Payton

PAYTON

The way he said, "I'll dream about you tonight," did something to me, and I wasn't sure why.

I had to keep reminding myself it was an act. I couldn't get caught up in his pretty words, but I was beginning to think they weren't as dressed up as I thought they were. Maybe they were meant in a more natural and meaningful state.

As the shuttle rocked back and forth and the monotone, robotic voice boomed over the intercom, I found myself getting lost in a fantasy. In it, somehow, Havek got out of the prison and made his way to the dormitories. I was asleep in my room, and he crept in to wake me up.

"Payton, wake up."

I startled awake and pulled the covers over my naked body. "Havek! What are you-"

"I had to break out," he said in a low tone while leaning over me. "I couldn't take it anymore, seeing you in that suit and not being able to rip it off." His fingers slid down my neck, and I caved into his touch as he climbed on top of me in the bed.

"Welcome back, advocates. We hope you enjoyed your visit."

The voice and sound of shuttle doors opening jolted me out of the imaginary world. I caught my breath before standing up and walking out with all the others. While my feet were rooted in the reality of me being a fake, undercover advocate and girlfriend, my mind transported me to another dimension, one where the act was more than just that. One where he meant every word he said to me.

I told myself I was crazy. My mind said I was just bored being on Deathgate with no one but Alkard and Tessi to talk to occasionally. Maybe I was lonely, and imagining Havek as something else was the only way to temporarily cure the feeling. There was no possible way it would ever come true.

Right?

I replayed the recent visit in my mind. The way he grabbed the pieces he needed from my bra made every nerve in my body tingle. When I moaned from his touch, it wasn't fake, but I was unsure if he knew that.

I felt how hard he was against me. That couldn't have been fake. There was no way. Then again, he was a male Vinduthi locked in a maximum-security prison and had needs. I was probably the first female being he had been alone in a room with in quite a while.

When he told me to put the parts into his pants, I almost lost it. I thought I wouldn't be able to do it right and was terrified I would accidentally touch him. I did accidentally graze him, and he didn't even budge. He almost leaned into me more.

All of those parts of the visit excited and entranced me because I was unsure if they were real or not, but what really got me was thinking about the kisses he gave me. They were so passionate and connected. It was like he tasted a piece of my soul every time his lips touched mine.

And his saliva? Oh, seven galaxies, it was amazing. It was something I wanted more and more of. At that point, I was barely even thinking about the mission anymore. I was too preoccupied with thinking about every detail of him.

Even his tracery was amazing. I wanted to run my fingers over every little line on his body and savor each squiggle of it on his skin.

"Excuse me," a Mondian said while trying to slide past me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I responded, moving aside and realizing I was walking very slowly toward my room.

Advocates didn't have time to lose. They had clients to free and credits to make from their efforts. If I didn't get my shit together, someone might have figured out who I was. I couldn't take that chance.

I stopped thinking about Havek briefly while walking among the crowd. I used the surroundings of the dormitories to distract myself. Anything would work, an overhead light, the red, tiled floors, the sound of advocates chatting. I even eavesdropped on a conversation between the two female Talimarians in front of me to distract myself.

"He said he was going to cook for me tonight," one squealed.

"But Sarannah, he's an Ewani. "

"What?" the first responded. "He's top of his class!"

The second one scoffed. "You're insane for even considering it. You can't get much lower than that."

"Well, I'll tell you how well it goes, whether you like it or not."

While watching the two women walk in front of me and listening to their conversation, I felt insecure.

While they were rare, I had seen a couple Vinduthi women before. They were all gorgeous. Tall and lean and striking, their faces like carved glass.

I was a human, the lowest being on the totem pole. Even lower than Ewanis.

Then again, he could have gotten another advocate. He could have had Alkard send in a Vinduthi woman. He said he would if I didn't agree to help him. He could have made that call the first day I walked into the room to meet him. Why didn't he?

I finally reached my room and went inside quickly. I slammed the door shut and rubbed my hands over my face. The questions and fantasies spinning around in my mind only made me feel crazier with each thought.

I couldn't write it all down in case someone found it. That would blow our cover. I couldn't talk to Tessi or Alkard about the feelings because they would think I wasn't taking the mission seriously.

Obviously, I couldn't confide in someone in the dormitories about it, but I didn't know what else to do.

"I can't stop thinking about him," I whispered out loud to my still, empty room. "I hate this! I hate this, I hate this." I hung my head in my hands, sunk to the floor against the door, and sighed. "I'm losing my mind." I shook my head. "There's no way I can keep doing this. This is too much."

I had a memory pop up while sitting there on the floor of the dormitory room. A long while ago, while living in the Under, I was overwhelmed with my work to the point I couldn't sleep. I told my roommate about how stressed I was but kept minimizing my feelings. She told me something that absolutely blew my mind.

Let yourself happen.

She told me the more I fought the feelings, the more chaotic my mind would be. She was right then, and she was still right while I was on that dormitory floor. I fought everything happening inside my mind, and it only made me more anxious and distracted.

Maybe I need to let myself…happen.

My eyes glanced at the bed, and I stood up slowly, turning around to ensure the door was locked behind me. I unbuttoned the top of my suit and took off the jacket before exhaling and removing the rest of my clothes.

I got into the uncomfortable dormitory bed and closed my eyes before wincing. I can't do this here. I can't do this anywhere. Going deeper into the feelings will only make it worse.

Let yourself happen.

My fingers moved to my clit, and I gasped. I had to let go. I had to let myself feel what was going on inside me. If I didn't, I felt like I might implode.

I rubbed my fingertips in circles on my clit, feeling the light pressure send shivers through my body. My eyes closed, and I thought of the fantasy I started on the shuttle back to the dormitories.

Havek climbed on top of me in the bed and kissed me like he always did, passionately and fully, like if he took his lips off mine, I might disappear. My hands wrapped around his neck, and I pulled him in closer.

His weight pressed against me, and I loved the way he felt on top of me. It was like I was wrapped in a safety net, and the pressure relaxed all my muscles. I felt him get hard against me, and he pressed into the outline of my pussy beneath my underwear.

"Oh, Havek," I whispered to my silent and empty dorm room.

My fingers moved faster, and I increased the pressure on my swelling clit. I exhaled but tried to remain as quiet as possible. I did have neighbors.

My mind snapped back to the fantasy. He took off his underwear, and I felt his bare cock against my panties. It was warm and firm, and I wondered if I would have to use two hands to grip it fully.

He pushed my panties aside and dove into me under the sheets. His saliva made my whole pussy tingle, and I grabbed onto the pillow next to me in ecstasy.

I did so in reality, too. I had to. Even the fantasy of his tongue swirling in circles on my clit drove me insane. Even just the thought of him was enough to make my back arch.

In the fantasy, he gripped my thighs and held me still until he made me come with his tongue. He lifted his head from the sheets and looked down at me.

"I need to search you for the other parts I need."

"Yeah?" I asked in a whisper.

"Yes," he replied while angling his cock at my opening. "But you have to be very quiet."

"Yes," I whispered to my dorm room. "I'll be quiet. I promise."

My fingers moved so fast I thought I might bruise my clit, but I needed more. I was almost there. I was too deep into it to turn back.

"Good," he replied to my imaginary self before sliding into me.

I imagined his cock going so deep into me, it almost hurt. I wanted it to hurt. I wanted him to do whatever he wanted to me. More than anything, I wanted him to come inside me. I wanted to feel his juices seep out of me after I finished orgasming.

His cock throbbed and hit my spots to perfection.

My fingers moved faster.

"Oh, Payton."

"Havek…"

I grabbed onto the pillow.

Stay quiet.

"I'll dream about you."

"Oh!" I screamed once I thought about what he said to me in the visitation room. My body jerked and twitched while my fingernails dug into the pillow. I inhaled sharply before closing my eyes and feeling my body relax against the mattress.

When I opened my eyes, I saw my empty room, and reality set in. I just masturbated to the thought of him. I just made up an entire fantasy about him.

The scariest thought was what made me orgasm wasn't the fictional scenes I created. It wasn't even the thought of him fucking me. It was the memory of how he said he would dream about me.

I made myself come from thinking about the reality of him.

I put the hand that was on the pillow over my mouth as fear shot through me. I was in way too deep. I got carried away with something that was all an act. I was going to get my feelings hurt deeply if I kept thinking the way I was.

I closed my eyes and reminded myself I was in that position to rid myself of servitude. I would have a life of my own once it was all over, and I couldn't let some stupid hope of a Vinduthi having feelings for me overtake that.

That had to be my mission. To be free. Not to get laid.

I shook my head and sat up in bed while looking at the floor. "It's a job, Payton. It's just a job. It's work. "

While I spoke those words to the empty dorm room, a shiver ran through me. The same shiver that happened when I minimized my feelings to my old roommate. It was a shiver that only happened when I knew I was lying to myself.