Tazhr

TAZHR

I was certain that sleeping with Emma would banish these vexing feelings from my mind. I thought it was merely an itch that needed scratching before I could focus clearly on my mission again. But I was wrong. So very wrong.

If anything, having her only intensified my obsession. The sex was unlike any I'd experienced before. It transcended mere physical release, forging an emotional bond I never allowed myself to form.

I was accustomed to brief trysts—hard, fast gratification and nothing more. The women never even left an impression. But with Emma, I was attuned to her every gasp and tremor. Giving her pleasure eclipsed my own desires. And the heavenly feel of her soft skin seared itself into my memory.

This protectiveness that came over me was new as well. Ordinarily, I wouldn't spare a passing thought for past lovers' well-being. But now visions of Emma in distress plagued me, physical safety no longer sufficient. I yearned to shield her tender heart from all hardship.

Even her smiles and laughter enchanted me as no other's did. The musical sound was a balm to my battered soul. I found myself making ridiculous jokes just to elicit that magical giggle. Anything to briefly glimpse the unguarded joy sparkling in her eyes.

Everything about her drew me in—her compassion, her resilience, her keen mind. Her willingness to solve a problem, to right a wrong. She decided for herself to gather evidence to free Havek before I ever met her.

How could one little human female be so clever, so brave?

As she now traced the lines on my palm, brow furrowed in concentration, warmth bloomed in my chest. This miraculous woman who weathered the storms of my mercurial moods. I was awestruck by her, captivated even by mundane motions like the turn of her delicate wrist.

She raised her eyes to meet mine and smiled. Usually, it would have made my heart leap out of my chest, but that time, my heart sank instead. My gut twinged, and my muscles tensed.

How did I ever get her into this? Why did I do this to her? She doesn't deserve to be a part of the crazy life I live. It's not safe.

I cleared my throat as she went back to looking at my palm. My eyes locked with the ceiling while I tried to think of anything to say to her. I knew I had to call off her part in the investigation. I couldn't live with the guilt of her not making it out alive or even slightly being in peril, but I also didn't want to make it seem like she was doing a lackluster job.

"Emma," I croaked before patting my chest and clearing my throat.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes," I replied, locking eyes with her. "Look, I've been thinking," I sighed. "Stop trying to get the computer files."

"What?" she asked, sitting up in the bed abruptly.

Oh no. Did I just fuck up?

"For your own sake," I responded, putting my arms over my head and looking at her. "It's dangerous. It's not something I should have involved you in."

She scoffed and looked at the wall. "You're joking, right?"

I frowned but tried to keep my cool. "No, actually, I'm not."

"What?" she asked, wrapping the sheets around her. "Because I'm a human, I can't do it? Or is it because I'm a woman ?"

Oh no. "What?" I got defensive, sitting up in the bed and crossing my arms while looking at her firmly. "No! It's not either of those things!"

"Then, what is it?" She shrugged. "Be honest."

"I don't want you in danger," I pleaded. "You could be killed for what you're doing!"

"So could you!" she shouted. "What's the difference?"

"The difference is, I've been doing this my whole life! This is the life I chose ! You didn't choose this, Emma!"

My chest caved in and expanded out with each heavy breath I took. I didn't mean to lose my temper like that, especially not with her, but what I said wasn't wrong. She was forced into that life, and it wasn't something I wanted for her. She was too pure, too kind, and I had to drive the point home.

She looked at me skeptically for a few moments in silence. Everything was still except for her eyes blinking occasionally. The longer she remained silent, the more guilt seeped into me. I shouldn't have raised my voice like that.

Finally, she nodded slowly and smacked her lips before looking at the bed. "I want to choose this," she murmured before a long sigh. Her head lifted, and she shrugged her shoulders, looking at me with a sad smile. "I want to help."

Her eyes were wide, and something I had never seen from another being in such a clear light showed on her face. She was being completely genuine. There wasn't a hidden motive in sight. She really did just want to help, despite the consequences.

"I know." I exhaled, holding my hand out to her. Her eyes dragged to my palm, and she put her hand in mine gingerly. "But it's dangerous, Emma. I don't know if you're aware of just how dangerous this all is."

"Oh, believe me, I get it." She replied, keeping her gaze on my eyes. "I might be a human, but I'm not stupid."

I wanted to tell her I knew she wasn't, that I never thought she was, but something foreign took over me. At that moment, I knew it was better for me not to speak and listen rather than try to fix the situation by any means necessary.

She sighed again before chuckling sadly, running her hand over the pattern on the sheets. "Do you know who Sherlock Holmes is?"

I shook my head, rage filling my chest. "No. Did he hurt you? Is he on this station?"

She laughed, throwing her head back in a way that made my heart swell, even through my anger and concern. "No. He's not on this station." She shrugged. "At least, I don't think so. He could be." She grinned at me before shaking her head. "He's a detective. They've written thousands of books about him. He's really popular with humans."

"Oh." I nodded slowly, feeling like an idiot for wanting to murder a man who wasn't even on Thodos III just because she said his name. It was almost a reflex at that point to defend and protect her. I couldn't help myself.

"Anyway." She waved her hand, dismissing her previous words. "I have, like, way too many of his books." She chuckled, but her expression was still morose. "It's almost an obsession with mystery stories. I just…"

Her face lit up, and she lifted her head, looking at the wall while talking with her hands. "It's like a puzzle, right? All the pieces are scattered everywhere. I mean, even here, with you, right? Conii is one piece, and she's over here…" Her hand moved to the right side of the mattress. "And Havek is way over there…"

She pointed to the left-hand wall. "And somewhere in here…" She circled the space between the two points. "There's the truth." She jammed a finger into the middle of the mattress. "That's what I want to help find."

That's why you asked about the files. You were just curious. You just wanted to know.

The ambition awakened something inside me. It was more than attractive to see her become so passionate, especially about something I loved, too. While killing was always my main course, the pathway toward the end of the missions became more appealing the last few I took.

Eventually, once taking on enough hit jobs, I found that the end result wasn't always that fun. There was always a ‘now what' feeling left over when I was done. Especially since meeting Emma, that gray area became more appealing. I understood some of the human cliché's of ‘enjoy the journey' or ‘it's about the journey, not the destination.' I still didn't understand why most of the quotes had arrows attached to them, though. That was something I was going to have to ask her about.

"So basically, you rule things out, right? Say there's a suspect in the case. You go to their home and ask them about an alibi."

"That's pretty cool," I enthused, honestly intrigued by the matter. It seemed much more intriguing than cold-blooded killing.

"No, but wait, it gets better." Her smile stretched all the way to her ears, and it filled me with so much joy. "But the real reason you're there is to look around their home. You examine if there's mud on their shoes because the victim was killed on a rainy night, or if there's a knife missing from the knife block because that was the murder weapon and things like that! It's just so amazing the guise that he uses when really he's examining everything. "

I was too stunned to speak. I could only stare at her while she kept explaining, example after example falling from her plump lips.

She trusted me enough to be vulnerable about the thing she loved the most.

Emma trusted me.

And there was more.

Maybe I did pick the right woman to help me after all. Even with the consequences of the danger, she's living for it, just like I do.

I brought my attention back to the here and now. "I overheard one of Conii's guards say she's going off the station tomorrow. They didn't say what for, but I know she's departing early in the morning."

She looked at me with a piercing stare. I knew that stare well. It was the fierce desire that some of my victims would give me before they tried to put up a fight.

That was one fight I would concede to before it even began. She wanted to take on the mission, she could do it, and I fully believed in her.

I was wrong to ask her to stop, to try to make her into something smaller than she was. She didn't deserve that. She deserved a partner who would treat her as an equal.

But I'd still destroy anyone who laid a hand on her. That went without saying.

Decision made, I took a sleek card out from the drawer of the bedside table and handed it to her. "I'm certain that you and your Sherlock could figure it out, but I don't want you in Conii's office any longer than you need to be. This is a password cracker. I'll be ready to receive the download if you can get it."

My voice was lower than I expected, almost submissive, which was foreign to me. For her, though, I would have a moment of weakness. She could have anything she wanted, even if it went against my wishes. She deserved that. She deserved the whole galaxy.

"Let's meet at Realta at the mid-afternoon chime," I commented, reaching out to take her hand. "Does your schedule let you do that?"

"Realta?"

"The human bakery. Makar and his mate started it. It won't be suspicious if we're both there, and we'll have them as a backup if anything goes sideways."

She placed her palm in mine and shook it. I tried to hold her hand, but I pulled away quickly like I only meant the handshake.

She got up and dressed herself before turning around and glancing at me with her hands on her hips. "I won't let you down."

I adjusted my position in the bed, getting comfortable and taking in the view of her. It was something I never wanted to forget, the first few hours after the first time we made love.

"I know you won't," I responded before she walked out the door. "But as brave and clever as you are, you're going to need a little something more."

I grabbed the mini-blaster from the table. "Take this," I said darkly as I handed it to her. She looked up at me with nothing other than confidence, and if she didn't have to go, I would have taken her again right there from just that look. "Only use it if you need to."

"Yes, sir." She grinned and put it in her waistband before winking and walking out the door.

When it shut, I was alone. At least, that's what it looked like.

But in truth, I never felt more connected to anyone in my life. I was the farthest thing from alone, something I never experienced before. I felt whole, filled with care and joy, something I knew only Emma would be able to give me for the rest of my life.