64. Ella

64

ELLA

M urmured voices coming from the kitchen let me know where everyone is as I step out of my bedroom.

It’s been a week since Colt arrived in Texas. A week of us navigating this new us. A better us.

I’m still struggling with tiredness and battling against my own mind where food is concerned. But that’s nothing new. Only now, I have the added pressure of keeping someone else healthy.

But as much as I might be feeling the pressure, it’s given me a new perspective on…well, everything.

It’s helping Colt, too. He’s been more open and honest with me about everything in this past week than he has in the years we’ve known each other.

I always thought I knew him, even if it was just a small part that he allowed me to get to know. But now I can say that I really and truly know the man that everyone else knows as the Seattle Saints number forty-two.

And not only that, but I also know that he’s mine.

It might be naive of me, but I believe him this time when he says he’s in it for the long haul.

No doubt over the coming years, we’re both going to have wobbles. But I trust that we’re going to be able to talk to each other about our thoughts and worries long before anyone does anything stupid.

With my heart so full I fear it might burst right out of my chest, I round the corner and step into the kitchen doorway.

It takes a moment for Mom and Colt to notice me, but the second they do, they jump up like two little kids who’ve been caught raiding the candy jar.

“Coffee, sweetie?” Mom asks in a rush, all but running to the other side of the kitchen to make it while Colt smooths down his t-shirt before opening his arms for me.

“Morning,” I say, studying him closely as I step into his body. His strong arms wrap around me, and instantly, I feel safe. I feel like I belong in my own skin.

It’s ridiculous. No other person should make you feel more like yourself. But it’s true. When I’m with Colt, I am the best possible version of myself.

“Bombshell,” he groans, his lips already buried in my hair as he breathes me in.

Tingles erupt from his innocent touch, and I tighten my grip on him.

We haven’t been intimate yet.

It’s one thing that we haven’t really spoken about. To begin with, it was because I was too exhausted. But now, as the days have passed and my energy levels are increasing, he’s still holding off.

There’s a part of me that’s worried he’s too scared to now that I’m pregnant. He’s been nothing if not protective since the first moment I opened my eyes in the hospital and found him staring back at me. And if that is the issue, then we’re going to have to figure out a way around it, because my need for him is growing by the hour.

But the real reason I think he’s holding back is that he’s waiting for me to tell him that I’ve made a mistake, that I can’t forgive him and we don’t have a future together. The thought of it being that breaks my heart because yes, he fucked up. He fucked up big time. But in the grand scheme of things…

Relationships aren’t easy. They’re never going to be. They need work and understanding and compromise.

I truly believe that despite everything we’ve faced, every bad and rash decision we’ve made, we’re meant to be. And I’m going to put every single thing I have into making it work. Colt is too. I can feel it in his touch, hear it in his promises, see it in the depths of his dark and hungry eyes.

“Did you sleep well?” he asks quietly.

“Really well. I’m starving,” I confess.

“Then take a seat, we’ve got you covered.”

I do as I’m told, and no sooner has he planted a chaste kiss on my lips than he goes to join Mom.

But as she finishes off my decaf latte, Colt shocks the life out of me by grabbing a jug of batter from the fridge and firing up the stove.

“Y-you’re making breakfast?” I stutter in utter disbelief as he works Mom’s kitchen like a pro.

No one gets to use Mom’s kitchen. Dad wasn’t allowed. And it took her a long time to trust me enough not to mess it all up.

But Colt…

A mug lands in front of me before Mom lowers herself back into her seat and watches the giant of a man pull bacon and sausages from the refrigerator while his pan heats up.

“Umm…what is happening right now?” I whisper, unable to take my eyes off Colt.

“Your man is making you breakfast. What does it look like?” Mom says with a wide smile playing on her lips.

"I can see that. But?—”

Her hand patting mine gently cuts off my words.

“Enjoy it while you can,” Mom says with a smile, bringing reality to the front of my mind.

Colt’s going back to Seattle this afternoon.

Pain slices through my chest at the thought of saying goodbye to him.

It’s only going to be for a few days, but still.

He offered for me to go with him, but I’m not ready.

As much as I hate the idea of us being apart again, I also know I can’t return to Seattle yet.

I desperately want to see the others, and I will. Soon. Just…not quite yet. I’ve got work that I still need to do with my therapist. Things to figure out in my own head. And I need the peace that my hometown has to offer for that.

When I return to Seattle with Colt, I want to be the strongest version of myself.

Mom finishes her coffee before standing once more. “I’m going to the store. If you need me, call me. I’ll be here waiting for you later.”

She smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. I think she might be almost as sad about Colt leaving as I am.

“Don’t you want breakfast?”

“I’ve eaten, sweetie. Enjoy, yeah?” she says, glancing over at Colt as he expertly flips a pancake.

“Thank you,” I whisper, but it’s too late, she’s already placed her empty mug in the sink and disappeared from the room.

“I think she likes me,” Colt says with a laugh.

I laugh, watching as the stack of pancakes beside him grows taller by the minute.

“I think you might be right,” I muse.

“She’s amazing. You and Benny are lucky to have her.”

“Yeah,” I whisper absently. “We really are.”

O ur morning together passes all too quickly, and before I know it, Colt is zipping up his bag. He didn’t have much time to pack before coming here, so it takes him all of about two minutes to stuff it all into his rucksack.

As much as I pray that the drive to the airport will last forever, inevitably it doesn’t, and Colt pulls into the drop-off parking long before I’m ready.

He kills the engine and silence falls between us as the lump clogging my throat grows larger.

I desperately want to beg for him not to go. But it would be selfish of me to do so.

He has a life in Seattle, a career. And like me, he also has therapy sessions that he needs to attend.

Things might be up in the air regarding him ever playing again, but his life will always be football in one way or another. And if it turns out that playing is too much for his body, then I have every confidence he’ll make a success of whatever he turns to next.

“I hate this,” Colt says, echoing my thoughts.

“Me too,” I confess.

My breath catches when his eyes turn to mine. This is ripping him apart just like it is me; yet there is nothing we can do about it.

We’re doing the right thing. I know we are. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

“Five days,” I whisper. “It’s only five days, and then you’ll be back.”

“If I can make it fewer, I will. I’ll?—”

“No,” I say, reaching over and cupping his rough jaw. “Do what you need to do. I’m only a phone call away.”

“Still too far.”

I flinch when his hand lands on my thigh, sliding up until he finds my stomach.

My heart tumbles in my chest.

Our eye contact holds, the air around us growing heavy, making me regret not pushing for more this week. We haven’t been together, and now we won’t get the chance for five more days.

It’s ridiculous. We went for years without seeing each other before this. Five days is nothing. But?—

“I love you, Ella. I love you so fucking much.”

My eyes flood with tears, and I’m so lost in his dark gaze that I don’t see him move.

So when his hand suddenly appears between us, I startle, my eyes dropping to?—

“Colton,” I whisper, my eyes glued to the small black box between his fingers.

“Ella,” he says, but unlike before, his voice isn’t strong and confident. Instead, it’s cracked with nerves and emotion. “I’ve meant every single word I’ve said this past week.You’re my everything. Always have been, always will be. I don’t want to spend another day of my life without knowing that you’re mine. Really, truly mine.

“I might be about to leave, but it’s only because I know it’s to make us stronger. I’ve messed up. I’ve messed up time and time again. I know I have, and I know I don’t deserve you, or another chance.

“But I need you, Bombshell. My heart only beats for you. My world only spins for you. Will you be mine? Forever? Will you marry me?”

I gasp through my uncontrollable tears as he flips open the jewelry box between us, revealing the most incredible solitaire diamond ring.

It’s simple. Understated and completely perfect.

“Colton,” I sob, barely able to see him through my tears.

Like a movie, our time together right from the very first day I saw him at MKU to watching him flip pancakes in the kitchen this morning plays out in my head.

It’s not until he whispers, “You’re going to need to respond, Bombshell,” that I realize how much time has passed.

“Yes,” I blurt. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

As he gathers me up in his arms, I lose myself to my sobs. There is nothing pretty or elegant about the way I fall apart on his shoulder, but then that’s just us.

Raw and real and painful, yet absolutely everything I’ve ever wanted.

With his fingers twisted in my hair, he pulls me back, and holds my eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m a mess.”

He shakes his head. “No, Ella. You’re perfect,” he says before slamming his lips down on mine, kissing me as if we’re locked away in a bedroom alone.

The kiss goes on and on, and by the time we part, my body is practically vibrating with need.

“Fuck,” he pants.

“This might have been the worst possible time to do that,” I tease.

“I need you so fucking badly,” he groans. “You have no idea how hard it’s been.”

My light laughter fills the air as I mischievously slide my hand up his thigh.

“Bombshell,” he groans as I grasp him through his jeans. “Unless you’re willing to finish what you’re starting, I suggest you stop.”

“Five days,” I whisper.

“Sounds like a lifetime.”

Lifting my hand from his crotch, Colton presses a kiss to the center of my palm before he plucks the ring from its cushion and slides it onto my ring finger.

“It’s beautiful,” I whisper.

“Nowhere near as beautiful as you.”

Silence falls again as the world continues moving around us.

“What about the car?” I suddenly ask. “It’s a rental and?—”

“Use it. Just be here with it when I land in five days.”

“Colt, that’s?—”

“I’m not sure I’ll fit even half of me in your little car, Ella,” he teases.

“You expect me to drive this thing?”

He smirks. “Hell, yeah. And you’ll look hot as hell doing it.”

“If you say so,” I mutter.

“Just be here, yeah?” he confirms.

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

Unable to put this off any longer, Colt pushes the door open and climbs out.

He meets me at the passenger side and physically lifts me out.

“How am I going to get in and out of this thing without you?” I sulk.

“I love you, Ella. I’ll message you when I land.”

I nod, unable to talk through the messy lump of emotion in my throat.

“I love you too,” I mouth.

He kisses me hard enough to bruise before he pulls back, presses another to the top of my head, releases me and marches away.

He doesn’t look back, and as much as I hate it, I know it’s because if he does, he’ll change his mind.

He needs this.

I need this.

It’ll be worth it in the end.