Chapter 20 - Anya

I am fully aware of how stressed Rodion is about Ruslana and her misbehaving, so I’ve been doing my best to keep an eye on her. I invite her over to the house almost every day and we spend time together, talking, laughing, swimming, shopping and just staying out of trouble.

I’m trying to show her that she has a supportive family, and she doesn’t need to chase attention from strange men to feel good about herself—otherwise, I’m hoping she will eventually feel comfortable enough with me to open up about what is really bothering her.

I haven’t been putting any pressure on her to talk to me—but I’ve been there for her as best I can.

Rodion has been spending a lot of time at the office. Tonight, he came home early and only ten minutes later, Leon rocked up at our home to talk business.

It’s frustrating because I want to spend time with him, but between me looking out for Ruslana and him working all time we haven’t had too many quiet moments together. And when we do, he seems exhausted.

Or maybe I’m the one that’s exhausted.

Leon and Rodion are in the living room talking about business when I come through carrying drinks for them. Ruslana just left to go home. Roman came to fetch her so at least I am fully confident that she is going home and not anywhere else.

“Here you go guys, do you want something to eat?” I ask as I set the drinks down on the coffee table.

“I don’t want to be any trouble—,“ Leon says, shaking his head.

“Oh please, I’ve been cooking for you my whole life—don’t play chivalrous now.” I laugh.

Rodion chuckles. “I’d love something to eat.”

“I’m just going to make some quick burgers. I’m exhausted.”

“That’s perfect.”

As I’m walking out of the living room they start up their conversation again.

“Several of our rivals are not pleased. The fact that we are doing so well has not gone unnoticed and we have reason to believe that they are plotting to make a move against us,” Leon says sternly.

“Do we know exactly who we need to be watching out for?”

“We have a very good idea—but also, we need to be careful because there might be more rivals involved that we don’t know about.”

My stomach churns and I walk away from the conversation. I hate that side of things. The danger, the threat, the rivals who are willing to take lives because they can’t handle other families being more successful than them.

There is plenty of business to go around—but people seem to think that only one group can be successful at a time. It’s pathetic. They just need to put more effort in, and they will see as much success as my family is seeing.

I step into the kitchen and pull the fridge door open to find the burger patties. A wave of dizzy nausea washes over me and I grip the fridge handle tightly to steady myself.

I’m not good at handling continuous stress like this, but I don’t usually get sick over it. Right now, I feel like I need to curl up in a ball on my bed and hold myself.

I feel horrible.

My body is aching, and my stomach is churning at the thought of having to cook now as well.

I swallow hard, trying to ignore the horrible feeling and I manage to push it away.

I’m just tired, that’s all.

Gathering all of the ingredients to make the burgers and laying them out on the kitchen counter my stomach starts churning again.

Maybe it’s more than just being tired.

I sigh.

I fight my way through making the burgers. I know the guys must be as stressed as I am with everything that’s going on at work. I want to make them food. Once it’s done I can go up to bed and get some sleep.

I carry the burgers through to the living room and set them down on the coffee table. “Are you guys ok to eat here?” I ask tightly.

“What’s wrong, you look really pale?” Rodion says, standing up.

“I’m just exhausted. I’m going up to bed.”

“Did you eat something at least?”

“I made myself a burger, but I’m not actually hungry. Don’t worry. I just need a good night’s sleep.”

I say goodnight to Rodion and my brother and leave them downstairs talking.

I don’t even have the energy to shower, so I climb into my comfy pajamas and slip beneath the covers in Rodion’s bed. Lying there alone in the dark, my mind is too busy to let me sleep and my body is aching in ways I’ve never felt before.

I toss and turn for ages, fighting to fall asleep.

After a long time Rodion climbs into bed next to me. “You’re still not sleeping?”

“No,” I huff, overtired and annoyed.

“Come on,” he says gently, pulling me into his arms. He starts stroking his hand up and down my spine and I close my eyes, letting go of a tight breath I was holding.

His presence next to me is soothing and I find myself drifting off.

But then, in a shocking realization, my body jolts and my eyes shoot open.

“Jeepers, what’s going on?”

“I—um—,“ I stammer. “I just had one of those falling dreams,” I lie, because what I just realized is not something I know how to say out loud.

He chuckles, holding me tighter. I lean my cheek against his chest, panic rising inside me.

It’s been over two weeks since I was supposed to start my period.

I think I’m pregnant.

And there is no way for me to confirm it until tomorrow, when I can sneak off to a pharmacy.

Rodion falls asleep with his arms wrapped around me, but I’m wide awake. Exhausted but overflowing with too many thoughts to control.

If I am pregnant and I tell Rodion, then—does that mean he has what he wants—an heir. And once he has his heir, will he stop being interested in me?

The idea of him pushing me aside and being done with me is terrifying.

I can’t even toss and turn because he’s holding me, and I don’t want to wake him up.

I lie awake all night, until the early hours of the morning. Drifting off just before the sun rises and waking up when Rodion does—after maybe achieving two hours of sleep.

I am a wreck.

I am sick to my stomach.

My eyes are burning, nausea is threatening, and my anxiety is through the roof.

Rodion takes one look at me and frowns deeply. “Anya, what’s wrong? You look exhausted still—“ he asks with worry in his voice.

“I don’t know—I’m just—I’m stressed about things, that’s all.”

He touches my face. “You don’t have a temperature, but you look really pale. Are you sure you aren’t coming down with something?”

“No, I’m not sick. I’m overwhelmed, that’s all. I promise. I’ll be fine in a day or two.”

His jaw muscles flex and clench tightly. He doesn’t look pleased at all.

“If we need to call the doctor, we can get him to come to the house, you know.”

“Please, don’t. I don’t need a doctor.”

I sit up, rubbing my eyes. “I’m going to shower. Then I have a few things I need to get from the store.”

“I’d rather you stayed home and rested today.”

“Rodion, you are overreacting,” I sigh, getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

I’m struggling not to run, but I feel like I might vomit. The last thing I need is for him to hear me throwing up.

Turning to face him, I manage to say, “Please would you mind making me some tea?”

“Of course, princess. I’ll have it ready when you get out of the shower.”

He climbs out of bed and walks out of the room. I run into the bathroom, push the shower on full and close the door. I hope the sound of the running water will drown out any signs of me throwing up.

At this point I don’t even need to get the pregnancy test. It’s obvious.

But to settle any doubt, I’m going to do it.

I sigh heavily and tears flow freely down my cheeks as I lean my back against the tiled wall next to the toilet and cry my eyes out.

A knock on the bathroom door makes me jump to my feet, hurriedly wiping my hand across my face.

“Anya—are you ok in there?”

“Yes—yes—totally fine,” I stammer loudly, throwing my clothes off and climbing under the shower.

I shower quickly because I don’t know how long I’ve been in here now and I don’t need him getting suspicious or more worried about me.

When I come out, he walks straight over to me, wrapping his arms around me, he holds me for a moment. “Your tea is on the bedside table. You would tell me if anything was wrong? Right?”

I nod. “Nothing is wrong,” I reply, smiling tightly. I step away from him, fetching my tea and carrying it to my own bedroom, where all my clothes are still in the closet there.

I get dressed slowly, trying to work out how to handle this situation.

Being pregnant isn’t that terrifying—it’s Rodion’s reaction to the news that worries me. I don’t want our relationship to change when it feels as though it is just starting to grow into something real.

He made it clear on our wedding night that he expected an heir—that was the entire reason he wanted me in his bed that night. I remember it like it was just yesterday.

Everything that has happened between us since then—the way he made me fall for him—the way he makes me smiles and feel—it could all just have been a plot to keep sleeping with me until I fell pregnant.

Now that I am—now that I have his baby—will he still treat me the same?

Rodion is waiting for me downstairs when I come down dressed and ready to go to the pharmacy.

“Are you sure you need to go to the store today?” he asks, sounding worried.

“I think getting out for a bit will be good for me,” I nod, trying to sound reassuring.

“I don’t like it. You know I can take the day off work and go with you.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “Don’t be silly. You have important things you have to deal with. If I need anything, I’ll call.”

“Do you promise?” he asks, cupping his hand over my cheek.

I nod.

“Good. I’ll be home as early as I can. If you want me to pick up some takeout for dinner on the way home I can do that?”

“That sounds perfect. Maybe some Chinese food.”

He laughs. “Anything you want, princess. I’ll see you later.” He leans down and kisses me softly, then walks out towards his car. I wait until he’s driven away before I climb into my own car and head into town to the nearest pharmacy.

All the way there, I have a paranoid sense that I’m being followed. But it’s just my own fear because I’m fully aware that I should not be keeping a secret like this from Rodion. He is my husband. No matter what else is going on—he is my husband. I married him. And if I’m carrying his baby, he has a right to know.

I sigh, gripping the steering wheel and twisting my hands over it. I’m so anxious. It’s a horrible feeling.

At the pharmacy, I keep glancing over my shoulder, but there isn’t anyone there. I’m alone.

I purchase two different kinds of tests, pay for them and then head back home. On the way I think that I should have bought something else just in case Rodion asks me what I got at the store, but it’s too late. I’m too tired and too stressed to go back now.

At home, I hurry upstairs to my own bathroom and with the door closed, I pee on both of the pregnancy test sticks, click their lids back on and then stare at them, unable to look away even though it seems to be making time move slower.

The alarm on my phone goes off, but I don’t even look at it or flinch.

The answer is right in front of me. I watched the lines fade into reality.

Both tests say the same thing. I’m pregnant.

I am one hundred percent, unquestionably—pregnant.

I switch my phone alarm off, wrap the pregnancy tests in the pharmacy bag and shove them to the bottom of my dustbin. For over an hour, I just pace up and down in my bedroom.

When I get too tired to pace, I lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

At some point, I fall asleep—thankfully—and I only wake up when I feel Rodion sitting on the edge of my bed and I hear him gently saying my name.

I open my eyes and blink a few times until I’m fully awake.

“Hi, princess,” he smiles down at me.

“Hello. “I grin.

“Did you have a good afternoon sleep?”

“I actually feel a lot better,” I say, stretching my legs out. Jeepers. I really needed that sleep.

“I have takeout for us downstairs, but if you want, I can bring them up here and we can have dinner in bed?”

“I’ll come down.”

Throughout dinner, I do my best to force myself to smile and be talkative, but inside, I am a churning wreck of nerves and anxiety. I don’t feel as exhausted as I did before—but I am still terrified of what is going to happen when I tell him that I am pregnant with his baby.