Makar

MAKAR

That was when she started crying.

It didn't make sense. My body pinned her against the wall. My hand was on her neck. She should have been furious. She should have tried to claw my eyes out with her silly, weak fingernails.

But instead, she sobbed. I never expected to see her cry, somehow. And when she did, all I wanted to do was protect her and make her smile again.

I let go of her neck and stepped back. As if she knew what I was thinking, she fell forward onto my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. She was so warm and small pressed against me, and I had the sudden thought that it would be nice to just hold her like that forever.

"You really thought I could just casually replace you?" I asked sadly.

"Isn't that what men do?" As she said the words, I squeezed her closer to me. "I'm just a contract to you."

"I'll tell you what I do," I began, my hand running up and down her back. "I don't share. I don't replace…at least, not when it's someone that means something to me."

She looked up at me, still sniffling. "You bought me. I was nothing but a casual purchase, a whim…" A look of realization crossed her face. "And when I tried to run away, you hunted me back down."

"That's right," I said. "I did."

Her eyes searched over my face, as if looking for clues. "And you even let me help you with your baking."

"You did well at it. Except for whipping the frosting. But the only way to get good at that is practice."

Actually, she'd done better than I did when I was just beginning, but I wasn't going to admit that.

The tears came from her again and I pressed her into my chest as she bawled. She said nothing, just pressed herself against me, and sobbed gently.

"But I know it won't last. You'll replace me," she said finally. It seemed like she wanted to sound sure of herself saying it, but her voice cracked slightly on the word ‘replace'. I smiled down at her and her face turned serious.

"I mean it!" she said, a slight flash of anger rising in her again. "Sure, you've been nice enough, but I don't need people to be nice to me! I can get along by myself! I don't need a Vinduthi telling me they're different and then casting me out all the same."

"I believe you can take care of yourself, I know you don't need anyone to be nice to you," I said, but she was clearly still on the defensive.

"I'm a lot stronger than you think I am." She wiped her eyes. "I don't know why I'm crying. I never cry."

"I believe you," I repeated.

"No, you don't." She scowled, which made me fight back my smile. Even if I found the expression adorable, she probably wouldn't thank me for it right now. "You think I'm a scared little girl who can't even go a week without someone grabbing her!"

"That's not what I think at all." I pushed her away from my body so that she could look me in the eyes. "Do you want to know what I think?"

She gulped. She was so beautiful, and it hurt me to see her so sad. "What?"

"I think you haven't known many people who've been nice to you."

She smiled. Just a little one, but it was enough. I loved seeing her smile.

"You don't want to hear about all that," she said.

"Do you want to talk to me about it? You know you can."

I knew she wouldn't believe me, but I wanted to hear her. I was never curious about other people's lives. Most life stories were all the same. But her, I wanted to know more about. I wanted to understand her, and I wanted her to understand me.

She shrugged. "I was separated from my mother young. Young enough to not really understand, but old enough to know that it wasn't how it should have been. The name Sophia's a little ironic, really. It means wisdom."

"It suits you," I said. "It's a pretty name."

"I'm sure you can imagine what it was like growing up with a shit household."

"Pretend like I don't," I said.

Of course I could imagine. But I didn't care about anything other than her story, her family.

Her.

"Okay, fine." She paused, looking like she was trying to put her words in order. I said nothing. She could have all the time she needed, as far as I was concerned.

"I never knew who my father was. I don't think my mother knew him for more than a day or so. She worked at the algae farm, and when I was big enough, I joined her there."

"Smelly work," I commented, trying to imagine her tiny body laboring down in the bowels of the station, the long hours, the constant toil.

"The worst was the heat," she said. "Algae grows best when it's warm and wet. It's terrible to work in, but if you don't, you won't make enough money for dinner, and if you try to eat any of the algae you harvest, you have to deal with the overseer. You wouldn't think people would bother being so mean over so little, but that's humans, I guess…" Her eyes trailed off into the distance.

"They can't be all bad," I answered, thinking of Tessi, Mera and Amy, the human women my brothers made their mates.

There was obviously something interesting about the species.

Because now there was Sophia, and she was enough to make me want to learn everything about humans and their history.

She snorted. "The one thing I used to be proud of was that once we were free. No one owned us. That even when things were hard, some humans had chosen to tough it out, rather than sign contracts." She closed her eyes for a moment. "I thought that was impressive."

I smiled. "Explains a lot. So you've always been a fighter?"

Her eyes stayed closed, and I wondered what she saw in her memories. "Not exactly. As I grew up, people tried to take advantage of me. And I always fell for it, because I was so desperate to feel important, anyone could trick me. Like I said, I was just a dumb kid."

Rage bubbled through me. I wanted a list. Every person who'd ever hurt her. Ever made her feel that way.

This wasn't the time, but I'd get that list someday, I promised myself.

"You're lucky you made it out alive. Many don't."

In fact, I was that way for a while. Before I took things seriously. Before I made sure I'd be the one who survived.

"I know." She opened her eyes, but still didn't see me, lost in the past. "That was where I learned how important it was to stand up for yourself. To scare people before they walk all over you."

"Now you're speaking my language," I chuckled.

"Well, anyway, the whole time my mom was home. She stopped working in the algae fields, started gambling. Said it was a better way to make money."

This time I closed my eyes. I'd heard that too many times.

"Don't tell me. She had a system?"

"Yeah."

She looked down. This was clearly the difficult part of the story for her. Which of course meant that it was the most important.

"You could say that," she said. "But it didn't count for much. Eventually, she sold me for a hundred and fifteen thousand credits to wipe out her debt."

That didn't make sense. "She sold you? You're not allowed to do that. The person in an indentured contract has to take on the debt themselves."

"Of course you're not supposed to," Sophia answered softly. "But who's going to argue with a woman who's offering up a teenage girl for cheap? Just the way things go."

I should be used to that kind of thing. I lived on Thodos for years, seen the worst of it. But somehow, I never was.

"At least we're honest about what we are," I muttered.

"You're one of the only people I've ever met who was," she said. "Anyway, that's about as much story as I've got. I worked at a loading dock for a while, even though I was old enough to be a dancer. And then I got good enough at that to move from a backstreet joint to the Modzrabe."

"And then you met me," I said, tilting her head up towards mine.

"And then I met you," she replied. She looked down at the ground again. "But I still don't understand you. You're so nice to me, and I don't know why."

"Understand this. I will never let anyone hurt you again."

I pressed her against me. I felt her relax as I held her. Muscles untensing, breath evening out. And I felt myself relaxing with her.

The truth was, I still didn't understand what it was I felt for this woman. I was used to being happy with my cupcakes and a job well done. But I wanted her. I didn't just want something from her. I wanted her, herself. I wanted her to be a part of my life. I wanted her to respect me. No, more than that. I wanted her to like me.

It was all new. Having someone as close to me as Sophia.

Caring about her the way I did. And that fluttering feeling in my chest I felt sometimes when we were together, even when we weren't doing anything special.

There it was now. Just from holding her in my arms. It was a strange feeling, but a pleasant one.

I could hold her forever, if she wanted me to. And it would make me happy to do it.

"You really mean that, don't you?" she said quietly.

"I really do," I said. "And if you don't believe me yet, that's okay. I'll show you."

I stroked her back. Whatever I didn't understand about her and my feelings for her, I did know that much. No one would hurt her while I was around. I would do anything within my power to protect her.

Because it felt good to do that. It felt good to know that she was safe and happy, and I was a part of keeping her that way.

I could hold Sophia forever. I could protect her forever, and I would. Especially once the mission to get Goran had begun, which needed to start right then.

"Just don't keep me locked up. Don't make me wonder what you're doing, guessing what the rules are."

I traced the curve of her cheek.

"It's dangerous out there. More dangerous if you're by my side."

She shook her head, the fierceness I loved so much blazing from her gaze, burning away the pain of the past.

"Don't take me as a toy. If you want me, really want me, make me your partner." She swallowed. "In everything."

This was a bad idea. I knew it, but still, a fluttering sensation in my chest stole my denials.

I could refuse her nothing. I just had to make sure she was protected, every step of the way.

"As you wish."