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Chapter 16

“Happy birthday!” Izzy plopped herself on my lap before school a couple of weeks later. She grabbed the back of my hair and pulled me in for a deep kiss.

“Definitely a great start to my birthday.” I grinned when we finally broke apart.

“I have something for you.” She held up a tiny black bag with white tissue paper.

I took it, loving the way she squirmed on my lap and how her teeth pressed into her bottom lip. She was nervous. It just made opening it more interesting. I pulled the tissue paper out and looked inside. “A bracelet?”

“Look at it.”

Dumping it into my hand, I found a black leather braided cord with a black metal infinity symbol. Engraved on it were our names. Tucker Isabel, with a heart in place of the sign. I stared at it, taking in everything it meant. What it symbolized.

Forever. She felt our forever, too.

“If you don’t like it, I can try to return it.”

“No. No,” I reassured her. “I love it.” I quickly widened the clasp on the band so I could put it on. “This is perfect. Thank you.” I pressed a kiss to her lips.

“Are you sure? It’s not too much?”

“Izzy…” I waited for her to meet my eyes. “It’s great. I promise. You nailed it.”

Her shoulders dropped in relief. “Good.”

“Where are Annie and Jet?”

“Finishing their breakfast in the car. We stopped for breakfast tacos today. You should’ve come with us.”

“My dad took me out for the whole eighteenth thing, or I would’ve. Here.” I offered her one of my headphones, and she popped it in as I scrolled for the song I wanted. Her eyes lit up.

“Gone, Gone, Gone?” The song by Phillip Phillips started to play, and I hummed a few measures, making Izzy smile. Hoping she knew I meant every word for her.

“Did we just get a song?” She bumped her shoulder into my chest when it was through.

“Guess so.” We shared another kiss just as the bell rang, and I walked her to her class before jogging down the hall back to my locker. “What the?” I picked up what I guessed was a birthday card someone had left inside. Not seeing a name, I shrugged and grabbed the book I needed and hurried off to class.

“Nice of you to join us,” Mr. Garrett greeted, and I pointed up to the ceiling when the bell rang.

“Not late.”

“By the skin of your teeth.” He gave me a narrowed look over his glasses, and I shrugged, taking my seat at the back. I opened my Chromebook to start my notes.

Nothing could ruin my day. Aside from it being my birthday, tonight was the first basketball game, and I was pumped. Every nerve in me felt alive and happy. Like it was the start of something good and better. I couldn’t explain it.

It was during lunch that I remembered the card, and I pulled it out, waving it in front of my friends. “Do y’all know who put this in my locker?”

Annie’s mouth turned down, and she shook her head. “No. But I’m sure it’s for your birthday. Open it.”

I ran my thumb under the glue and pulled out the card. ‘Something special for your 18th!’ Several glossy sheets slid out from inside as soon as I opened it, a couple of them falling into my lap. Izzy grabbed one before it could fly off the table with the wind, and her face went white.

My brow furrowed, wondering what could cause that reaction, and I glanced down, pictures of Lisa both naked and posing in lingerie staring up at me. I sprang back, shoving them away. “What the fuck?!”

“What?” Annie and Jet asked together.

“Fucking Lisa.”

Annie snatched one up, her face immediately turning green before it turned red. “This chick is so messed up. Seriously, don’t look, babe.” She dropped the photo back down.

Jet just looked confused. “What is it?”

“She’s naked.” Izzy whispered, shuddering.

“She’s fucked up in the head is what she is.”

“Shit, man, she really gave you naked pictures?” Jet stared, gobsmacked, and Annie’s eyes flew wide.

“Crap. Tucker, you can get in serious crap if it gets out you have those.” She quickly gathered them up, braver than the rest of us, and shoved them back in the envelope.

“Thanks,” I grated, my eyes already flying around the courtyard. I spotted Lisa a couple of tables over, her status finally getting close enough back to normal to sit at the edge of the popular crowd. I snatched the envelope from Annie and stood. “I’ll be back.”

Phoenix saw me first and nudged Lisa’s arm. She glanced up, surprised and hopeful until she registered the look on my face. Her purse was sitting on the bench next to her, and I stuffed the envelope inside, making sure I felt the pictures crumple in my fist before letting go.

“Don’t ever fucking do something like this again. I don’t want you. Even before you pulled the shit you did, I didn’t want you.”

Her eyes were wide as I glared into them, but I let her see my rage. Wanting her to get the warning. She needed to back off. There was no hope. Tears began to prick at the corners of her eyes.

“Ass,” Larissa whispered as I turned away.

“You know it.”

I stormed back to the table, eyes from the student body glued to my back. It wasn’t until I met Izzy’s green gaze that I saw past the red. Tension was thick as I sat back down.

“You okay?” Izzy asked, placing her hand on my thigh. I nodded, though I could still feel the steady tick in my jaw.

“Holy crap, Tucker, she’s literally crying.” Annie half-laughed. “What did you say?”

“Enough that it should be the end of her crap.”

Jet lifted his drink in a cheer. “Hey, I’m here for that. Now, how about the game tonight?”

Bless Jet. Somehow, he’d helped turn the conversation back around at lunch. I still couldn’t believe what Lisa had pulled, but after Tucker had gone off on her, it was like she’d gone in a shell, ducking her head any time she saw one of us the rest of the day.

I grabbed my pom poms, the music from the band already blaring in the bleachers to my left, and I waved over at Annie and Jet when I heard my sister call my name. Jet held up his arm with the cast. They were seated with Tucker’s family a few rows over, the gym absolutely packed. Most Texas high schools were focused primarily on football, but Tucker’s chances for college ball and even the NBA had been news around here for years now. Since we’d been freshmen. The hype was built up.

I screamed with the crowd when the players came out, waving my pom poms in the air. The teams set up, and Tucker went to stand at the center circle for the tip off. The ref tossed the ball, and he jumped, tipping it before the other team’s player could reach it.

Our side of the crowd cheered as the ball went into play, the Sharks scoring basket after basket with Tucker leading the charge. He was like a steamroller against the other team, dominating the court.

He was beautiful to watch.

And sexy as hell.

I loved that he was mine.

When halftime hit, I headed out onto the court with the dance team, and the crowd cheered. Annie and Jenna could be heard above everyone throughout the dance, my latest routine I’d put together for the season a knockout. It was tough, but I knew my girls could do it. I flipped my head back with one of the final moves, and familiar black spots darted across my vision.

No. No, no.I blinked, praying they’d go away. I could do this. Just make it to the end. Just land the ending. That’s all you have to do. Do not pass out in front of half the student body.

Relief rushed over me when the song ended, but I was shaky, and I knew I needed to sit down. Fast. I wasn’t my peppy self at all, but I made it back over to the bleachers and quickly grabbed my water bottle.

“That was fantastic!” Dinah shrieked before noticing me. “Oh, crap. Izzy, are you okay?”

I nodded, my breaths starting to ease. “Just needed some water.”

“Here, take mine. I haven’t had any yet.” She held out her bottle, and I gratefully took it, downing hers, too.

Something made me look over my shoulder, and I found Annie watching me, concern covering her matching features. I held up Dinah’s bottle. “Just needed this,” I mouthed. Though my thoughts were spiraling in a whirlwind. Fear clutching me from the inside. This was happening way too often now, wasn’t it?

I was still lost in my thoughts when the players came back out. The cheerleaders’ chants were just like background noise, but when I saw Tucker catch my gaze, I forced myself to shove it all back. This was his day. His night. I could worry about myself later.

After winning the game, we grabbed burgers and shakes from Bob’s diner and brought them home. Archer was staying over with Colton again, and after some lighthearted talk and a few birthday presents with Tucker’s family, the four of us were up in his bedroom on the massive bean bags he kept in the lounging area. Our remaining food was spread out in front of us, like a buffet any of us could pick from. I grabbed a fry and laid back, my eyes feeling heavy. But it had been such a good night, I wasn’t ready for it to end.

When the guys started up with more sports talk, I felt the bean bag shift as Annie joined me on mine. I didn’t even have to look to know. One of those moments that I sensed everything she was going to say. She knew something was up. And once we got home, she was demanding answers.

Sensing my resignation, she leaned back, her hair mixing with mine between us. I tried not to cry. I didn’t want to be sick. I didn’t want what happened to Daddy to be happening to me. But I was clearly out of time to ignore the signs.

“Bathroom,” I muttered.

I ducked inside and took several deep breaths, my stomach continuing to turn. I went to search through a set of white, wooden shelves Tucker had set up in the corner. One side held the towels, but I knew he threw medicine and junk in the other.

I was just rifling through when the edge of a blue box caught my attention, and I froze.

No. No way.It couldn’t be. I hadn’t missed… But it’s been different, and I’ve been feeling off for months. My nerves were so high it was like they were buzzing outside of my body. I grabbed the box and stuck it in the back of my skirt, pulling my shirt over to hide it. I slipped out into the bedroom and quickly stuffed it in my dance bag I’d dumped on the end of Tucker’s bed.

“Um, Annie?”

One look at me and she was hopping to her feet. “We’re gonna head out, guys.”

They looked surprised, but I pasted a fake smile on my face. “I’m just worn out tonight. See y’all tomorrow.”

“Sure. Of course,” Jet quickly replied.

“Happy birthday.” I gave Tucker a quick kiss and did my best to walk out as normally as I could, but my limbs were literally shaking.

“What is it?” Annie linked her arm with mine when we got outside.

I shook my head. I couldn’t say it. Not yet.

“Izzy, what is it?” Annie pressed as I rushed up to our room.

“Shut the door.”

“Okay, you’re seriously starting to scare me.”

She pushed the door closed, and the second I heard it click, I blurted, “I might be pregnant.”

I slapped a hand over my mouth as Annie gaped.

“You might what?”

My eyes welled up. “I might be pregnant. I don’t know for sure. I’ve just been thinking I’ve been sick lately. Like Daddy kind of sick with everything going on. But then I was in Tucker’s bathroom, and I spotted that pregnancy test he bought for Lisa, and I don’t know. It kind of makes sense.”

“Okay. You’re kind of losing me here. You thought you were sick, like possible brain tumor sick, and you didn’t tell me?”

“Annie! Focus.”

“I am. We’ll get to the other in a minute. I knew you were hiding something, but I was just giving you time to process. If I’d known you thought you were possibly going to die, I would’ve forced you to talk sooner.”

“I feel like I’m dying now.” My hand gripped my middle as I paced the hardwood floors. It felt hard to breathe. Air was barely making it to my lungs.

Annie came up and placed her hands on my arms by my shoulders, letting me stop. She met my eyes, way more calm resting in the surface of hers than I knew she was seeing in mine.

“Deep breaths. Breathe with me.” She inhaled slowly then released a long exhale. I mimicked her, doing several rounds before I started to feel like I was back inside myself again. “Now explain. Please. How do you go from brain tumor to pregnant with just seeing a test?”

“Um.” I shoved a hand back through my hair. “I’ve been dizzy. A lot. I’ve even passed out a few times, which I was always, or at least usually able to, chock up to not enough food or water. Leo and I have been practicing so hard.”

“Okay…not happy to hear you’re making yourself pass out but go on.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose,” I defended. “It never used to happen. But it’s not just that. Ever since that virus I’ve been run down and exhausted, and my stomach has been getting swoops of nausea. Which I thought was just stress, but then after I saw that test…”

“But haven’t you been having your period?”

“Not like I used to. Dr. Fallor changed my birth control back in July, right before Tucker and I started sleeping together, and it’s been really light ever since. I thought it was just the new pills, but what if it’s not?”

“But what if it is? A lot of this could be explained away. Or you really might just need to go to the doctor.” I could hear Annie’s desperation behind her denial, but some part of me knew. The second I saw that box, I knew.

“I grabbed the test. I need to take it.”

Annie released a massive gush of air and dropped to sit on my bed. She looked up. “Okay.”

Digging out the test, I shut myself in the bathroom. I felt like I was moving on autopilot. The whole thing surreal. Never in a million years had I pictured myself doing this in high school. On my boyfriend’s birthday, no less. Oh, God. What if it’s actually positive?What am I going to do? How would I tell Tucker?

Slow down. I forced myself to take a few deep breaths. It was possible I was stirring myself up over nothing.

But I didn’t believe that.

My hands now strangely steady, I placed the cap back on the stick and set it on the counter.

“Izzy?” Annie tapped on the door.

I opened it, finding the fear I should be feeling in her eyes. It was like I was numb. “Two minutes,” I told her, stepping out to go sit on my bed.

Annie joined me, her feet tapping restlessly on the floor. She stuck her hands under her thighs to keep them still. “So, what are you going to do if–”

“I don’t know.” I sounded weird. Creepy. Calm.

Some part of my brain had checked out.

I stared at a handle on the dresser Daddy had made, one of those precious items I still held from him, and all I could think of was what he must be thinking, watching what I was doing now from up above. I pushed the thought away, not wanting to go there, the only noise in the room the next hour-like minutes the sound of the clock ticking on the wall.

“Izzy,” Annie whispered, and I knew it was time.

My whole life was about to change.

Or maybe not.

The last vestiges of my hope built as I walked over to the bathroom counter, and just as fast as they’d stirred, they came plummeting down.

‘Pregnant’

The word was clear across the screen.

Annie grabbed my hand, giving me an anchor as I spiraled in the abyss of shock. I met her gaze in the mirror and saw tears sliding down her face.

She felt for me.

I didn’t know what to feel.

All I knew was that it changed everything.

“So, um, I really want to be supportive here and say the perfect thing, but I don’t know what comes next. Are you okay? Izzy?” Annie squeezed my hand.

“I’m…I don’t know. Is it okay not to know?”

“Absolutely. You look like you’re in shock.”

“I think I am. Can we just not talk about it now and do something else until I get my head wrapped around it?”

“Sure.” Annie’s face shifted into understanding.

We settled downstairs and never had I been happier that Mom was on the night shift for work. I seriously needed to think before she saw me. She’d know something was up, and right now, I didn’t know my next move. Aside from knowing I had to tell Tucker.

Tears welled in my eyes, and I swallowed them back. He needed to know. He deserved to know. But all I could picture right now was the way he reacted when he thought this very same thing happened with Lisa just months ago. It had not gone well.

“How are you going to tell Tucker?” Annie asked when some movie she’d put on was over, the two of us sitting in the quiet of the downstairs.

I shook my head. I still had no clue.

“Well, my next question was going to be when are you going to tell him, but if you don’t know how–”

“Annie?”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll have my back. No matter what I decide.”

She held my gaze, blazing ferocity and fierce loyalty piercing through. “Always.”

We headed to bed after that, but neither of us really fell asleep until it was well past midnight. Mine was fitful, in and out with dreams of what Tucker would do when I told him. Him holding me tight. Or yelling, blaming me for letting this happen. Ruining our careers before they even started. Even him just walking away.

I finally tossed my covers back, knowing sleep was a lost cause, and did what I should’ve done in the first place. Leaving a note for Annie, I grabbed a sweater and pulled it over the silk of my pajamas before heading outside. The chill of the night wind bit my exposed skin, but if anything, it was a relief. Like it was letting me know I was alive. That I could feel something past the fear and doubt.

Crawling in my ancient Ford pickup, I pulled out and drove straight through town, heading for the highway that would lead me to the long roads where I could simply zone out and be. Let the vibration and hum of the road in my old truck be the white noise my thoughts needed to slow down and process.

The sun was just peeking over the horizon when I finally knew what I was going to do. It was whether or not Tucker would agree and stand by my side that I didn’t.

I headed home and found Annie already up. One look at my face and she read me like a book.

“You’re about to tell him, aren’t you?”

“Is it a bad idea?”

She sucked in a breath and let out a puff of air, her hands on her hips. “Before school will be rough. Can you make it ‘til after?”

“He’ll know something’s up the second he sees me. I feel like needles are pricking all under my skin, I’m so nervous. But maybe you’re right.”

It was the longest day of my life, trying to act like everything was normal. I called Leo to have him cover my dance tutoring again, saying I was sick. He didn’t even question it with how off I’d been during rehearsals lately. It wasn’t like my Baste Academy audition was something I needed to prepare for anymore, anyway.

I waited in the bleachers during Tucker’s practice, praying it wasn’t the last time I got the chance to watch him this way. Where he’d look up at me between plays like every shot was dedicated to me.

Annie stayed with me, forever my support today. She only ducked out at the end to meet Jet after football practice. He might not be able to play right now, but he was right there on the sidelines, cheering his team on and offering his guidance and support every day.

“Hey, princess.” Tucker leaned down for a kiss when practice was over. He was covered in sweat, but his face was bright. My stomach rolled, knowing I was about to crush him.

“You were great.” I forced a smile, like I’d been doing all day.

“You ready to head home?” He slung his backpack and gym bag over his shoulder.

“Yeah.”

He took my hand, and I relished the moment, lacing my fingers through his. Wondering if it would be the last time. He was saying something on the drive home, but I really didn’t hear. I just stared, admiring his strong jaw, his straight nose, and supple lips. The way his hair flopped so effortless and perfectly across his brow. The way he looked at me. Those whiskey depths swirling with love.

I didn’t want to lose him. Lose us.

“Are you okay?” he asked as we pulled up to our neighborhood. “You seem off. You have all day, really.”

“Have I?” I swallowed, looking out the window. “I guess that’s because I have some news.”

“Oh, yeah?” His brow raised, expectant. We pulled up in front of his house, and he shifted his truck into park, leaving the ignition on. Warmth from the heater swirled around us.

Tucker watched me. Waiting.

“I, uh, might have to give up my audition.” I was such a chicken.

“What? Why? Did something happen?” Concern filled those warm brown eyes.

I nodded. “I uh…” I took another breath. “Here.” I reached in my purse, remembering the proof he’d needed from Lisa, and set the pregnancy test on the seat between us. Bracing myself.

Tucker looked down, confused at first, and then froze. Not even a breath left his body.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, needing to say it out loud. Make it real. Because it was.

Tucker still didn’t move.

I took another breath, trying to hold back the tears. So many stupid tears. “I found out last night. I know it’s a shock, but I was up all night thinking about it. I’m keeping it, Tucker.”

I waited, hoping for some kind of reaction. A nod. Anything. For him to just look at me…

“No.” He started to shake his head, his eyes still on the stick, and my throat closed tight.

“Okay. Well. I understand,” I somehow choked out and threw open my door before he could see me cry.

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