Chapter 24

Logan

“Cross!” Coach shouts. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I’m pissed off with myself. I’ve been off my game today. Hell, I feel like it’s been more than just today.

It’s been a few weeks since Laney moved out, and I’ve been a fucking mess. Not just because I lost the person who was helping me with my son, that wasn’t the only reason I liked her. It’s because the woman I’ve fallen hard for has moved out without so much of a word after I confessed my feelings for her.

Sure, I was pretty trashed when I did, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t serious.

Maybe it was wrong of me to put her in that position. After all, I did tell her we couldn’t be anything more than friends because of Benny and the fact our parents were married.

And just because I changed my mind doesn’t mean she did.

Still, it fucking hurt. She could have at least sat down and talked to me about it. Not leave me spiraling in my own thoughts, wondering what I did to piss her off.

On top of all that, things regarding Benny’s care have been a mess. I took him out of that daycare, at least on the weeks I have him, because I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him there with Rachel. She’s not professional. If that's how she talks to one of the parents, how is she regarding the kids? She seemed good with them, but if she’s willing to go that low with me, I don’t trust her.

I sadly have no say if he's there during Stacy’s time. She’s friends with Rachel, so I know she’s still taking him there.

Melissa and Dad have been busy with work, my brothers have been helping when they can, but they have lives of their own. So, against my own wishes, I hired a nanny.

Some people might wonder why I didn’t do that sooner. We have the money, it can be done. If we have a part-time chef and a cleaning team who comes in once a week, why not a nanny?

The thing about our family is that even with all the money we have, Mom and Dad never hired anyone to take care of us. They made it work so that they could be parents and raise their kids themselves, as well as having the careers they wanted.

As we got older and more independent, it gave them more leeway, but when I look back on my childhood memories, every single one of them included Mom, Dad, or both.

It kills me that Mom isn’t here to watch Benny grow up. I know she would have just adored him.

Seeing Laney so head over heels for my son was the reason I agreed to let her help me out. I wasn’t going to; I didn’t want her to think I was using her or that I only had something to do with her because of what she offered me.

Benny loved her; he’s always such a good baby. And I knew he was well taken care of and in the hands of someone I trusted.

It’s taken me some time to become comfortable with Chelsea. I’m leaving the care of my son in her hands. It’s a big deal.

But she knows I have nanny cams all over the place, I made sure of it. It’s for my own peace of mind. It’s bad enough I don’t know what goes on when he’s with Stacy; I need to know he’s safe in his own home.

I jog over to Coach, stopping a few feet away, breathing heavily. “Sorry, Coach. I’m off my game today. I promise to try harder. It’s just my son; he’s sick, and I was up most of the night with him.”

He sighs, giving me a pitying look. “I understand you have responsibilities, but you need to get your priorities straight. The team and your grades shouldn’t be suffering like they are.”

“My grades?” I question. I know they’re not the best, but from my understanding, I’ve been at least passing. It’s only been a little over a month since school started, I shouldn’t be failing already.

“A few of your professors have filled me in that while you're passing at the moment, if you keep going the way you are, you will start to fall behind, and it will be hard to catch up.”

Grinding my teeth, trying to hide my anger, I nod my head. “I’ll try harder.”

Only, I’m doing everything I can. I feel like I’m being pulled in so many different directions. I’m doing my best, but I feel like I could be doing better.

I just don’t know how. Juggling everything at once, I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve hardly had any time to breathe, to just sit down and relax for a moment.

Coach calls the end of practice, and I head towards the locker room, feeling defeated. Benny’s been up all night, puking with a fever. Melissa was an angel. She knew what to do and kept me from losing my head. I was ready to take him to the ER, but Melissa told me to try a few things before I did. Thankfully, I was able to give him something for the fever and pain because he’s also teething, cutting his first little teeth.

Poor guy’s been feeling bad most of the week he’s been with me.

I hate that I have to hand him over to Stacy in a few days. Will she know how to take care of him? Will he get the treatment he needs, or will she let him cry and suffer?

Just thinking about it makes me sick and frustrated.

We get into the locker room, and the first thing I do is check my phone. There’s a text from the nanny, letting me know Benny is still doing fine and has been sleeping most of the day. Good. Sleep will help him feel better.

“Hey.” Justin steps up next to me and leans against the locker. “How’s B-man?”

“Better, I think. The nanny said he’s been sleeping most of today.”

“You know, if you need any help, I can come over.”

“Nah, you probably have plans. I wouldn’t want you to change them.”

“I do.” He nods slowly. “But I can cancel.”

“What are you up to tonight?” It’s a Friday night, and he’s a college football player. Knowing Justin, he’s probably going to go to a party and hook up with some chick.

He gives me a guilty look as he rubs the back of his head. I glare at him, jealousy filling my veins.

“Again?” I huff out, pulling off my gear.

“I’m sorry! But she’s my friend too. If it really bothers you, I can hang out with her less.”

“No,” I mutter. “Don’t. It’s not fair to Laney. I’m glad she has a good friend like you. I’m just jealous because I wish I could be the one hanging out with her.”

“I wish for that too.” He sighs, taking his gear off next.

“Has she talked to you about anything? Like why she just left?” I’ve asked him this a lot, and every time he tells me the same thing. She’s said nothing but doesn't deny it when he asked if it has something to do with Stacy.

Of course, it fucking does. That bitch gets a hard-on when fucking with my life.

It makes me feel a little bit better that Laney didn’t leave because of me. But I’m fucking pissed that it’s because of Stacy. I hate that she thinks she needs to stay away from us, but it also makes my heart full that she cares enough to protect us.

When Stacy threatened to take Benny away, my whole world came crashing down. I felt like I couldn’t breathe like someone was squeezing the air from my lungs.

I think I scared Laney. It was a lot to put on her, on both my part and Stacy’s. She shouldn’t have to deal with my baggage.

But fuck, Laney has no idea just how much she saved me that night, in more ways than one. I probably would have lost everything by making some stupid choices in the heat of the moment.

“No.” Justin shakes his head as we walk our naked asses over to the showers. “Any time I bring up you or Stacy, she changes the subject.” We get into the showers next to one another so we can keep talking. “But she does ask about Benny. A lot. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been showing her photos.”

A smile takes over my lips as I turn the shower up. I step under the spray and tilt my head back. She still cares about my son. It warms my fucking depressed heart.

God, I miss her. I just want to see her up close, touch her, fucking smell her.

“I don’t mind,” I tell him. “Is she doing okay?”

“I think so. She seems like it, at least. Very busy with school and the photography club stuff.”

That’s the only time I get to see her. She’s on the sidelines of every practice and game taking photos of the team. It’s so fucking hard to concentrate knowing she’s there watching. That’s another reason I was off today. She wasn’t there. I looked for her, but she didn’t show up.

“Is she sick? Because she wasn’t at practice.”

“Not sure. I do know she said she had to handle a few things with the school before leaving for the game this weekend.”

It’s only an hour away this time, so I’m not leaving until tomorrow morning. Benny is staying behind since Melissa is going to watch him. As much as I want him to come, with him not feeling well, he would be miserable in a strange place.

But this time, Owen is coming, so I won’t be alone.

“Are you heading down tonight?”

“Yeah.” We finish showering and get out, towels wrapped around our waists. “Laney is coming too. She’s driving down with Winter. Also, how have I never met Winter? If she’s your brother’s best friend, you would think we would cross paths or something. I’ve seen her taking photos of the cheer team. She’s cute.”

“And into girls.” I shoot him a grin. “And it’s because she and my brother are a few years younger than us. They don’t run in the same crowds. They like to be locked up in their rooms, watching movies and reading books.”

“Ahh, so she’s got brains.” He smirks, tapping his head. “I love a girl who knows stuff.”

“Again, Justin, she likes girls.”

“Maybe. But maybe not.” He shrugs.

“I give up,” I sigh, rolling my eyes and getting dressed.

Knowing Laney is going to be so close this weekend, and I can’t touch her is going to be torture.

But after the last away game and Stacy’s bullshit, maybe it’s for the best.

I haven’t talked to her since I told her I knew that her staying away had to do with Stacy somehow. I’m not giving up, though. Knowing it’s not me has given me some hope. But I don’t want to push her and have her end up actually hating me.

When I get back to the house, I send Chelsea home and head upstairs to see Benny. Chelsea is nice; she seems to be doing her job well. I wasn’t sure having another woman in the house was a good idea because Stacy is fucking crazy.

But I made sure to hire someone who was a lesbian. How messed up is that? That I had to go that far because if Stacy asked, I could tell her and hope it keeps her from losing her shit.

It makes me sick that she has this fucked up claim over my life. I feel like I’m trapped, that my life isn’t my own. That everything I do is being controlled by her.

And it’s all done out of fear. I’m afraid if I stick up for myself and fight, she will take Benny away. The fear of losing him has made me into a little bitch with no backbone.

“Logan,” Dad’s voice has me pausing halfway down the hall.

“Hey, Dad. How was work?”

“Good.” He stops before me. “I have some news.”

My body tenses, and my heart races. News, I know what that means.

One thing I love about my dad is he fights for his family. He’s been working with the local police, even a bit with the FBI, for months now. They’re building a case on Tony, Stacy’s dad, and his gang.

That is another reason why I haven’t pushed Stacy. It was advised I leave things be for now, so it doesn’t interfere with their investigation.

Even though it’s been hell, I keep living with her shit because if they can bring her father down, then I no longer have anything to fear from her. Without him, she’s nothing but a sad, unhappy woman.

“What kind of news?”

“I’ve talked to Officer Tobin. He said that there’s been a development in the case. He couldn’t tell me details, but he has a strong belief that this could all be over soon.”

“I want to believe you, but he said that last time, and nothing's changed.”

“I know,” Dad sighs. “But I do think this is a step in the right direction. It will be over soon.” He places his hand on my shoulder. “Soon, you will be free of that witch and her family.”

“I’m sorry.” I hate the vulnerability I feel right now, but I can’t help it.

“About what?”

“For letting my dick get me into trouble. Of all the people I could have had a baby with, it had to be her.”

“Don’t.” He shakes his head. “You got the best thing in the world out of that unfortunate situation. Just because she’s a horrible person doesn’t mean you should wish to take things back. I don’t blame you for her mistakes or her bad life choices. Or for the way she is.”

“Thanks.” I give him a hug. “For being the best dad ever.”

“I’d do anything for you kids. Just as you would do anything for your son.”

Dad leaves, and I head into Benny’s room. He’s fussing, tossing, and turning in his crib. Smelling like he needs to be changed, I carefully take him out and change him. He sleeps right through it.

Instead of putting him back in his crib, I hold him and sit in the rocking chair.

“I love you so much,” I whisper, kissing the top of his head. “I’m so sorry. I wish you had a better life. I’m sorry your mommy isn’t a good mommy. I wish I could keep you away from there. I will, baby. I will soon. Soon, you will be here with me all the time, and I’ll never have to let you go and wonder if it’s the last time I’ll ever see you again.”

I hold my son and try to block the world out. Because there are things I can’t change, and if I fixate on them, I’m going to go mad.

Benny, ball, school. Those are my priorities. I just have to take this one day at a time.