Chapter 11

After the game had ended, Jet and Tucker slipped away from their families, saying they were staying with some of the football guys at Corey’s tonight while Annie and I claimed Emma’s house. We grabbed a quick bite at Bob’s diner and then headed out to a more secluded spot down the beach, just past where the private strip we’d grown up at over the summers ended. Using Tucker’s headlights to set up a bonfire, we were now gathered around the flames in lawn chairs, the four of us roasting marshmallows as we chatted and stared out at the rippling water.

“I still can’t believe how the game ended,” Tucker stated. He popped the top off another beer that Corey’s brother had been nice enough to get for us, taking a long pull.

“I know,” Annie blurted, onto her fourth. “We were so close. How did we go from a huge lead to winning by one freaking point?”

“Hey, a win’s a win.” Jet pulled his marshmallow from the fire, inspecting it before sticking it back in, but I couldn’t help but see his mood was nowhere near as hyped as we’d hoped.

“So, what was the deal with the recruiters again?” I asked. I’d been on cloud nine when we’d first met up after the game when he’d first shared, but it was like only bits and pieces of the conversation had stayed in my brain. I laid my head on Tucker’s arm, the edge of my tiara pressing into my temple near my ear. I’d changed into leggings and a comfortable top, but I was choosing to be girly about keeping my tiara on. A girl didn’t win one every day. My eyes drifted closed for a few moments before I peeled them back open again. I couldn’t explain why, but I was tired, more than I expected, my brain more and more like a fog as the night wore on.

Jet gave me a funny look. “The coach from Ridgeside University was pretty sure he’d filled his quarterback position for next year, but he said he’d keep me in mind if things fell through. And the AM recruiter was looking for a running back. He ended up talking to Noah. Which is awesome for him, but Coach was kind of pissed. There was another guy from East Texas University who was supposed to show up and didn’t. He’s going to try to get him and a few others to another game.”

I gave him a sympathetic smile. “Well, there’s definitely still a little time. And at least that other one’s keeping you on his radar. That’s good. And if things keep up, it’s looking good for playoffs this year. That’s even more time.”

Jet nodded, finally pulling his marshmallow from the fire. Flames blazed on the puffy whiteness, blackening the surface, and I grimaced when he blew it out, the smell of the sugary sweetness like it was right under my nose. My stomach niggled, and I tucked my nose into Tucker’s arm, hiding from the affronting scent.

“You okay?” He looked down, concerned.

“Just tired. I feel a little off, but I’m okay. Maybe the excitement from tonight got to me.”

“That and you were up until two AM in your studio last night,” Annie pointed out. “It’s no wonder you’re tired.”

I shrugged a shoulder, knowing she was probably right. But I hadn’t been able to sleep, I was so wound up, my stomach slightly off even then with nerves over homecoming. I had no idea what was up with it now.

“Hey, I meant to check. Are any of the schools Coach mentioned the same as any of Tucker’s scholarship offers?” Annie chimed in again, her mind on a new tangent.

Tucker shook his head. “No, not so far, but I’ve still got another season to get more.”

“What are we going to do if none of us get into the same schools?” Annie worried, her bottom lip pressing between her teeth.

Jet reached up, brushing it free with his thumb. “It’ll be fine. I’ve got the mechanic thing to fall back on if a scholarship doesn’t pan out. Wherever you’re going, I’m going.”

“And Izzy? She and Leo were going on about Baste Academy after dance camp a few weeks ago. None of us are going there…” She looked around, panic sounding in her voice like she’d just begun to realize.

Tucker took a deep breath after polishing off his beer, a lazy smile on his expression when I glanced up. “Annie, you’ve gotta chill. You’re basically a shoo-in for Valedictorian. Your college is paid for. You’ll get in almost anywhere.”

“And Leo and I haven’t heard anything from Baste Academy, sis,” I mumbled, trying not to let my disappointment show.

“Which is bullshit,” Tucker bit out. “I watched y’all at practice that day, and y’all are awesome. If those Baste Academy people don’t want you, it’s their loss.”

“Aren’t there other dance schools you can get into?” Jet asked, and Annie shot him a look.

“I don’t want her further away than she has to be, babe.”

“Just asking.”

I sighed, my stomach turning and the rising tension not helping. “There are other schools, but Baste Academy is the best in the state, and I don’t think any of us are looking to leave Texas.”

“But I don’t want us spread out all over it, either,” Annie pressed.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it tonight,” I snapped, immediately feeling like crap. “I’m sorry. I just feel off. And tired. Y’all mind if I head to bed?”

Annie’s expression immediately softened. “Yeah, go.”

“You want me to come with you?” Tucker grabbed my hand, and I shook my head.

“Y’all stay up. I’m just going to sleep.”

I left them around the fire to crawl into the massive tent Tucker and I were supposed to share on Jet’s last birthday, except this time, he and I would be sharing one side while Jet and Annie had the second half. The divider was pulled up, and I considered lowering it to give Annie and Jet their privacy when they came to bed, but I honestly didn’t have it in me to mess with it.

I turned on the little camp light in the corner and pulled off my tiara, setting it on top of my bag. Then, I took a minute to brush out my hair before taking off my bra and curling under the covers. The sounds of my friends’ voices carried through with the wind, and I listened, coming in and out of sleep, my stomach turning more and more as they laughed and played drinking games before finally calling it a night.

Some stupid part of me fought back tears, frustrated with myself for feeling so off when tonight was supposed to be special. It wasn’t like Tucker and I got to sleep together all the time. Not like this. And here I was, trying not to get sick.

When Tucker crawled over to our side sometime during the night, I was half out, barely remembering him settling beside me, but when he rested his arm around my waist, I whimpered at the added pressure.

“You okay?”

A tear leaked out before I could stop it, and I nudged his arm away.

“Izzy?” He pulled it back.

I shook my head, sucking in a breath as a few more tears flowed without permission, and Tucker reached up, cupping my cheek when he heard.

“Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

I swallowed, trying to hold back the turning in my middle. “My stomach.” It swooped, and I knew I was only seconds away from losing what I had for dinner. Scrambling from the covers, I bolted out of the tent and ran to the edge of the water before throwing up.

Tucker hurried out behind me, pulling my hair back from my shoulders. I felt a softer hand on my back, knowing it was Annie. They waited for me to finish, and I finally stood back up, Jet handing me a paper towel from the bag of supplies we’d brought.

“Better?” Tucker asked. I waited for a moment before answering and then nodded.

“I’m sorry, you guys. Maybe dinner just didn’t sit right. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay.” Annie gave me a comforting smile. “You think you’re okay to stay, or do we need to go back home?”

“Well, since y’all are all drunk, we’re staying.” I gave a little grin. “But yeah, I’m feeling better now.”

I did a quick brush of my teeth, and we all piled back into the tent. This time, I was able to curl into Tucker, enjoying the feel of his hand brushing along my back and the sound of his heart beating beneath my ear as I lay on his broad chest. We didn’t attempt anything more intimate, him seeming to know I didn’t want to push it.

I eased into a peaceful sleep, something exciting and comforting about being on the beach with my friends, sister, and boyfriend overnight. A new place in our relationships that seemed to fit so well. But not long before dawn, I woke with an awful twisting pain in my stomach again and ran back outside.

No one woke up that time, and I settled in one of the chairs by the depleted bonfire, letting the early morning ocean breeze cool my flushed features. I threw up two more times before the others started to emerge, and Annie took one look at me and frowned, taking the chair beside mine.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were still sick? You look like death.” My head laid back as she pressed the back of her hand to it. “Crap, Izzy, you’re burning up. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

I shrugged, not even wanting to attempt words at that point. She went and got the guys, and I went to lay in Tucker’s truck while they cleaned up the campsite, my head in Annie’s lap in the backseat on the way home. Tucker carried me up to bed, and the second he set me down, I was racing for the bathroom, nothing but dry heaving and stomach acid coming up at this point.

Jet was waiting by the desk while Annie started bustling about the room when I came out. “I’ll get you some Tylenol and a washcloth. You lie down, and I’ll pull a trashcan up to the bed just in case,” she instructed.

“You’ve got this?” Tucker asked her, holding the covers open for me as I crawled into bed.

Annie rolled her eyes. “Mom’s a nurse. Pretty sure I know how to take care of my sister, Tucker.” Her face softened in retrospect. “But thanks for wanting to check.”

“Text me if you need me.” He reached down, brushing my hair back from my face. “Soup, a new book. Whatever. I’m your guy.”

I couldn’t help but smile, and within minutes, I was out.

I stayed out of it for days, with a blistering fever and my horrible stomach to boot, and poor Annie spent so much of her time taking care of me that weekend that by Monday she’d woken up with it as well. Mom dragged us to the doctor, confirming there was an awful virus going around, and I had at least another few days of it to go.

Tucker and Jet had been amazing, bringing home our things from school each day and curling up with us on the couch downstairs to watch movies and our favorite shows. Tucker even surprised me with a gift card one day when I was finally coming out of the worst of it so I could update my stash of ebooks while I was stuck at home.

We were cuddled up on the couch under a blanket one afternoon, Tucker lounging back against the arm while I laid between his legs, my back on his chest. I was reading my new smut on my Kindle while he flicked through shows on the TV. Jet was upstairs, checking on Annie after another spike of her fever. Mom had headed to work a couple of hours ago, and Archer was still over at Colton’s.

Tucker’s fingers trailed lazily through the long strands of my loose hair, and I shifted, snuggling so I was laying with my cheek on his chest. I propped my Kindle at the edge of the couch to read. It was so strange how quickly my comfort level with Tucker had changed. These touches and caresses between us were still so new, but nothing had ever felt so right. We’d fallen into the role of boyfriend and girlfriend so seamlessly. A part of me kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Where would the perfection end?

“You finally coming back to school tomorrow?” Tucker dropped the remote to the floor when he settled on a show, wrapping his arm around my middle, his other hand still playing with my hair.

I sighed, laying my Kindle down. “Probably. I don’t feel sick so much anymore today, just weak.”

“Yeah, that virus y’all had was killer.”

I nodded. “Annie will probably still be out for another day or two, though.”

“Makes sense.” He lifted a lock of my hair, studying the strands before bringing it to his nose. I gave him a funny look, and he smirked. “I love the smell of your hair. And the color, like it’s countless shades of warm brown.”

My heart did a funny little flip. “Um, thank you?”

He rolled his eyes with a teasing grin. “Think it’s safe to kiss you yet?”

“Only the brave will find out,” I joked back.

“Wow,” he deadpanned, but only a second later and he was pulling me up his chest and pressing his lips to mine.

I sighed, my heart mimicking the feeling, and tucked my hand behind his head to bury my fingers in his hair. His tongue ran along my bottom lip, asking for entrance, and I opened, letting him brush mine with his own. It was tender, passionate, filled with everything that we’d been forced to hold back this week. How much we’d missed each other.

His hand burrowed in the back of my hair, deepening the kiss just as the door pushed open. I froze at first in surprise before springing apart, not wanting Archer to see, but then my face fell into shock, meeting Mom’s stunned green stare in the doorway.

The next few seconds passed like minutes, neither of us moving, our gazes holding, until Tucker shifted, breaking the trance.

“It looks like congratulations are in order,” Mom said, shutting the door. “How long has this been going on?”

My mouth opened but nothing came out, everything going dry.

“Since she broke up with Zane. About two months ago.”

I watched in horror as a strange look of anger and betrayal swept over Mom’s features before it suddenly disappeared. “Well, I’m glad you bothered to tell me. I think I caught y’all’s virus. They sent me home with a fever. If you need me, I’m taking a shower and then lying down.” Her words were normal, but oh, so cold, almost vacant, and terror took over my insides. I shot Tucker a look and scrambled off the couch, tripping over the blanket before yanking my foot free.

“Mom.” I stumbled the next few steps, hurrying to follow. She ignored me. “Mom.”

“Izzy, not now.” She stopped in the doorway of her room, gripping the doorjamb. She kept her back to me.

“But–”

“I feel like shit, even more so now that I know you’ve been hiding something like this from me. Can we please talk when I don’t feel like death?”

“Um, yeah.” I didn’t know what to say, hating the bite to her words. She shut the door, leaving me standing in the hallway as tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. I felt terrible. I felt like such an awful daughter. I’d never meant for her to find out this way, and now…

Tucker came to a stop at the end of the hall, leaning with his shoulder against the wall. “She okay?”

I shook my head, turning to look at him with a glare. “Why did you do that?”

“Because she saw us, Izzy. You should’ve told her sooner, like I said. I wasn’t going to lie to her when it was right in front of her face.”

“No, but you could’ve let me figure out a better way to say it,” I hissed, pushing past him to head back to the living room. I scooped up the blanket, flipping it out across the back of the couch so I could fold it, needing something to do with my hands. Tucker just turned and watched me.

“I could’ve, but would you have been honest?”

“How was I going to lie? Oh, sorry, Mom, this just happened like right now. I’m as surprised as you.” I rolled my eyes. “Please, Tucker. I was going to tell her.”

“But you hadn’t. For months.” His own voice hardened, the tone not rising but shifting to meet my anger. My desperation I didn’t know how to deal with now with Mom shutting me out.

“Because I didn’t want to hurt her! I told you.” Tears started falling down my cheeks, and I dropped the folded blanket onto the arm of the couch, swiping them away. Why couldn’t I stop crying lately? I was just so tired of feeling like crap. And tired. The virus had sucked so much from my system and then everything we’d dealt with at school…

I dropped to the couch, wrapping my arms around my waist as I tried not to cry. Tucker came up, taking the cushion next to mine and pulled me into his chest. “Are you actually this scared about what your mom’s going to do?”

I nodded. “I caught her crying again, that last night you asked me to tell her? I tried, I ran so many ways through my head of how I could bring it up, but every one of them just led to her breaking inside and trying to hide it from me. She was holding so much in for so long, and she’s just getting help. How was I supposed to make it worse?”

Tucker sighed. “I get it. I think. You want me to stay?”

I shook my head. It just felt wrong now with Mom home and hurting. Because of me. “I need to check on Annie. Jet’s been up there a while. And Archer will be home soon. Helen’s been helping him with homework this week, which is awesome, but…” I trailed off, not even sure what I was trying to say.

Tucker just kissed my brow, unwrapping his arms as he stood. “I get it. Call me if you want before bed.”

I watched him leave and fell back against the couch, pulling a pillow across my face to scream.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep on the couch, and I woke up to feel a blanket being draped across me. I blinked, starting to sit up, when I heard Mom’s voice.

“Don’t. You’re fine.”

I laid back down, sensing her still standing there. The room was dark, save for the light above the stove in the kitchen we sometimes left on.

“May I sit?” Mom touched my toes. I pulled my feet up, making room, and the couch dipped as she took a seat on the end. She pulled my feet into her lap, running her hand over them in a few calming strokes, and I felt tension I hadn’t realized was there ease from my body. “I’m sorry for getting mad,” Mom started.

“I’m sorry for keeping it from you.”

“Don’t. I heard what you said. To Tucker. Why you were keeping it from me.” My heart lurched. She sounded so sad. “I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me things, Izzy. I’m your mom. It’s my job to take care of you. Not the other way around.”

“It’s our job to take care of each other. You had Daddy before, Mom, but it wasn’t just you that lost him. We all did. It’s up to all of us to be there for each other. Annie and I dropped the ball on that with you for a while. We don’t want to do it again.”

Silence pulsed in the darkness for a few seconds before Mom squeezed my foot, and I heard the tightness in her throat when she replied. “You’re right. We need to take care of each other. But hiding things isn’t the way to do it. I was hiding how much I was hurting for so long, and look what it did to me. It wasn’t your or Annie’s fault. I should have gotten help sooner. With my job, I know the signs. It’s just so hard when it’s you to admit that you’re there.”

I nodded, though I knew she couldn’t see. “Are you getting better?” I whispered, the question sounding like a loaded gun, so much impact could come from the answer.

Mom took a deep breath, letting it out long and slow. “A little. I have a lot of work to do, but there are little things I’m starting to see. But what I know is I never want you girls or your brother to feel like you can’t come to me. That just makes me feel worse. You understand?”

“Okay.” My own voice sounded choked.

“And for the record. I like Tucker better than Zane. If you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.”