Chapter Seventeen

Brooks

She wasn't ready to learn what Clay was into.

And, honestly, I fucking got her hesitation.

I mean, I'd known Clay as well as her, if not better, since there was shit a man said to his friend that he didn't share with his sister, and I was having a really fucking hard time reconciling the Clay I knew with the one who was using carefully hidden code, had a gun that had likely been fired, and a shitton of less-than-legal cash lying around.

Sure, we hadn't been close in years.

People changed.

I mean, look at me.

He never voiced it, but I was sure there was some part of him that had always been disappointed with me for taking the path I had in life. As much as he knew that the military life was not for me.

But joining the club had, whether I'd realized it when I'd prospected or not, driven a wedge. Because I'd gone from being as open as two friends could be, sharing all the big and small shit, to having secrets. Since, when I'd joined the club, it meant there was a lot of shit about my life that I couldn't share with Clay.

Honestly, if I looked back at the cracks in our friendship, I had to admit that they really first started to etch when I'd gotten patched. When something life-changing became less of a prospect and more of a reality.

Then, little by little, we grew in different directions.

I got busier.

I got more secretive.

Things didn't feel as, I dunno, natural between us as they once had.

So if I was capable of this much change, how could I claim that it wasn't possible that Clay had as well?

But my gut wanted me to believe that the Clay I'd always known was the same one he'd been at the time of his death.

If for absolutely no other reason than the fact that getting involved in shady shit meant he put his sister in danger. And I couldn't picture any version of Clay who would do that.

It had been different for me.

I didn't have a kid sister.

Or any other siblings.

And while my parents were gone now, we hadn't been close when I'd first prospected either.

I hadn't been putting anyone other than myself at risk when I joined this lifestyle.

I guess, though, I couldn't claim that anymore, as I looked at Cali perched on my bike, kicking up the stand, then shifting her weight side to side to get a feel for how the bike felt under her control.

Because being with me inherently put Cali at risk.

If I was a wholly unselfish man, I would let her go for her own protection.

The problem was, I wasn't sure I could be that self-sacrificing. Not now that I had her, now that she was beginning to mean so much to me.

I mean, Caliana always meant a lot to me.

But our relationship becoming physical added a new, more complex layer to that.

"Okay. I'm gonna give it a go," she said, giving me a look that was equal parts excited and terrified.

"Just go slow," I reminded her. I'd been over all the basics already with her perched in my lap, following my instructions in getting to know the bike. "And if you get freaked, just bail. You won't get too roughed up on ground like this," I said, waving down to the thick, uncut green grass. "Tick bite, at worst," I added for some levity.

"Hmm," she said, glancing down at it, then me. "I might need you to check me for ticks later," she decided. "They could be hiding, you know, anywhere."

"That one only works if you end up on the ground, baby," I told her with a smirk. "Now, go on. Check this off of your bucket list," I invited, waving toward the long field she could practice on.

I watched as she sucked in a deep breath, then hit the ignition, shifted, and engaged the clutch.

Then she was off.

Like a teenager behind the wheel the first time, jerking forward, then panicking to a quick stop.

"You got this," I told her, giving her a small smile, remembering my own first attempts to ride a bike.

I hadn't been smart enough to test out driving on a grassy field. And I'd gotten some wicked road rash from the backstreet I ended up skidding down more than a few times before I finally got the hang of it.

Thankfully, no one had been there to witness that humiliation. Though Finn, then president's younger son, the guy who'd pushed for me to be let in, had some questions for me when I'd returned his bike all scratched to shit.

Lost your fight with the street, huh? he'd asked with a spark to his eyes that I watched slowly go out of his eyes in the years afterward, only seeming to return the past year or so as he recognized and worked toward managing his depression.

"If you laugh at me, I swear to god, I will kick your ass," Cali declared, squinting at me.

"I'm not laughing. Yet," I added, getting a lip twitch out of her before she tried again.

I got to watch something I'd experienced myself many years before. Seeing someone learn to trust themselves and their instincts, to stop being afraid of the machine and the hard ground all around them.

It was actually really fucking cool to see.

As she gained confidence.

As she pushed it a little faster.

As she learned to turn.

Her shoulders loosened, her posture eased, and, as she closed in on me, a big smile broke across her face.

I couldn't help it.

I smiled back.

Feeling more of her spill into my chest, filling all the empty spaces I'd been ignoring for years.

Then, inexplicably, she slowed almost to a stop, threw her weight, and landed hard on her side in the grass, the bike just a foot or so away from her, engine still purring.

Frowning, I reached over to switch off the engine before turning to her, finding her on her back with hands behind her head, grinning up at me.

"The fuck are you doing?" I asked, shaking my head at her.

"Well, now, I'm really going to need that tick inspection," she declared, knifing up, grabbing my hand, and yanking me down until I tumbled down beside her.

I rolled onto my back, and she was quick to climb over me, straddling me, grinning down at me, and clucking her tongue.

"Oh, geez. Looks like you're going to need one too," she said, shaking her head.

"You're fucking ridiculous," I declared, but I was smiling.

"I mean, how else am I going to get to see you without your clothes on?" she asked, brows raised.

"You've—" I started, but shut my mouth when I realized she actually hadn't seen me undressed yet. "Trust me, baby, anytime you want me to take my clothes off, all you have to do is ask." At the light in her eyes, I laughed, grabbing her hips, and pushing her off of my lap before I had second thoughts about not getting naked in a fucking field. "When we are somewhere that the police won't find us and slap indecent exposure charges on us," I clarified.

"Getting arrested is on my bucket list," she declared as I got to my feet, and extended a hand to her.

"You're shitting me."

"Nope. I mean, I don't want to do any time or anything. But I think it would be interesting to be cuffed and fingerprinted and—"

"Strip searched?" I asked.

"Well, okay, maybe not that," she admitted, wincing.

Suddenly, though, I didn't want her to have to mark anything off of her list, so I found myself thinking about the cops the club had on the take, if any of them might be willing to pretend to go through the motions with her, give her the experience without the record.

Because, unlike her, I didn't believe that Cali's family was cursed to all die young. I had a feeling that she had a good, long life ahead of her. And having a record would put a crimp in her future plans.

I could definitely ask around and see if I could make this happen for her.

"I didn't injure it, did I?" she asked as I pulled the bike back up on its wheels, and climbed on.

"Nah. It's fine. I might need you to wash it for me, though," I said, smirking.

"Let me guess. In a bikini," she said, eyes bright.

"Or less," I agreed.

"So you want me to wash your car naked at the clubhouse in front of all of your club brothers?" she asked,

"Never mind," I agreed. "Not a bikini. A muumuu. A fucking snowsuit."

She was still laughing as she climbed on behind me. All of the worry and fear from earlier gone.

I expected for it to return as we got closer to the clubhouse, as we climbed off, and headed in. What with whatever was on that flash drive lying in wait for us.

The thing was, we got distracted by a small get together Sully was hosting, Sage's sister Meadow hanging out and engaging Cali.

Then, well, dinner had to be ordered.

After that, you know, we both wanted a shower.

Things got… distracting.

And we passed out.

Besides, the files could wait.

It wasn't like they were going to change anything.

Clay was still gone.

Nothing could bring him back.

So it didn't matter when we finally got around to seeing what he was into.