Chapter Twelve

IVY

The ride home on our new bike was exhilarating. Of course Void bought Reva, how could he not? We both love the way she felt beneath us, but more importantly, he loved the way she handled. It’s something I didn’t think I would ever experience in my lifetime—the feel of a powerful bike between my legs and me in command—but I have a feeling with Void as a part of my life, I’m going to experience many firsts.

When we arrived back at the clubhouse, all the brothers were eager to check out the new bike. Even Eva was excited. It’s not until after we’ve shown off Reva that we are able to grab a moment to slip away.

Thankfully, we manage to find some quiet in the Cell. It’s nice to be alone with Void and not have to worry about anyone else. We shared something together today while buying Reva, and it felt awesome.

We’ve come a long way from the first night we spent together, the night after Eva and I were taken from the boat. Void would hardly talk to me. Actually, I did all the talking. He truly lived up to his name. It took every ounce of cheerfulness in me to break down his walls. Once I finally got there, it only took a minute, a split-second decision for him to brick that tough exterior back up. I still don’t know much about him, about his past or where he comes from. All I know is he doesn’t like talking about it, and that’s when he shuts down.

I get it. My past is screwed too. My parents dying when I was young, Eva having to take care of us both. And then we were stolen to be sold. Tony DeLuca, the man who purchased Eva and me, is actually a half-decent guy. He just goes about things in the wrong way, but it’s for the love of his family, and I get that now. Back when Andrés was threatening to hurt Eva, I would have done anything to protect her if Nycto hadn’t stepped in.

When Eva was shot, it killed me inside, watching her bleeding out like that. That precise moment, I realized family is everything. For the people we love, the people who mean everything, I would do anything to keep them safe.

That’s why, when I figured out the walls down here held people behind them—bad people—I knew we were going to be okay here.

Nycto would do anything to keep us safe.

As would Void, Ominous, Nerve… any of the brothers.

When I first arrived—when I was free to roam the Chamber—the man I heard moaning in the walls and I had a chat. Sure, he was delirious, but he told me what he’d done to the club. He told me why he was bricked up behind the wall. Why they were torturing him in that way.

Instantly, something inside of me clicked.

I felt the darkness take hold.

This man was bad.

Did he deserve to starve or suffocate to death for his sins? Maybe not, but if he was going to anyway, I sure as hell wanted to be there to hear it happen. To witness his reckoning.

I think I knew then that something inside me was fractured.

Broken.

Dark.

I might come across as bright and bubbly on the surface, but something is lurking, something that needs to be tamed. Controlled. Prevented from hurting people… or at least diverting that energy to those who truly deserve it. I got my first taste of it when I slammed that brick into Andrés’s face. Watching his skin rip and tear, his blood running free by my hand, made me feel mighty powerful and strong, like I could do anything. Bricking him behind that wall made me feel unbreakable.

I got another taste of it when I rode Reva—a hint of the woman I’m supposed to be.

Having Void there observing me only made me want him more. The fact Void accepts I can be sweet Ivy and poisonous Ivy means more to me than I can even comprehend.

I wish he would open up to me about his past.

We’ve established we have a safe space when we’re together, even if we sometimes fuck it up. I want to understand more about him. Void means the world to me. He’s been my rock since I arrived, and I wish he would lean on me as I do him.

“You’re deep in thought.” Void sighs, looking across at me as we sit on the sofa watching Chicago P.D.

With a deep inhale, I blink a few times. “Am I?” My voice goes higher at the end.

Real convincing there, Ivy.

“You’ve been quiet since we got back.”

I sit up taller and give him a small smile. “Just reliving riding your bike for the first time.”

“You sure that’s all? ’Cause I thought it would make you happy, but you look… pensive?”

“Pensive, hey? Didn’t think you’d know how to use a big word like that.” I try to hold in my laugh, but when he scowls, it hits me, along with the soft plush of a cushion. I giggle, deflecting it, then lay my head on his lap. “I’m good. Just thinking about things.”

Void’s fingers come out to tenderly stroke my hair. “Like what?”

I sigh. “My place in this club.”

His fingers stop in my hair, his body tensing under me. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno… maybe I’m coasting.”

He doesn’t reply, but he inhales sharply. I turn to peek up at him, his complexion turning pale.

I bolt upright, frowning at him. “Void?”

“Y-you wanna leave the club?”

I gasp. “No! Shit, no! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

He lets out the breath he was holding. “Shit, Ivy! Then what the hell do you mean?”

I smile weakly. Void wraps his arm around me, his cheek resting on my head.

“I mean, I feel like I should be doing more. I want to be more a part of the club. Do more for it. Riding Reva today made me so freaking happy, so damn excited, that I felt like a part of myself was forming. Hell, I can’t tell if I’m making any kind of sense right now.”

Void pulls me closer. “I understand completely. I know the feeling all too well. The first time I rode a bike, something clicked inside me too.” He pauses to press a kiss to the top of my head. “Let me talk to Nycto. You’re already running the crops and maintaining the Chamber. I’m not sure what else we can have you do when you’re not a patched member, but I will try.”

I gnaw on my bottom lip, warmth flooding through me. I’ve never been more excited at the prospect of finding my place here. I thought I’d found it, but I want more. I don’t exactly know what “more” is, but after taking that next step and riding today, I have a buzz, a thrill for this life. I want to live like Defiance does. I want to feel the rush of everything they conquer. I just don’t know how that can even happen.

As I snuggle into Void, loving the fact he’s going to check into it for me, I hear footsteps pounding outside the Cell. I peek up as Dash walks in. His eyes are bright when he spots me, but they dim when he sees me wrapped up in Void. He clears his throat, glancing at the television as if to appear uninterested. “It’s time to cultivate, if you’re up for it?”

Void groans as I detach from him. I plant a small kiss on Void’s cheek, then stand, walk out of the Cell toward Dash, and we head for the crops. Contentment swarms through me when Void stays put in my room, obviously waiting for me to come back later.

“So, is this a new thing? You and Void?” Dash asks, his voice sounding somewhat forlorn as we enter the crop area.

“Kind of… the kissing is new.”

Dash scrunches up his face, and he’s definitely coming across a little jealous. Still, I don’t know what to say to alleviate his concerns.

We get to work, starting the process of harvesting the mature plants. I keep to myself while pondering Dash’s actions. I can’t understand why he’s envious of Void. Before coming to the club, I’ve never had a guy jealous over me before. Yet I can’t ignore the definite tension in the air as Dash keeps to himself on the other side of the room.

Actually, I’m a little deflated that my friend is keeping me at arm’s length when we’ve been nothing but good pals up to this point.

The tension in the air is almost palpable and doesn’t lessen, but we’ve gathered and prepared what we need to take to Whiskey, who will ship it to Trixie’s café.

I box the items up and turn to Dash. “Are we okay? I don’t like this…” I wave my hands around. “Us not talking.”

Dash exhales, puts down his clipboard, and turns to me. “You know what, Ivy… no, we’re not okay.”

My eyes widen as I stand taller. “Okay… talk to me.”

Dash moves in, stepping right into my space, and takes my hand in his. The move shocks me, and my brows scrunch together. “Why him, Ivy? Why Void?”

I jerk my head back. “I… I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Okay, let me rephrase… why not me? We have such good chemistry together.”

I gasp, jerk my hand away from his, and take a step back. “Dash, no… we’re friends—”

Dash is quick to step into my space again, cutting me off, and now the desperation is clear in his eyes. “But we don’t have to be. Please, Ivy, don’t you feel this?” He grabs my hand and places it over his chest.

Tears well in my eyes while my bottom lip trembles.

I shake my head. “It’s him, Dash. It’s always been him.”

His face pales, and his breathing shallows. He drops my hand from his chest, and I back away again. “I… I’m sorry. I’m still your friend. I’ll always be your friend. But that’s all we will ever be.”

Dash turns, his shoulders slumping as he lets out a heavy breath. Then he simply walks away, leaving me in the lab to deal with his revelation.

Now I have to try to figure out whether I tell Void, or just let this—whatever the hell that was—fizzle out on its own.

The Next Day

Eva’s gone all out.

The decorations are entirely over the top. From what I’ve read about Labor Day, it isn’t even a big holiday here—people mainly just enjoy the long weekend—so why we’re celebrating it, I don’t know. Still, if there’s one thing I know about Eva, it’s that she won’t just throw a party, she’ll tiro la casa por la ventana.

The Miami brothers are here, causing a ruckus. I wanted to stay downstairs, but Void told me it could be seen as rude, and we should stay upstairs until we have at least eaten. Then I can go back to my cell and be the recluse I enjoy. Plus, I’m trying to avoid Dash, but no one else knows that.

Hawk, Doom, and Nycto are playing pool. Don’t even ask me how three men can play pool, I have no fricking clue how that works. Stella, Eva, and our club girls are hanging out around the kitchen as the music blasts loudly through the main bunker.

I stand back, people watching and sipping on a Cuba Libre. Stacey makes them so freaking good, I can’t stop at one.

Still, more than anything, I really want to go for a ride. Let my hair down, open the throttle, be one with the open road. I have an itch. I need Void to teach me. I’m dying for it.

He notices me from across the room, his posture changing as he does. His muscles relax, and his face softens as he turns to walk over to me. “What are you doing standing over here by yourself? You should be out there enjoying the party.”

“Yes, Labor Day. It isn’t even something you celebrate massively, is it?”

He chuckles. “What’s got you all tied in knots?”

My eyes meet his. Dash told me he has feelings for me. The feelings inside me, the churning discomfort… esto no tiene nombre. Instead, I say, “I want to learn to ride.”

His lips turn up, and his eyes sparkle. “You’ve caught it.”

“Huh?”

“The bug. The need to ride. To feel the adrenaline coursing through your veins. C’mon.” He grabs my drink and places it on a nearby table, then takes my hand, leading me outside.

“Where are we—”

“You wanna learn to ride, you’re gonna learn to ride.”

My veins pump full of excitement as I bound quickly behind him. “Now? But everyone’s here—”

“No one will even notice we’re gone. They’re too busy drinking and socializing with the Miami chapter.”

He’s not wrong.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

He walks me over to a smaller motorbike than Reva, pulls the keys from his pocket, and dangles them in front of my face. “Do as I say. You ride slow, don’t draw any attention, and don’t do anything fucking stupid. Got it?”

I nod in complete understanding, then jump on.

Void grabs a helmet from the fence, pops it over my head, and straps it on. He opens the ignition switch, spins the key clockwise, then flicks the cover back over, turning it to ignition. The green light shines in neutral, then he moves back. “First thing you gotta learn is how to reverse. Kick up the stand, pull the bike upright, and walk back with your feet.”

I do as he says. It’s heavy, but not so heavy I can’t do it. I sit properly on the bike, duck-walking it backward. The surge of power roaring through me is second to none. I’ve never felt more alive than I do right now.

“Okay, now you’re in position, move to the right handlebar. The right button reads ‘run.’ Click it to on.”

I gnaw on my bottom lip as I push it down.

“Now, the fun part. Right next to it is the start button. Check you’re still in neutral, then when you’re good to go, press down on start.”

I bounce on the seat a little, then calm my excitement. Looking down, the N is still green, so I move my finger to the start button and press down on it.

The bike roars to life, and I unleash a happy squeal, bouncing on my toes as much as the bike will allow.

Void shakes his head. “Keep your cool, Ivy.”

I nod, pulling my shit together. I take in a deep breath as I let the bike warm, release it, then turn to Void. “I can’t believe you’re letting me ride solo.”

“I trust you.” He doesn’t hesitate, or flinch, or waver. He says it so openly and that it fills me with nothing but confidence. “You ready, sweet thing?”

I bob my head. “Yep!”

“Then pull back on the throttle, ease into it, and take the corners slowly. Don’t go too fast, okay?” he calls out, but I have already ridden off and am halfway across the raised concrete section. I’m not going anywhere near fast enough for the wind to whip at my hair, but it’s enough for me to get a feel of the bike and to get even more of a taste of what riding is like. It’s smooth, almost effortless. I have no clue how I’m adapting to this so damn easy, but it’s like this is the only thing I’m meant to do with my life. I want West to open the gates and let me out, let me ride open and free with the wind, but Void absolutely won’t let me do that, so I turn back toward him. The smile on his face is so fucking wide.

Being on a bike is helping significantly with the tension I’m holding onto inside about Dash’s confession. So, I’m just going to let it go and ride. I can’t help but notice Nycto, Eva, and Hawk from Miami standing out with Void, all of them now watching me. I thought having an audience would terrify me, but all it does is spur me on. I want to show them I can do this. I might be little, I might be a virgin, but those things don’t define my character. I’m stronger than they all give me credit for. Right now, it’s like I can do anything.

I ride past them, and Eva laughs and calls out as I go. “Woo-hoo… go, Ivy! You show these guys how it’s done.”

As I turn and head back the way I came, I grin like the Cheshire cat. I wish I could ride forever, but I know I can’t. I have to go back inside at some point, and I shouldn’t waste the gas. Eventually, and hesitantly, I pull to a stop right next to them.

Eva claps loudly as Void comes to my side. He winks at me but continues his lesson. “Okay, to shut her down, hit the run switch to off.”

I move to the right-hand switch and regrettably flick it off. The bike shuts down, the vibration coming to a halt as I inhale sharply.

Void’s eyes connect with mine. “You did great. Well done! Even changed gears at the right time. You’re a natural.”

“That’s my sister, constantly surprising us. You’re amazing, Ivy,” Eva boasts as Nycto stands back with his arms crossed.

“Pretty badass for a small thing like you to ride a bike like that, Ivy. I’m impressed. A little turned on, even—”

“Go get another drink, Hawk.” Void glares at him as I giggle to myself.

“Yep,” Hawk agrees, spinning around and walking back down the ramp to head inside the bunker, stumbling as he goes. He’s already had quite a few, by the looks of it.

“You ride well, Ivy. Void’s doing the right thing teaching you,” Nycto states.

“You think?” I ask excitedly.

“Just don’t get too complacent. Otherwise, you’ll end up like Void. How are your ribs, VP?” Nycto jabs, raising his brow.

Eva elbows Nycto in the side, so he turns to walk back down the ramp.

Eva lets out an exasperated huff. “Sorry. He’s worried you’ll hurt yourself. He’s only snapping out of concern. That’s all.”

I exhale. “I get it. But Eva, I felt good. I know I can handle this.”

“Yeah, you can,” Void insists. “Nycto’s angry at me, not you.”

“Okay. I’m going to park it, then we’ll get back to the party,” I state.

“Good fucking idea. I need a drink,” Void adds.

I wince as I watch Eva run off after Nycto.

“It’ll be okay,” I say to Void. “Everything will work out. You’ll see.”

“You always have such enthusiasm about everything, but not everything works out.”

While parking the bike, I contemplate just how right Void might be.

***

This party sucks!

Everyone is wasted, while I sit back, watching them all make fools of themselves and wishing I were downstairs in my own little bubble. Instead, I’m trying to keep an eye on Void because it seems like whatever happened between him and Nycto outside has gotten to him. Now, he’s at the bar drinking. I don’t want him to hurt himself. He’s still recovering from the crash and taking painkillers, and mixing them with alcohol can’t be good for him.

I just wish I knew how to help Void when he gets lost in his own head like this. I have gone from such a high, to now sitting on my own on the sofa behind the pool table, like a loser.

I’m glad everyone else is having a great time, I think sarcastically.

As I sip on my second Cuba Libre for the night, Dash strides over with a wobble in his step. Oh shit! He flashes his pearly whites at me and flops on the sofa beside me, his arm instantly wrapping around my shoulders. “Hey, good lookin’. Heard you went for a solo ride tonight.”

“Are you drunk?” I tease, trying to keep things light.

Dash pouts, and his eyes shift to the ceiling. “Hmm… maybe a smidge.” His free hand comes up, indicating a small gap between his thumb and pointer finger.

My hand taps his knee as I chuckle. “You need to remember how you’re gonna feel in the morning, when you’re up bright and early doing all your prospect duties.”

A blank expression crosses his face. “Shiiit! You’re right. So, so right. How can you be so fucking perfect all the time?”

I furrow my brows. “Is that meant to be a compliment or an insult?”

His eyes widen so much I’m scared his eyeballs might pop right out of his head. “No. Shit no. It’s a compliment, Ivy. You amaze me… all the time, like, fucking constantly.”

“I’m nothing special, Dash. Just a girl who likes to hide away in the Cell.”

Dash’s irises darken as he focuses on me. “You’re a woman, Ivy. A woman who has me completely torn up inside.” His eyes glisten as his hand behind me moves into the back of my hair.

I gasp in panic as he leans in, his lips puckered.

My hands move to shove him off me, but I don’t make it in time.