38. Ella

38

ELLA

T he second the doors close, cutting me off from Colt, I stumble back into the wall.

It’s stupid. It’s only a few hours really, but the sense of loss I feel right now is a little overwhelming.

He’s only going upstairs to one of the rooms. He’ll probably be blowing up my cell in a matter of minutes.

But it doesn’t matter.

After all these years apart and trying to forget about him, I miss him.

I’ve barely seen him all day. Our evenings together this week have meant everything to me.

My dependence on him should probably be a warning sign that everything that’s happened this week has been too fast and too heavy. But it’s not.

Everything feels too right. Too perfect.

Predicting that I’d need them, three sets of designer shoes appear before me.

“I’m okay,” I whisper, feeling anything but.

None of them say anything, and when I look up, I discover why.

They’re all staring back at me with understanding in their eyes and empathy on their faces.

All three of them have stood exactly where I am right now. Two of them literally.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice cracking with emotion.

“Ella,” Letty breathes, stepping forward and pulling me into a hug. “It’s a big thing. We get it. To the outside world, you’re just having a night apart. But it’s more than that. The anticipation, the nerves, the excitement. The unknown. I’m pretty sure only girlfriends and wives of professional athletes understand this moment right now.

“We’re right here with them every step of the way, only we’re not. Not quite.”

“It’s why we need to stick together,” Peyton adds, stepping up to my other side, with Macie right beside her.

West, Brax, and Leon might have gone to their team’s hotel, but Macie is sharing a room with us instead of hanging out there with the Chiefs girls.

They form a circle around me, and instantly, it takes me right back to so many times before when we did something similar.

“Who’s ready for a screaming orgasm?” Peyton asks a little too loudly, making us burst out in drunken giggles.

“So ready,” Letty says. “Although, I fear you’re not offering the kind I really need.”

Peyton wiggles her brows. “I mean, I’m not really into girls, but a few more cocktails and?—”

“Never let Luca hear you say that,” Macie warns, making us laugh again.

“Ah, while the boys are away, the girls can play, right?” Letty announces as we head back toward the bar.

“Not sure that was quite what I signed up for,” I confess as we move toward our abandoned couches to find four new cocktails waiting for us.

Letty reaches for hers first and lifts it in the air.

“To family,” she says, looking at each of us.

“Family,” we all echo before I confess, “I love you guys. Thank you for helping me find me again.”

“Girl,” Peyton says. “We are here whenever you need us, whatever you need us for.”

My nose itches and tears threaten.

“Nope. None of that. We’re celebrating,” Macie says, noticing my glassy eyes.

“Saints for the win,” Letty teases.

“Sure. I’ll let you believe that. We all know the Chiefs are going to take it all the way this year,” Macie argues, forever loyal to her man and his team.

“When was the last time they went all the way?” I ask, more than aware of how long it’s been since the Chiefs went to the Super Bowl.

“Well, Leon specifically…” Macie teases, wiggling her brows. “Last night. For hours.” She sighs. “And hours.”

“Gotta love those Dunn boys,” Peyton agrees. “Stamina of gods.”

“Hey now,” Letty argues. “Mine is pretty legendary. And I know for a fact that Harley has no complaints.”

The next few hours pass in a blur of cocktails, laughter, and reminiscing.

As predicted, I get messages from Colt. But not long after their curfew, he wishes me a fun night with the girls, tells me that he loves me again and signs off for the night.

The girls broach the subject of my sudden move to Seattle, but I wave off any kind of serious conversation for when I’m less intoxicated.

I can’t deal with serious shit when I’ve got a whole host of vodka, tequila, whiskey, and many others rushing through my bloodstream.

We stumble toward our room sometime after midnight.

I assume that Letty and Peyton know where the guys are—this is almost a weekly occurrence for them—but none of them say anything.

For all I know, we could be next door to one of them…to Colt. Or we could be at the other end of the hotel. I figure that it’s probably for the best I don’t know, or there’d be a chance that my drunken, horny ass would be trawling the hallways for just a taste of my man.

I’m so drunk by the time we stumble into our room, I have to be helped out of my shoes before I fall head-first onto one of the double beds and instantly pass out.

“ W e’re going to have to wake her at some point,” is the first thing I hear when I eventually come to.

It’s said quietly, but even that is too loud.

“Shhh.”

“Ah, drunken beauty is awake,” Letty teases.

Rolling onto my stomach, I stuff my face into the pillow to try and block out the light.

“How are you feeling, El?” Peyton asks.

All of them sound way too perky considering how terrible I feel.

“Go away,” I mumble into the pillow, much to their amusement.

“No can do, Miss Myers. We’ve got to watch our men go kick ass on the field.”

I can’t lie, the thought of watching Colt play without freaking out like I did earlier in the week certainly perks me up a little.

“Is there coffee?” I ask, rolling back over.

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” Macie asks, making me frown.

“Right now, I’m not sure,” I mumble.

“Here. Skinny vanilla latte, double shot,” Letty says, holding out a takeout cup.

Shuffling up the bed, I rest back against the headboard and take it from her.

“Also,” Peyton adds, “water and pills.”

“Yes,” I hiss, eagerly taking both from her.

“What time is it?” My eyes scan the room, landing on a clock before anyone can answer. “Shit.”

“Yeah, shit,” Macie agrees.

I look at all of them. I have no idea how long they’ve been awake, but I’d say quite a while, looking at their appearances. Their hair is perfect, their makeup on point, and they’re already wearing their boys’ jerseys, Letty and Peyton in Saints blue and Macie in Chiefs black and red.

My overnight bag taunts me from the side of the bed. I’ve got Colt’s jersey in there waiting for me.

Excitement tingles in my belly. I might have been wearing it at the last game, but it wasn’t the same.

Letty reads out loud a sports article she’s found online that discusses all things Saints and Chiefs as I sip my coffee, hoping like hell it’s going to wake me up enough to function.

“Are there any photos of me online?” I ask, the memory of the flashing lights from the press last night suddenly hitting me.

“Uh…” She hesitates, and my stomach knots.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I snap a little too harshly.

“Yes, there are photos and articles. A lot of them.”

“Shit,” I hiss, fear turning my blood to ice.

It’s so easy to get swept up in the crazy bubble that is their real life. But in the cold light of day, things don’t seem as simple.

My hands tremble as I think about millions of people across the country seeing my photo, judging me purely on my looks, on the fact that Colt is attracted to me.

Acid swirls in my stomach.

I’ve seen what happens in the media, on social media, if someone doesn’t fit.

What if the rest of the world doesn’t think I’m meant to be in this life? What if they don't think I’m the one who should be standing by their beloved Saint?

“You look like you’re about to vomit,” Peyton points out as all the blood drains from my face.

I’m not, but knowing that doesn’t stop me from throwing the sheets back and running to the bathroom to hide.

My breathing is so erratic by the time I get there I can barely control it.

My entire body trembles as fear seeps into every inch of me.

My mind spins with all the what-ifs. I remember previous hate campaigns on certain people, celebrities, and their partners.

The toxic side of the internet and the media that believes they’re entitled to an opinion on how others live their lives. Others that they’ve never met, let alone know anything about.

Turning the faucet on, I cup a handful of cold water and throw it onto my face.

“Fuck,” I gasp, still desperately trying to get a hold of myself.

I hate this. I hate how just the thought of some stupid strangers telling me that I’m not good enough for a man like Colton can send me straight into a tailspin.

If I’m serious about him—which I am—then I need to figure out a way to overcome this.

This is only the beginning. The first night and just a hint of the limelight I’m sure is to come.

Resting my hands on the counter, I suck in another deep, calming breath before I look up.

My gasp of shock fills the room as I take in the state of my face and the darkness in my eyes.

A knock on the door startles me.

I should have known it was coming. If I weren’t so up in my own head, then maybe I would have been waiting for it.

She doesn’t wait for me to say anything. Instead, Letty knows exactly what I need and invites herself inside.

“Ella,” she breathes, stepping up to me and wrapping me in her arms. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Silence falls between us as she holds me. But I don’t need words. Her silent support is everything.

Minutes pass, and with her strength, I manage to find a little of my own.

Pulling out of her embrace, I wipe the smudged makeup from beneath my eyes and stand tall.

I give her a double take when she holds her cell out for me.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Just read this one,” she says with a soft smile.

Hesitantly, I reach for it and stare down at the screen with my heart threatening to run away with itself again.

Has Colton Rogers finally scored?

My hand trembles.

After they were spotted getting hot and heavy in his car earlier in the week, the woman who seems to have stolen our beloved Saint’s heart stepped into the team hotel tonight looking like a knockout in a figure-hugging dress. No wonder our number forty-two is so enthralled. Here’s hoping her presence leads us to an epic win over the Saints rivals this weekend as we see the Rogers brothers go head-to-head.

“See?” Letty says, taking her cell back. “Nothing to worry about. You belong here, Ella. You deserve to be standing by Colt’s side through all of this.

“I can’t promise you that it’s going to be easy. We’ve all had our fair share of bad press and jealous, bitchy reporters try to take us down. But you’ve got to remember, you’re the one who makes Colt smile like he does. You’re the one he’s whispering naughty things to.” My cheeks blaze. “They’re all on the outside; their opinions on something they have no idea about do not matter. Apart from this one, because she’s right. Look at you,” she says, turning her cell back around, having clicked on what is arguably the best picture of myself that I’ve ever seen.

And while the dress might be incredible and the hair and makeup perfect, those aren’t what catch my attention. It’s my eyes. For the first time in a very, very long time, I feel like I’m actually staring at myself.

Right there before me is the version of Ella Myers I’ve coveted over the past few years.

All I have to do is be brave enough to take life by the balls and embrace her again.

My eyes lift to Letty’s, and she instantly smiles at what she sees.

“Let’s do this,” I say confidently. “Let’s go watch our men beat some Chiefs' ass.”