Chapter 6 - Anya

Waking up in a strange bed in a strange place is unpleasant. I didn’t sleep well, and everything feels wrong now.

I wake up with bright light hitting my pillow and my eyes burn when I open them. I cried myself to sleep last night and now I feel puffy and horrible.

For a brief moment, I consider pulling the blankets over my head and trying to go back to sleep. But I know I won’t be able to. Not in this place where I don’t feel safe or homey. I feel like I’m just a visitor in someone else’s world. But this is my home. This is going to be my home forever now.

I married that man of my own free will.

Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I sigh deeply and rub my fingers against my eyes.

I’ll have a cold shower. That will help refresh me. Then I guess I have to go and see what Rodion is up to. Or not. Maybe I can sneak out of the house without having to face him.

Last night was so confusing for me.

My mind was dead set against being with him and my body was begging me to let him do whatever he wanted to me. But I knew I would regret it as soon as it happened. When I agreed to marry him I had no idea I was so attracted to him. I had no idea how fucking sexy he was. Why didn’t I notice it before?

Maybe I did.

All those times I felt uncomfortable around him, I think it was just me denying the physical attraction because I didn’t like his asshole, selfish personality.

Rodion always tries to control everything. It drives me crazy. But now he’s going to have to learn that I won’t be controlled.

The shower is icy when I step underneath it, but I force myself to stand there, my muscle tense and rigid. I focus on my breathing and steadying my heart rate until my muscles slowly begin to relax. The ache of the cold water on my skin subsides and it starts to feel refreshing. I turn my face up into the spray of water and let it run over my skin. It feels good.

When I climb out, my body feels alive and awake. I feel a hundred times better now.

My clothes are all in Rodion’s room. In his closet. I guess I have to go through there and face him after all.

But when I step into his room, I see that the bed is made, and he is nowhere to be found.

Thank goodness.

I grab handfuls of my clothes and carry them through to my own bedroom. It takes me about an hour, but when I’m done, my things are where they should be—in my closet—not his.

Rodion is still not home and I am not going to wait around here for him. I don’t want to see him anyway.

The only place I can think of going is to see Raisa. She understands what I’m going through. But I don’t want to see Oleg. I can’t stand the thought of him knowing that I am full of regret over my decision.

I know what my brothers will do.

They will fix it for me.

They will make everything right. They will end the marriage, even ending the alliance if need be, and they will deal with everything for me. I won’t even have to do a thing.

My heart tightens with guilt.

Rodion was right.

The things he said last night were really nasty and he said them so harshly—but he was right.

I don’t have any experience with anything. I have never had to do anything difficult in my life because my brothers did it all for me.

I never had to deal with men, I never had to work, I never had to make big choices.

I was pampered and taken care of, and in all honesty, it has made me naive and unaware of how things work.

So, no, I don’t want Oleg to know I have regrets. But I do need to speak to someone.Raisa is that someone.

I message her to check if she’s home and if my brother is there.

Me: Hey girl. I want to come for coffee. What are you two up to today?

Raisa: Oleg is out until lunch. It’s just me here. You can come around now if you want. Otherwise if you want to see Oleg too, then come for lunch?

This is perfect.

Me: I’m on my way now.

I grab my handbag and rush out the door, excited to be getting out of Rodion’s space. I need air, to think and breath and clear my head.

When I get to Raisa’s house, she comes outside to greet me and hugs me tight.

“How was your first night? Did everything go ok?”

“We had a big fight. It wasn’t easy,” I sigh, biting my lip.

She leads me into the house. “I’ll make coffee. We can talk.”

Sitting on the high chair at the kitchen counter, watching her make coffee, I start to feel the tension leave my body. She is chatting about how everything went on the first night of her arranged marriage. It’s nice to hear her talk about it because I know that their relationship started just as rocky as mine—and look at her now.

They are so happy together. They ended up finding their soulmate and now they are having a baby, and everything is perfect.

She pushes the coffee across the counter towards me, then leans on it with her elbows resting and her coffee in her hands. “It gets easier.”

“I don’t know—it seems impossible. I want to believe that I can be as lucky as you—but right now, it seems unrealistic.”

She laughs lightheartedly. “You sound just like me. Be grateful you weren’t kidnapped.” She laughs even harder.

“Do any of your brothers know about that yet?”

She rolls her eyes. “My brothers don’t need to know everything about my life. Besides, I am so happy it all happened the way it did. My life feels perfect. I would not ever have wished for anything other than this.”

She seems to be content and confident in her words. I want to feel that happy too.

Right now, I just feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life and I can’t escape it.

“Raisa?” A deep voice drifts through from the foyer.

Immediately, my entire body goes rigid.

“We’re in here, Rodion,” she calls out. Then she mouths the word ‘sorry’ to me.

“I didn’t know he was coming,” she whispers.

All I wanted was to get away from him for a while—and now he’s managed to follow me here.

My back is facing the door and I don’t turn around when I hear him walking in.

Raisa smiles beautifully and rushes to say hello to him. He hugs her tightly, lifting her off the ground and spinning her. She laughs and squeals for him to put her down.

I knot my brows together. Since when was Rodion ever playful? His rigid, tense, controlled mannerisms never once came across as playful.

He sets her down on the ground and turns to face me.

“Anya. Did you get a good night’s rest?”

“Yes, and you?”

Our conversation is curt and tense.

“I did, thanks.”

He turns his back on me and I let out a breath of air I didn’t know I was holding in.

“How’s life going, little sis?” he asks, pulling a cup from the cupboard to make his own coffee.

“It’s amazing. I had my first scan yesterday. The proper one where they take a photo of the baby.”

“You’re kidding? Let me see. Why didn’t you send me a picture?”

Rodion leans over her shoulder as she pulls out a printed image.

“So,you guys are having an alien?” he laughs, poking her in the ribs.

“Rude. I bet you looked ten times worse when you were this size. I mean, look at the size of your head now.”

“Hey, hey, watch it. Your kid is going to be born with sticking-out ears if you start being mean to people. Karma will get you.”

She laughs, leaning her head against her brother's shoulder. He wraps his arm around her and hugs her. “I’m really excited for you. It’s so cool. His first ever photograph.”

“Hey, you can’t assume it’s a boy,” she says, horrified.

“Didn’t the doc tell you yet?”

“We don’t want to know.”

“Either way—your kid is going to be amazing. And you’ll be an amazing mom.”

Rodion turns his attention back to making his coffee and I smile, feeling strange. I’ve never seen him like this before. He’s usually so rigid. So tense. So mean.

He and Raisa have a very close relationship. I can see he really loves her and around her, without his other brothers here, he is very caring and tender towards his sister.

It’s so strange how this shocks me.

It also changes my perspective on him because—who is this soft, kind and gentle man in front of me right now?

And why is he even sexier now?

I sigh, rolling my eyes at myself.

Raisa leans across the kitchen counter, sliding the photograph towards me. “Here, look,” she says excitedly.

I pick up the black and white image. It does look like a tiny, marshmallow of an alien.

I giggle. “He’s got your eyes. But he definitely has Oleg’s weird nose.”

“Hey.” She grabs the photo back. “Between you and Rodion, I’m going to start getting a complex about my little baby.

Rodion starts laughing, he turns and winks at me and it sends a bolt of lightning shivering down my spine.

Raisa is laughing as she pins the photograph beneath the magnet on the fridge.

“I think my baby is perfect.”

“It is perfect, Raisa. We are both really happy for you,” Rodion says, leaning against the counter and sipping his coffee.

I pick up mine, sipping it too, my eyes are locked onto him. I can’t seem to look away.

I still can’t figure out who this man is and why I never saw this side of him. It’s like he has flipped a coin. His phone rings in his pocket and he pulls it out.

“Excuse me, I have to take this,” he sighs, walking out of the kitchen to answer a business call.

When he is gone, I turn to Raisa.

“You two are so close. He seems to adore you.”

“Oh, he does. He’s the softest, kindest person on the planet, but only when my other brothers aren’t around. I don’t know why he always feels he has to be strong and controlled around them. I think it’s because he is the one who took care of us all growing up—after my parents died. He took on a lot of responsibility with all of us. So I guess, he struggles to step down from that role. But with me, he knows he can just be himself.”

“Himself?” I say, more to myself than to Raisa.

“Yup. This is the real him. Not that rigid, controlling asshat he is around everyone else.” She laughs, waving her hand in the air. “Come, let’s go sit outside in the sun. I need to warm up a little. It’s a gorgeous day outside and I want to make the most of it before winter creeps in and the snow comes.”

I pick up my coffee and follow her out into the garden.

We sit down in the garden chairs and stretch our legs out in front of us. The sun feels good on my skin. Raisa is right. In a few short months, it’s going to start getting really cold again.

“So, have you guys decided on names yet?” I ask, watching her rub her hand protectively over her belly. She is hardly showing at all, but she smiles whenever she rests her hand on her stomach.

“We have a list of boys' names and a list of girls' names. In all honesty, we aren’t in agreement over it and he’s trying to bribe me with gifts and holidays to get his way. But come on—I really can’t name my child Lyubava. It’s so old-fashioned,” she sighs, rolling her eyes.

“That was my great-great-grandfather’s name. It’s not just old-fashioned, it's ancient. Don’t give in. That poor child would be teased all his life.”

“I want to call him Arista if it’s a boy. It’s a nice strong name.”

“And if it’s a girl?”

Rodion steps out onto the patio and my heart skips a beat.

He leans over me and kisses my cheek, an absentminded gesture that I think catches us both by surprise. He stands up quickly again. “I have to go. It was good to see you, Raisa, I’ll make plans for dinner soon. And, uh, Anya—I’ll see you at home later.”

He turns and hurries away, looking slightly embarrassed about kissing me goodbye so sweetly.

Raisa giggles. “Mm. I think everything is going to be fine between you two.”