Chapter 21

The thought of my brother being gone leaves an ache in my chest that won't go away. I never thought I'd lose him like this. Never in my life did I think I would have to deal with my brother's death. I get we all die at some point in our lives . . . it's that he's gone at such a young age. It's hard to fathom.

I keep wondering what his last thoughts were. Did he see it coming? Was he scared? Did he feel pain? Or was it a slow death?

I know I need to come to terms with this and that I'll never have answers to any of my questions, but it doesn't make the pain go away.

"Princess, why don't you sit down," Bruiser murmurs, squeezing my shoulder.

I nod and let him guide me back to where we'd been sitting before Angie and her family got here. I couldn't be more grateful to the Gradys for coming and the club for letting them. With everything going on, I didn't think they'd allow them on the property, but they did. And with what Hammer shared with me about his brother, I sense more than ever he knows exactly what I'm feeling. Just as Bruiser does, considering his mother passed away. But it's different in so many ways. She wasn't killed. Simon was.

"Bruiser," Hammer shouts from across the room, and I glance in the direction to find him motioning for Bruiser to join them.

"I'll be back, baby," Bruiser says, grips my chin, and forces me to meet his gaze. "Stay here, or if you want, go to my room." He places a key in my hand. "Just don't go outside. You need me. I'll be in church, but all you gotta do is knock on the door, and someone will open it."

"Okay," I whisper, nodding, not wanting him to leave me. Having his arm around me makes me feel safe and secure, losing them will leave me cold, but I know they've got to talk.

Bruiser gets directly in my face, nose pressed into mine. "Seriously, Gwyneth, you need me, knock, and I'll come out. I don't want to leave you alone, but know this, Princess, you're not alone. You've got your best friend and her family here with you. You got the ol' ladies watching you like they want to wrap you in bubble wrap and shield you from the world."

"I'll be okay, Bruiser, I promise," I tell him, reaching up to touch his cheek. "If I need you, I'll come get you." Though I won't, he doesn't need me to bother him when he needs to focus. Plus, I have Angie here, her and the rest of her family.

"All right, baby." He presses a kiss to my lips and straightens. "I'll be back as soon as I can." Leaving me, I watch him until he disappears into the room with his brothers following suit.

"I like him," Mrs. Grady announces.

"Of course you do, Mom." Angie giggles and rolls her eyes before focusing on me as she takes my hand. "I'm really sorry about Simon, Gwenny. I wish I could do something for you."

"I know you do, and I wish you could." My breath hitches in my chest. It's hard to breathe from the pain of the loss.

"Sweetheart," my captain calls, reaching across the table to take my hand in his and squeezes. "There's no taking the pain away, darlin', but in time it'll ease. It's not like with the job. In our field of work, you know we deal with death, but we lock it away and keep going. We don't think about it again. That's what we tell each other, though, the memory never goes away, we just keep truckin', knowing we'll do everything we can to save the next one. Unfortunately, when you lose someone close to you, a sibling, a daughter, a son, or a parent, it's never the same. What you need to remember is Simon loved you, Gwyneth. He loved you as any brother could. All he wanted to do was protect you."

Tears stream down my face as I nod, my lip trembling. "Has . . . has anyone told our parents?"

"I don't think so, but I'm sure they're going too," he answers, giving my hand another squeeze. "You don't think about them right now. Just worry about you and you alone."

"How are things with Bruiser?" Angie asks, changing the subject to something I like much prefer talking about.

I give her a smile. "They're good. I think I'm in love with him," I admit.

"I think if you two are going to talk about this, I'm going to the kitchen and see if I can help in making dinner or something," Angie's mom says.

"I think I'll join you," Captain Grady grumbles.

"I'm gonna get a beer. I don't need to hear this shit," Ross grunts. He stands, walks around the table, and presses a kiss to the top of my head before murmuring, "He might have been your brother and he loved you, but you're a part of this family too. You're like a sister to me, and I don't like seeing you hurting. When you hurt, I hurt. That's what it means to be a brother, and I know Simon felt the same way. And for the record, Bruiser hurts you, and I'll put a hurting on him."

I can't help but giggle, even with tears running down my cheeks. "Thank you, Ross," I whisper.

"Anytime, Gwenny," he says and leaves me alone with Angie.

The two of us aren't left alone for long, though. Avery, Willow, and Rebel take their place.

"I know you probably don't want it or need it, but we want you to know we're all here for you. CJ and Zinnia wanted to come over here too, but they're in the kitchen still working on putting together something to eat for everyone. Honor's at work right now, otherwise, she'd also be here," Avery rambles, fidgeting in her seat.

"We didn't want to crowd you," Willow also adds.

"If you need me to do anything. Look into any legal matters regarding your brother, just let me know," Rebel states, reaching out to grip my hand.

"Thank you, Rebel," I say, giving her a small smile. "I really appreciate it."

"Now, what's this about you being in love with Bruiser?" Angie says, getting back to the topic at hand.

"You're in love with Bruiser?" Avery asks beaming. "This is great!"

"Totally great," Willow agrees, nodding.

"I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. Just that when it comes to Bruiser, I know he means everything to me. When he lost his mom, I blamed myself for not being able to not only save her but also not to be able to take away his pain."

"You know we did everything we could," Angie remarks. "And I can tell you that man, he has some very strong feelings for you, babe. The way he stood close when we first got here and Mom hugged you, then took you back in his arms. That's not even including the way he acted any other time I've been around him. From day one, he's totally been into you."

For the next couple of hours, these women have kept me from spiraling and even made me laugh a time or two. Eventually, Angie's mom and the other ol' ladies joined us and bought with them a bottle of Jack. CJ claimed nothing helped ease pain the way Jack Daniels does.

By the time the men stepped from church, I was three sheets to the wind, telling the women a story about a call Angie, Mick, and I went on where a guy had his junk stuck on a PVC plumbing pipe that had sealant on it. The guy had all but glued himself to the thing. I don't even know what had been in his mind about doing something so idiotic.

All of us are giggling when Bruiser comes up behind me and shifts my hair off one of my shoulders.

"You doin' okay, Princess?" he asks, dips his head down, and presses a kiss to the side of my neck.

"Better with the help of Jack," I answer, tilting my head back to meet his gaze.

"I see that," he says, watching me closely. "We're heading out for a bit, you gonna be okay without me?"

"Where are you going?" The question is out before I can stop it.

"This shit, baby, I'm not about to let it keep happenin'. We're ending this shit once and for all." His eyes flash in anger. "I'll be back in a while. When you get tired, I want you in my bed. Okay?"

I lick my bottom lip, drawing it between my teeth, nodding.

"Good." Leaning into me, he kisses me. "Be back."

"Okay."

I keep my gaze on him as he backs away and stalks through the clubhouse, his brothers with him. I don't know what they're planning or going to do, but I hope whatever it is they're going to do, they come back safe and unhurt. I don't think I could handle him or anyone else being hurt because of the threat to me.

A part of me wants to just give up and find this monster and give myself over in order to save everyone else. However, the reasonable part of me knows I can't do that. If I do, my life is over.

I have to trust Bruiser and the others. I saw the look in his eyes. Whatever or whoever he's about to face off with tonight, they don't know what they're up against. They're in for one hell of a reckoning when it comes to that man. He's not one to be trifled with.