58. Chapter Fifty-Seven

Chapter Fifty-Seven

It's been raining all day, which is rare for the area. It only adds to my shitty mood.

Me and Franz—yes, that's the name I chose for the dog because I'm pathetic—are snuggled up together on the couch, watching TV. Never thought I'd see the day where I'm snuggling with a dog on my couch, but what else is there to do? Besides, he's soft and smells good. Plus, I can watch TV in peace because he doesn't talk. Though, if I'm being honest, I miss the sound of Sev's voice. Miss him annoyingly interrupting everything. Talking so much I don't know what's going on. I almost called him yesterday. Well, last night. I couldn't sleep, and my finger hovered over the button. Ultimately, I decided against it and instead got up to make some tea.

I didn't realize how boring my life would be after leaving the Bellanca family. The days go by so damn slowly, and I find myself doing things I never would have done before. Like drinking tea. I spend more time working out though, which is nice. My in-home gym is complete and gets a lot of use.

Franz and I go for runs every morning. I take him to the park. I even tried making myself dinner a few times, which didn't turn out well at all. I ended up ordering food, but at least I tried.

I'm starting to wonder if it's best that I give up on Sev altogether. All this waiting around is driving me insane. The constant wondering where he is and if he'll come back is maddening. I need to let it go. He left. He isn't coming back. I think that's clear now. It's been months since I saw him. He hasn't called. Hasn't texted. I should probably delete his number from my phone, so I don't call him. If he can stay away from me, then I shouldn't bother him.

So many times I wondered if he'd been watching me and I just don't know, but I don't think he has. There hasn't been a single moment where Franz made it seem like someone was here. I'd blame it on Sev not knowing where I am, but he would know. He always knew everything, and this is easy compared to some of the other shit he found out.

I shift on the couch, trying to get more comfortable when there's a knock at the door. I glance toward it, wondering who the hell it could be. Franz's head pops up, also looking toward the door. It's close to nine at night, and Reese didn't say he was stopping by. Though, it'd be just like him to come by for no reason at all. He's made a habit of stopping by at random for a "welfare check."

He's a pain in my ass, and though he annoys me, I don't regret coming here. Who knows what state I'd be in if I were alone. And Reese doesn't annoy me all the time. Not as much as he used to.

I throw the blanket off me and get to my feet, Franz following after me.

"Let's tell Reese to fuck off so we can get back to our show, yeah?" I say to the dog.

I pull the door open, ready to tell Reese I'm just not in the mood to deal with him tonight. That all I want to do is cuddle on the couch with Franz and watch movies until I fall asleep.

Only it isn't Reese on the other side.

It's Sev.

Holy shit, it's Sev.

His hair is down, water dripping from it and his beard that is longer than I remember. His black clothes are stuck to his skin, all soaked.

He's here.

And he's at my door. He knocked on my door like a normal person. He didn't sneak in. Didn't break in. Didn't kidnap me.

He knocked. I answered.

"You going to let me in?" he asks carefully.

His voice is husky, drowned out by the pounding of the rain, but it still managed to send a shiver up my spine.

So many parts of me are aching to leap into his arms. To kiss him. To hug him. To tell him how much I missed him.

Other parts want to punch him. Scream at him. Slap him across the face for just… leaving me like that.

Yet I do none of those things. I stand in the doorway, gaping at him like he's an alien who asked to borrow a cup of sugar.

Franz makes a small whimpering sound beside me. I look down and see him staring at Sev, tail wagging. I've come to realize he's a lot of things, but a guard dog isn't one of them. All he wants to do is play with everyone, but he has restraint. He's loyal to me. He listens. And he doesn't go to anyone unless I give him the command.

"I shouldn't have come," Sev says, taking a small step back.

Those words ring in my head. I blink and he's gone. I wonder if I made the whole thing up. But when I blink again, stepping past the threshold just needing to know if he was there or a figment of my imagination, I see his large body walking down my driveway.

"Stay," I say to Franz, then close my door and run after Sev.

I grip his large shoulder and tug, stepping around him while he turns to me so we're face to face.

"You left me," I say, the rain already soaking me through my clothing. It makes it hard to see him, but I know he's really there. I didn't make this up. I felt him. Heard him. He's right here in front of me.

"I did."

"Why? Where have you been?" I ask, my chest heaving for breath.

He blinks a few times; rain drops gathering on his eye lashes. His lips. I want to lick them off. I want to kiss him. I want to press my body against his to really make sure he's here.

"You wanted me to go," he says simply.

He's right. I did. But I didn't think he was going to be gone like this. For so long.

"I thought…" I start, but then I'm not so sure I want to admit that. Admit that I was wrong. Admit that I have feelings for him. It's a lot. And so suddenly…

But isn't that what got me here in the first place? I've been lying to him for months.

Yet, I was so furious he lied to me? How is that fair?

Not being honest with him is what put us here. Had I just admitted that I wanted him as badly as he wanted me, we could be together right now. I wouldn't be missing him. Wouldn't be wondering where he's been. This is my fault too. We both made mistakes, but we're never going to fix them if I don't suck up my pride and admit the truth.

Sev is a lot of things, but he isn't a liar. He was too honest with me about too many things. Unapologetically himself. Even when he was crazy, he didn't lie. He was honest.

I can't blame him for lying to me about Jackson. I can't say I'd have done anything different. He was scared of losing me. I get that. It doesn't make it okay, but I understand.

And I made mistakes too.

Sev continues to watch me, expressionless but patient.

"I thought you'd come back," I finally admit. "Like you always did."

His eyes flicker with something, but he says nothing. He just keeps staring. I can't tell what it is he's thinking, how he's feeling. I don't know anything right now.

"But you didn't come back," I continue. "You left me, and I hated it." I bring my hand up to cup his cheek, brushing my hand back and through his hair. His eyes fall closed and I step closer to him. "I hate how much I missed you," I tell him.

He sucks in a sharp breath, wincing as if my words hurt him.

"I fucked up," he says, opening his eyes.

"Yeah," I say with a nod. "But I did too." I settle both my hands on either side of his neck. "Why are you here?"

He shrugs. "Couldn't stay away."

"You knocked on my door," I say, smiling.

Sev smirks.

"I didn't like it," he admits.

I shake my head. "Neither did I. Don't do it again."

I lean in to kiss him, and fuck, this feels like home.

He sucks in a breath, his hands going to my hips as he kisses me back. The cool rain pours down, sneaking between our kiss, but he still tastes so good. I pull back, take his hand, and drag him after me toward the house.