Chapter 9

Eden

"I'm what?" I try not to screech, but what he's saying isn't making sense, even though he said it perfectly clear.

He forgot to file the divorce papers?

"You're my wife," he clarifies again, in a much smaller voice. His eyes drop down to the wood floors of the barn briefly and then slowly drag back up to mine.

"That's impossible." I shake my head. "We sorted that years ago, right? What's going on?"

"Look, I found the papers we both signed but I never filed them with the court when you were out of town that week. It was by total accident, E. I must've… just gotten busy…"

I stare at him, aghast. I can't say I've ever been so lost for words in all my life.

"Just gotten busy?" I stammer.

"Huh." He shoves his hands in his pockets like a school boy who's being told off by the headmistress.

"You can't actually be serious?" I'm waiting for the punchline, or for him to break out in his famous contagious laugh and tell me he's kidding. What a way to get me on Blake's birthday. I wait a moment. But he doesn't do anything of the sort. In fact, looking at him now, he's anything but kidding.

"I am serious. I have them in the truck. I wanted to tell you?—"

"How long have you known?"

"Not long before we saw each other at the Stones Throw when we were planning Blake's birthday."

"Brook, this isn't funny."

"Do you see me laughing?" He places his hand on his hip and stands there looking down at me like the rogue cowboy he's always been.

I stare up at him.

Brook is, and always has been, attractive. Now might not be the time for me to truly appreciate that, but here he stands in his dark jeans and his checked button-down tucked in. My eyes dip, to the shiny brass belt buckle with the Bassett Brothers bull head logo — cowboy boots and all. He took his hat off for the celebrations, and he even trimmed his beard. But his attractiveness has nothing to do with any of this… nothing at all. I'm mad at him.

"You've known this for a few weeks and you've said nothing!"

"I tried, E. I was waiting for the right time." He holds his palms up in surrender.

"Does anyone know?"

"Only Gabe."

I run a hand over my face, taking a slow breath as I do. "I can't believe this."

"I know, me either."

"You told me what you had to say wasn't bad!"

He bites his lip and holds his teeth there while I try to come to term with his words.

"You said, and I quote, ‘rest assured everything is fine'."

"It's nothing that can't be remedied," he says, a little too calmly. "I guess I've had a little longer to get used to the idea of my own stupidity."

"You can say that again."

"I didn't want it to come out like this, on such a perfect day for Blake."

"I guess I did ask for it," I sigh, running my hand through my curls. "We really need to talk about this, but I have to go."

"Go?" His eyebrows knit together as I edge to leave. I don't know what to say to his confession but I need to try to make sense of this on my own.

"I'm sorry, Brook. I need to think about what this means. It's not a small thing. What if I'd attempted to marry someone else in the five years we've been split!"

"But you didn't, so that part is okay."

"Okay?" I don't mean to raise my voice at him, but it's definitely getting louder the more we continue and Brook and I rarely fight, so I don't want Blake's day to end on a sour note, but it's hardly my fault. Why the hell did I leave the most crucial part of the divorce to him?

"Look, we can talk about this. We can fix it," he says.

I start to walk to the exit but he grabs my arm and I whirl around to face him, our eyes lock. His look is as serious as mine. "Brook, don't."

"I'm sorry, E. I really am."

And when I really take in those big blue eyes, the eyes that I've known for a lifetime, the same ones I once thought were the windows to my soul, I see that he really is sorry about it.

The same eyes that assured me we were going to be together forever the night we unknowingly conceived our daughter. He always said things like that to me.

They're the same eyes I adored since we were kids. But that was then.

I shake it off as best I can. It's a stupid notion. We tried to make it work before and it didn't.

We may be older now, but that doesn't change things.

And I've found Kirk, and I really like the guy. Before he was being such a jerk today I thought he could be the one.

I can't let this little mishap let me skate down memory lane. I've done enough of that today already. Okay, I brought up old times and stealing his dad's liquor, which led to our barn nostalgia, but I did that without really thinking. They're things I shouldn't even be contemplating when I'm involved with someone else.

The rational part of me knows that Brook would never do anything like this on purpose. Why would he? We both agreed long ago and we were okay with it.

It was positively an oversight, I believe that. I shouldn't have trusted him with the paperwork, but this sure does change things.

We've been married for the past three years… that's something I seriously need to think about. To some, it's just a piece of paper, but I never saw it that way…

"Don't be mad," he says. "Tomorrow you can be, but not on Blake's day."

I nod, biting my lip. "You're right," I whisper. "But I do need to go."

"E, let's not leave it like this."

I reach up on my toes, pressing my lips to the side of his cheek to give him a quick peck. Even though I'm mad, for the sake of ruining a near-perfect day, I still don't want him to feel bad. I never want to fight with him, even if he is a giant douchebag right now. He may be my ex-husband — or should I say, husband — but he's a sweetheart, he always has been. And I've always admired him for the way he's conducted himself and the relationship we've maintained over the years.

This is just a lot. Maybe when I get over the shock I'll see a different side to it.

"We'll talk about this later," I say, jangling my keys. "You're okay to pick up Blake when she's done at your folks?"

"Yeah," he says.

"Okay, I'm going to go pick up Noodle, hopefully she and Daisy didn't cause too much havoc together."

And it breaks my heart to see him standing there, his usual cheeky smile all but gone. His face somber. I've never seen him look so serious, except for when he met Kirk earlier. He's clearly worried about my reaction to all of this.

"Goodnight, Brook."

"Goodnight," he says as I edge out of the barn to my car. I still see him standing there in my peripheral and a part of me wants to turn around and go right back to him. Tell him it's okay and we'll figure it out. But I don't. I have a right to be mad, and I need to think about what this means.

On paper he's still my husband; it doesn't change the fact we've been separated all these years. But it kind of feels strange knowing we're still legally bound.

My heart is still racing from his confession. I know my face is flushed and my brain is going a million miles an hour.

I jump into my SUV and hold my face in my hands before I start up the engine. I know he can't see me as my car is facing away from the barn. I try to hold back the tears, but fail. I don't even know why I'm crying. It is what it is. We can get divorced properly this time, anyway. I can even file the paperwork myself…

The question is, do I want to? And that thought alone shocks me more than anything else.

"Do you have to go down to Georgia, Mom?" Blake is a little whiny about my sudden idea to head down to see Kirk for a few days since we had to cut things short at her party. I need to get out of town and I should tell him the news about my non-divorce in person. Not that it really changes things between me and him, but he deserves to know. We've been discussing a vacation to Mexico in the not too distant future; that's how the divorce paper thing even came up, because I need a copy of them to apply for my new passport, since Bassett is still my legal name. I also need to decide if I'm going back to my maiden name or not.

"It's only for two days, baby. Dad's going to look after you and Noodle, and you'll get to try out your new saddle."

"Can we all have dinner when you get back? Dad and I have been growing so much in the garden, and I want you to see."

"That sounds amazing, sweetheart." I've no idea how I'm going to face my husband again after our last conversation, but I have to at some point.

He texted me later that night to check I was okay, but I didn't see it until morning. I was so tired from the full day we'd had for the party, I took a bath after collecting Noodle and completely crashed.

Brookie

Hey, E. Just checking on you. I know today was a shock, just don't hate me, ok?

I can't even believe he'd think I could hate him. Shocked, yes. But hate, no.

Me

Hey. I crashed last night and only just saw your message. I could never hate you so don't even think that. Talk soon. I'm thinking of going down to Atlanta for a few days.

Brookie

What for?

Me

You know what for, Kirk lives there

Brookie

Hmm

Me

Don't hmm me. Will you look after Blake and Noodle for a few days?

Brookie

I guess so, if you really must go

Me

I must. And thanks. I'll let you know soon if I'm going

That was a couple of days ago. I let Brook know yesterday I was going to drive down there today and head back in two days. I'm dropping Blake and Noodle at her grandparents and Brook will collect them after work.

I guess I am kind of avoiding running into him until I get back.

I've had strange feelings since finding out about our non-divorce.

I need to talk to Kirk and see what he thinks. I don't feel good about keeping this from him for very long. We haven't had sex yet, but we've been getting closer each time and more and more intimate. I wanted to take things slow and he's been very understanding. It's been a while for me. The last guy I hooked up with, things weren't great. It kind of put me off trying again.

I'm thinking tonight might finally be the night that Kirk and I finally spend the night together, and I can forget about this non-divorce business, at least for a while.

That's if Kirk doesn't blow his stack — he can be a little weird about Brook. He hasn't directly said it, other than that he thought Brook was challenging him at Blake's birthday, but I think the feeling is mutual between them.

I put it down to boys being boys, even if they are grown men. Do they ever really grow up?

None of it matters anyway. I'm ready for the next step with Kirk… Or at least, I think I am.

I tell myself that this is what adults do; take things to the next level.

The niggling feeling inside about Brooklyn is only because of this recent stir.

I ignore the fact that I'm digging up the past again. After the shock wore off some when I got home, I started thinking about our wedding night and how magical it was. That whole barn episode was totally hot, it has always had my panties in a twist.

And it's wrong… again because I have a boyfriend, and also the fact that Brook and I together is such ancient history. I haven't thought about him like that in years.

The spark has always had the potential to be there, and there are times I've wondered what could have been if we'd stuck it out. There's also times I've questioned the fact we were crazy to let it slip away when we have such a good friendship.

I thought that's what he wanted; or what we both needed to move on with our lives. To do other things.

He can be cheeky and flirty, but I thought he was like that with everyone.

I know he's been on dates and slept with other women. It shouldn't matter…

But since learning that I'm still technically his wife, my mind has been doing overtime trying to figure this all out.

I even used my vibrator last night, and it wasn't for anyone but myself, because I needed relief and it's been a while. I guess it's one way to release some frustration.

I need to stop thinking about Brook.

It doesn't feel like I'm being fair to my boyfriend, or to myself.

I need to see Kirk. Then I'll know.

And I can hopefully forget this ridiculous notion that's popping up in my brain telling me that Brook and I did the wrong thing, and that being still married is a blessing not a curse.

I won't hear it. It wasn't meant to be.

That's my mantra, and I'm sticking to it.

I've only been to Kirk's place twice before in the past few months we've been seeing each other. I know the distance isn't ideal, and I'm not sure how we would work things long-term, especially given the fact he's a surgeon and works crazy hours. He has mentioned in passing the possibility of moving hospitals for the right person, so there is that.

Georgia-Blue made a comment that she thought he looked a little bit like a hot-shot when she met him — I guess she just isn't used to seeing me with anyone.

"He's as good as gold," I said to her at the party. "He comes across as a bit stiff, but once you get to know him, he's a lot of fun." Even if he was mad at me before Blake's birthday — when I was running around all morning setting things up for the party.

She didn't say anything else to my reply, because usually everything she says is true and her brothers have often said she has insights. I'd prefer not to think about what those insights are right now. God knows what she thinks about what's going on in my life, as well as in my head.

Kirk doesn't come across that way to me. Though, I know he can be very smooth and suave being a doctor, and he's been with a lot of women.

Even if he was being an ass at the party, I put that down to him and Brook clashing. It was kind of awkward. Under it all he really is very charming and has a sexy smile. He's also thoughtful and good at making me feel special. And he helps people. That's gotta count for something.

I thought about calling to surprise him, but instead I texted him earlier asking him about his day and what he was up to. He said he'd be in surgery until later tonight and he'd call me if it wasn't too late. I could barely contain myself knowing I was already heading down there and would be waiting for him when he got home.

He sent me the sweetest text while I was driving, and I replied when I pulled over to make a pitstop.

Kirk

I miss you, Eden. I can't wait to see you again & I'm sorry I had to leave Blake's party early. I'll make it up to you

Me

It's ok I understand. We'll see each other soon

He has no idea how soon that is going to be. I smile to myself.

I can now see that some of the doubts I've been having are just in my imagination. Kirk is as good as gold, and I think he's going to be very happy to see me.

I plan to forget everything going on back home for the moment and focus on just me and him, and getting to know him more intimately.

Brooklyn Bassett may have thrown a spanner in the works with this thing he calls ‘a little detail' in our non-divorce, but it will all get straightened out in the wash. I'm not going to let it get to me anymore. Things will work out for the better. I just know it.