Chapter Seven

VOID

Listen to him, prancing around like he’s king fucking dick. I should have never let that fucker go with her! The idea that he’s spending the night with Ivy, fantasizing about her while she’s practically sleeping beside him, eats at my very fucking core. She can’t see that he’s in deep, but I know lust when I see it, and the prospect is all about getting into Ivy’s panties.

If the fucker makes a move while I’m not there, so help me fucking God, the outcome won’t be pretty.

My muscles tense, and heat washes over me as I pick up the nearest thing and hurl it across the room. The short glass narrowly misses Nycto, smashing on the floor by the pool table. Shards burst all over the concrete by his feet.

Nycto’s eyes widen, and he glares at me.

I swing back to the bar and give it a few taps.

Stacey grimaces but quickly pours me another Jack.

The heavy boots of Nycto moving in behind me are unmistakable as I simmer at boiling point. His hand on my back doesn’t shock me, but the jerking motion of him hoisting me by my shirt up from my seat does. I stumble haphazardly as he yanks. I turn to face him, but he drags me toward the Chapel without stopping.

“What the fuck, man?”

He shoves me forward. “Walk!”

I shrug and straighten my cut, trying to gain some semblance of dignity. But I know I’m on the edge of something here. The problem is, Nycto knows it too. This was coming.

We walk into the Chapel, and he slams the door shut behind me.

“Look, I wasn’t aiming the glass at—”

“I don’t give a shit about the glass, brother. I’m more concerned about you! What the fuck has you throwing projectiles through the clubhouse?”

Letting out a heavy exhale, I slump back on the edge of the table. I need to take a load off. This shit is weighing me down so heavy. “This ain’t me, Pres.”

Nycto dips his chin in understanding and moves to the head of the table, sliding out his chair. “Sit. Talk to me.”

Groaning, I rub the back of my neck, but then move to my chair and slump down onto it. “My entire life, my emotions have been the one thing I can rely on. The one fucking thing I can control. They have been off like a switch I just flicked. My father taught me to let it go. Don’t allow anyone in. That way, no one can hurt you. Everyone is fucking equal, so no one can make you feel anything more than anyone else. No one can make you feel any-fucking-thing.”

Nycto sits back in his chair and tilts his head. “I get that. I do… I mean, it’s why we named you Void, man. You’ve been closed off to everything. So, what’s going on now? What’s happening in your head?”

I lean forward, my elbows on the table, and scrub at my face. Letting out a groan of frustration, I exhale. “Ivy. I don’t… she… fuck!”

“She’s making you feel. Breaking down the walls you spent your entire life building.”

Leaning back, my tired eyes meet his, and I nod. “I don’t know how to deal with this fucking shit. She means abso-fucking-lutely everything, and that doesn’t… I mean, it’s not who I am.”

Nycto shrugs. “Well then, who are you, Void?”

A sick bastard.

“What do you seek?” I asked the new disciple.

“Enlightenment,” she replied. Her white dress was saturated in the blood of the farm members before her. The ritual had gone smoothly. All that was left was to officially initiate her into the family.

This was my job.

Even though I was young, my father was teaching me the ways—the path to enlightenment.

My hands moved in, gripping onto her blood-soaked white dress, ripping it open and pulling it dramatically from her body. Her nakedness underneath was a sight to behold. The blood from the disciples covered her flesh, and all that did was make me hard.

This was the way.

The way of the farm.

Her fresh branding only made her more attractive. She would forever be a part of us now.

The farm.

Family.

With my ram’s head still firmly in place, I signaled to the two disciples ranked below me to start the proceedings.

They grabbed her—I don’t even remember her name.

There were so many before her, but she was my last. The one forever engrained in my memory. Her rose tattoo that took up most of her left hip was dripping in blood as my disciples pulled her back against the Saint Andrew’s cross.

She was ready for her initiation.

Here, she would be welcomed by the men.

All of us.

As family, we are one.

They chained her to the cross as she panted with bated breath.

She was willing—I was able.

My breathing was rushed beneath my ram’s mask as I slid down my white pants, now wet from the water ceremony. I was first in line—it was an honor my father bestowed upon me for the first time. He was preparing me to take over from him as leader.

And I was prepared.

I was honored.

This was my calling.

I stepped up to her, my father by my side. Her eyes looked right at me, but she wasn’t looking at me. She was staring at the mask—the ram.

“Take her, son. But remember, emotion is useless. So, do whatever you need to. This is her initiation. To be a part of the farm, she needs to take whatever is thrown her way.”

I nodded, then stepped up to her with a smile on my face and eagerness in the pit of my stomach. I spread her legs, my cock ready and waiting for her as my hands snapped out, wrapping around her throat, gripping as tight as I could, and then…

“Void?”

I shake my head, ridding myself of my nightmare past. “I’m a fucking asshole, that’s who I am. I’ve done shit, Nycto. Bad shit. How can I ever be the man Ivy needs?”

Nycto exhales. “If your mind is going back to who you were at that farm… you’re not that guy anymore. You aren’t the man your father tried to turn you into. You’ve grown. Hell, if you’re feeling something for Ivy, doesn’t that prove it to you?”

Hesitating, I place my head in my hands. “Dash is trying to make a move on her.”

Nycto chuckles, then he exhales. “She only has eyes for you. If you let your newfound emotions get in the way of that, you’re gonna fuck it up with her.”

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, for fuck’s sake. I don’t know how to handle this shit. I don’t fucking like it.”

Nycto grins. “No one likes not being in control. You just have to figure out if Ivy is worth you dealing with your emotions, or if it’s better, for the lack of a better phrase, being void. No one can figure that shit out but you.”

I’m quiet for a moment as I think about how much I hated letting Ivy go with Tony. Allowing her to drive away was too much to bear.

Is Ivy worth this torment? You bet your ass she is.

“I don’t like her being there. Letting her leave was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”

“Then, I think you have your answer. If you can’t stand the thought of her being harmed—”

“Then she’s worth fighting for… even if half the fight is within me.”

Nycto leans over, slapping my shoulder. “Feelin’ better?”

I shake my head. “No. I’m fucking wrecked. Ivy’s still at Tony’s, and she’s there with motherfucking Dash while I’m trying to figure out this emotion bullshit. Goddamn, I need another drink.”

Nycto chuckles. “Okay, brother, let’s get something stiff.”

We stand to walk to the bar.

I don’t know if having a drink will help. The idea that Dash is sleeping so close to Ivy slays me. But the fact that I’m opening myself up to feeling shit I never knew I could, well, that’s just as fucking frightening.

And I don’t know which one I need to be more afraid of right now.