43. Sutton

43

SUTTON

The world fell away at Luca’s words. All that existed was his question and the pain in his eyes. “Did Dad hurt you?”

I could handle the media if it only impacted me, but if it hurt my son? I’d burn every blog, newspaper, and entertainment show to the ground.

I forced myself to breathe. In and out. Slow and steady.

I’d always known this day would come, where I’d have to explain everything to Luca. But I’d thought I’d have longer to prepare.

Because as it was, Luca didn’t have questions about his dad. He didn’t ask to see him or talk to him. He didn’t ask where he was.

“Let’s go inside.” My voice was remarkably calm, so different from every emotion rioting inside me.

“Don’t lie.” Luca’s words were pleading, as if he didn’t want me to have time to cover.

I moved then, lifting him into my arms. It wouldn’t be long before he was too heavy for me to do this, but I could still manage. I trailed a hand up and down his back as Cope unlocked the front door. “I won’t, baby. You can ask me whatever you want. ”

I’d watch my words, but I wouldn’t lie. Because once broken, that was the kind of trust you’d never get back.

Cope held the door open for me, and I carried Luca inside. I didn’t stop in the entryway; I went straight back to the living room and sat us on the couch. I half-expected Cope to bail, but I shouldn’t have been surprised when he sat right next to me, helping me settle Luca between us.

I brushed the hair away from Luca’s eyes. “Want to tell me what happened?”

Luca nibbled on his bottom lip. “Daniel asked if my dad was a bad guy. He said he heard his mom talking on the phone this morning. Saying my dad was a bad guy. That he was trash, and he hurt you.”

Hell. I was going to kill Evelyn. I didn’t love that she was gossiping about me to begin with, but she could’ve at least made sure her kid wasn’t within earshot.

“It wasn’t a car accident, was it? He hurt you,” Luca pushed.

I pulled in a deep breath, my gaze colliding with Cope’s dark-blue one. And with that breath, I pulled in all the strength he lent to me in that moment, then turned back to Luca. “Do you remember when we talked about how there are a lot of ways to hurt someone?”

Luca nodded. “How it’s not just hitting. You can hurt someone with your words or by leaving them out.”

“That’s right. Your dad never hit me. But he is sick. And the illness he has makes him hurt the people around him.”

Luca’s face scrunched up. “Then why doesn’t he go to the doctor? The doctor makes you better. Even if you have to have a shot, it’d be worth it.”

My chest ached, and with that pain came a heaviness. “His illness makes it so he doesn’t want to go to the doctor. At least, not yet. Maybe he will one day, but right now, he can’t make himself.”

“Because he doesn’t love us enough,” Luca whispered, tears beginning to fall. “It’s why he never calls or sends me a birthday card.”

“Oh, baby.” I pulled him against me, wrapping my arms around him. “He will always love you, even when he can’t show it. ”

“Not enough!” Luca wailed. “I don’t want him to be my dad! I want Cope to be my dad!”

I stilled, pain and panic searing through me. My gaze collided with Cope’s, and I saw agony and longing in his eyes. Cope leaned in, rubbing Luca’s back.

“It would be the biggest honor of my life if I got to be a dad to someone who’s as amazing as you are,” Cope croaked.

Luca twisted in my arms, turning to face Cope. “I want you to be. I don’t want a bad-guy dad.”

Cope squeezed Luca’s knee. “Family is so much more than blood.”

Luca’s face scrunched again, as though he didn’t believe Cope. “What do you mean?”

“Look at my family. Only me, Fallon, Mom, and Lolli are related by blood.”

Luca’s brows rose. “Really?”

Cope nodded. “Shep was adopted as a baby. Arden and Trace came to live with us when they were twelve. Rhodes, when she was thirteen. Kye, not until he was sixteen.”

“But you guys are so close. Like a real family,” Luca whispered.

I squeezed Luca in a hug. “Because they are a real family.”

“Family isn’t defined by blood,” Cope said. “It’s defined by how we care about one another. How we show up in good times and bad. How we love one another.”

A fresh wave of tears spilled down Luca’s cheeks. “I want that.”

God, I’d never felt like more of a failure. I hadn’t given Luca that. Hadn’t given him what he needed.

“Speedy, you have it,” Cope whispered. “You belong with us now. You’re part of the Colson crew whether you like it or not.”

Luca’s lower lip trembled. “I don’t have your same last name.”

“Neither does Arden, Rhodes, or Kye. It doesn’t make them any less a part of our family.”

“Really?” Luca asked.

“Really,” Cope echoed. “You’re with us. A part of our family. And you always will be. ”

Luca threw himself at Cope, and Cope caught him easily. Luca cried in earnest now. They were tears of relief and of letting go. “I love you,” Luca hiccupped.

“I love you, too,” Cope whispered. “More than you’ll ever know.”

Every piece of myself that I’d been holding back lost itself to Cope in that moment. Every wall I’d been desperately clinging to crumbled. And I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, I was in love with Cope. And that would never change.