Chapter 11

After glancingup at the ceiling for the fourth time in as many minutes, Giles made a startling self-discovery. He did not enjoy being alone. After years of solitary living, he craved conversation.

The thought surprised him. Dining alone had never bothered him before. Before Lilly came to stay, that was, and turned his ability to think rationally completely upside down.

He dropped his feet to the floor in disgust and stalked to the window. Lilly was taking her afternoon rest and he didn’t know what to do with himself. Ridiculous.

The quiet of Cottingstone had always comforted, but Giles found himself enjoying the long moments he spent in Lilly’s company. He found her a curious little creature, and she had begun asking him questions about society. Not one inquiry was shockingly improper, but in their society, one poorly worded comment would reveal her ignorance and set her up for embarrassment.

Imagining Lilly in London, dressed and spinning about a ballroom, set his teeth on edge. He shuddered at what the ton tabbies would do to such a delicate, uninformed creature. Society would chew her up and spit her out in minutes.

They would give Lilly little concession for failing to live up to their expectations, despite having spent the last six years in agony. They would drive her back into her room if she were not prepared.

And Giles would be damned if he would let Lord Winter return, find her health improved, and then still pack her off to some remote estate. She deserved a better life than moldering in Wales.

Giles looked down at his clenched fists. He made his hands relax, but the unease stirred over Lilly remained. She deserved a full life after all she’d endured.

Making a quick decision, Giles sat at his desk to pen an invitation, asking Lilly to join him for dinner at seven. That would give Mrs. Osprey time to attend to her other duties, without rushing Lilly’s toilette. He also gave her leave to avail herself to anything she might require from his sister’s bedchamber.

Katarina would be incensed when she eventually learned, but she was not here to complain right now. Besides, this was Giles’ home. He considered everything in it his.

Sealing the missive with festive red wax, he rang for Dithers. “See that this is delivered as soon as Miss Winter wakes.”

Lilly would probably enjoy the experience of receiving mail on the little silver tray. He was not sure if she received letters, or even wrote them herself. She had received none during her stay.

“I believe she is awake now, milord.” Dithers picked up the missive, but Giles couldn’t miss the half smile that played at the corner of his servant’s mouth.

“Well, see that she receives it, and that she has suitable materials to write a reply. I believe there is a writing box in my sister’s chamber.”

“Of course, milord. I should have thought of it sooner. Is there anything else you would like delivered?”

Giles shook his head. Dithers was becoming entirely too transparent in his liking for Lilly. The grin Dithers wore was far too telling, but the man turned on his heel and left Giles alone without another word.

Giles forced himself to read his mail while he waited, struggling with a strange impatience until Dithers returned with her acceptance, and then he went in search of Cook.

As he was speaking to Cook, Lilly’s reply drew his attention. He looked at the note in his hand. Why the devil was he still holding the darn thing? He tucked it into his inner jacket pocket, close to his heart. Giles rolled his eyes at his own thoughts.

Cook readily agreed to his requirements: an intimate dinner for two and a sumptuous feast including all his favorite dishes. They settled on hare soup, roast duck with onion sauce, and vegetables. Dessert would be lemon syllabub.

He hoped she liked his choices. He had kept the menu simple since she still ate like a sparrow. He did not have any idea what her preference for food might be, but he was on a mission to smooth out her sharp curves. Curves that tormented him the moment he left her side.

Mrs. Osprey informed him with a mysterious smile that Lilly was waiting for him in the drawing room not long after. His lady was early.

Shock at his own thoughts spurred him out the door. Lilly was not his lady, and he was a fool to think so. He was simply her temporary protector—nothing more.

Lilly strolled the drawing room, fingertips running over the ornaments cluttering up the space. Tonight, she wore a gold evening gown with her hair curled into a loose knot at the back of her head. Stunning. Long ringlets cascaded over her shoulders, and a thin gold chain hung about her neck, falling into the valley between her breasts.

He gulped back an appreciative comment on her attributes that would shock her, and sternly reminded himself to behave like a gentleman. “My dear, you take my breath away.”

“Thank you for the compliment, my lord, and the gracious invitation.”

Giles bowed formally over her hand. When he raised his eyes to hers, he found her holding back a grin. He held out his arm and they proceeded into dinner at a stately pace, but Giles wished he could settle his arm around her waist instead.

Lilly’s eyes lit up at the candlelit chamber. “Oh, you’ve gone to so much trouble.”

“It’s no trouble. I dine like this all the time.”

But that was a lie. He might dine elegantly in London, but not here at Cottingstone. His staff had exceeded his requirements. Along the walls, his servants were dressed formally for the occasion. Davis Senior pulled back Lilly’s chair, but Giles waved him away and seated her himself, admiring the curve of her neck and the trail of blonde locks down Lilly’s back. Moving away proved difficult.

When the servants ladled out the first course, Lilly’s hands twisted in her lap. She stared at the silverware before her. Giles suddenly had the insight that she had not sat down to dine formally as an adult often, if ever. Another near blunder on his part, but one he could help correct.

As the servants stepped back, Giles tapped absently at the correct implement. “I think the workmen should be finished soon, and then we will have peace here again.”

Lilly’s eyes flickered downward to his tapping finger, and then back at his face. “I hadn’t noticed they were particularly distracting.”

Giles picked up his spoon, twisting it in his fingers, fully aware that Lilly watched his actions closely. He spooned up a lady-sized portion and tasted slowly in the manner preferred by those of society.

“It’s been frightfully disturbing to have so much noise about the place. I can hardly get my rest.”

Lilly spooned up her first taste, and Giles watched her tongue swipe her top lip with interest. “Do you have much to recover from?”

“The season has been a touch wearing.”

By example, Giles helped her through the various courses of the meal without a word spoken on the subject. When the dessert course arrived, Lilly appeared more relaxed at the table and asked questions about the current events in London. It was surprising, but she knew of a great number of the highest members of London society already.

“Papa has always tried to keep me aware of the important members of the ton, even if I have not had the opportunity to meet them. He could hardly invite them to take tea in my sick room, after all.” She took a mouthful of the syllabub and closed her eyes in apparent pleasure. Giles tried not to laugh at her expression.

A flick of his hand dismissed the servants. “How has he managed to keep you undetected for so long? I assume you have been prowling about in nothing but your nightgown and cloak, given the state of your wardrobe.”

Lilly grinned. “If a ball was held in the home we were staying in, he would bring me to a secluded spot to watch people and pointed out those I needed to know.”

“I still don’t understand how you were never spoken of. London is full of gossips and I never heard a word about your presence there.”

“Perhaps the people who saw me don’t gossip.”

Giles had to include his own self in that number. He hadn’t told a soul that he was seeing what he believed at the time to be a ghost. They might have thought him mad. But wonders would never cease—a secret could actually be kept in London.

“What of your mother?” he asked carefully. “What does she think of your travels over the country?”

He remembered what Lord Winter had said, but it had to be hard on the girl. She must miss loving feminine companionship.

Lilly set her spoon down. “I don’t know my mother, Giles. I have not seen her since the accident. But that is no great change from when I was growing up. She did not feature heavily in my childhood,” Lilly assured him. “I would rather not alert her to my improvement, if possible. She is not overly fond of me. Please don’t write to her.”

Giles tensed at her request. Somehow, Lilly was aware of her mother’s preference that she not live after the accident. An appalling spike of rage thundered through him. No wonder Lord Winter had kept them apart.

Her light touch ghosted over his clenched fist, and he made an effort to calm himself. Giles turned to look at the innocent creature at his side and tried to smile, though he knew it would be a forced effort and not completely believable.

Giles’ mouth trembled with the need to reassure her that, here at Cottingstone Manor, no one would wish her ill. For goodness sake, his entire staff had been standing on their heads to secure her comfort and happiness. Just consider his overdressed servants, for instance. Giles knew they hated those uniforms and he hadn’t asked them to wear them. Nevertheless, he was sure they had done it solely for Lilly’s benefit.

Lilly squeezed the back of his hand. “It is all right, Giles. I have had a few years to get used to the notion. I hardly think of her anymore.”

“That still does not make it right though, does it?”

Lilly pried his fingers apart and took a firm grip on his hand. Giles’ heart pounded in response.

“Of course it is not right, but it is what I have to deal with. None of us gets to choose our family, do we?”

Giles shook his head as he thought of the easy life he had led. His sister possessed the disposition of a screeching harpy, but she was as much trouble as an insect bite in comparison to the Winters. “Only one time,” he muttered unwisely, as an appalling thought slammed into his head.

Luckily, Lilly didn’t ask what he meant. There was one occasion when it was possible to choose your family. All Giles’ inner barriers slammed into place and hid behind years of entrenched opinion, hiding like mice from a hungry cat. Giles loosened his hold on Lilly’s hand and finished his glass of wine.

Marriage was the only opportunity Lilly would have to choose a new family.

Mother had claimed Lilly would have made a fine Wexham.

Lilly stood to leave the table and, instead of letting her go alone, they adjourned to the quiet of the library. Attended by two footmen and the silly maids, Giles regained his sense of humor. Servant chaperones, how quaint and ineffective. If he had wanted to sin, he had ample opportunities to run his hands into Lilly’s hills and valleys each night as he massaged her.

At night, Giles could smell her scent quite clearly as his hands pressed into her derriere to relieve the day’s built-up tension. Lilly for her part seemed to lap up every scrap of his attention.

Giles snapped up a deck of cards as a distraction from his wicked thoughts and taught Lilly the rudiments of vingt-et-un. As he had gathered, she had only limited experience with a deck, and they spoke about the other games popular in London. He considered playing a hand, but then Lilly covered her mouth and yawned.

“You should have mentioned you were tired, Lilly. We can play tomorrow if you wish. Let’s get you up to bed before you fall asleep here.”

“It is a nice room,” she murmured as he drew her to her feet. The lemon scent tugged at his senses and inflamed his body. He hoped she didn’t notice he walked with an odd hitch to his step.

At the bottom of the stairs, he swung her into his arms despite her protests. “Shh. Let me take care of you.”

Lilly held his gaze a moment then twined her arm around his neck. Giles’ cravat grew tight. Her fingertips brushed into the bottom of his hair and excitement raced down his spine. Those fingertips of Lilly’s had a lot of seductive power for such an innocent.

He glanced at her snuggled in his arms and fought for breath. Her mouth curved upwards in a contented smile, and Giles was mesmerized by the lush curve of her lower lip. His heart beat double time as her eyes blinked up at him, and he glimpsed what he feared might be desire curling in their gray depths.

If Giles wanted to, he could take her to his bed tonight. A virgin. The horror of that thought didn’t diminish his desire. But sharing a bed with a virgin had never been a responsibility he wanted.

Lowering Lilly to her feet at her doorway, he took her pale hand in his. Tiny and delicate. Giles pressed his lips to her knuckles without breaking eye contact. Lilly’s lips parted on a sigh.

He stopped himself from continuing the kiss with an inward snarl. He might be one of London’s wickedest rogues, but he did not debauch virgins. He would not ruin Lilly’s life by hurting her when the affair ended.

* * *

The night was still and the only sounds were the creak of the bed ropes and the brush of harsh breath against Lilly’s skin. She was in absolute bliss. Giles’ magic hands kneaded into her neck and scalp, giving her gooseflesh. He rubbed into her shoulders and she had to fight back a moan. When his hands settled in to knead her bottom and thighs, a quiver raced between her legs.

Lilly did not understand why she enjoyed Giles’ touch the way she did, but she didn’t want it to end. Giles Wexham was the most caring person she knew. She could never get enough of his touch or his attention. When his hands found her toes and tickled, Lilly pulled her foot out of his grip.

The next thing Lilly heard was a ragged groan before the door to her room opened and crashed shut. When she raised her head, Giles had gone.

Lilly sat up against the headboard, wondering what she had done. It was clearly something Giles did not like. She bit her lip and waited, hoping he would come back and explain his sudden departure.

After hearing nothing beyond her room, no sign of Giles’ return, she struggled into her nightgown then blew out the candle. Wrapping a shawl about her shoulders, she curled onto the bed, eager to rid herself of a new discomfort. She ached, but not in any place she expected. What had she done?

The darkness held no answers. Lilly rubbed her neck where Giles’ hands had been minutes before. She liked his touch far too much. Lilly had not been so muddleheaded that she could mistake the sound Giles made just before he left her. He groaned when he had sex. She wished she knew what to do.

Fucking. She thought that was what people called it. Someone had once whispered shocking words into her ear in the early years of her illness. Glad, coarse words, rejoicing at her invalid state. At the time, she had not understood what the sneering voice had suggested, that she would never be woman enough for a man, that she would never become Giles’ wife. That voice was right.

Lilly ran her hand down her chest and brushed her fingertips over her nipples. They were painfully hard and she gasped at the sensation. But that was not the only place that pulsed. Her hand slid down her belly, parting her knees, and brushed over the curls at the junction of her thighs. The pain was lower.

Hesitantly, Lilly slid her fingers between her legs and her body quaked at the sensation. Her nightgown dampened between her fingers and her skin. She snatched her hand back.

Lilly wished she had someone to confide in, but she’d never had a close friendship and the housekeeper appeared too scatterbrained to risk asking awkward questions.

The only person she could turn to was Giles, but he was the entire problem. Before she had met him properly, she had never had these feelings. Her body had only given her pain. This was painful too, but the difference was distinct. Was there something Lilly could do to ease the yearning her body shook with every time Giles touched her?

These strange feelings were only growing, gathering strength the longer she knew him. Lilly wrapped her arms tightly about her chest to ward off the chill that threatened to reach her heart. He deserved better.

Giles was the first person to befriend her. He was kind and caring. These massages at night had finally brought her relief from the pain of her injuries that countless doctors could not. She was so grateful for his attentions, but they couldn’t continue this way for much longer.

She could now see a future unfolding ahead of her, but how it played out was hazy. Her life, as ever, would depend on her father’s decree. Despite his promises, he might decide to take her back to Dumas. Lilly shuddered and wondered if it was possible to fall asleep while in the same house as her mother ever again.

She had her doubts.