Chapter 18

Logan

I hate her. I hate her with a burning passion. I’ve done my best to play nice because she’s Benny’s mom , and I’d never want him to grow up thinking I’d disrespect women, but she’s no woman. She’s pure evil.

All she cares about is hurting me or controlling me. Benny is just a game piece to her , and knowing that he’s alone with her, in her care... it terrifies me.

Because what is going to happen if one day she doesn’t find him useful anymore. Will she hurt him?

“Where are you going?” Laney asks me as we walk into the lobby of the hotel. Since Elijah took her car, Laney is going to have to come back on the bus with me. I’m not sure if Coach will be alright with that or not, but I don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck about anything right now, apart from going into that hotel bar and getting drunk.

Ignoring her, I walk mindlessly through the lobby, passing the restaurant and going right up to the bar. She stays with me, following behind without any more questions.

Laney is the only thing keeping me together right now, and I hate it. Because I don’t want her to have that much power over me. Not when she could use it to hurt me.

Is it even possible to hurt more than I am right now?

Stacy said I won’t see my son for weeks. And god knows what she might try to do in that time to ensure I might never see him again.

God, I fucking hate her!

Watching them drive away, I felt like a piece of my soul went with them. I just want to hold my son, to smell his sweet scent, listen to his giggles, to see his brilliant smile that makes me think everything in the world is going to be alright.

I don’t feel like that right now. I feel like my world is going to crash and burn. And if I lose my son, that's exactly what will happen.

Taking a seat at the bar, the bartender comes over to take my order. I show her my ID, and she comes back with my drink a moment later.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asks Laney, who’s taken a seat next to me.

“Just a Coke, please,” Laney answers back.

“You sure?”

“She’s not legal,” I tell the bartender dryly. I turn to look at Laney when she goes to get her drink. “You shouldn’t even be in here.”

“I’m staying.” Laney gives me a shrug.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

“Why do you care?” I mutter, taking a mouth full of my drink.

“You might find it hard to believe, but you and Benny have become a big part of my life in the short amount of time that I’ve been around. I care about the both of you, a lot more than you would think.”

The bartender gives Laney her drink; she pays and thanks her before turning back to me. “I don’t want you here. I want to be alone.”

“And I don’t care.” Laney takes a sip of her soda. “I’m not leaving you alone. You're not in a good headspace. And while I’m more than happy to let you drown your sorrows, I want to make sure you don’t do anything stupid in the process.”

“Like what?”

“Not sure,” she answers. “But I don’t want it to be something that bitch can hold against you or something that could get you kicked off the team.”

I grunt and take another large swallow. Having her here, next to me, is keeping me from self-destructing.

Over the next few hours, I drink, and she sits, but we don’t say anything.

She’s just... there for me. For whatever I need her to be. I’ve never had that before. All the girls I’ve been with either wanted me for my looks or my money.

She doesn’t want my money and even finds it hard to use it when Dad said she could.

Sure, she might like me for my looks, but I know it’s not the only thing. She loves my son. She doesn’t see him as a burden or something that gets in the way.

I know I said all we could ever be is friends, but I want more, so much more with her. What the fuck was I thinking?

As if I can ever get her out of my mind, my body, my fucking soul.

“You okay?” her sweet voice flutters through the air as I sway to the side.

“I'm good. S-so damn g-g-good,” I stumble over my words. “Numb. It’s nice.”

I swing my blurry gaze to find her soft, kind, worried eyes. “I think you’ve had enough.”

I’m about to protest when I feel a wave of nausea hit me. “Fucking hell,” I grumble. “Can’t even enjoy a few drinks.”

“Few?” she laughs. “Logan, you’ve had ten.”

“Need ten more,” I groan, putting my head on the bartop to make the world stop spinning.

“What I think you need is some sleep. You're going to be miserable tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I was going to hang out with Benny for a bit before he went back to his mom’s. Now, I won’t see him for God knows how long.

Tears sting my eyes as I roll my head towards Laney.

“If I knew,” I say slowly. “If I knew I wouldn’t get to see him again, I’d have spent more time with him.”

Her face softens, a sad look in her eyes I don’t like seeing. “You're going to see him again, Logan. She won’t keep him from you.”

“You don’t know that!” I whine. “She’s evil, Laney. So damn evil. If you cut her open, she would bleed poison.”

“I know.” Laney puts her hand on my back. She starts to rub, and fuck, it feels nice.

“I’ve been a bad dad,” I whisper, eyes still closed.

“What? How could you say that?” Laney asks. “No, you are far from a bad dad, Logan. You’ve been an amazing dad–you're the best dad.”

“No,” I groan, shaking my head, regretting it immediately. “I’m always so busy. Too busy. Never enough time.”

“You're going to school, getting an education, bettering your life so Benny can have everything he needs in his.”

“I’m rich,” I snort. “I don’t need school or ball. I could be at home all the time with him.”

“Logan,” she warns. “That might be fine now, but what happens when he gets older and is in school. You can’t stop living your life, you don’t need to. You can find a balance. It might seem harder now, but you're done with school after this year. Then you’re staying close by for the UFL team. You're already putting off your NFL dream so that you’re here for Benny when he needs you. You don’t have to put your whole life on standstill.”

“Without Benny, I have no life. I don’t want to live if he’s not with me,” I mumble, feeling the heaviness of sleep take over.

I hear Laney say something, but I can’t make it out.

“Hey, man,” a familiar voice rouses me. I groan as I feel my body being pulled upright. “Let’s get you back to your room.”

“Leave me alone to die,” I moan as I feel my legs moving without my knowledge.

“Not today, man. Not for a long time.” I blink my bleary eyes up to find Justin holding me.

“Hey, man.” I sigh. “You're the best friend I could ever ask for, you know that?”

“Same goes for you.”

“She took him.” Anger fills me. “She took my baby.”

“Laney told me.”

“She did?” I wonder.

“Yeah, man, Laney’s been with you all night, making sure you didn’t do something stupid.”

“I was stupid,” I tell him. “I was stupid to tell her I only wanted to be friends. I don’t want to be friends. I want her. She’s mine. No one else can have her.” I ramble, leaning my head against his shoulder. We’re moving, but not moving? I think we’re in an elevator. “God, this music sucks. They should play some Slipknot.”

A soft chuckle has me opening my eyes. With a heavy head, I look down to see Laney there. “Oh, it’s you.” I grin.

“Hey,” she says softly, giving me a kind smile. “How you feeling, big guy?”

A wave of nausea hits me, and I slap a hand over my mouth, eyes widening in panic.

“Fuck!” Justin says, fear filling his voice. “He’s going to puke.”

The elevator door opens, and Laney rushes out. I just make it out of the door when everything comes back up. Thankfully, like a damn angel, she shoves a trash can under my mouth.

“That's it, get it all out.” Justin rubs my back.

My body heaves, over and over again. God, I feel like death.

When I’m done, I groan as Laney takes the trash can from me. “I’m going to get rid of this; here's the room key.”

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Justin helps me walk down the hall and to the room Laney and I are staying in.

He hauls me over to the bed, and I start stripping out of my clothes. I manage to stand long enough to get my jeans off before I fall back onto the bed.

“Dude, I love you, but not like that,” he chuckles.

I shoot him a glare. “I’m hot,” I mutter. “I don’t want you. I want her.”

“Laney?”

I nod my heavy head before laying back on the bed. “I want her so bad it hurts. I think I love her.”

“That's deep. You sure about that? It’s only been, what? A month?”

“Doesn’t matter,” I groan, rolling over. “She’s always in my head. Whenever I’m done with school, I rush home to see Benny. But then I see her holding him, and I feel like everything in life is perfect, how it should be. Her laugh, her smile, her smell... it lights my blood on fire.”

“Shit, man.” He sighs, and I feel the bed dipping. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper, feeling sleep starting to take me. “I can’t lose her and Benny. I’d rather die.”

Delaney

“Is he asleep?” I ask, stepping the rest of the way into the room. Justin looks up at me, his face a mix of worry and sadness.

“Yeah. Out cold.”

“Thanks for helping me get him up to bed. He’s not doing good.” Watching Logan drink his pain away was hard to watch. But I didn’t have any right to tell him how he should handle it. I just wanted to make sure he was safe while doing it. Because the idea of anything happening to him makes me feel sick.

“How are you doing?”

I lick my lips, my eyes finding Logan’s sleeping form. He’s lying curled up on his side, only in his boxers. “I’m fine,” I tell Justin, bringing my attention back to him.

He stands up, cocking a brow. “Really?” I filled Justin in on everything when I saw him come into the bar. Logan was out cold in his stool, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get the massive football player up here by myself. “I’ve seen you with Benny. You're good with him. Anyone can see how much you care for him.”

“Of course I care for him.” I cross my arms, hugging my body as the pain of tonight fills me. “He’s become a big part of my life.”

“And Logan?” Justin asks.

My eyes find him again. I heard everything he said just now, standing in the doorway until he passed out.

And everything from the elevator when he didn’t realize I was there.

I want to cry. I want to tell him I want him too.

But I can’t. Not if he’s going to keep his time with Benny.

It still doesn’t change why we agreed to be only friends in the first place.

“Promise me.” I bring my eyes back to Justin. “Promise me, if I can’t be there for them, you will be?”

“What does that mean?” his brows furrow.

“Just promise me,” I insist.

“Of course, I’d be there. He’s my best friend, Benny is like my nephew. I’ll always be there.”

“Good.” I wipe at my eyes.

“Laney.” He steps closer.

“I have him from here. He’s going to need to sleep it off as much as he can. When does the bus leave?”

“Noon.”

I nod. “We’ll be there.”

“Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I’m good.”

“Okay. Well, call me if you need anything, okay?” I nod. “Do you have my number?” Shaking my head, I hand him my phone. He puts his number in and texts himself. “See you in the morning, Laney.”

“Night, Justin.”

Justin leaves as I step over to Logan, bringing the blanket up to cover him.

I stand there watching him, tears spilling down from my eyes. How am I going to do this? How am I going to stay away? I didn’t expect to care so much about him. When did my feelings for him change into something more?

If he really does feel this strongly about me, knowing I’m going to break his heart makes me want to be sick. This is exactly what Stacy wants.

But how the hell do I find a guy and date him? There's no way I’ll be able to actually feel something for someone else, not when my heart beats for someone else. Maybe even more than one someones.

The idea of him hating me makes me want to cry.

Exhaustion settles over me like a heavy blanket. With what little strength I have left, I strip down to just my shirt and panties before sliding into bed, not caring about what I’m wearing right now.

Logan mumbles, shifting his body. When his arm wraps around me, pulling me into his chest, all the air leaves my lungs. I don’t fight him, letting the warmth of his body settle over me.

“Laney,” he sighs my name like it’s a prayer. I silently cry myself to sleep, wishing this was all a nightmare I could wake up from tomorrow morning.

Sadly, life doesn’t work that way.