20. Ryan

The past week had gone by so fast, it felt like my head was spinning. I guessed that was what happened when you were dreading what was coming next. I'd tried living in denial the entire week, pretending that I wasn't about to marry myself off to a perfect stranger, one I no longer had any interest in whatsoever.

Yates had been texting and calling all week, checking in with me and making sure I was still on board to do this. His tone hadn't been exactly threatening, but he was putting pressure on me. He'd also been trying to be sweet, telling me that his mother had hired a wedding planner, and I didn't need to worry about anything.

But here it was Friday morning, and I couldn't pretend this wasn't happening anymore. I had to drive to Dallas this morning with Quinn to meet up with my sisters at the Rutherford Estate. Yeah, I still couldn't believe I was about to marry into a family with an estate. Still, my disbelief didn't change the fact that this was happening.

The past two weeks almost felt like a dream. I'd gotten Maddox back, and he actually wanted me. I had no idea what I was doing or how any of this was going to work out. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, living in a blissful state of denial where Yates only existed in this shiny little box I shoved him into in my mind, and he only popped out when he called or texted.

I wanted to tell Maddox everything so incredibly bad. There were multiple times since our picnic that the words almost spilled out of my mouth, confessing every sordid detail to him like he deserved. But, I held back. I didn't doubt that he meant everything he said. Over the past month, his actions proved to me that he really was still that protective and possessive boy he was all those years ago.

Yet I couldn't bring myself to ask for his help. I'd always been independent and strong, and for some reason asking him to dig me out of this situation felt wrong. I pulled out my phone to send him a text. We'd been texting nonstop all week when we weren't actually together. Whenever my phone buzzed or lit up this week, a smile would break out across my face.

Ryan: Getting ready to leave now. Taking Quinny with me. Wish you were coming too.

Maddox: Text me when you get there.

His message was a lot shorter than the ones he'd been sending all week, and I had to believe it was because I was still going through with all of this, and it weighed just as heavily on him as it was me. Maybe even more so because he didn't know the truth of the situation. I knew I was hurting him. I knew it, and I was doing it anyway. I was officially a terrible person.

With a heavy sigh, I pushed up off my bed and grabbed the bag I'd packed. I was leaving for Dallas as soon as Quinn was ready, and I wouldn't be coming home until after my honeymoon. I shuddered as I thought about a week away with Yates once we were married. Alone time with him was not what I wanted, but it was the price I had to pay.

Quinn popped his head into my room, looking as shitty as I felt. "Ready?" I knew he was a little bit mad at me for going through with this, too, especially since he was the only one who knew the truth. But he'd stand by my side no matter what, and I loved him for it.

"Not even a little bit," I answered, slinging my bag over my shoulders and taking one last glance back into my room. Every corner of this place held memories of time spent with the man I really loved and wanted but wasn't sure I'd ever get to have.

The car ride to Dallas with Quinn was mostly silent, outside of the country radio station he had playing quietly in the background. I knew everything he wanted to say to me, and he knew the reasons I'd tell him I had to go through with this. We'd talked ourselves out over the past month, and now there was nothing left to say.

I stared down at my phone, willing Maddox to send me something, anything , to show me he wasn't going to bail on me again. He was the main reason I got through these past two weeks without breaking down. I needed him even more now, even if I knew it wasn't fair.

"Jesus Christ," Quinn's murmured curse had me lifting my face off of the blank screen of my phone and looking out the windshield at the monstrous Rutherford Estate. "Are these people for real?" he asked, but I didn't think he expected me to answer.

"Unfortunately," I muttered.

Quinn turned to me, his jaw clenched. "Are you seriously going to go through with this bullshit, Ryan?"

Slumping down in the seat, I broke eye contact with him and stared back at the giant house looming in the distance. "I don't have a choice, Quinn."

He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel. "Yes, you fucking do, Ryan! Why are you so determined to fuck up your life by doing this? You don't have to. No one is making you but you . Stop being an idiot. Maddox would step in and help. You know he would."

I hesitated. "Quinn…"

"Don't give me whatever bullshit excuse you're about to. I don't want to hear it." His tone was final, and he turned back to stare out the windshield, shifting his truck back into gear and finishing the short drive to where all the other cars were parked. I hated that he was mad at me, but I knew it was between us. Once we left this car, he'd never show it to anyone else. And he'd come around. Quinn would always support me even if he didn't agree.

With one last sigh, I pried the door open, but I turned back to Quinn before I stepped out. "Quinny, please don't be mad at me. I'm trying to do the right thing here," I pleaded with him. I couldn't face this shitshow without my best friend. It already felt like Maddox was mad at me, and if Quinn was mad, I might just break down right here, and I couldn't afford to do that. My family couldn't afford my second thoughts and cold feet. It was time to pull on my big girl panties and lie in the bed I'd made for myself.

Quinn leaned forward and rested his forehead on the steering wheel, a long sigh escaping him. "I'm not mad at you, Ryan. I just think you're making an epically fucking huge mistake marrying this guy for the reasons you are. But you know I'll stand by your side no matter what," he vowed, turning his head and flashing me a small smile.

The tension that'd made its home deep in my chest unfurled at his words, and warmth took its place. I reached over and squeezed his hand. "Thank you," I whispered, fighting off the sting in my eyes. I couldn't show these people any weakness. Yates's mother would eat me alive. I let Quinn's hand go and blinked a few times before steeling myself and stepping out of the truck.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted wavy dark hair identical to my own, and I relaxed a little bit more. Justice and Charlie were waving at us from where they'd just pulled up and stepped out of Charlie's car. Quinn and I walked across the expansive circular driveway until I could pull my sisters in for a four-way hug. With arms wrapped around me from every angle, I finally felt strong enough to face this day.

"Just say the word, and we'll get you the hell out of here," Justice offered, squeezing me a little tighter into our makeshift circle.

Sighing, I step back and drop my arms. "No, I need to do this." Quinn shook his head, and Charlie narrowed her eyes, probably picking up on the fact I said need instead of want . I'd have to watch that more carefully. A bride should want to marry her future husband, not be dreading it or forcing herself to keep moving forward like I was.

"Should we go in? You can meet my future in-laws," I suggested, thumbing over my shoulder toward the monstrosity of a house behind me.

"Can't wait," Charlie muttered under her breath, but the other two stayed quiet and followed in my wake.

Before we could reach the front doors, they were flung open, and a bubbly woman in a skirt suit wearing a headset and carrying a clipboard stepped out. "Welcome! Come in, come in! You must be Ryan," she gushed, shoving her hand toward me. I slipped my hand lightly into hers, and she shook it vigorously before dropping it and gripping her clipboard, gesturing further into the house.

Before I could get a word in, she started talking again, her words moving so quickly they were almost hard to follow. "I'm Daphne. Mrs. Rutherford hired me to handle everything for your wedding tomorrow." She walked slightly in front of me, leading me through tons of halls and rooms until we stepped through a wide set of patio doors that were already open to the massive yard. Surprisingly, I hadn't seen any of Yates's family or the man himself. The house was eerily empty, but now I knew why.

Everyone was out back setting up. There were already a couple of huge white tents looming in the distance. Fabric-covered chairs were being placed strategically around round tables, and I was pretty sure I saw a dance floor being laid down in one of the tents. Rubbing my arm, I glanced around. This was all becoming too real very fast. My heart rate picked up, and my breaths were coming in shorter and shorter pants. If I couldn't calm myself down, I was in danger of freaking the hell out. And just as that realization hit me, Jacqueline strode up to us, her spine ramrod straight and her chin up in a haughty way, like although she was shorter than almost all of us, she thought she still looked down on us.

She definitely didn't look happy to see me if the downturn of her thin lips was any indication. "Ryan, nice to see you again," she said begrudgingly, and I plastered on my fakest smile.

"You, too, Jacqueline. You've done such a great job with everything. Yates and I can't thank you enough. I'm just sorry he couldn't join us this morning." I figured being diplomatic and gracious would be the best ways to get through this even though I had no clue what Yates felt about anything. I did know he'd go along with my speaking for him because he had just as much interest in selling the shit out of the fact we were in love as I did.

"Yes, well, it's not like I had much choice, is it?" she huffed. "Besides, his work is very important." She gave me a pointed look as if I should know better and also that I better not fuck up her son's future. Instead of rolling my eyes like I wanted to, I looked behind her and saw what I was assuming was a florist setting out red rose centerpieces, and I tried not to cringe as hard outwardly as I was inwardly. I hated red roses. They were so cliche, and in my mind, there was nothing original or romantic about them. If this were my forever wedding, the last thing I'd want was red roses, and her picking them for me showed just how little any of these people knew me.

"No, I suppose not, but I appreciate your help just the same," I acknowledged, gritting my teeth.

Quinn bumped his shoulder into mine, and the motion caught Jacqueline's attention. "Who's this?" she asked, tilting her head to the side as she studied Quinn and my sisters. She was looking at them as if they were a new species she'd never seen before.

"This is my best friend, Quinn, and my sisters Charlie and Justice," I introduced, pointing out who everyone was. Quinn gave her a little wave, and my sisters shot her twin nods of acknowledgment. No one in this group had the warm fuzzies toward one another, but we just had to get through today and tomorrow, and then my people could avoid Yates's people for the most part.

Unfortunately, things wouldn't be so easy for me. But that was the price I'd agreed to pay.

"Pleasure," Jacqueline finally choked out with a complete lack of sincerity before turning on her heel. She tossed over her shoulder, "If you'll excuse me, I've got too much to do to stand around entertaining you and your friends. Try to be on time to the rehearsal dinner, and for the love of god, wear something more respectable than that." She stopped to eye me up and down in a way that made my blood boil like she judged me and found me unworthy of breathing the same air she did.

I didn't bother with a response. Daphne, who reminded me of an excited puppy, didn't shoot me so much as one sympathetic glance before she trailed along at Jacqueline's heel like she was hoping for scraps.

"Wow," Quinn marveled. "She's something alright." He pulled out his phone and started texting furiously.

"Who are you texting, Quinny?" I asked.

He snorted. "Maddox. He'd never believe this bitch." He held up his phone, snapping a not-so-discrete picture of Jacqueline's back and Daphne scurrying after her before tapping at his phone again.

I turned to my sisters. "You two want to get the hell out of here?"

They exchanged worried glances before Justice finally spoke up. "Thought you'd never ask."

"Burgers and beer?" Charlie was already pulling her keys out of her purse while Justice swiped at her phone.

Sighing, I tugged on the soft fabric of Quinn's t-shirt. "Let's go."

We all trudged back through the house and into the cars. Quinn's phone vibrated every couple of minutes, but once we finally started driving, he had to ignore it. I hadn't expected he and Maddox to become such good friends so soon, but it made warmth spread throughout my chest that they hit it off so well. Everything about being around Maddox just felt comfortable, the way a relationship should be.

But we didn't have a relationship. At least not more than a friendship with a mutual attraction. After this little excursion to see the progress on the wedding, I had to admit I was starting to freak the hell out. What the hell was I doing? This might be my only chance to be with the guy I'd loved since I was ten years old. Was I really so quick to throw that away?

I rested my forehead on the warm glass. I watched the scenery go by as my unfocused eyes stared out the window. My mind was swimming with scattered thoughts, and I had no idea what to do. Every minute that ticked by felt shorter, like time was speeding up. The panic starting to well up inside of me didn't bode well for me making it through this. Based on the identical what the fuck is she doing looks on Charlie and Justices' faces back at the estate, I knew I was in for one hell of an intervention over lunch.

I just hoped they waited until I had a couple of beers in me before they started in because I wasn't sure I had the strength to defend my decision right now. Because if my inhibitions were down, I didn't think I'd be able to lie to them or myself anymore. I might just blow the whole thing up. I was suddenly glad Maddox hadn't come with us because one look into his soulful brown eyes, and I had a feeling I'd make a run for it.

My stomach twisted into knots at the thought of hurting him. I was being unfair to him, asking him to stick around and stand by me through all of this, and I understood why he felt like he couldn't be here today. But that didn't change the fact that I missed him desperately.

We pulled into a low brick building with a black and white sign outside. Raising my eyebrows, I turned to Quinn. "Couldn't have picked a better place for you, could they?"

He chuckled and snatched his phone out of the cupholder, scrolling through the messages he'd missed. He tapped frantically on the glass before sliding it into his pocket and flinging his door open. I followed, hopping down out of his truck and feeling the shock of the impact of my heels on the parking lot's hard-packed dirt. We started walking toward the building as my sister's car pulled into the lot.

I turned to Quinn. "Is he okay?" I didn't have to clarify who I meant, Quinn knew.

He sighed. "Not really, Lancelot. He really thought you'd change your mind by now. To be honest, I thought you would, too. You know how fucked up this all is, right?" he asked gently.

My eyes stung, but I blinked and forced the tears back. If I let them out now, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to stop. "I know," I whispered, keeping my eyes on my sisters approaching. "But I don't know what else to do."

"Give in to what you really want. Don't make him suffer, but more importantly, don't make you suffer. You deserve better than that asshole and his stuck up family, even if it's only temporary. Who knows what kind of shit he might try to pull once you sign on the dotted line?"

I bit my lip because I hadn't thought about that. Would Yates go back on our agreement if the marriage worked for what he needed? What if I couldn't get out once we were married? Shit.

I didn't have a chance to talk about it anymore because my sisters finally made it over to where we were standing by the front door.

"I don't know about you three, but I'm so ready for a beer," Charlie declared, pulling the door open. I let out a sigh of relief as the cold, air-conditioned air rushed out the open door and smacked me right in the face.

We found a booth and slid in, not wasting any time ordering a sample of every beer the brewery had on tap plus burgers, fries, and onion rings. Quinn looked like he'd died and gone to heaven. I was so nervous about this morning. I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast, so my stomach was growling loudly, and my mouth watered as the waitress set my burger down in front of me.

I raised one of my glasses of a light-colored beer with little bubbles rising up inside of it. "Thank you guys for being here with me. It means so much that I don't have to do this alone," I toasted, lifting my glass up and toward the middle of the table. The three of them lifted their glasses and clinked with mine before we all sipped.

"Now that we've all eaten and had a beer, I want to know what the hell is going on," Charlie demanded, leveling me with a probing stare.

"I second that," Justice echoed.

Quinn's eyes jumped to mine, but I wasn't sure what he was trying to communicate to me. "What do you mean?" I feigned innocence, blinking a couple of times and looking back at my sister with what I hoped would pass for a curious if not blank expression.

Justice scoffed and folded her arms across her chest. "This is how you're going to play this? Seriously?"

"Play what? I'm getting married tomorrow. It's not exactly a secret." I glanced down, picking at the chipped nail polish on my finger. I couldn't remember when I last painted my nails, and it suddenly dawned on me that I should probably do something about that before tomorrow.

Charlie leaned forward over the table and lowered her voice. "There's no goddamn way you love Yates, Ryan. We know you better than that. Remember how you always used to talk about Maddox? How whenever he came around when we were kids, you paraded him around because you were so smitten with him you couldn't stand to keep it to yourself? That's the real you. This?" She gestured at me. "There's something not right about this. I can see the dread in your eyes. There's something you're not telling us."

Justice's gaze softened, and she leaned forward, too. "We can get you out of this, Ryan. You don't even have to tell us what's going on, but please don't marry some guy you don't love. It's not fair to him, not fair to you, and not fair to the guy who actually loves you."

I shot a withering glare at Quinn because only he could have told my sisters about Maddox. He held up his hands. "Don't look at me."

Justice laughed. "Don't kill Quinn, mom told us."

I lowered my head into my hands and groaned. "This family is horrible at keeping secrets."

"Is that such a bad thing?" Charlie asked.

"Yes! This right here is why I can't tell you two what's going on. Just know that what I'm doing tomorrow I'm doing for all the best reasons," I promised, hoping they'd take that and let it go.

"You're really not going to tell us?" Justice questioned.

"Nope," I said, popping a fry into my mouth and washing it down with a sip of the dark beer I'd moved onto. It was much more my speed.

"Fine, keep your secrets, but the offer still stands. We'll drive the getaway car if you need it," Charlie finished, leaning back in her chair. My body relaxed as I realized the interrogation was over.

"Personally, I'm rooting for Maddox," Quinn chimed in with a sly grin.

Both of my sisters laughed. "I think we all are, Quinn," Justice agreed.

"Anyway," I cut in, not wanting to continue that line of conversation. Maddox was my weakness. He always had been. My resolve was weakening by the minute to go through with this sham. If I allowed my mind and heart to open up to the possibility that he could be mine, this whole thing would be over before it really began. "Who's up for mani-pedis?"

With a pretty decent buzz, a full stomach, and most of my favorite people at my side, I felt ready to face the rest of the day. Or at least the next hour.

The four of us had gone shopping after hitting up the nail salon because I needed an outfit to impress tonight. I didn't really give a shit what Yates's family and friends thought of me, but he'd been texting me all day about how important it was to him to keep up appearances. We weren't going through with this bogus wedding just for me. He needed something out of it, too, and I agreed to hold up my end of the bargain.

As I stared at myself in the mirror, studying the floor-length deep red jumpsuit I decided on for tonight, I couldn't help but smile as I took in my appearance. I never had any reason to wear anything like this before, but I had to admit it was kind of fun to dress up. The outfit looked like a cross between a dress and pants. It was strapless with a notch out at the front, making it almost look like it had a sweetheart neckline. The pants were wide-legged with a slit up each side, and there was a panel of fabric wrapped around the waist, contouring, and draping along the outside of each leg. The effect was gorgeous, and I didn't know if I'd ever felt this pretty in my life.

Too bad the one person I wanted to see me like this wouldn't be there tonight.

Quinn and I got ready in our hotel room, and my sisters were meeting us at the country club where Yates and his parents insisted we hold our rehearsal dinner. No part of this had been my decision, but I figured one day when I had my real wedding, I could make it into whatever I wanted. I wasn't paying for this one, so I didn't have a choice but to go along with whatever they wanted.

I hoped I'd get to have a real wedding someday to someone I actually loved. My mind flashed to Maddox, and I quickly shoved the unhelpful thought away as Quinn stepped out of the bathroom, looking incredible like he always did. "Damn, Quinny. Gonna try to find a groomsman tonight and work your magic?"

He ducked his head and blushed a little bit, clearing his throat. "Tonight's not about me, but thanks for the compliment, I think." He flashed me the crooked smile I loved so much. "You look stunning, Ryan. I don't think I can say this enough, but that fucktard doesn't deserve you." He lifted his phone at me and snapped a picture.

"What are you doing with that?" I asked, trying to look at his screen, but he held it away from me.

"Sending it to Maddox," he answered as if it were obvious.

"Why?" I screeched, still trying to grab his phone away, jumping to try to reach.

"Because that man is obsessed with you, and I still believe he's the only one who can talk some sense into you. I'm hoping if he sees what he's missing, he'll make a grand gesture."

I stop jumping to look at him suspiciously. "What kind of grand gesture? Because he can't embarrass me tonight, Quinn! As much as you don't like Yates, he doesn't deserve that. He's never done anything but be kind to me."

Quinn shook his head. "Maddox would never do that to you, Lancelot. You know better."

Groaning, I rested my head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around me. "I've sure gotten myself into one hell of a mess, haven't I?"

I felt his nod against the top of my head. "But it's not too late to do something about it."

With those words, I retreated into my mind, lost in thought about what to do next.