9. Sean

Iheld Layla in my arms and tried not to feel smug that I made her pass out. Getting this time with her without the others was rare. Not that I minded group activities. It was always hot as fuck, but it was nice to get one on one time. So much has happened since Alaska, and I often felt lost and unsure of my role in Layla's life. In moments like this, I didn't have to worry about all that; I could simply enjoy my love.

Layla stirred, and a cocky grin spread across my face when she groaned. "Welcome back," I whispered, not wanting to pop our little bliss bubble.

"Mmmm," Layla moaned. "That was just what I needed." She snuggled closer, and my arms tightened around her. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that everything I needed to survive was right here in my arms.

"We're going to have to find moments to slip away like this more often," I replied.

"I concur," Layla replied, stretching and then rolling so she lay across my chest and looked down at me.

I met her eyes and saw the shadows slowly creep into them. I put those shadows there, and I hated myself for it. "I'm struggling," I admitted quietly.

"I know," she whispered. "I don't know how to help you with that."

"I don't think you can," I replied. "I think it's something I have to work out on my own."

"Do you want to be here?" Her question crushed me, and I could see in her eyes that she was prepared for my answer to do the same to her.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

"Mo stoirín, the only thing I know for sure is that there isn't anywhere else I'd rather be," I replied.

"Then what's the issue?" Her words were blunt, but her tone wasn't. I could tell she was genuinely trying to understand why I was struggling.

"I'm scared," I admitted.

"Of what?"

"Everything," I scoffed. "I'm afraid to lose you. I'm afraid that you don't need me anymore. That I'm not useful. I'm the odd man out, and I hate that I could easily lift out of your life. You grew up with the other guys. There is a foundation there that I could never have, which terrifies me. The danger you're in terrifies me. And I keep fucking up, and I'm scared that I'm ruining things between us with every dumb choice I make in an attempt to keep you safe." I hadn't intended to ramble on quite so much, but there it was.

Layla's eyes softened, and she leaned down to kiss me. "I'm afraid to lose you, too," she replied when she lifted her lips from mine. "I'm scared that in the end, following my orders and relinquishing control to me will become too much for you, and you will leave. I need you just as much as you need me, Sean. No, we didn't grow up together, but our foundation is just as strong. For six years, you were the only person I could rely on. You kept me safe, and I'll always need you. But I also need you to understand that I'm in charge. I have to make the decisions because, at the end of the day, I'm the one responsible for this organization and the men and women who work for me."

"I do understand. I really do. It's just... I struggle with it. Sometimes, I just want to scoop you up and run away with you where none of this matters," I replied. I tucked her hair behind her ear and stared into her eyes, imploring her to understand how I felt. To understand why I've done what I've done, said what I've said. I'm not proud of how I've conducted myself, but every time, it seemed like the only thing I could do to keep her safe. "Every time there was a threat to you or you were in danger, I called you, and you ran to safety. To me. That's a hard habit to break."

"I get that, but I can't run anymore, Sean." She sat up and straddled me to look down at me better. I could feel the blood beginning to rush toward my dick and tried to keep myself from reacting to the way her pussy hugged my cock. This was a serious moment, dammit. "The time for running is over. Now, I have to make a stand. I have to stay and fight— not just for myself but for my family, my men, and my city. And I can't do it without you. I especially can't do it with you trying to undermine me on the pretenses of keeping me safe. Undermining me puts me in more danger from more people. If my men lose faith in my abilities, they will switch sides, and we won't know who we can trust."

"I know," I sighed. I did know. Part of the reason I was struggling was because I knew I had put her at risk. I was lucky she loved me so damn much and decided against using me to set an example with her crew. I groaned when Layla rotated her hips, grinding against me. I was already losing the battle to keep my erection at bay. I grabbed her hips to hold her still. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, Layla, and you aren't helping," I bit out.

"It feels like I'm helping," she purred. She leaned over me, pressing her breasts against my chest, and kissed me. Her tongue teased the seam of my lips, and I parted them instantly. I let her lead me down the path to bliss, getting caught up in her. When she broke the kiss to moan, I realized her hips were moving again, but I wasn't sure if it was by her power or mine. At that point, it no longer mattered. I was stiff and ready to go, our conversation all but forgotten for the moment.

Layla rose to her knees, reaching between us to stroke me before guiding me to her entrance and slowly sinking. I moaned as her wet heat enveloped me. This was home. This was where I belonged, and I'd do everything I could to deserve to be here. I knew that she was the greatest treasure I would ever have the privilege of holding in my hands, and I would start acting like it.

"You have to put more power behind it, Autumn," Zach instructed. He threw the blade at the target to demonstrate. ‘You're doing good with hitting the target, but if you want it to stick, you have to throw it harder. The human body is a much denser target. You need a lot of power behind your knife to do some damage. Try again."

Autumn nodded seriously as she concentrated on the target and her training. This time, when she threw the knife, it sank an inch into the corkboard. "Yes! Did you see that?" she cheered excitedly as she bounced in place.

"Good job, squirt," Layla praised.

After our second round and a shower, I decided to join her in the training room with Zach and Autumn. Zach had given us a knowing look when we had entered but hadn't commented. Honestly, I was learning from Autumn's lesson. My knife skills weren't as good as the others, but Zach and Layla were good teachers, which I took advantage of to improve myself. I threw a knife at my target and was pleased that I managed to make it stick, even if it was several inches off the mark.

"That isn't bad," Zach commented as he came to stand beside me. He looked over at where Layla was busy showing Autumn how to hold different knives to ensure she wasn't paying attention before his eyes slid back to me. "You seem... different," he remarked as he tossed a knife at my target and hit the bullseye. Show off.

"Layla and I had a good talk," I replied. I threw another knife, pleased to see that I had moved closer to the center.

"Does that mean you're going to stop being an asshole to her all the time?" he asked. Zach threw another blade at the target and grinned cockily at me when he planted it between my first two knives.

"Yes," I growled, more frustrated by his superior skills than his question. I stalked forward to retrieve my knives, and he followed to gather his own.

"Good. I like you and would really hate to have to kill you." Zach returned to Layla and Autumn, leaving me at my target. I knew the psychopath meant every word, and I couldn't fault him for it. I'd feel the same if the roles were reversed. I went back to practicing, and by the end of the lesson, I was hitting the center of the target more than not.

We got back upstairs just as Cordy came into the foyer. "There you are, Miss Autumn! Your tutor just arrived and is waiting for you in the kitchen. Come along now. You can play with knives later." I chuckled at Autumn's useless protests as Cordy whisked her away. Cordy was like a five-star general when it came to dealing with children. Knowing Layla, Zach, Colt, Drew, and Tyler, she had earned her stars honestly. I could tell they were a challenging group of kids to be in charge of.

"I need to see Colton about finding another man to guard Autumn," Layla said as she walked towards our offices. "Gavin needs a partner, so he isn't always watching over her."

"I'm gonna go back to the garage," Zach replied, kissing her to distraction before releasing her and walking away with a whistle.

Layla blinked several times as her brain rebooted.

"Colton," I reminded her when she looked at me like she didn't know what she had been doing.

"Right," she laughed. She turned toward Colt's office but stopped when she realized I wasn't following her. I honestly wasn't sure what I was going to do next. "You coming?" I shrugged and followed behind her. "You got a minute?" she asked Colton after knocking on his door and sticking her head in.

"For you, I have several," Colt replied.

Layla swung the door open, and I didn't miss the brief disappointment in his eyes when he saw me. I understood that feeling. We'd have to start making one-on-one time with Layla a priority. It was something we could all benefit from.

"What's up?" he asked.

I sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk while Layla walked around the desk to plop herself in his lap.

"Gavin needs backup," Layla stated. "Autumn is driving him up the wall."

Colton nodded. "I'll reassign someone to her."

"Thank you. Also, Sean needs more responsibility. He needs a job other than being our main go-between with Monika's crew," Layla said.

I was surprised by her words. I hadn't expected them. Colton looked at me steadily as if trying to calculate my willingness to take on more. I nodded in agreement. "I'm feeling useless," I admitted, wanting him to understand how I felt. The only way this relationship would work between the six of us was if I was honest with all of them about how I felt. "I'm struggling, as you know, with finding my place here. I'd like the opportunity to be more of an asset than a deterrent."

"It's about fucking time," Colton replied. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat until a teasing grin spread across his face. "Sorry. I couldn't resist making you twist a little. I'd love your help. We have a backlog of people who want to join the organization—more than I can go through alone. Tyler does a deep dive on all of them and then forwards their files to me for review and to make a decision. I could use someone to help me go through those files and weed out the ones who seem suspicious or might not make a good fit."

"I can do that," I replied eagerly. Not only would it help Colton and Layla, but being in control of who we surround ourselves with would go a long way toward alleviating my worries about her safety.

"Good. I'll send you the files I still need to go through and let Tyler know to send the files to you from now on. You can forward the winners to me, and together, we can work on getting them initiated and assigned," Colton replied.

"I love this," Layla announced with a smile. "My two head guys, working together. This will be a good fit, I can tell." She kissed Colton, got off his lap, and circled around to kiss me. "I'll leave you guys to it, then." She left the office, and I met Colton's eyes.

"Thanks for this," I said after the silence stretched into the unbearably quiet range. Colton nodded but didn't say anything. "Look, I'm trying, ok? This isn't easy for me, but I'd do anything to make it work for Layla. I just need to feel needed, like what I do matters." I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and dropped my face into my hands. I rubbed my eyes with my hands before rubbing them down my face. I didn't know how to convince him of my sincerity. I've been walking a fine line with him and the others since the hitman debacle.

"You've fucked up. A lot," Colton replied.

Great. I get a lecture.

Colton leaned forward, typed on his keyboard, and then sat back in his seat to stare at me again. "But it's been a whirlwind since the plane touched down in Atlantic City. We're in a transition period. Things will get a little screwy while we figure out the dynamics. This is a good step forward to figuring out your place among us. And it's something I need help with, so thank you."

I tried not to let my surprise at his words show. He was the last one I expected to forgive my actions. "Thank you for understanding. And for trusting me to take this over for you."

Colton nodded. "I forwarded the files to you. You're all set." I stood to leave. "Also, Sean? You aren't doing so bad for joining a crew that's been together as long as we have. Don't be so hard on yourself."

I smiled at him. "That's easier said than done, unfortunately, but I will try." I left his office and went to my own. I hadn't spent much time here because I had nothing to do. Not anything that required an office, at least. I booted up the desktop and then stared at the damn login screen. I remembered Tyler telling me my login info, but that was months ago. My phone beeped with an incoming text message, and I chuckled when I saw it was from Tyler. The computer genius was always one step ahead and sent me my login information again. I shot back a quick thanks and signed in.

I opened my email, found the files Colton had sent me, and began to go through them. As I worked, I printed off the ones that I thought were promising. While I considered myself firmly integrated into the digital world, something about physical files helped me focus on the details better. Of the thirty files I reviewed, ten seemed promising. My office was fully stocked with anything I might need, so I put the files together and then began going through them with a fine-tooth comb, looking for anything that might make them unfit for a position with us.

I wasn't exactly looking for upstanding citizens. This was a criminal organization, so it wasn't surprising that all potential recruits were criminals. I had to read between the lines and figure out if they were the right kind of criminal for us. We wanted men and women who would be loyal and could follow orders. I didn't necessarily care that this Fernando had done some time for manslaughter. I cared about why he had murdered someone.

I felt good about eight of the ten files I had compiled. My computer chimed, and when I checked my email, I saw that Tyler had sent me more files. I set aside the eight, shredded the two I wouldn't be calling, and started in on the next batch of potential recruits. I had been working for a few hours when a knock was on my door.

"Come in," I said distractedly.

Colton poked his head in. "Are you coming?"

I looked at him in confusion. "Coming where?"

"Layla texted us that she wanted a quick meeting," Colton explained.

I grabbed my phone, and sure enough, she had sent a message to the group chat fifteen minutes before. "Shit. I never heard it. I've been focused on the files." I closed down my computer and locked the files in my desk drawer. I followed Colton to Layla's office, where everyone was waiting for us.

"He got a little caught up in his task," Colton explained when we entered. Layla flashed me an approving smile as I sat.

"What's up, Layla?" Drew asked.

"I've been thinking. Anton has yet to respond to our raid, which, admittedly, makes me nervous," Layla replied.

It made me fucking nervous too. Who the hell knew what the asshole had planned. Whatever it was, it wouldn't be good.

"Maybe he's just been busy scrambling to keep his trafficking business running," Zach suggested.

"That's a possibility," Layla agreed. "Not one that I'm willing to hedge my bets on. I talked to Johnny, and he said the shipments are still coming in like clockwork. Each shipment ends up being taken somewhere different within the city. It would seem Anton hasn't found another suitable place yet."

"Or he's operating on a smaller scale for now," I suggested. "Not keeping all of his assets in one place would make it harder for us to hit him as effectively as we did."

"Also a possibility, and based on the intel, likely," Layla agreed. "Which brings us to why I called this meeting. We have more than ourselves to think about now. We have to consider Autumn. I'd prefer to get shit with Anton and Tommy buttoned up sooner rather than later."

"What did you have in mind?" Colton asked.

Layla grinned. "I think it's time to introduce you to the fourth Renegade, Kadence."

Finally! Not knowing who she was has been driving me nuts. "Did you invite her to the house?"

"It's a little more complicated than that," Layla replied, scrunching her face like she wasn't sure how we would react. "It's better for me to show you rather than tell you. Come on, Ryan and Keith already pulled the car around." She pulled the last ruby ring from her desk drawer and handed it to Colt to hold onto.

"Do we get any hints?" Zach asked when we pulled away from the house to drive to the address Layla had given Ryan.

"Nope," Layla winked. I watched out the window as we drove to the other side of the city. We passed an interesting-looking bar called Dark Spirits before moving a few more blocks and turning onto a street with cute little cottages. Ryan pulled into a driveway about halfway down the road and parked the car.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Now we wait for Kadence to get home," Layla replied. "It shouldn't be long."

Five minutes later, a car pulled into the driveway beside us, and I felt a moment of worry. Then, all the pieces fell into place, and I started laughing. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. That's Kadence?"

Layla grinned. "That's Kadence."