home, this had become their home, but now in an instant it was all gone.

"Please. I need to talk to Marcia and Andy. I need to figure out what"s going on. I need to figure out what"s best for my son and what I want."

It was the last one that hurt the most.

Because she already knew what she wanted, and even if her ex was to walk back into her life and tell her he wanted her and Ruthie back, she would tell him no. That it was too late, that she was already in love with another man and had never really loved him. If he wanted access to Ruthie she would allow a court to figure that out, the last thing she would want was for her daughter to resent her cutting her biological father out of her life.

But she would never tell Rafe to leave.

Never.

Ever.

If there was a problem they would face it together because that's what you did when you had a partner. Only what did she really know about having a partner? All her life she'd been left to fend for herself, parents who only wanted a prodigy to continue their work, and a husband who only wanted a slave to take care of him. She had never really had a partner and it looked like she still didn"t.

First sign of trouble and Rafe was sending her away.

Since words were beyond her right now, and she had no idea how she was going to pack up all their belongings and take them all back with her, she simply gave a single nod of her head. Of all of Ruthie's toys that were there, the only thing she really needed was her stuffed unicorn that she slept with and it was already downstairs on the couch from when the kids were watching cartoons earlier.

Taking her daughter's hand, she walked out of the kitchen with her head held high, grabbed her purse and the unicorn, and walked away from the fairytale future she thought was going to be hers.

A future that was now forever stained with the sour smell of burned toast and all that it represented.