55. Ella

55

ELLA

“ M om?” I question when she doesn’t take the turn that will lead us to our usual store.

“I thought we’d go to Walmart,” she explains without so much as glancing at me as she changes lanes to head out of town.

A wave of unease goes through me.

Our closest Walmart is huge. Just thinking about the number of people who will be in there makes my heart rate increase.

But also?—

“Less chance of bumping into someone we know,” Mom reasons in case I didn’t figure it out alone.

“Some might think you’re ashamed to be seen with me,” I deadpan.

It’s meant to be a joke, but it falls very far from the mark.

“Ella,” Mom breathes. “I would never, ever be?—”

“Don’t. Please,” I beg.

“I love you, Ella. You’re my baby girl. I would never be ashamed of you. Ever.”

Tears burn my eyes and make my nose itch.

I don’t want to cry. Not again.

What I want to do is move on. I want to hold my head up high and move on with my life as if my entire world hasn’t just cracked and crumbled beneath my feet.

But I’m not strong enough.

Not even close.

I sniffle, lifting my hand to wipe the tear that drops.

“You should be,” I mutter under my breath. “I’ve screwed everything up. I’ve got nothing. No job, no life, no?—”

“You’re looking at it the wrong way,” Mom argues. “Right now you have the most important thing in the world…” I glance at her with a raised brow as she pauses, I assume to build the tension. “You have opportunities. Yes, I won’t argue that you’re not at rock bottom right now. But all that means is that the only way is up.”

I can’t lie, her words do stir the tiniest bit of excitement within me. It’s so small I barely feel it. But it’s there, I know it is.

“The only real question you need to be asking yourself right now is, ‘What do I want?’”

Him. I want him.

I slam my lips shut, refusing to let the truth spill free.

Mom knows, though. She always does.

“The world is your lobster,” she says with a smile. Images of the countless hours the two of us spent watching Friends when I was younger fill my mind and tears threaten once more. “Put yourself out there and go for the job you really want, wherever it might take you. Texas is only one very small part of this world, Ella. You’re destined for so much more than this place can offer. Go after it.”

“B-but?—”

She shoots me a sideways glance, her eyes narrowed in warning. “Don’t you dare make an excuse that involves me, young lady. I may be getting older, but I’m not incapable. Plus, your father wouldn’t want you here babysitting me. He’d want you out there, chasing your dreams as well.”

The mention of Dad is the final straw, and the tears I’m desperately trying to fight break free.

Mom reaches over and squeezes my hand.

“You know I’m right, sweetie. I also know that it seems impossible right now, but you’ll figure it out. I’m here for anything you could possibly need. Benny too. And those incredible friends of yours.”

I suck in a shaky breath, thinking of how amazing it was to spend time with Letty, Peyton, and Macie again.

I want that.

Maybe Seattle wasn’t in my future like I thought it might be only a few weeks ago, but I don’t want to go as long as we have without spending time together.

If my time in Seattle taught me anything, it’s that I don’t need to hide from my friends—my family.

Guilt twists up my stomach as I consider how many messages and voice mails I’m likely to have from them on my cell.

Long before I’m ready, Mom is pulling into the parking lot and finding a space.

She kills the engine but doesn’t make a move to get out. Instead, she turns to look at me.

Her eyes are soft and glassy, her own tears shining in the bright Texas sun.

“I love you, Ella. Everything is going to work out.”

And with that, she throws her door open and climbs out, giving me little choice but to pull my head out of my ass and do the same.

The second I’m on my feet, I swear the asphalt beneath my feet shifts and I have to reach out for the car to steady myself.

“Ella,” Mom cries, rushing toward me. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” I lie, rolling my shoulders back and standing tall.

Her eyes narrow as she studies me. I dread to think what she sees, but I swallow down the unease and turn toward the store.

Pulling my mask on, I take a step forward.

“Come on then. I thought we needed food.”

Mom rushes to catch up with me, and I force myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Despite the fact I feel like a monster who’s been dragged out of a swamp, I soon discover that just like usual, no one pays me any attention.

With each set of eyes that doesn’t turn my way, widening in horror, or worse, with sympathy, I feel my confidence grow.

It’s not a lot, but it’s enough to keep me moving.

With every aisle we take, my breathing comes a little easier and life feels more possible.

We’re grabbing the final few things on Mom’s list when a familiar figure appears at the end of the aisle.

My stomach twists painfully and my breathing falters as my legs freeze.

“No,” I whimper. It’s so quiet that Mom doesn’t stand a chance of hearing me, and it quickly becomes apparent that she hasn’t, or even noticed that I’ve stopped, when she crashes into my back.

“Oh, what’s?—”

At the commotion, the man who’s looking inside the locked glass cabinet ahead of us in the toiletry aisle turns our way.

“Oh no,” Mom breathes as Chad’s eyes widen in surprise.

But much to my horror, his shock only lasts a few seconds.

He gives the cabinet he was focused on one last look before a devilish smirk pulls at his lips and he begins moving closer.

There was a time when I thought that smile was endearing, but I know better now.

There isn’t one redeeming quality in the man who is stalking toward us.

Mom whispers encouragement in my ear. Or at least, I think that’s what she does when she leans closer and her breath rushes over my skin.

I don’t hear a word of it. The only sound in my ears is that of my blood rushing through them as a very familiar kind of panic grips me in a tight hold.

“Ella,” Chad announces loudly enough that anyone else in this aisle will learn my name. “How wonderful it is to bump into you.”

Disdain drips from his every word, making bile rush up my throat.

It burns, and I fight to swallow it down. The last thing I need right now is to make this worse and vomit all over his feet.

“Chad,” I force out, sounding nowhere near as strong and in control as I’d like.

Mom reaches out, her fingers wrapping around my wrist, squeezing gently in support.

His eyes drop down the length of my body and his top lip peels back.

I shouldn’t care what he thinks about how I look, but there’s an ingrained part of me that still wants to please him.

Shifting on my feet, I wrap my arms around my middle in a pathetic attempt to hide.

“Well, I would say that it’s good to see you’ve been taking care of yourself…”

“Chad,” Mom warns, but he barely spares her a glance before continuing with his onslaught.

“I saw you online, you know.”

I stare at him, trying to school my features but aware that I’m doing a very bad job.

“Can we not do this here?” Mom asks, attempting to maneuver our cart around him to continue with our shopping.

Chad's hand snaps out, his fingers wrapping around our cart, stopping us from going anywhere.

Chad was never violent toward me—his abuse came in a different form. But that doesn’t mean that I’m unaware of his temper. I saw it on more than a few occasions during our time together, and it’s not something I want to experience. Especially not today. Not now.

Not when I was just starting to feel the tingles of hope.

“Do you know, Angie? I think now is the perfect time to discuss how my fiancée, your daughter, decided to steal my money and hop across the country to be with her little boyfriend, as if she thought he actually wanted her.” He throws his head back and barks out a laugh as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

“We’re not listening to this,” Mom hisses, attempting to rip the cart from his grip. “Ella owes you nothing. Not after the way you’ve treated her.”

“Me?” Chad gasps, placing his hand over his chest as if he has no idea what Mom is talking about.

“Yes, you. You…you…” Chad continues to stare at Mom with an eye raised in amusement. “You asshole.”

His smirk grows while pride for my mom washes through me, although it does little to diminish the fear and need to turn around and run as fast as I can.

“Aw, Angie. Is that really the best you can come up with?”

Mom fumes, still unsuccessfully trying to tug our cart from Chad’s grip.

“Honestly, I’ll let your insults fly. It’s not like I’ve ever cared about any of your opinions anyway. How could I, when you’ve raised such a weak woman?”

“That’s enough,” Mom snaps, abandoning the cart and tugging me with her. “We’re done here.”

We’re almost past him when he speaks again.

“We won’t be done here until Ella pays me what she owes me.”

“Like I said—” Mom starts, but Chad isn’t having any of it.

“Five grand,” he growls.

“What?” I cry, spinning back to look at him. “It was five hundred.”

He shrugs, not having a care in the world.

“You owe me five grand, Ella. And until you pay up, you can bet that you’re going to see my face much more than you’d like. No one steals from me and gets away with it.”

My mouth opens and closes, but I don’t have any words.

Unbelievable.

“You’ve got my ring. That’s all you’re getting from me.”

He doesn’t need me to tell him that I can’t afford to pay any of that money back. Even if I wanted to, I don’t have a job anymore.

He laughs again. “That piece-of-shit I pushed on your finger while pretending it was something special?” He shakes his head, pity oozing from his eyes. “It isn’t worth anything.”

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?” Mom seethes, making his smile grow. He’s actually pleased with himself. He’s even more twisted than I thought.

“Because I feel sorry for you, you’ve got until the end of the month. But if I don’t have five grand by then…well, how about we don’t go there?”

With Mom’s fingernails digging into my forearm with such a tight grip I’m sure she’s going to break my skin, she all but drags me out of the store.

The second we emerge into the sunlight, the numbness that had come over me inside vanishes; the world turns on its axis, and before I can catch myself, everything goes black.