11. Sutton

11

SUTTON

If I thought I was exhausted before, it had nothing on today. Every part of me felt as if it had taken a beating. And maybe it had.

I’d gotten up at three this morning to make sure I got all the baking in before I had to leave to look at apartments for Luca and me. Thank God I had Walter and Thea to fill in and get Luca to hockey practice. Having to ask Evelyn for one more favor likely would’ve crushed me.

Rolling my shoulders back, I tried to alleviate some of the tension there. No dice. Whether it was from all the baking or stress because I was about to uproot Luca’s life again, I wasn’t sure. But it certainly hadn’t helped that every apartment I’d seen so far was an absolute dump. Nothing I would feel comfortable moving Luca into.

I stared up at the small apartment building in an area of town I wasn’t all that familiar with. Frowning, I took in the chipped paint on the siding, the grass growing through cracks in the pavement, and the door propped open in a way that meant anyone could get in. My stomach hollowed out. I didn’t have a great feeling about this one either, but it was my last stop before heading to pick up Luca from camp. Maybe it was better on the inside.

Turning off my engine, I climbed out of my small SUV. I shut the door and beeped the locks before glancing down at my phone. The building manager had texted, telling me to meet him in 4F, saying he’d be showing the unit all day.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I started for the building. With the door propped open the way it was, I didn’t have to buzz to be let up. Maybe that was because the apartment was being shown. I hoped so.

There was no elevator, even though the building was four floors. And, of course, this apartment was on the top. At least that meant no overhead noise.

As if the Universe had sensed that thought, shouts sounded from down the second-floor hallway, and they didn’t sound all that friendly. My chest tightened as I forced myself to keep climbing. I paused when I reached the fourth floor, listening for more noise. I heard music and the sounds of TV shows, but nothing overtly loud.

Good. That was good. I said it over and over as I walked down the hallway to a door propped open with a crumbling cement block.

“Hello?” I called, peeking my head inside.

A guy in his mid-forties pushed up from a lawn chair, stubbing out a cigarette in an ashtray. The scent of cigarette smoke clogged the air, and I couldn’t help wrinkling my nose.

“Sutton Holland?” he asked, his gaze roaming over me in a way that made my skin crawl.

I nodded, the motion jerky. “Ben?”

He grinned. “That’s me. Manager extraordinaire.” His gaze dipped to my cleavage and stayed there. “Ready for the tour?”

I cleared my throat, and Ben’s gaze moved to my face, but he showed no shame in being caught ogling me. Great.

Squaring my shoulders, I stepped inside. “I think I’ll just show myself around.” It wasn’t as if the space was large.

Ben stared at me for a moment longer. “Gotta do my job. Plus, I’m a gentleman.”

I fought the urge to snort. I’d just bet he was .

Ben began talking about rent prices and utilities, but I already had that information from the management company. So, I moved around the space, trying to survey as much as possible. It did have decent light, but that only exposed everything wrong with it.

The linoleum flooring everywhere was peeling and torn in places, and the floorboards beneath didn’t look in good shape. A small peek at the carpet in the smaller bedroom, which was closer to closet-sized, was stained with…I didn’t know what. The bathtub had a brown stain around the drain rim that had me fighting not to heave. And when I stepped into the primary bedroom, the stench of smoke, sweat, and something I couldn’t identify was almost too much for me to take.

“It’s a steal,” Ben said, stepping into the bedroom behind me. “Won’t find another two-bedroom apartment in Sparrow Falls this cheap.” His gaze roamed over me again. “But we might be able to work out an arrangement that gets it even cheaper.”

My jaw went slack. Was he suggesting what I thought he was?

He crossed the space as I moved backward, and my heart hammered against my ribs. Shit, shit, shit. I fumbled for my purse. I had the mini pepper spray Thea had gotten me in there. If I could just?—

“Ben.” The single word cracked like a whip, and I nearly wept with relief at the familiar face in the doorway.

The manager whirled, redness creeping up his neck at the sight of Trace in his sheriff’s uniform. “What d’you want?” Ben griped.

“First, I want to know why you were backing a woman into a corner,” Trace growled, fury streaking across his expression.

An indignant look took root on Ben’s face. “I was doing my job. Giving a tour. You gonna try to arrest me for that now, too?”

Trace’s eyes narrowed on the manager. “You missed your meeting with your parole officer.”

Ben’s eyes shifted to the side. “I had to work. Can’t lose my job, or I lose my parole.”

“You’ve been giving tours for five days straight?” Trace challenged.

Ben’s feet shifted this time. “Had to get the apartment ready.”

Trace scoffed. “Sure, you did. Good thing we’re here to escort you to your meeting now. ”

Panic streaked across Ben’s face, and then he was hauling ass toward the door. He wasn’t a small man, but he moved like a ballerina now, dodging Trace and booking it through the exterior door.

My jaw dropped, my attention moving back and forth between the door and Trace. “Don’t you need to chase him?”

Trace just shook his head. “Got officers waiting on either end of the hall.”

A shout sounded, and then some scuffling, before another voice called, “Tried to deck me, boss. Want me to arrest him for assaulting an officer?”

“Do it,” Trace called through the open door. Then he turned back to me. “What the hell are you doing here, Sutton?”

I bit my lower lip, my cheeks flaming. “I need to, um, find a new apartment.”

Trace’s brows snapped together. “Why? You’ve got a great setup now.”

I worried my lip between my teeth. “Rick is kicking me out. He wants to raise the rent and?—”

“That goddamned prick,” Trace swore.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Trace said, looking even more furious. “And you sure as hell aren’t staying here. There are more shady people in this building than in all of Sparrow Falls. It’s not safe. You can stay with Nora and Lolli?—”

“No,” I cut him off. “I’m not imposing on them. I’ll just keep looking. I’ve got nine more days. I’ll find something.”

And if I didn’t? What the hell would I do then?

I gripped my keys so tightly I wouldn’t have been surprised if the metal teeth cut into my skin. The pain would’ve been welcome compared to the feeling of being completely helpless and out of options .

I struggled to keep my breathing even as I pulled open the door to the rink. I tried to paste on a happy smile, one Luca wouldn’t question, as I reminded myself that I’d find a way. I might have to move one town over where things were a bit cheaper, but I could do that. I’d lose money on gas, but I’d win on rent.

Pain and disappointment burned brightly. One town over meant Luca would have to switch schools to one that wasn’t as good. We wouldn’t be as close to the second family we’d begun to build with the Colsons. And it meant losing our sense of home.

But we’d be safe. I reminded myself of that over and over as I walked deeper into the skating facility. We weren’t back in Baltimore within Roman’s reach, or worse, that of the people he owed money to. I could figure out the rest.

“Warrior?”

I turned, startled at the sound of Cope’s voice.

He scowled the instant he saw my face. “What’s wrong?”

I opened my mouth to lie but simply couldn’t do it. I was too tired. My shoulders slumped, and it was a miracle I didn’t just slide to the ground. “Not my best day.”

Cope moved into my space, hesitating for a moment, his jaw working. “I’m going to hug you.”

My eyes widened in surprise, both at the gesture and him demandingly asking for permission. “O-okay.”

He didn’t wait, just pulled me into his hold. The scent of mint and sage swirled around me. Clean , was all I could think. As if the scent could wash away the events of the day. But it was more, because as gently as Cope held me, I could feel his strength. And it was far too great a temptation.

I let myself fall. It was reckless, but I didn’t think I could stand for a moment longer, not on my own two feet. Cope came right up to meet me, taking more of my weight.

The urge to let my tears fall was so strong. The pressure built, the burn intensifying. But I did everything I could to hold back. Instead, I simply breathed .

I let the mint and sage course through me, washing away the fear and panic, wiping clean the worry and obsession. The feeling of Cope’s heart beating against my cheek grounded me in a way I hadn’t felt in almost a decade. Steady, strong. I knew I shouldn’t let his presence, his touch , do these things for me. Depending on someone in that way was the sort of risk I couldn’t afford to take. But I couldn’t rip myself away.

One more minute.

I’d give myself just a handful of seconds to restrengthen my walls. Then I’d be ready to face whatever battle lay ahead.

Cope’s hand slipped under my hair, and his fingers dug into the muscles of my neck and shoulder.

I couldn’t help the tiny sound that slipped from my lips. I told myself it wasn’t a moan, but I knew I was a dirty liar.

Cope’s voice came out in a low, rumbling growl. Like a bear who’d just awoken from hibernation. “Your shoulders are like cement.”

“Thank you?” I mumbled in a hazy stupor.

“You need a massage. And maybe a muscle relaxer,” he grumbled.

“What I’d really kill for is a bath. An hour of steaming-hot, no-one-bugging-me-with-a-single-problem bath time.”

Cope’s fingers stilled their ministrations. “You don’t have a tub in your apartment?”

Just the word apartment had reality sweeping in again. I forced myself to push back, out of Cope’s hold and away from his strong warmth. The act was pure torture, but I’d been through worse.

I shook my head. “No tub, but it’s all good. I’ll use a heating pad tonight.”

I shifted from foot to foot, feeling eyes on us. A handful of moms looked on with curiosity, a couple with disdain, and a few with outright jealousy. A figure skater who didn’t look old enough to drink glared in my direction. And Coach Kenner had hurt in his eyes.

Hell.

These were all reminders of why I needed to stay far away from Cope Colson.

He frowned down at me, clearly displeased by the distance I’d put between us, and maybe my lack of bathtub, as if both were a personal affront. “Heard your landlord’s being a dick.”

I stiffened. Had Trace texted him? Or had Thea let something slip? I guessed it didn’t matter in the long run. Word would get around eventually. “He’s not my favorite person at the moment.”

“You can stay at my place.” Cope said it so easily, as if it was no big thing to offer refuge to someone who was practically a stranger and her son.

“You don’t know me,” I blurted out.

He lifted one shoulder and then dropped it carelessly. “Know what I need to. You do everything you can to give that kid the best life imaginable. You work harder than anyone I know. And you cut to the heart of things. Don’t waste time with bullshit and pretty lies. You’re a good woman, Sutton, and you deserve someone to cut you a break.”

My eyes were burning again. “Thank you,” I whispered.

A grin played at Cope’s beautiful mouth. “No big thing. My house is so big I probably wouldn’t even see you.”

I barked out a laugh. “Why am I not surprised?”

Cope was silent for a moment, waiting for my answer.

“I can’t. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. I just—I can’t.” How could I explain the need to stand on my own two feet without telling him everything? How I’d nearly lost it all the last time I let someone take care of me ? I needed to make it on my own.

Annoyance flickered in Cope’s dark-blue eyes, but he quickly shoved it down. “All right. Then at least let me be Speedy’s ride. There’s no need for you to waste time shuttling him back and forth from the bakery when I drive right by there.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“I want to,” he argued.

“You’d need a booster seat and?—”

“I got one.”

I blinked up at Cope, my jaw going slack. “You got a booster seat?” I said the words slowly as if trying to master a foreign language.

He nodded. “The Clek Oobr one. Those mommy blogs said it was the best. And I had one of the experts come and install it. Blogs said it was important to get it in right.”

I gaped at the man opposite me. The hockey star known for his brutality on the ice had been reading mom blogs? I swallowed, trying to find the words I wanted. Instead, a ridiculous question popped out. “You’ve been driving around with a car seat in the back of your fancy SUV?”

I’d seen that vehicle a few times now and hadn’t missed the Bentley emblem on the front. I didn’t even want to know how much it cost. Or how quickly my kid could ruin the back seat with Goldfish crumbs and sticky fingers.

Cope grinned at me full-out. The effect was devastating. “A booster seat doesn’t make it any less badass.”

I arched a brow at him. “Might hurt your game, Hotshot.”

Cope’s eyes hooded, his gaze dropping to my mouth. “Warrior, with my skills, nothing hurts my game.”

Heat flared low in my belly. That confidence that bordered on cockiness shouldn’t have been a turn-on. But it was. I wanted to know what it would be like to let go and have Cope take control. To know what it was like to have that big body pinning me to the mattress or taking me from behind. Powering into me and—I slammed my eyes shut.

I couldn’t think about that. Because it wasn’t going to happen. And that meant Cope was free to find someone else to share those moments with.

The thought had a sick feeling sliding through me, way worse than when I’d smelled the stale air in that awful apartment. But I’d just have to deal with the disappointment. It was a feeling I was familiar with by now.