Chapter 16

How long hadit been since Lilly had tried to sneak anywhere undetected? If she wasn’t so nervous, so fraught with doubt about taking this step, she might have tried to figure it out. But she was inches away from Giles’ study door.

He was in there—she knew it. She could hear him speaking, clipped orders in a tone unlike any she’d heard before. He practically snarled about the absence of his brandy decanter.

The butler rushed from the room, startling Lilly so badly by his fast approach that she jumped back a step. Dithers captured her arm and held her upright. “My apologies, Miss Winter,” he whispered, casting a harried look to the room behind.

“I’m quite all right, Dithers.”

He smiled and released her, hovering close a moment as if thinking she might faint yet. “I am so very pleased to hear it.” He glanced at the study door, pursed his lips, and then turned back to Lilly. “May I ask an impertinent question? I, on behalf of the household staff, would be interested to know if you might be dining with the master this evening. Purely in the interests of providing efficient service, of course.”

Oh, he was just as bad as the housekeeper—another matchmaker full of fanciful notions. And another to be disappointed when the inevitable conclusion to her visit arrived. Did he blame her for his master’s bad mood?

Not trusting herself to speak, she nodded. The butler relaxed, a broad smile crossing his features before he stifled the expression.

Without another word, he bowed and hurried off towards the servants’ stairs. Lilly waited until the house grew quiet again to be sure she wouldn’t be seen, then she eased close to the opening, ignoring the ache of her neck, to peek around the frame.

Giles stood at the window, his back to the door. She gazed upon his broad-shouldered profile to her heart’s content. His hair was as messy as always, but his clothes were neat. For a change, he did not look as if he had just risen from some woman’s bed.

He hadn’t been in hers and she had missed him last night, missed his company perhaps more than his hands. This morning, when she’d woken sandy-eyed and melancholy, she had known she didn’t want to keep a safe distance from him.

Despite the differences in their experience, he never laughed at her. In fact, he appeared determined to educate her about the world. Yet she still had a great many doubts.

Giles enjoyed sex. She had always supposed he did. The intense expression he wore reassured her that it was in pleasure when he moaned. That look on his face at the end, wild and unrestrained, told her just how much he wanted it. But the sheer number of women he had taken to his bed and the variety he was used to were still daunting.

Giles raked his fingers through his hair, agitation clear in every movement.

Knowing he could turn and find her spying on him at any moment, she drew herself up straight and stepped over the threshold. “Good morning.”

Giles spun at the sound of her voice. As it usually did, Lilly’s heart beat double time as their gazes locked. He watched her for a long moment and, instead of feeling anxious, Lilly gained strength.

He appeared nervous. More nervous than she, in fact.

He fidgeted with his cuffs and waistcoat, smoothing out unwrinkled garments when there was no need. When Giles dragged in a deep breath and let it out slowly, Lilly took a step forward. His eyes flicked from her head to her toes, but came back to hold her gaze.

Emboldened by his silence, by the slight lift of his lips towards a smile, Lilly moved to stand before him. As much as she tried, she couldn’t hold his gaze. Such intense inspections unnerved her. She looked outside without seeing. Heat suffused her cheeks and she guessed she would look as pink as a blushing bride on her wedding day.

But there would be no wedding, no happily ever after to this tale. Lilly would have what little of Giles Wexham was hers to take and be glad for a small slice of happiness.

* * *

Giles could not credit that he had missed Lilly so much. However, he was uncertain how to proceed. That Lilly was here now, standing two feet away and looking lovelier in blue muslin than he’d dreamed, surprised him.

If he were honest, her presence relieved him, too.

Giles had spent last night and today in a bundle of confused thoughts and feelings. Uppermost in his mind was if it might be possible for Lilly to overlook his past scandalous behavior and remain his friend.

If she could dare to come into his company alone again, after what they had spoken of yesterday, Giles at least had a chance to regain some lost ground. How far she was prepared to go worried him, because he desperately wanted her friendship back.

“Good morning.” He wanted to call her Lilly again, but he was unsure of himself.

She raised her eyes to his. “The grounds look very pretty today.” The whites of her eyes were dull and she appeared exhausted. Had she endured as troubling a night as he?

“Yes, the workers did an excellent job to repair my neglect. I hired on two additional gardeners to come in each week. Dithers is pleased with me, not that he will show it. I think he expects I may be back in residence more often because of it.”

“Will you be?” she queried with a small quirk of her head, and then raised a hand to her neck, grimacing as she did so.

“I was considering it, but it is a very quiet neighborhood. I would need to have greater company to be content here for long periods of time.”

Her expression changed, another delicate blush built to cover her skin in warm color. She looked toward the garden. “There would be many families hereabouts that you could befriend, Giles.”

Giles inched closer, elated that she had used his given name. “Do you know any of them?”

Her eyes dropped to the floor. “I am not completely certain which part of England I am currently in. How would I know?”

Giles looked at the top of Lilly’s head a long time before speaking again. She did not know her current location? How stupid of him to assume she knew everything about his estate. “We are in Northamptonshire.”

“Ah.”

Giles slipped his knuckle beneath her chin to raise her face. “Do you remember where that is?”

“Not exactly,” Lilly admitted, then worried at her lip as if the response embarrassed her. “My education largely ended when I was hurt.”

He clasped her hand, led her to a book of maps open on a lectern by the far wall, and pointed out her location, then that of London. Lilly ran her fingertip over the lines and then crisscrossed the map’s surface, pausing on names that must have been familiar.

When her finger found Exeter, Lilly sighed. Dumas, her family estate, lay south of Exeter. A very long way from Cottingstone Manor.

She traced the line back to Northamptonshire and looked north. She found the border of Scotland, traced across to Wales, and then dragged her fingers away.

“Did Papa say where he was going?”

“Somewhere in Wales, I believe. He did not give me any specific directions.” Giles watched her nervously. They had engaged in small talk before, but it had never been this awkward. His stomach had never churned like this before. “Is your neck paining you again? You are rubbing it.”

“Yes, it’s just a bit stiff. I had trouble sleeping.”

Lilly did not accuse him, but he knew the fault was his.

“Would you mind rubbing it for me, Giles?” Her voice sounded so hesitant that he had to smother the urge to crush her to him. Did she doubt that he wanted to help her? Foolish, foolish girl.

Giles moved behind her. He sensed Lilly’s confusion when he nudged her to rest her arms against the lectern. He gently arranged her limbs so her shoulders were relaxed and set to work. Lilly breathed deeply, perfectly compliant to his wishes.

Eyes fixed on the curve of her neck, he ran his hands along her arms, shoulders and upper back. Her sigh on the first sweep of his hands was deep and satisfied. She needed him. No one had ever needed him beyond sex before. It was a heady realization.

Giles leaned in, brushed his lips against the elegant knot of hair and applied firmer pressure. She was unique, his Lilly, and he would do his best not to disappoint her again. They stayed like that for some time. Lilly softened by degrees and he smiled. He enjoyed doing this for her. It felt natural and easy to be alone with her. She played no games and made no demands.

When she was softer, he pressed his lips to her cheek. “You should go get some rest now.”

Lilly pushed back from the lectern, right into him. “I suppose I should, but it is time to dine.”

“You will feel better for the rest.” Giles slid a hand around her waist, imagining her stretched out in her bed, waiting for him to give her relief again later that night. “Do you want me to take you to bed?” Well, of course, Lilly shouldn’t say yes to that.

“No, I promised the staff I would dine downstairs.” Lilly sighed.

Giles pressed another kiss to her hair then had a great deal of trouble keeping his lips from her skin. She tasted better than any pheasant, better than any dessert in creation. He would rather feast on her.

A knock sounded on the door and Giles quickly put a respectable distance between himself and Lilly. “Come.”

His butler stepped into the room. “Dinner is ready when you desire, milord.”

The butler retreated quickly, but his eyes held amusement.

* * *

Giles’ lower body pulsed as Lilly licked her lips to capture the last of Cook’s most decadent dessert.

“Did you like that?” Giles shifted his position in his chair.

Lilly’s eyes glowed. “Oh, that was delightful. What did you call it again?”

“My father christened it Passion’s Peak.”

She laughed. “Giles, I don’t think that could be the correct name.”

Despite his discomfort, he laughed with her. “Well, I don’t question Cook too closely in case she stops creating these masterpieces for me,” Giles confided, sliding to the edge of his chair and standing with trepidation. He was aroused, painfully aware of every innocent movement Lilly made with her mouth or hands.

The table had hidden his state for the meal, but now that dinner was over, he needed to walk Lilly to the drawing room or study if she wished to consult the atlas again.

Lilly stood, but turned to face him. “Giles, are you in pain?”

“To a small degree, but it is nothing I can’t live with.” And had lived with for weeks. Lilly was driving him to the edge of his sanity.

“What is wrong with you?” Lilly’s gray eyes searched his and Giles found it hard to breathe. She looked sincerely worried for his health. Precious angel—if she knew the real reason, she wouldn’t look so concerned.

He tugged her toward the drawing room where he hoped no servants awaited. Luck was with him—the room was bare of servant chaperones. He closed the door behind him and locked it for good measure. “You are so very lovely, Lilly, and you must know I want you badly. “It is not easy to resist your charms, but I am trying to behave,” Giles confessed with apprehension. This level of honesty was a surefire way of scaring her off again.

“Why?”

Giles laughed and the pressure in his trousers lessened. “Angel, you say the most astonishing things.”

Lilly laughed with him but settled her hands on his chest. Of their own accord, his hands curled around her back and slid downwards.

“You look like you want to kiss me again,” she whispered.

The blue muslin didn’t hide the warmth of her derrière, or the lush curve of her hip. “True.”

“Actually, I think you want to do more than kiss me.” Lilly teased him, flirting. The thought was so provoking that he lost a little more control over his libido.

“True as well,” Giles sighed and pressed his lips to hers lightly. “You are not making this easy for me.”

“You prefer things to be easy. You don’t like complications.” Lilly pulled out of his embrace and walked a few steps away.

Giles followed along behind. “I…don’t know what I want when it comes to you, Lilly. But I do know I don’t want to upset you again.”

Lilly picked up a deck of cards and handed them to him over her shoulder. The way her head turned to him, the angle of her neck beckoned, and he lowered his lips to kiss her skin.

He didn’t wander farther and clutched the cards tightly in his fist to keep at least one hand under control. Lilly angled her neck and he nibbled her earlobe.

She moaned. “Will you come to me tonight?”

Giles swallowed and tried to think of a reason to refuse. He didn’t want to refuse. He pressed a lingering kiss behind her ear. “I shouldn’t.”

“I want you to,” Lilly said hesitantly.

He turned her and gave in to the urge to kiss her properly. He deepened the kiss as soon as her lips parted, teasing her tongue, invading her warmth, and drowning his senses in the rightness of her lips.

Lilly sighed when their lips parted, as if she was as consumed by passion as he. He allowed his hands to caress lower and he gripped the firm swells of her bottom possessively, feeling her smile around his kisses. As their tongues brushed and played, Lilly pushed her hands up around his neck and held him tightly.

“Teach me to play,” Lilly whispered between kisses.

“Whist or something else?” Giles murmured before he caught her earlobe with his teeth.

Lilly squirmed in his arms, brushing against his groin with less innocence than he expected. “Something else.”

Giles froze, pretty sure they were thinking about the same thing. “Are you sure you want that?”

“I’m sure I want you.”

Giles pushed her away, but held her head with one hand at her nape. He dragged in several deep breaths before he spoke, readying himself to be a gentleman and back away. “Even if it’s not forever?”

Lilly nodded. “Even a single night can be enough.”

Giles locked every muscle in place lest he launch himself at her bodily. Blood roared in his ears, drowning out the world around them. All he could hear was Lilly’s panting breaths. All he could see was her face flushed by desire. “It’s too early to go to bed yet and hope to fool the servants.”

“Then teach me to play whist to pass the time,” Lilly suggested, appearing surprised that the most decadent pleasure-seeker in London was quaking in his boots.

How little she knew him. He felt unbalanced for the first time in a decade around a beautiful woman. He was drowning in the unfamiliar waters of a different kind of lust. Different, better, and far stronger than anything he’d known before.

And all because of Lilly, the one woman he hadn’t imagined feeling anything for. She could have been his wife once. A woman he’d have bedded to do his duty to produce an heir, but little else beyond. Arranged marriages had never been about love. Tolerance, perhaps, and hoped-for affection.

What he felt for Lilly at this moment defied his considerable experience. “All right,” Giles said after a pause. “But no more kisses till later.”

“Whatever you want, Giles,” Lilly agreed.

Giles shook his head to clear it of endless decadent possibilities.