Payton

PAYTON

As much as I was constantly impressed by Havek's brains, drawn to his humor, and set on fire by his touch, there were still times I could just shake the man.

"Havek. Honey." He glanced at me from over his shoulder. "What do you mean, not good?"

"The water. It looks like it has a higher than expected concentration of thakolnan-3."

I pushed my hair out of my eyes, taking a deep breath. "Let's pretend that I don't have a chemical dictionary in my head. What's thakolnan-3, and why is it a problem?"

He leaned back in the chair, rubbing at his horns. "It's an acid. Not a strong one, but enough that if you get it in your mouth or nose, it's going to damage a human's internal organs."

Of course.

"So it sounds like swimming out of here isn't going to be the best choice, then," I nodded. "What other options do we have?"

He returned his focus to the escape pod's controls. "The shore isn't far. I just need to get us up and moving."

But there was no answering hum of the engines.

"Maybe there's something I can use to make a rebreather from the supplies." He tore through the tiny drawers that were under the seats, pulling out the emergency supplies.

A signaling device, a heat blanket…

Apparently, none of that was what he was looking for.

Havek paced around the tiny cabin, a step one way, a step or two another, picking things up and putting them down, his eyes darting about him frantically as his skin became paler and paler. Finally, he gripped the back of the pilot's seat, alternately squeezing it and letting it go, chewing his lips and staring at nothing.

I laid a hand on his arm. He shook his head. "I've got nothing." He pounded the side of the cabin. "I never have nothing! There has to be something, come on, come on. There has to be…"

My stomach sank, but I always knew that it could end like that.

It would have been easy to blame him, to say he could have gone with the original plan for the prison break and left me out of it, but he was right—I would have been the prime target for the officials' vengeance.

Looking at Havek at that moment, I knew he was at the end of his rope. There was no calculation he could make that would bring both of us out of this alive.

The kindest thing I could do for him then was to remove myself from the equation.

"Go without me," I whispered.

His head snapped up, and his black eyes bored holes into mine. "What did you say?" he demanded.

I was almost too intimidated to repeat myself, but I forced the words to come out.

"You need to go without me." I held his gaze, albeit shakily.

When I watched him perform complex mathematical equations in his head or plan a prison break with almost no resources, it was easy to forget that Havek was a warrior before anything else.

As he drew himself to his full height, he turned to me as he might an enemy, sizing me up with his shrewd gaze.

"Never." Steel rang in his voice.

I took a deep breath. "Havek, you have to."

"No." Obviously, he considered the matter decided and the conversation over. He turned away from me and flipped through the scanners again.

"Havek," I began again, suddenly feeling the need to say his name as frequently as possible because each time might be the last. "Havek, you're not getting anywhere with all that stuff. It's time to go now."

I touched his arm again, but this time he threw me off with such force that my hand hit the dashboard, and I winced before rage kicked in.

Why won't he listen to me?

"There's no scenario in which we both make it out of here! You're Vinduthi, you can make it! But the human body is too weak, I know that. Havek, listen to me. You have to go ."

His hands stilled, but I still saw his measured breathing rise and fall as if he were trying to get control of himself. It didn't matter if he was angry at me. I had to make him understand.

I was about to tell him he had to leave again when he spoke low and deadly. "If we don't get out together, we don't get out at all."

I didn't understand what he was talking about. I didn't want to. I shook my head vehemently. "That's… that's crazy talk. You don't?—"

He wheeled about and took me by the shoulders, lifting me to his face level, his eyes wild. "Together or not at all!"

I attempted to catch my breath and stare at him like a frightened animal. When I finally regained what little composure I could hope for, my voice came out a pitiful squeak. "Why?"

"Don't you know?" His grip on me lightened, and he shook his head. He pulled back his hands and looked at them like he couldn't believe what he just did. He searched my face as if for signs of recognition, but I was sure he found only fear. "Payton, I'm in love with you."

What he said was impossible. His words didn't compute. All that came out of me was a tiny noise. "Hmmm?"

He stepped back from me slightly, though his motion denoted more of a defeat than a choice. I was completely taken aback and refused to process the meaning of what he had said. He looked out the windshield at the water level that continued to rise on the cracked glass.

"Payton, I'm in love with you." I thought that was supposed to be a good thing, but I never saw anyone look so miserable as the Vinduthi warrior who stood before me and declared his love.

I've wanted him to say it for so long. Why don't I believe him now?

"No, you don't," I said softly, more to myself than to him, but there was no preventing him from hearing me.

He laughed bitterly.

"This is your response?" he questioned quietly, still looking out the window. I said nothing. "Is that what you believe?" He looked at me, sneering in his wounded pride.

I held up my hands defensively. "You're… not thinking straight. You're under a lot of pressure. But you don't have time for this, Havek. You have to get out of here! You can make it! I can't! You're smart. The smartest person I've ever met. You have to see this is the only way!"

He clenched and unclenched his fists. "Stop telling me to get out! I'm not going anywhere, Payton! I'm not going anywhere you can't go! I'm not leaving you here to die! I love you! "

"Don't say that!" I pleaded.

It was a disaster. There was no way someone like him could ever love a pathetic casino girl. He had everything to live for, and here he was, about to sink to his death in a strange ocean on a strange moon somewhere he would never have been if it weren't for me.

"Why shouldn't I say that? Isn't my deathbed the place to tell the truth?" He swept out his hands in an all-encompassing gesture. "I love you, Payton! I'll say it again until you believe it! I'm in love with you!"

I closed my eyes against the tears and shook my head more vehemently. "No, no, no! You're not on your deathbed. You're letting the stress of the situation get the better of you, and you can't let your emotions rule right now! You have to think! Think logically. You have to get out of here and live . And I can't come with you!"

"Why do I have to go? Why do I have to try? Why do you care?" He asked his questions rapid-fire with a triumphant look on his face that I imagined he would have if he backed a chess opponent into a corner. He looked as if he knew he was about to win.

"What do you mean? You've done so much for me, and I appreciate you, but you can't do anything for me anymore. I'm as good as dead, even if we did get out of this water, I might be killed by the atmospheric pressure alone! So you have to save yourself." His face fell.

"Appreciate? You appreciate me?" I suddenly saw where the conversation was going, and I felt sick.

I nodded, hoping he would take the hint and just go.

I didn't want to die, but the very thought of him sacrificing himself for me made me want to throw up.

I knew I felt the same. I knew it with every bone in my body, but if I conceded to the emotions, he would die with me. I couldn't let that happen.

"Yes," I choked out, the lie bitter on my tongue. "I appreciate you."

"Nothing more?" Havek set his jaw and knit his brows, looking at me with an expression of such pain that I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I couldn't take a breath, but he was going to make me say it.

"No," I choked out. "Nothing more."

He waited.

"I—" I swallowed. "I… don't love you, Havek."

His face crumpled into a tight mask of rage, and I knew his next words would be filled with malice.

They should be. He should curse me, shout at me. Anything.

"I don't care!" he declared. I waited for the blow to fall. "I don't care if you don't love me! I'm staying anyway!"

What? After all that work, he was still going to spend the final hours of his life trapped in a hunk of metal, traveling to a watery grave with me?

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I stood up and shouted.

"With me? " he spat back. "What's wrong with you? You spend what could be your last breath telling me that I have to get out and save myself, but you don't have feelings for me. Make up your mind! At least I know what I want! I'm not going to live the rest of my life without you. I'm staying here!"

Frantic, I jumped at him, pounding my fists into his chest and screaming at the top of my lungs. "Get out! Get to safety! Get out! "

He caught my hands in their puny attempt to make an impact and held them, caressing them as we cried together.

"I can't!" A tear dropped down his cheek.

"But you'll die, Havek…" My shouts descended into quiet cries.

"Then I'll die with the woman I love." I rested my head against his chest and wailed as he held me.

It should have been the beginning for us. It would have been if I weren't a puny human. If I had his physique or rapid healing, we could have had a life together.

Wait a minute…

"Bite me," I whispered.

"What?" He pulled back from our embrace. "You're joking. Now?" A confused look came over his handsome face. "What good would that do?"

I spoke as fast as I could. "Tessi said that when Alkard bit her, she got some of his abilities, healing quickly and stamina and all that nonsense. It might be worth a shot!"

"But you'll be bound to me forever, and you don't love me!"

"No more arguments! Dammit Havek, this is our only chance. Bite me, Havek. Bite me now! "

He bit his lip and looked away for an agonizing heartbeat. Then, meeting my gaze, he murmured, "There must be another way."