16. Maddox

I might as well have been floating for how goddamn light I felt now that I owned the ranch, and Russell was gone for good. I hadn’t realized when I came out here how much I needed this. How much I needed to take control of my past, face it head-on, and let that shit go. I was ready to move forward, to embrace the man I knew I could be. Seeing the mess Russell had made of his life all these years later, I realized something. Ryan was right. I was never going to become like my old man.

Not a fucking chance.

I watched him become a monster when I was a kid, or maybe he’d always been that way. Either way, I’d never been more determined to prove that that would never be me. Sure, I had a little too much fun when Shadow Phoenix had first made it, but I’d gone to rehab and a shit ton of therapy to learn my lessons and get as healthy as possible.

Had I still held onto the anger and resentment? The abandonment issues? Yep. But, I ripped the chains off of myself by buying the ranch. The feeling of kicking Russell out of my life permanently was indescribable. Looking around the house that was now mine, I realized I needed to get a cleaning crew in here to throw out everything. Better yet, calling a contractor might be the best move. I wanted to strip this place down to the studs and start fresh.

Short of leveling the building to the ground and rebuilding something entirely new, this was the best plan. I made a mental note to talk to Joel about it. Despite the sexy as fuck girl next door who I was pretty sure I was still in love with all these years later, I had no plans to live here permanently. I doubted I’d spend much time here at all. Still, I had plans for this place, and I wanted it to be somewhere I felt comfortable visiting if I ever felt the need.

Now that I’d thought of Ryan, she was like a beacon to my brain. I wanted to see her, spend time with her, get to know who she was now. I wanted to make her mine. Glancing at the calendar hanging on the wood-paneled wall, my heart sank a little as I realized there were only two and a half weeks until she married another man. I was running out of time.

Skipping breakfast and downing a scalding mug of black coffee, I set the empty cup into the sink. Now that shit was squared away here, it was time I focus my efforts on Ryan. I was determined to make her see we belonged together.

Locking the door, I slid my keys into my pocket and pulled the black baseball hat I wore down over my eyes. The sun was fucking intense out here, and the walk wasn’t exactly short to the Knight’s house. But I didn’t mind, it gave me time to think about how I wanted to approach things with Ryan. I knew she didn’t fully trust me, considering what I put her through. I never thought my walking away would affect her like it had, that it would hurt her like it did me.

I figured she was just a teenage girl with a crush, that once she saw what I became, she’d be glad I spared her a life with me. Fuck, I’d been so stupid. So incredibly stupid.

The wooden porch steps creaked under my weight as I climbed them, rapping my knuckles on the front door. I didn’t have to wait long before the door swung open, and Quinn looked back at me through the screen door, a slow grin breaking out across his face.

“Let me guess. You’re not here to see me?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Not today, buddy. Sorry,” I smiled back. I figured being friendly with Ryan’s best friend was probably my best bet to getting on her good side. Maybe he’d even put in a good word for me. Plus, he seemed like a good dude. “Is Ryan around?”

Quinn pushed the door open, standing back so I could come in. “Yeah, she’s just finishing breakfast. You know where the dining room is?”

I nodded. “You aren’t staying?”

“Nope, I was just on my way out. I’ve got an appointment in Dallas,” he explained before leaning in a little closer and lowering his voice. “If you want to get on her good side, stick around today and help with the chores. Since I won’t be here, she’ll have to do it all on her own.”

I reached over and patted him on the back, thankful for his advice. I had a feeling I had an ally in Quinn when it came to Ryan, but I wanted to be sure. “Why are you helping me?” I questioned.

He glanced over my shoulder before his eyes darted back to me. “I want Ryan to be happy, and I have a feeling you might be just the guy to give her that, even if you obviously don’t have a clue how to treat a woman.”

Narrowing my eyes at him, I hated to admit he was right. I’d been a complete asshole to every woman I’d ever spent time with, no matter how short. Ryan had always been different, but I still ended up hurting her. Finally, I sighed deeply. “I want to make her happy, Quinn. But she’s fucking engaged to another man, and I don’t want to cross lines and make her into a cheater.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you already make out with her behind the bar?”

“Yeah, and I’ve been guilty as fuck about it ever since,” I admitted.

“Don’t be. Trust me when I say to keep doing what you’re doing. I think she’ll come around. But you better get your ass in gear if you want to have a chance. There’s not a lot of time left.”

“Yeah, I hear the goddamn clock ticking, man. Trust me, I’m aware.”

Quinn moved back to the door, pulling out his keys before looking back at me. “Good luck,” he said before closing the door softly behind him. Taking a deep breath, I turned and walked toward the dining room I’d spent so much time in as a kid. The only reason I knew what a family dinner was like was because of Ryan’s family.

Stepping into the room, she didn’t notice me right away, so I took the opportunity to watch her. She leaned over a book she had open on the tabletop next to her plate. Her hair fell over her shoulders in waves, brushing her upper arm. She lifted her coffee to her lips, taking a small sip as her eyes never left the page. As I studied her, my chest constricted, the beauty of her almost painful for me to look at.

Ryan must’ve sensed my staring as she finally looked up at me. Her doe eyes widened as she lifted them to meet mine before smiling like she was actually happy to see me.

“You gonna stand there staring all morning?” she teased.

I couldn’t help my smile back, moving to take the chair beside her. “Would it be so bad if I did?”

She laughed, brushing her hair behind her shoulder and watching me over the rim of her mug as she took another sip. “I don’t know how to answer that,” she said honestly.

“Okay, well, a little bird told me you might need some help around here today.” I reached out and took her mug, taking a gulp of the hot liquid before passing it back. I watched as her eyes darkened before she snapped herself out of it. My cocky smirk told her I knew the effect I had on her. I did it on purpose. I might not be able to kiss her or do other less innocent things to her right now, but I was going to pull out every other flirtation and seduction technique I’d ever learned.

Hopefully, by the end of this day, she’d be wound up and needy for me. At least that was the plan. I hoped I had enough self-control to hold myself back from taking things too far if it came to that. The making Ryan want me part of my plan wasn’t in question. I had no doubt I could do it and quickly, too. The part that I was going to struggle with was when she looked at me with hooded eyes, practically begging me to claim her body as mine.

That was going to be a fucking struggle.

She blew out a breath, bringing my thoughts back to my offer. “So? Mind if I stick around and help today?” I offered.

Nodding, she pushed her chair back and stood up. “That would be great, thanks.” I watched as she collected her breakfast dishes, the smooth skin of her arms on display under the clingy tank top she wore, her curves just the right proportion. When she bent over to grab the final plate, I had a view down the front of her top to the swell of her breasts spilling over the top of her lacy bra. I bit back a groan as I tried to discreetly adjust my hardening cock under the table.

She stood up, taking away my unobstructed view of the most perfect set of tits I’d ever seen. I couldn’t wait to get my hands and mouth on them, and I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened. Ryan and I had always been like fire and gasoline. Put us together, and the chemistry was explosive. We’d never explored it, but I felt it in every brush of her skin against mine, every longing look we exchanged.

Ripping myself away when we kissed the other night had been the hardest thing I ever had to do, and that included confronting my dad after everything he did to me. When she finally became mine, I knew I’d never want to leave her body. The magic we would make together would be like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I could already tell.

She walked back into the room, her hips swaying slightly with each step, and my eyes were locked in. I couldn’t help it. The best part about Ryan was she didn’t know how fucking sexy she was. She didn’t try to put more sway in her hips or wear layers of makeup or spend hours getting ready. She was just naturally beautiful, enticing, and fucking perfect. She didn’t need all that shit, and it was refreshing, especially compared to the girls I normally came across in LA. They felt like cheap imitations now in comparison.

Following her out to the barn, we walked side by side, our arms brushing every now and then. “I wanted to apologize,” I began.

“For what?” she asked.

“The other night. I shouldn’t have brought my fucking mess to your doorstep. When I left, it was to keep that side of my life from you.” I stopped and looked down into her eyes, brushing the hair the wind tossed around her face behind her ear.

Her eyes were so open and concerned, emotion swelled up inside me. No one had ever cared about me like Ryan did. “Don’t you ever apologize for that, Maddox. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what happens. Always have been, always will be,” she promised.

I lowered my head to rest my forehead against hers. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve someone like you in my life,” I murmured, forgetting I was supposed to be keeping some fucking distance between us. But I could already feel my emotions getting tangled up. If she didn’t end up picking me when this was all over, I wasn’t sure I’d survive it. But I couldn’t think like that now.

She raised her hand and cupped my cheek, closing her eyes for just a second before letting me go, stepping back but still holding eye contact. “You deserve everything,” she breathed, and I didn’t know what to say.

Instead, I turned and closed the last bit of distance between us and the barn, looking at the horses in their stables. “Which one do I get today?” I asked, grateful for the change in subject.

Ryan followed me inside, walking up to the gray stallion and petting his nose. “You’ll be on Quinn’s mare, Daisy,” she said, pointing to the white mare in the stall a couple down. Once we had the horses saddled up, we both climbed up, and I followed her lead out of the barn and into the pasture.

“So, besides being engaged to some mystery guy, what have you been up to for the past twelve years?” I gripped the reins a little tighter as we trotted further into the field.

She laughed, the throaty sound making me smile. Ryan always had the most infectious laugh, the kind that when you heard it, you smiled and wanted to laugh, too, even if you didn’t know why. “Do you remember what I wanted to be when we were kids?” She answered my question with one of her own.

“Sure, a cop, right?”

She nodded. “Do you know why?”

“No, I guess I never knew. I always figured you were power-hungry and wanted to lord your authority over the peasants in this town,” I teased.

She laughed again. “Not quite. I wanted to be a cop because of the times I watched them come to your house and how they were the only ones who could make your dad stop. They made things better, even if it was only for a little while. I wanted to protect you for once,” she admitted, and warmth crashed over me as I fought to keep myself composed at her confession.

Clearing my throat, I hoped my voice sounded steady because I was feeling anything but. Ryan had always knocked me off balance. “So, what happened? Why didn’t you do it?”

She sighed and glanced out at the wide-open pasture in front of us. “Short answer? My dad’s accident.”

My eyebrows furrowed. “What accident?” Why hadn’t I heard about her dad up until now?

“You didn’t know? His horse threw him about four years ago. He had a spinal injury, and he’s been in a wheelchair ever since. That's why I’m here.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Ry.” I wasn’t sure what else to say.

She shrugged. “Nothing we can do about it. That’s why I came back after college. Did you know I chased you to LA? I didn’t know exactly where you were, but I knew from the tabloids that’s where you went after you left, so I ended up applying to only California schools when I decided where to go to college.”

Her confession floored me. She went to California after high school? For me? That meant she’d still been thinking about me four years after I left. “Where did you end up going?”

“UC Irvine. I got my degree in law enforcement and planned to stay out there. There’s nothing quite like palm trees and sand between your toes, you know?” She sighed wistfully, and I chuckled.

“You’re goddamn right. That’s why I live right on the beach,” I agreed.

She laughed. “Lucky bastard. Maybe someday I’ll get to see where the other half lives, huh?” Her eyes lit up when she talked about my home, and I had to admit I liked it a whole fucking lot. Maybe all hope wasn’t lost after all.

“I’ll take you home whenever you’re ready,” I promised, aware that there was more than one way she could interpret my words, and I meant every one of them.

“I’ll keep that in mind, cowboy.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously. Her face sobered before she continued. “After college, I actually got hired with the LAPD and had just started the academy when the accident happened.”

“What about your sisters? Why aren’t they here?” I wondered where Charlie and Justice were, but I hadn’t felt right asking until now.

“Charlie was in medical school, and Justice was in the middle of college. I’d just started, and so it was easiest for me to walk away and come back,” she said simply as if it weren’t a huge fucking deal for her to give up on her dream to come back here.

We rode up to the fence, and both hopped down. I tied Daisy’s reins around the post before turning to Ryan. “You’re fucking incredible. I hope you know that. There aren’t many people who’d put their dreams on hold the way you have.” I stepped closer to her, wanting to pull her into my arms and feel her against my body, to wrap myself around her and never let go.

She brushed me off, waving her hand in the air as if she weren’t the most selfless and extraordinary woman I’d ever met. If I hadn’t been convinced before, I was now that there was no one equal to her, no one who deserved her. But she made me want to try to be worthy.

“All the boys who want to get in my pants say that,” she flirted, trying to lighten the mood. I could tell my praise made her uncomfortable, but she deserved it all and more. She was the one who deserved everything.

Raising my eyebrow, I stepped closer to her until there were only a couple inches between our bodies. “And how often does it work?” I didn’t want to come off like an asshole, but I was possessive when it came to Ryan. The thought of another man inside of her made me crazy. I wanted to kill anyone who dared to touch her. I was her first kiss, and now I was struck with a burning inside my chest as I clenched my jaw, fighting not to let the jealousy out.

“What? Boys getting in my pants?” She looked like she wanted to laugh at me, but I scowled right back, nodding once. “Uh, never? I was waiting for you, remember? But then you never came back, and I got tired of waiting. So, I met Yates, and here we are, getting married in a couple of weeks.”

My heart soared and then crashed. She saved herself for me? Fuck, I hadn’t been expecting that. And now what had always been made for me was going to be some other man’s. A quiet rage started to build inside of me. Wait. “Yates? That’s his name?” I questioned.

I swear Ryan winced before nodding. “That’s his name. Yates Rutherford.” Damn, I could just picture the kind of guy he must be with a name like that. I committed his name to memory for later.

I clenched my teeth. “Let’s change the subject. What are we doing out here?” I asked, hoping for a distraction and a way to let my anger out without letting Ryan know how bad it was.

She pointed at the grass and brush that had died and taken over a lot of the pasture. “Clearing all this brush out of here so the cattle can start grazing here again. We’ll start over there,” she pointed to the far end of the field, “And work our way back here. Tomorrow Quinn and I will gather it up and burn it.”

I turned back to Daisy and dug into the bag I’d attached to her saddle, pulling out the tools I’d need. “Lead the way, boss,” I said, turning back to Ryan and following her across the pasture.

We started working next to each other, side by side, hacking at the overgrowth. Sweat poured down my back, and I lifted my hat, swiping at my forehead. Ryan’s breathing was heavy as she took a break, too, grabbing a bottle of water and tossing one to me. “Now that you know what I’ve been up to, how about you? I’ve seen a lot in the headlines, but I know a lot of that can’t be true.”

Unfortunately, more of what they wrote about me was true than not, which wasn’t the case with the other guys. But I didn’t mind the fame. I embraced the paparazzi and liked making headlines. Or at least I had early on. Now not so much.

“What do you want to know?” I asked hesitantly, not sure how much I should share about the past decade for me. I lived the rockstar lifestyle to the fullest, enjoying every single perk that came along with being a celebrity. The girls, the booze, the drugs, the money. I loved it all and embraced it wholeheartedly.

She shrugged. “Whatever you want to tell me.”

“When I left here after that night,” I started, not wanting to remind her of that night. “I ran straight to True’s house. We met online on a message board for musicians and chatted for months. His parents offered to take me in, and I finished high school with him. Not long after I showed up, we started messing around musically. He played guitar, and I played bass so we’d jam together. Junior year we met Zen. Jericho went to school with us, but we weren’t friends with him until I decided to take band as an elective.”

She giggled. “Oh my god, you were a band geek.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. You haven’t met Jericho yet, but when I saw what he could do with a set of drums, I convinced True we needed him. It wasn’t even a conscious thing that we were making a band. We just had fun playing together. Once we had Jericho, we needed a singer, and that’s where Zen came in. He and True had a couple of classes together and instantly became friends when he moved to our school.”

“Yeah, I could see that. True seems pretty friendly and outgoing, at least from what I saw the other night,” she agreed.

“He is. But once we realized what we had, we got more serious. We’d practice every free minute we had. Zen wrote our music, and Jericho arranged it. True and I helped, too, but mostly it was them. Once we graduated, we decided to really pursue music as a career, and things happened pretty fast after that. By the time I was twenty, we’d headlined a world tour, had a multi-platinum record and won our first Grammy.”

“Damn,” she said, pulling her cowboy hat off her head and brushing the sweat-soaked strands off her forehead before tightening her ponytail.

“Yeah. The next couple of years were a blur that I don’t really want to get into. I wasn’t exactly someone I was proud of those years. There were a lot of drugs and a lot of women, both of which I regret. But the guys dragged me into rehab about four years ago, and I’ve never looked back.”

She looked a little lost in thought, and I held my breath and waited for her reaction to all the worst parts of my new life. Finally, she looked up at me with nothing but kindness and understanding in her eyes, neither of which I deserved after how I’d treated her. “How about the last four years?” she asked.

I chuckled. “Things have gotten a lot more… domestic, I guess. Not for me, but Zen and True both got married in the last couple of years and either have kids on the way or have kids already. I have a feeling our next tour is going to be wild for a whole new reason.”

She laughed. “Better invest in earplugs. Crying babies are no joke.”

“I don’t mind. I’m the fun uncle, so I’ll get them all hopped up on sugar and then hand them back over,” I explained.

“Smart man, I’d do the same thing,” she smiled before she sobered. “Have you heard from your mom?”

I shook my head. “I hired a PI a few years ago because I was curious about what happened, and I found out some shit, but I haven’t done anything with it.”

She tilted her head to the side, her eyes locked on me. “What’d you find? I always wondered what happened to your mom after she left.”

I stared off into the distance over the top of her head, thinking. “She got remarried a couple of years after she left. She’s still married to the dude. She…” I paused, taking a deep breath. This part shouldn’t hurt as much as it did but fuck it stung. “She had another son. One she stayed around to raise this time.”

Ryan’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “You have a brother?”

I nodded. “A half brother, yeah. He’s twenty-two.”

“And you haven’t met him?” she questioned.

Shaking my head, I ran a hand down my sweaty face. “I don’t think he knows I exist.”

“Are you going to?” she stepped closer, taking my hand and squeezing.

“I don’t know. Maybe someday. Depends, I guess.”

“Depends on what?” She wasn’t going to let this go.

“Forget I said that.” I wasn’t about to tell her that wanting to meet my brother was something I’d only feel brave enough to do with her by my side. That if she went through with the wedding, I’d be too wrecked to do much other than drink myself into oblivion for the rest of forever.

She studied me before shaking her head and letting go of my hand, but I wasn’t ready for the closeness to end.

Instead, I stepped a little closer, unable to keep my distance being this close. We were sweaty from a couple of hours of hard physical work, and she had little pieces of dry brush caught in her hair. I reached out, plucking a small stick out of the strands. She looked up at me with big eyes that I found myself lost in. They were deep and captivating, inviting me to sink into the depths of her mind.

Fuck, I wanted to kiss her, and I didn’t think I could stop myself. Talking to her was too easy. Even sweaty, she smelled delicious, and I wanted to lick every inch of her skin until she was writhing beneath me. Instead, I ran my hand along her neck, feeling her pulse under my palm until I finally gave in and pulled her toward me.

Our lips connected, and I was lost, falling into an abyss I never wanted to crawl out of. My body sparked, and every nerve ending was on fire. I needed her touch, needed to be closer to her, needed to feel her in every inch of my existence. As I deepened the kiss, she opened to me, twining her arm around my back, and her other hand found my neck, stroking my stubbled jaw with her thumb as her tongue explored my mouth.

I knew this was a mistake, but I couldn’t get myself to stop. I ran my hand down her back until I grabbed her ass, pulling her tighter against my hard as fuck erection. I couldn’t seem to get her close enough, and the whimpers she was making told me she felt the same way. She jumped, and I caught her, gripping her thighs as she wrapped her legs around my waist. She ground herself against me as a growl tore from my throat. “Fuck, we have to stop,” I groaned, pulling her closer instead of putting her down like I should have.

Her lips found mine again, and I forgot every reason we shouldn’t be doing this. The sound of approaching hooves pulled me out of my lust-filled haze as I placed one last soft kiss to her swollen lips. “Someone’s coming, Freckles,” I said, gently sliding her down my body and groaning at the feel of her body against mine.

She glared over my shoulder. “Fucking Quinn,” she hissed, and I chuckled, watching him ride up to us. Based on the looks he was shooting my way, I knew he’d seen plenty. I smirked, daring him to say shit to me.

I looked back at Ryan, where she still held onto me to steady herself. I brushed my finger down the side of her cheek before dropping my hand. “Hey, Quinn,” I greeted.

“You two look like you’ve been busy,” he teased, still shooting knowing glances Ryan’s way. I stepped in front of her, interrupting his silent interrogation. She didn’t need to deal with that bullshit, even if he was her best friend.

“Yep. Ready to help?” I asked, making it clear that it was time to get back to work, and there would be no questions about what he just witnessed. The last thing I needed was Ryan analyzing everything and regretting what happened. I was finally starting to making progress, and no one would fuck it up for me.

He stayed quiet as he grabbed the tools from his horse and made his way over to where we were working. We all resumed working in silence, clearing the brush going a lot faster with three of us now. As the sun started to set, we had a massive pile of dead sticks to burn tomorrow and were all in need of a shower and dinner.

Quinn spoke up first. “I don’t know about you two, but I think we earned a night out.”

“I’m in,” I said, tucking my tools back into the bag on the saddle.

I swear Quinn blushed. “So, Maddox. Any of your hot as fuck friends gonna be at the bar with us tonight?”

I laughed. “Subtle. No, Zen and True flew home a couple days ago and Connor’s in Dallas visiting an old Marine buddy.”

Quinn deflated. “Damn. Well, it should still be fun. Meet at the bar in an hour?”

We all agreed, and I made my way home to shower and call a car. I probably needed to get a rental if I was going to stay here much longer.

An hour later, I strolled into the local dive bar, finding Quinn and Ryan in a quiet corner booth. “First round’s on me,” I announced.

“I’ll take whatever micro brew they’ve got,” Quinn said, and Ryan agreed.

“Be right back.” The place was pretty busy, so I had to weave in between quite a few people to get to the bar. I placed our order and stood to wait for the bartender to bring it over. While I waited, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through social media absently. Someone brushed against me, but I didn’t pay much attention because of how crowded the bar was. When it happened again, and I felt a hand move against my stomach, I looked up.

A girl with fake eyelashes and bleached blonde hair in a tight red dress that left nothing to the imagination looked up at me with a wicked grin. I stepped back, pulling her hand off of me. “What the fuck are you doing?” I hissed.

“Don’t you remember me?” she pouted.

I wracked my brain, but it was just a blur of blonde hair and long legs, none sticking out more than any of the others. Shaking my head, I turned back toward the bar. “Sorry.”

“Maybe you’ll let me jog your memory,” she purred, skating her arm back around me until her tits pressed into my side. I was getting seriously pissed off. Why the fuck was this girl touching me?

“Hard pass,” I snapped.

“I bet I can snap you out of that cranky mood,” she offered, sliding her hand lower. Why the fuck wouldn’t she get the goddamn hint? I glanced across the bar toward Ryan. If she saw this girl all over me, I knew she wouldn’t take it well, and suddenly the thought of anyone else touching me was repulsive.

“You need to back the fuck up off of me now.” Ryan’s eyes locked with mine as she made her way up to the bar, and I knew she’d seen the whole thing. Fuck.

The blonde finally got the hint and stepped away as Ryan moved to my side. Blondie shot Ryan a glare before finally backing off and slinking back to whatever hole she’d crawled out of. I doubted this would be the last time that shit happened. I’d been with a lot of women, and I left most of them wanting more since I was never with the same girl twice.

“Friend of yours?” she asked with a voice more casual than I could tell she looked. The hurt in her eyes killed me. I vowed never to hurt her again, yet here I was doing just that. Would there ever be a day when I wouldn’t cause her pain?

“Not even a little bit.”

“Right. I’m going to the bathroom.” She spun on her heel and stalked away from me.

“What the hell are you doing, man?” Quinn stepped into the spot Ryan left open, grabbing two of the bottles the bartender slid in front of me.

“Grabbing beer?” I grabbed the last one, and we made our way back to the booth. I slid in across from him, taking a sip of my beer.

Quinn rolled his eyes. “You’re not that fucking dense. With Ryan.”

Picking at the corner of the label, I sighed. “I can’t let her marry another guy. It will wreck me. I made a mistake leaving all those years ago without reaching out and at least being her friend.”

He nodded, sipping his beer. “Yeah, you really fucked her up. I stepped in to try to fill your shoes freshman year of high school, and we’ve been best friends ever since. But she’s waited for you for twelve years, Maddox. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“That she’s missed me?” I really didn’t know exactly what he meant, and I wanted him to spell it out.

He narrowed his eyes on me. “She didn’t just miss you, bro. She saved herself—every part. Up until Yates, she hadn’t kissed anyone else. She’s never had a boyfriend until him. I’m the closest thing she’s got, and it’s only because I’m safe. You don’t know the power you’ve got over her. It’d be so easy for you to break her. But if you break her, I’ll fucking kill you myself.” That last part he growled at me threateningly, and my respect for him went up even more.

And she’d never even had a boyfriend until this Yates guy? We’d lived such different lives. While I’d been hung up on her, I shoved her to the back of my mind, pretending she didn’t exist so I could try and move on. Except I never had. Subconsciously I had all these rules to keep me from really finding someone else.

And I felt guilty as fuck every single time. It was why I always had to be drunk when I hooked up with girls. I couldn’t handle the guilt.

I stared across the table at Quinn. “Do you think I really have a chance to stop this wedding and get her to see that she belongs with me?”

He leaned back in the booth and ran his hand through his messy hair before nodding. “I do. But it’s going to take a fuckton of work. Lucky for you, I’m on your side.”

“Why?” I asked, unsure why he’d want Ryan with a fuck up like me.

“I’ve known our girl for a long time, but I’ve never seen her light up the way she does when she talks about you. Even before you came back, when she told stories about the past, she always talked about you so reverently. I love Ryan, probably more than I should.” A dark shadow crossed his face, and I sat up straighter. He was gay, right? “And that means the only thing I want for her is to be happy. I don’t know you very well, but what I’ve seen so far, you seem like a good guy. I saw how you tried to get that skank off of you. I don’t think Ryan was thinking clearly enough to see that part,” he noted.

“So, how do I fix it?” I took another big sip of my beer, letting the cold liquid slide down my throat.

“Treat her like the motherfucking queen she is. Show her you want her more than anyone or anything else. And most of all, never, ever give up on her and run away again. No matter what.” He finished, his eyes boring into mine. The threat was implied. If I did this, if I went down this road with her, I better be sure because if I tried to back away, he’d be there inflicting every bit of pain on me that I do on her.

Except I knew I’d never back away. I’d never wanted anything like I wanted Ryan, and now that I’d unlocked the feelings from the depths of my soul, there was no putting them back. There was no containing them, and there was no stopping what I was about to do.

No matter what it took, Ryan Knight would be mine.