25. Colton

25

COLTON

I ’m on a date.

A fucking date.

And not just any date. A date with Ella fucking Myers. In my hometown.

She’s here. She’s really fucking here, and her warmth is burning down my side as I lead her toward the secluded restaurant in front of us.

She’s nervous, that much is more than obvious. And despite the fact she looks fucking mind-blowing, her insecurities are fighting to get the better of her.

She’s trying to resist. I can see her desire to wipe away this new version of herself in favor of the old, fun-loving Ella I remember all too well. But as much as I miss the girl from my past, I’m also a little bit addicted to this new version of her. The shyness in her eyes, the coyness she’s found that she never used to have…both are endearing in a way I never knew could be.

But her unease has nothing on mine.

Usually, I’d be spending the night alone, sitting at home watching tapes, getting ready for Sunday's game against the Chiefs…against my little brother. But all of that was forgotten the second I saw her up in the stands. I’ve been fully focused on the task at hand since before pre-season started, but one look into her honey eyes and suddenly football, our games, the league, the fucking Super Bowl, are further from my mind than they’ve ever been.

I would say that she shouldn’t take up so much of my headspace, but I can’t say I’m surprised. I always did lose my head when it came to Ella. Since that very first time I saw her on Sawyer’s arm.

“Are you okay?” she asks as I slow down, approaching the door to the restaurant. “You’re tense.”

“I have never, ever been better. This is us,” I say, reaching out to open the door, proving in an instant that my previous words were nothing but bullshit, because my hand visibly trembles.

I haven’t been on a date since I was fifteen and invited the girl I was crushing on for shakes one Friday night after a game.

It wasn’t a bad date. It just also wasn’t great. And my life got crazy not long after.

As I step up to the server’s station, my palms are sweating, and I feel like a complete pussy.

It’s Ella. The only girl I’ve ever felt comfortable with. The only girl I’ve ever slept with that I’ve wanted more time with. But still, this feels huge. Like I’m making some kind of statement that I’m not sure I’m ready to make.

Don’t let her go again.

Show her who you really are.

“Good evening, Mr. Rogers,” Matteo says, stepping up to the small table with a wide smile on his face. “A little birdie told me that you’re having a big night.”

Nerves flutter in my belly at the twinkle in his eye.

I’m sure that just like every football fan in town—hell, across the bloody county—he’s more than aware that I don’t do this.

“Um…yeah.” His eyes crinkle with amusement and my stomach knots.

Looking back at Ella, my eyes bounce between hers. “You still like Italian, right?”

“Pasta, pizza, and tiramisu? I’m sure I can deal,” Ella teases as relief floods me.

With Matteo still blatantly laughing at me, he leads us toward a small, secluded, private table at the back of the restaurant. Luca’s told me before that he reserves it for his favorite guests, and I couldn’t be more relieved that we’re apparently worthy of it tonight.

“You smashed it last night, man. It’s going to be a killer season with you, Luca and Kane on fire like that,” Matteo says quickly after taking our drinks order.

“Here’s hoping. Francesca gave you the time off to watch it?” I ask teasingly. It’s a running theme of conversation when we’ve been in here as a group.

“Oh, pfft. Only one of us wears the pants around here,” he states confidently.

“Will you be watching us lay the Chiefs out Sunday?”

He hesitates, making me smirk.

“I need to check with Cesca, see if we have enough staff for me to?—”

“How are those pants fitting now, huh?”

He shakes his head while Ella laughs lightly opposite me.

“I’ll be watching. Just you wait,” he confirms before backing away to get our drinks.

“He’s something.” Ella laughs.

I turn my eyes back to her just in time to catch her genuine smile as she watches Matteo slip behind the bar. Thankfully, he’s more than a couple of decades too old, and definitely too loved up for me to worry about, or that look on her face might have jealousy stirring within me.

“So this is where big bad Colton Rogers takes girls to wine and dine before rocking their worlds.”

I shake my head as I lift my glass of water from the table. “I don’t wine and dine girls, Bombshell.”

“Of course. All you need to do is smile and they drop their panties left and right.” She shakes her head as if she’s remembering watching girls at college literally throw their underwear at me. “Is this life everything you always wanted?”

“I thought it was. But it turns out, it wasn’t everything I hoped it would be.”

“So you haven’t dated anyone here?” she asks, biting on her fingernail nervously. She tries to hold my stare across the table but fails, her anxiety getting the better of her.

“I haven’t dated anyone full stop, El. You know that.”

She wrings her hands in her lap. “Do I?”

“You’re the only one who’s ever got more from me,” I confess quietly. “Never compare yourself to any of the others. There is no comparison.”

Reaching out, I wrap my fingers around her wrist and pull her finger from her mouth, stopping her from chewing on her freshly painted nail.

“Did you have a good day with the girls?” I ask. Not only did I send them out to buy this sexy little dress that made my cock hard with only one look, but they were also instructed to buy something to wear beneath it, and a pair of shoes I’m going to fuck her in later. And then they spent the rest of the day at the spa being pampered and getting their hair done.

I wanted her to look in a mirror and see even a little bit of the beauty I see.

“Yeah, it was amazing. You really didn’t need to?—”

“Bombshell,” I warn. “I wanted you to have a good day. I’d pay what I did ten times over to see you smile.”

“Colt,” she whispers.

“What? It’s true. I hate that sadness in your eyes. I want to wipe it away and make you forget it ever existed.”

“If only that were possible,” she says sadly. “So, do you like it here?”

“Seattle? I love it. It’s home. How do you feel about it?” I ask without thinking. But it’s never been more apparent than in this moment that I want her to be happy and relaxed in the place I call home. Because if she does, then she might just want to stay.

“I like it. I can see why you’re all so happy here.”

“Would you stay?” I blurt, instantly regretting the question.

“I-I…”

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that,” I say quickly, regretting letting my mouth—my hopes—run away with me.

“Every single bit of my life is up in the air right now,” she says, reaching for her own glass of water.

“What did your boss say?” I ask, diverting the conversation.

Ella sighs. I feel the weight of it pressing down on my shoulders for her. “I missed a deadline. She was pissed. She doesn’t like me very much.”

“Fuck her. I bet you’re her best employee.”

“I highly doubt it. I don’t exactly give it my all,” she explains.

“So why do it?”

She shrugs and falls silent as Matteo returns and places our drinks on the table, a glass of prosecco for Ella and a soda for me.

Dull, I know. But I have to be up before dawn tomorrow for practice. It’s bad enough that I’m probably going to get very little sleep again; I don’t need any lingering effects of alcohol as well. Coach would have my ass.

“I needed money, and it allowed me to hide in the house where Chad liked me,” Ella says, reminding me of our sobering conversation.

“That’s bullshit,” I spit. “What about your dream?”

“What about it? Everything went to shit the moment I decided to get in the car that day.”

“It’s not the end,” I promise, turning to focus on her.

“Isn’t it?”

“I know you’re feeling a little lost right now, but have you considered that maybe you shouldn’t be thinking about what you’ve lost and focus on what you could gain? You’ve got the chance to start over. To completely overhaul your life and make it exactly what you want.”

“You make it sound so easy,” she says with a sad laugh.

I chuckle. “I’m not a fool, El. I know it’ll be far from that. But—and I mean this in the nicest possible way—what do you have to lose right now?”

Tears pool in her eyes as shadows darken the honey color I love so much.

Fuck. I’m screwing this whole date thing up. I can’t make her cry in the restaurant before we’ve even had our entrées.

“What do you want next, Ella?” Her eyes drop from mine, and she focuses on her hands that are resting on top of the table, her finger drawing lines in the condensation on her glass. “Whatever it is, let us help. Let us be there to support you.”

The silence that falls around us is heavy, loaded with all the things that are going unsaid.The sounds of the restaurant fall away. So do the other people who are in here enjoying their meals. It’s just the two of us.

Just as it should be.

Say you want me. Say you want Seattle and a life here. With me.

The words dance on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t allow them to pass my lips.

From what she’s said, the last few years of her life have been controlled by a man. The last thing she needs is me telling her what to do. What I think she should do.

As much as I might want to protect her and point her in what I think is the right direction, she needs to figure all this out for herself.

It’s her future. Her life. It’s time for her to start taking it by the balls and find the happiness she deserves.

All I can do is hope that when she does, I’m a part of it.

Because as terrifying as embarking on something serious with her is, I’m not sure I’d be able to take it if she walked away now.