Chapter 15

Chapter

Fifteen

February 18th

9:33 A.M.

This was as close to perfect as Panther thought it was possible to get.

For some, perfect might be freedom, no strings, or hot sex and naked breakfast in bed with a gorgeous woman. For him, it was sitting around the kitchen table serving homemade pancakes to his son and his girls.

Okay, so he'd had hot sex with a gorgeous woman last night, but he would so much rather have family breakfast than naked breakfast in bed. Even though he'd never been sure that he wanted to be a guy with strings, it was forced on him at a young age when his girlfriend became pregnant. Strings hadn"t been as bad as he thought. At least until his wife up and left.

Now strings were exactly what he wanted.

In fact, he wanted to find all the string he could and tie himself to the two beautiful girls sitting at his table.

While they had agreed in principle to take things slow between them and keep the focus on Ruthie's recovery, in practice, they had kind of jumped several steps ahead. Elle and Ruthie were living in his house, his son had already appointed himself the little girl's protector. Ruthie was sleeping in Andy's room, Elle was sleeping in his bed, and they would be spending pretty much every second of the day together.

Yeah, they weren"t taking things slow at all, they'd gone right into overdrive.

Last night, when he'd gotten Elle and Ruthie home, the two had been too exhausted to do much but take a bath, drink the hot chocolate Andy and Beth had made for them, and fall asleep. Starting today, there would be no more skipping meals. Three a day no matter if they felt like eating or not and as many snacks in between as they wanted. Showers in the morning, clothes on, facing each day and its challenges, baths in the evening if they wanted them, and plenty of sleep. Both Ruthie and Elle needed a routine to feel safe again, grounded, and there was plenty of fresh air and open spaces out there for the two of them to find their peace again.

Taking care of these two girls was his job for the foreseeable future. Eagle had grounded Bravo Team, claiming they all needed the time off. Since last time he'd enforced a vacation, Scorpion had joined a cult to save the sister of an old friend—a sister who turned out not to need saving—this time he was ensuring that nothing came up.

Nothing other than a lead in Beth's case, because grounded or not, Panther wasn't going to stop running leads.

"I'm stuffed," Elle said, leaning back in her chair and placing her hands on her stomach.

"What about you guys?" he asked the kids. Andy had eaten four pancakes, but Ruthie had only managed one, and despite her claim of being full Elle had eaten only two. Stress had stolen both their appetites but they would rebuild them. They had time, all the time in the world.

"I'm full," Ruthie said. There was still a little hesitation in the girl when it came to him being too close to her. She would instinctively stiffen, but then it was like she reminded herself he wasn't going to hurt her and she'd relax.

"Me too," Andy agreed.

"Are you sure? There's still plenty left."

"That's because you made way too many, Dad," Andy said with a giggle.

Following Andy's lead, Ruthie giggled too. "He made enough for a hundred people."

"A thousand people," Andy said.

"A million people," Ruthie countered.

"A billion people," Andy said, one-upping the little girl with the sweetest smile he'd ever seen in his life.

"A trillion people," Ruthie said proudly, beaming at Andy like he was her hero. It was weird, but the way the little girl looked at his son was the same way Elle looked at him, only in a childlike version. If he'd had any worries about the kids bonding, he shouldn't have. It was like they had known each other all their lives.

You don't feel like a stranger, Elle had said to him last night. Guess Andy and Ruthie felt the same way about each other.

"A … Dad, what comes after trillion?" Andy asked.

"Umm … a four-illion?" he guessed.

"That's not a word," Elle said with a laugh, her eyes twinkling. "It's quadrillion, then quintillion, sextillion, septillion, octillion, nonillion, and then decillion."

"My mommy knows everything," Ruthie said proudly.

"My dad thinks he knows everything, too," Andy said, and Panther wasn't quite sure if that was supposed to be a compliment or an insult. "Dad, we're going to go outside and play."

While Andy jumped out of the chair, Ruthie hesitated, the smile falling from her face and anxiety taking its place. "Mommy, am I allowed to go outside and play?"

Elle seemed surprised by the question, but recovered quickly. "Course you are, little unicorn girl. You'll have to wear one of Andy's coats, though, since we don't have yours. Beanie, scarf, and gloves, too."

Ruthie nodded, and climbed off her chair, following Andy out of the kitchen.

"I'll need to go by the house today, pack up clothes for me and Ruthie, and some of her toys. Do you think I'll be allowed back in?"

"No need to worry, the guys are heading over there this morning, probably already left. They're going to pack up everything they think you two will need and bring it over here. I hope I wasn't overstepping in organizing it, but I thought of it last night, and you were already asleep, so I just texted them and asked."

There was that hero smile again, just like the one Ruthie had been giving Andy. Elle pushed out of her chair and came around to where he was standing by the stove. She wrapped her arms around his waist and stood on tiptoe to touch a kiss to his jaw. "Thank you for thinking of that for me. Thank you for taking care of me and my daughter."

"Always, honey." Hooking a finger under her chin, he nudged her face up so he could lean down and kiss her properly.

The sound of the front door closing indicated the kids had gone outside, and he felt Elle stiffen. She wasn't comfortable with Ruthie being too far away from her.

"How about we clean up this mess later and go outside with the kids?" he suggested. "I'll loan you my coat," he added to coax her because he already knew that she loved being wrapped up in his clothes. "And you can take your laptop out, sit on the porch, and get a little writing done."

Elle seemed surprised by the idea. "I haven't written anything since Ruthie was taken," she admitted.

"Then now's the perfect time to start again. I'll play with the kids."

After a brief hesitation, she nodded, and they both bundled up and headed outside to where the kids were running about in the snow.

"Dad, push us on the swing," Andy called out, grabbing Ruthie's hand and pulling her toward the swing hanging from a huge oak tree.

"Mommy, can I go on the swing?" Ruthie asked.

Again, Elle stiffened at the question, but her voice was even when she answered. "Sure thing, sweetheart."

Leaving Elle to set herself up on the porch, Panther ran over to the kids just as Andy helped Ruthie onto the wooden seat.

"You go first, Ruthie, I"m going to make a big pile of snow for you to jump off into," Andy said excitedly.

"You good with that, princess?" he asked the little girl.

Looking over her shoulder at him, she chewed on her bottom lip. "Am I allowed?"

Didn"t take a genius for him to figure out that the child was asking permission to do everything because Jimmy had likely not allowed her to do anything unless he told her it was okay.

Smiling reassuringly, he nodded. "Yep, you sure can. But you don't have to jump off if you don't want to."

"I want to," she said with a shy but brave smile.

"You want me to push you or you going to push yourself?" he asked. Ruthie was old enough to do it herself, but he'd loved standing out here with Andy when his son was very small, pushing him on the swing he'd made himself. Nothing would make him happier than creating those memories with this little girl, but he absolutely was not going to do anything she wasn't okay with. For over a month the child had had zero power and control over her own life, he wanted to give that back to her.

"Umm, you can push me," Ruthie answered with another shy smile.

"All right then, hold on tight," he said as he started pushing. "Andy, is there enough snow to make a safe pile to land in?" Andy loved jumping off the swing and landing in snow, he'd been obsessed with the game this winter and the previous two, ever since he learned how to kick his legs and push himself. But it was getting to the end of the season and there wasn't a whole lot of snow left.

"Plenty," Andy replied as he ran about, gathering armfuls of snow and dumping it all a short way from the swing.

Not quite as convinced as his son, Panther pushed the little girl higher and higher, his smile growing bigger with every delighted squeal the child gave, but when Andy announced that the pile was ready for jumping into, he slowed it down a bit so Ruthie wouldn't hurt herself when she landed.

"Ready, Ruthie?" Andy called out.

The girl dragged in a breath, but nodded. "I'm ready."

"On three," Andy said. "One. Two"

"Three," Ruthie and Andy said in unison, just as Ruthie let go of the ropes and jumped. For a second, the little girl seemed to hang in the air and then she was coming down, landing with a muted thump in the pile of snow Andy had collected.

A half second later the child jumped to her feet, a huge smile on her face. "I did it," she exclaimed proudly.

Panther could feel Elle's eyes on them, feel her pride in her daughter for being willing to try new things even after what she'd been through.

"Course you did, princess," he told Ruthie, wanting her to be sure of this from the very beginning. "Not anything you can"t do. The only thing that will ever stop you from flying high is if you lose faith in yourself. Believe in yourself and you can do anything. And, Ruthie, if you ever feel yourself slipping, you have your mom, and Andy, and me to catch you."

Slow or fast it didn"t matter how they got there, the outcome was going to be the same. The four of them were a family now, and nothing was ever going to change that.

February 22nd

11:47 A.M.

"Mommy, am I allowed to go in Andy's treehouse?" Ruthie asked.

Elle froze, hating the way her daughter asked for permission for even the tiniest of things before she would do them.

Trauma.

She knew that.

Her daughter was doing as well as could be expected given her ordeal, but she hadn"t come out of it unscathed. Nightmares Elle had expected, and they'd settled into a pattern. She and Ruthie would start the night in Mrs. Pfeffer's bedroom, then bad dreams would come for one or both of them, usually waking them in the early hours of the morning.

When they did, Rafe and Andy were always there for them. Andy would take Ruthie to his room where her daughter's favorite unicorn sheets were now on the top bunk, her clothes shared the wardrobe, and her toys sat on the shelves. Ruthie would put on the superhero ring, and with Supergirl watching over them the kids would go back to sleep.

It was in those moments, alone with Rafe, that Elle would allow her own pain and fear to come out. He would hold her while she cried, never complaining about her emotional outbursts. Then once she was finished, he would carry her to his bed, make love to her, and then she would fall asleep in his arms.

During the day Rafe would cook breakfast, the kids would help with lunch, and she would cook dinner. In between, the children played board games and video games, built Legos, had tea parties, and played with Ruthie's dollhouse. Then they'd play outside, running in the snow, playing on the swing, laughing, and being regular children.

But every time Ruthie looked up at her with scared eyes to ask permission to do something, Elle was reminded that her little girl wasn't a regular child anymore.

Her ordeal had changed her, and as Ruthie's mother, Elle wanted nothing more than to soothe that pain away.

It sucked that she couldn't make this better for her daughter. Ruthie was still young, and while she was old enough that a kiss could no longer take away pain like it could when she was a toddler, she was still young enough that she needed her mom to make her world safe.

Instead, Elle had brought danger to them.

It was five days since she'd gotten her daughter back and her guilt was only growing. It felt tight beneath her skin, like it was a physical being that lived inside her, and although she went through the motions and tried to keep up a smile for Ruthie and Andy's benefit, she was struggling every bit as much as her daughter was.

Maybe more.

Because while Ruthie was an innocent victim, Elle couldn't help but feel like she was part perpetrator which gave her no right to be suffering. Suffering should be all for Ruthie. The focus should all be on her daughter, yet she was so aware of the fact that Rafe worried over both of them and made sure to take care of them. As much as she loved him for it, she also wished he would stop and treat her like the villain she truly was.

"Yep, you absolutely can play in the treehouse," she answered. Elle wanted to tell her daughter that there was no need to ever ask for permission to do anything ever again. That anything she wanted she could have. But Ruthie's counselor had pointed out that the little girl still needed boundaries, that she would heal from her ordeal, and that in a few short years Ruthie would reach her teens, and the last thing Elle would want was a child that believed she was in charge.

So instead, Elle just gave her permission, and hoped the therapist was right and that soon her child would start feeling safe enough to know she didn"t have to ask to be allowed to do the simplest things.

True to Rafe's word, his friends had dropped off carloads of boxes of her and Ruthie's belongings. While she had expected a suitcase each filled with clothes and a few of Ruthie's toys, the guys and their women had gone above and beyond. Both her entire wardrobe and her daughter's had been boxed up, and their towels and bed linen. Photos of her and Ruthie now hung on the walls alongside pictures of Rafe and Andy, and at least eighty percent of her daughter's toys now lived in the playroom and Andy's room.

It made Rafe's house feel like their home, too, and she loved that.

Turned out she wasn't all that keen on moving slow after all.

Bundling the kids into their coats, scarves, beanies, and gloves as they ran outside, she and Rafe pulled on their own coats.

"I can"t get over her always asking if she can do things," Elle whispered to Rafe as she watched Ruthie skip along after Andy toward the treehouse.

"It'll pass," Rafe assured her.

"Ruthie is a great kid, she was usually obedient, and it wasn't like she never asked if she could do things. But she was never like this. She didn"t ask if she could play with her toys, read her books, or go outside. She knew the house rules and she just followed them. I hate seeing her so afraid of doing something wrong and being punished. I want her to feel safe again." Elle knew that the first time Ruthie did something without asking she was likely going to break down in tears because it would be the first step in Ruthie's journey to healing.

"It will happen when she's ready, it's only been a few days, honey."

"It hurts to see her hurting."

"I know." Rafe pulled her against him, using his bigger body to curl around her almost like a protective shield.

"It hurts worse knowing that her hurting is all my fault."

"Oh, honey, when are you going to stop doing that? Stop blaming yourself? Jimmy hurt both of you, he stalked you, he kidnapped your child, he hurt you, he almost raped you. This wasn't Ruthie's ordeal, it was yours and Ruthie's. You need to heal, too, I"m worried about you, I want you to talk to someone. A professional."

While it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to get her daughter help, Elle couldn't accept that she needed help, too.

She didn"t feel like she deserved it.

What kind of mother put her own child in danger like she had?

She should have done more and fought harder to get the cops to take the stalking seriously. Gone to Sparrow earlier and asked for Prey's help. Something. Anything. What she had done hadn"t been enough, and her daughter had paid the price.

Before she could tell Rafe that, Ruthie's scream tore through the air.

Both she and Rafe turned to see Andy sitting in the treehouse, and Ruthie halfway up the ladder, dangling off it, obviously having slipped as she climbed up.

Elle was moving, running toward her daughter before she even realized what she was doing. Why had she said yes to the treehouse? It was high in the tree, and while Ruthie had a good head for heights it was cold out and had rained overnight, the wooden planks nailed to the tree trunk would be slippery.

Seemed she failed her daughter no matter what she did.

Rafe overtook her and reached the tree first, but she was only moments behind, fear giving her extra speed.

Dangling six feet off the ground, Ruthie was high enough that on her own Elle wouldn't really be able to help much other than attempting to guide her daughter's feet back onto the wooden stairs, but Rafe was tall enough to just reach her, pick her up, and set her on the ground. She was about to demand he do just that when Andy spoke.

"It's okay, Ruthie. You can do it," the little boy said, all calm and confidence. "All you got to do is give me your hand." Andy was lying on his tummy on the treehouse floor, about two feet above Ruthie, his hand held out to her.

There wasn't even any hesitation, Ruthie just reached out and grabbed the offered hand.

"All you got to do now is put your feet back on the stairs, you just slipped is all," Andy said, still calm.

Listening to her friend's advice, Ruthie stopped wriggling her feet wildly, and instead, focused on what she was doing. One foot found a step, and then the other, and then with her hand still in Andy's she scrambled up the final steps and into the treehouse.

Heart still hammering in her chest, Elle couldn't help but be proud of her little girl. Even with nothing but air beneath her feet, nothing solid to get a footing on, she hadn"t hesitated to reach out and take the help offered to her.

Yet Elle herself had been going to turn down whatever offer of help Rafe had been going to give her before Ruthie's screams.

"I did it, Mommy, did you see? And I only needed a little bit of help from Andy." Ruthie beamed down at her.

"You did awesome, sweetie. I"m so proud of you, even though you were scared you figured out what you needed to do."

"It was easy," Ruthie said, the same confidence that had been in Andy's voice now in hers. "Rafe said I could do anything. He said I just had to believe it. And I did. I believed. Because Rafe said that if I slipped he would catch me, or Andy would catch me, or you would catch me. And I had all three of you there so I knew I couldn't really fall."

Innocent words spoken by a child who had been through so much put Elle to shame. She hadn"t been taking advantage of her safety net. Sure she was staying in Rafe's house because she felt safe there, and she cried in his arms each night, but she wasn't really letting him help her. She wasn't trusting that if she slipped—when she slipped—he would be waiting right there to catch her.

That was going to change.