Havek

HAVEK

I lay in the bunk holding Payton and contemplating the possibility that I just had the most exhilarating experience of my life.

Yes, the prison break had been nice.

The planning, the new plan, the fighting.

All very exciting.

But she was something else.

Something more.

I twisted a lock of Payton's fiery red hair around my middle finger. Even in the dim light, it shone. Awestruck – that was the word for what I felt.

It went deeper than that, though. It wasn't the same feeling that I had when I invented something new, the awe that comes with the pride of knowing I accomplished the impossible.

No, it was the kind of breathtaking wonderment that stemmed from the enjoyment of something in which I had no part.

I was unfamiliar with that feeling. My sense of admiration toward an event that occurred completely apart from my will was like a lightning strike. I couldn't anticipate it or hold it down to study it. It just existed for a brief moment to astonish. And then it was gone.

The wave of reverence and fulfillment that so powerfully welled up inside me crested and found its trough. It left a chasm deeper than I could have imagined possible. If I just traveled the highest peak I would ever climb, then it was all downhill from there.

Laying there, in the arms of the woman I loved, I understood why warrior cultures considered it the pinnacle of glory to die in battle. What could compare to this?

Even as I completed that thought, however, a pinpoint of light shone into my darkness— the woman I loved . I stroked her back, the softest skin I ever touched.

She and I could have adventures together. She was an adventure unto herself. If we stuck together, the triumph didn't have to end. The intensity that I felt didn't have to go away.

"We'll have to keep moving," she breathed, snapping me out of my reverie. I thought she fell asleep. She sighed and adjusted the position of her head on my chest, bringing her long leg up to cross my waist so I could caress it lazily.

"Mmm?" I intoned, not sure I heard her the first time.

"If we want to stay ahead of our pursuers." She spoke as if her words were commonplace. We had pursuers—didn't everybody? "We can't go anywhere near Deathgate, and we can't stay on the moon forever. We definitely can't go back to Thodos III. They'll look everywhere for us, especially in places we've been before, so we have to keep moving forward."

"Mmmm," I sighed. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to sleep in the luxurious state of contentment that she brought me.

"So where should we go?" Payton lifted her head and rolled over to look me in the eye. That woman was relentless.

I shrugged.

"It ought to be far away. Somewhere with more air probably…I mean, the oxygen levels here aren't bad, but it would be nice to breathe easier…with more air…" she prompted, seeming to hope that I would join the conversation with my two cents.

She raised an eyebrow and settled her chin in her hand in a gesture that stated, I'm not going to leave you alone until you answer me .

"Of course," I assented half-heartedly. "Somewhere… more airy." Payton slapped me on the arm, and I tickled her ribs until she laughed and wiggled against me.

"Be serious!" she said when she caught her breath. "We have to keep moving, but where should we go? I thought you were familiar with this quadrant."

I gave her my best impression of innocence. "What gave you that idea?"

She rolled her eyes. "Gee, I don't know. Maybe the fact that you brought us here with barely a second thought. But now I'm asking for a third genius thought of yours, and it's like pulling teeth. Just think for a few seconds, would you?"

I sighed.

Right now, the adventure was annoying. "Ummm, I've charted a few courses we could take from here. Several moons and planets with more oxygen-heavy atmospheres and common-law trade posts where we could lay low for a while. Indefinitely, even."

"Really?" Payton looked dubious.

"Yes, really. What, you thought the plan stopped at ‘just kidding, you're my hostage now'?"

"Well… yeah. I kind of thought that when plans changed, you didn't have a backup. You've constantly told me you have no future plans."

"Good to know how much faith you have in me." I held her close. "I do have it all planned out now, okay? You don't need to worry anymore. Get some rest."

Or, I would make up a plan quickly.

She deserved answers, but my mind was empty from the intense sexual experience we just had. I tried to give her what she deserved, but I was running blanks.

"Okay…" She still sounded doubtful. A few minutes later, she confirmed her doubt. "But where are we going first?"

I groaned. "Does it matter? I mean, as long as we're together, we could be anywhere, right?" She froze, and I felt her muscles tense up. I must have said something wrong. "What?"

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? Of course, it matters." She seemed to choose her words carefully, and I knew that what I said next was important.

Don't fuck this up, Havek.

"Yeah, it matters where we go. It needs to be a place where we can move and operate under the radar. But as I said, I have plenty of places charted out and lots of ways to get there. We're safe for now, and I have our next moves taken care of, so it doesn't really matter which place we pick."

I kept repeating the phrase it doesn't matter , hoping somehow that she would come to accept it even as she argued with me. Thankfully, her hackles went down, and she laid her head on my chest again.

Success . Thank the seven galaxies.

"I guess you're right. I just wanted to know where you had planned to go next so I could be prepared."

"Oh. Well, you can leave that up to me. I'll make sure you have everything you need."

Her muscles tensed up again.

"I can take care of myself," she asserted.

What is going on? Why can't I do anything right?

"Of course, you can. I just mean, you don't have to anymore, so why worry?"

She wound tighter. Shit. "‘Anymore'?" she repeated in a warning tone. Really? What could be wrong about the word anymore?

"Well, yeah." I moved forward cautiously. "We're together now, so I can take care of you. I mean, I can help." The conversation suddenly felt like being caught in the middle of a minefield.

"We're not together." Of all the things she could have said, that one cut to the quick faster than anything I could have anticipated. She moved away from me, and I was left naked and bereft.

"What do you mean? Of course, we're together. We're together right now." I tried not to sound like a mystified schoolboy, but it wasn't working.

"We're not a couple. I helped you escape from Deathgate, and I did. That's it. We have to move forward together only because we have the one shuttle, but once we get on a world where I can maneuver, I'm going off on my own. I've earned my freedom, and I intend to use it."

She's asked me what happens once I'm out. I thought she wanted this. She wanted to be mine. What switched? What is happening?

Her words grew harsher and heavier the longer she talked. I, on the other hand, felt increasingly nonplussed. "But why?" I whined, wishing with everything in me that I didn't sound so pitiful. "Why can't we be… " I sighed. "Why can't we work together?"

By then, she was off the bunk and gathering her clothes from the corner of the room, perching on the desk we made love on.

Or, maybe it wasn't making love, judging by her odd reaction.

Maybe it was just a fuck for her.

I was so confused.

She shoved her limbs through the fabric sockets of her clothes so firmly that I was surprised the seams didn't rip. "We can work together," she said firmly. "For now. But I need to know where I can go when you get tired of me."

"Is that what this is about? Why are you worried about that?"

How could she possibly have worried about my growing tired of her? I would never have grown tired of her. Quite the opposite, in fact. The more I had of her, the more I wanted.

"I'm not worried. I'm just… confident. No, I'm positive you'll get fed up with me. Everyone uses other beings to get what they want, and when it's over, it's just over. There's nothing you can do about it—it's just the way it is. So when you and I can't work together anymore, I need to know about your list of safe places to go."

She finished dressing and turned to face me, a defiant tilt to her chin. "Actually, I'd like to know that now. Please."

I opened my mouth to say something, anything that would convince her not to leave, but just as I began to speak, an alarm tore through the silence. I jolted out of the bunk. Fuck. What happened?

Pulling on my pants, I ran to the cockpit to assess the situation.

"What is it?" Payton shouted over the blaring siren.

I glanced at the radar and pounded my fist on the dashboard. Fuck.

"Proximity alarm!" I yelled. "Five or six ships from Deathgate are approaching us!"

She looked sick. "How did they find us so fast?"

"That's the question, isn't it?" I was beginning to put the pieces together, and I didn't like the finished product. I punched up the runner's logs, scanning them.

One exit to the surface in the last hour from the forward hatch. And an outgoing signal.

"Where's Braadi?"

"What do you mean?" Payton frowned. "He's back in his quarters, isn't he?"

Before she even finished speaking, I was halfway there.

"What's the matter?" she asked, following me.

"Braadi!" I growled, darting to the back of the ship and banging on the door to his bunk. "Where are you, you little worm?" When I received no answer, I wrenched the door open and entered uninvited, rooting through what few belongings the reptile piece of crap left behind when he fled.

"I'm sure there's an explanation," Payton insisted, but I could tell by the set in her jaw that she came to the same conclusion I had. I was running out of time. We were running out of time.

I pulled up the history of the communit set into the desk of the cabin, raining curses on the day I trusted that good-for-nothing piece of space dust.

"What is it?" Payton asked.

I dropped my head in my hands. "Those call codes are from Thodos III. Ten to one says Braadi's been working for our enemy this entire time."

"Enemy?"

I glanced at her.

"Conii."

"Wait, then why would he help you get off of Deathgate? Why not just leave you there?"

My heart went cold in my chest. "She just wanted to twist the knife. And now my sentence carries the death penalty."