Chapter 39

S itting in the meadow, waiting for Rosa, I didn't know what to think when Noyel showed up by himself.

"Don't be mad at her. She wasn't given much of a choice," Noyel said in way of apology as Odix, Tor, and Gopher came up behind him.

"What the fuck is this?" I sputtered, gripping the straps of my purse in a death grip.

Noyel shrugged his shoulders as he stepped back. "Rosa mentioned you've been avoiding everyone. She worried you were depressed. You started sleeping most of the day when you started having trouble sleeping at night. She loves you. She knows you love them and miss them. They're not like Rek. Gopher's explained what was going on. We just want to help."

"I didn't ask for help," I muttered, folding my arms over my chest stubbornly.

With a sniff, I asked, "And where is their pushy, fearless leader?"

Odix glanced to Tor with a funny look.

"Celuk say Jo no' like all come like this. Feel ganged up. Get mad. Jo mad at world," Tor grunted out. "Push all ‘way. ‘Fraid."

"I'm not afraid!" I snarled at them. "You're afraid! I'm just not stupid enough to not know better now!"

"Jo ‘fraid. Tor ‘fraid," he said with a shrug. "Jo ‘fraid Tor keep be bad male to Jo. Tor ‘fraid Jo b'lieve this, not want be Tor mate no more."

"I was never your mate!" My outburst made him flinch. Marching past them, feeling betrayed on so many levels it wasn't even funny, I shoved Gopher's shoulder as I pushed past him. "You're all assholes. I don't care anymore."

On my way home, I saw it yet again. I'd moved past thinking straight. Now when I saw that stupid beast taunting me as he stood across the way, I made snowballs and chucked them at him. "Stupid Krampus. Come on then, you coward, you think you're so smart, messing with my head…" It was always the same, a distant shadow, the outline of my nightmares.

Hurrying back to my hut, I locked myself up inside of it, just like I kept the rest of myself, locked up and hidden away.

Weeks passed. That intervention led by my exes felt like a distant memory.

I was back to sleeping under the bed once more. Things had all devolved rather quickly as my Krampus shadow sightings increased.

I woke up this morning, got a good look at myself in my makeup mirror, and found for once I was all out of tears. They were all dried up. Just gone, completely. I'd cried myself all out.

The more I stared into that mirror, the worse I felt. I was a shell of my former self. I couldn't keep going on like this and I knew it. I was gone to that dark place, intrusive thoughts abound, mind filling with more horribleness.

This was madness. Sadly, it's taken me this long, months, to wake the frick up, grow the hell up, and suck it the fuck up and handle my shit.

Glamazon, I was so not being. I'd let it happen. I'd just- I'd thought pushing everyone away was the answer, even Rosa and Mal, hard as I tried and they pushed back.

This ended now. I was barely functioning, existing, if one could call this existing at all. I was the farthest from happy I'd ever been. Was this really the fucking answer? Of course not! And what was the point of any of this if I made it so nothing was worth it?

It was all a lie and I wasn't even buying it anymore.

Today. It all ended today.

It started now.

Resolving to make up with Rosa after I'd had a long soak and a think, kinda my step one, I walked to one of the warm springs pools, nodding a polite greeting to anyone and everyone I passed.

I probably looked as shitty as I felt. Serves me right for being a dumb ass.

Walking to the water's edge, I set my bags down, stripped down to my itty bitty teeny pink bikini with white polka dots all over it, and just jumped right in.

Dropping down until my toes touched the bottom, I stayed there for a moment, until my lungs screamed at me to resurface, before pushing off. When my head popped free, it was to come face to face with four identical sets of wild blue eyes and similar facial features as Gopher, all set in furry, feminine faces.

The first one spoke and my jaw about hit the floor. "French?" I blurted. "You're speaking freaking French?" That certainly sounded like it.

"Oui," the first one said.

"She doesn't know Mama's tongue. Bibo said as much," the second hissed, taller of the four, rumbling at them in French next in a chastising tone.

"She know the Spannedish," the third primly cut in. "Bibo told me."

"No, he not. He tell Mamma," the fourth grumblingly chimed in in her gruffer, deeper voice. "You just like to feel ‘portant."

"Do not.

"Do, too."

"Know it all."

"Big mouth."

"Fat butt."

"Stupid head."

"What the hell? Who the fuck is Bibo?" My words were met with gaping silence.

The fourth female, the deeper voiced one, appeared to be the ballsier of the group. "We want make sure Jo knows truth," she grumbled.

"So you could forgive Bibo and make up and then Bibo could be happy again. He mopes around a lot now and sometimes we hear him sad at night," Three cut in.

"No, you don't. Don't lie. He hasn't come back home since she broked up with him." Second gave a sniff. "Not that I blame her after he dumped her first."

"Mamma said that! You're just repeating!" First told Second.

"Bibo Jo's Gopher," Fourth informed me. "Calls Jo his Jo. Our Bapas named him. Bapas get to name the boys, Mamma says. Papa gets to like it."

They all giggled like there was some inside joke to that I was unaware of.

"And you are his…?" I was struggling not to curl away from the gaggle of teenage-y back and forth cringy-ness as they randomly broke out in squabbles. "Sisters?" I guessed.

"He's our Bibo. Our big brother. He calls me sissy, because he likes me best," Second informed me.

"You sissy because Mamma says you Sissy, short for Celestine," Fourth grumbled at her. Pointing a long claw at herself, she muttered, "Joelle. Elle."

Pointing at One, she introduced, "Anais. Isa."

"Chloe," Three chimed in with a little wave.

"After Bibo and Amee, next four," Elle rumbled out softly.

"He's helping Papa and our Bapas find mates for us," Second gushed.

Elle snorted but quickly covered it up with a fake cough.

My face reddened as their story continued.

"You snuck back here and followed him?" I wondered aloud.

They nodded in unison.

"Need make sure fluff heads don't get bride nabbed, eaten by beasts… worse," Elle grumbled, giving them all a dirty look.

"Elle is really smart," Chloe offered. "I don't really listen when Bapas try to teach us stuff. It's boring. I just want to draw."

"Uhm…" I had no clue what to say to that.

A loud snarl cutting into the clearing had the girls jumping. "What I say? What Bapas, Mamma, Papa say, huh?" Gopher growled softly down at them. "Again?!"

Spying me in the water, looking like a waterlogged nymph struggling to take this all in, he did a double take, looked about to swallow his tongue, and a garbled purr that made my insides feel gooey rattled his chest.

Siblings one through three, keeping me entertained, giggled at his reaction, but then quickly darted their gazes away when he bared his teeth at them and hissed something.

Elle gave him a long, measuring look and slowly stood. "We be Bibo place, replace bread, stew, and sweets Chloe and Sissy eat." A soft grunt left her. "You talk."

"Tattle tell," Sissy muttered.

"Tail," Chloe corrected, to a censorious look from Sissy.

"Share next time then ‘stead of hogging all while Elle take Isa use ladies rooms, jes?" Elle quipped.

When I would have hopped out of the water, Gopher dropped down and his hand shot out, offering to help me out.

The moment I had two feet on moist soil he was scooping me up into his arms, hugging me tight. "No want be ‘way from Jo no more. No want be broked up," he mumbled into my shoulder.

Hugging him back, burying my face in his fur, I murmured, "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, let you explain. I'm sorry for pushing you away and being a total asshole."

Pulling back, I spied that pesky, telltale moisture pooling in his eyes. "Jo- Jo no want be broked up no more neither?"

"No." I shook my head. "I missed you too much. I'm-"

Gopher let out a soft little whoop, curled himself around me tighter, and kissed me. I shivered, the warmth of his body heat and the chill outside battling.

One of his hands slid down my back, cupped one of the rounded globes barely decent with my bikini bottom pushing it, and grabbed a handful of ass to squeeze.

His purr vibrated my chest, making my aching nipples even harder. "My Jo," he growled out softly.

"Stop watches!" Elle snapped.

Three soft gasps and a burst of giggles had Gopher breaking away to glare off in the direction of the noise and bark something at them in Lo denaii that had them scurrying off.

Glancing back towards me, he groaned.

Tugging him back to me, I kissed him, long and hard. "Get them home. It's okay."

"No want-" Gopher groaned and pulled me in close to kiss me once more. "No want leave," he grumbled.

"I'll still be here when you get back," I promised.

Gopher scowled but nodded.

With one last kiss, he rushed off to collect his wayward sisters and escort them all back home where they hopefully stayed until they found their wanted prospective other butt cheeks.

This felt good. Right. I had to stop fighting the what-ifs. I needed to accept the here and now and live in the moment. I had to stop trying to hold all of them accountable for Rek's crimes. I couldn't control every fucking thing and I'd had to learn the hard way I shouldn't want to. What kind of life was I living?

Gopher spared me a quick glance over his shoulder, taking me in. He got one look at my outfit, my clothes nearby, and shook his head. "No go home wet, cold. Go' take."

"Take me home?" I spluttered. "But it's just down the way and I was going to stop by Rosa's to make up with her, I- What are you doing?"

"Take Jo home," he rumbled out stubbornly, steering me towards his place.

"I don't have dry clothes there," I pointed out, "and I'm not getting naked in front of your sisters."

"Go' fix hut. More room. Make clothes for my Jo."

"I- You did?" There was definitely an echo in here.

"Jes," he said simply. After a moment's hesitation, glancing over his shoulder to make sure his wayward sisters had listened to him, he admitted with a grimace, "No want leave. Go' Bapas, Papa, Mamma need help. Bapa Furgof hurt in head. Bapas and Papa need help him. Mamma say seesters run the wilds. No listen no more." Lifting a hand with a growl, he waved off behind him. "Papa say like the wilds west, and now they wants mates. All the talks, all the times, want meet mates, mates, mates, mates. Treks to villages take long time. Keep Gopher from my Jo."

If I was understanding this correctly, he had some crazy going down back on the home front, siblings running wild, a sick dad who needed care, and here I was piling on making him feel guilty for disappearing in such long stretches, but I had to point out, seeing I had no clue any of this was going on, "Why didn't you ever tell me any of this? I mean, I thought you were just using them as an excuse to get away from me because I was being too much…" And now that I said it out loud, it didn't really jive with the Gopher that I knew.

"Go' not ‘llowed say. Only bring Odix to family group ‘cause Odix nosy, want see what Go' do leave my Jo, leave Gopher no choice." With a quick glance around, he leaned in to whisper, as if imparting a great secret, "No want seesters stolen to mate. Want them choose. Secret. Quiet. Safe. Odix help fix family hut. Help Go'. No tell no one."

I gave him a long, measuring look. He was protecting his sisters. "But it's cool if you do it to a gal, the whole stolen mate thing?"

Gopher shook his head. "Go' never go on brides hunts. No want." With a comical miming of him being beaten up by what I assumed was a tiny woman, he grinned. "Mamma beat the buns, Go' do stupid things."

"She sounds like a blast," I said on a laugh.

Gopher's grin widened. As if he couldn't hold back a moment longer, he reeled me in, grabbed the towel I'd brought with me to wrap it around me, and kissed me like he meant it. "Go' Jo fall in Go' lap." Gopher's chest puffed up with pride. "Dropped in Go' lap like present. Mamma say goot things happens, those who pade-she-ent. Go' have Jo." A soft, happy rumble left him. "Jo best present."

I felt dumbstruck, with all of it.

Joanie was so wrapped up in Joanie, deep down into that rabbit hole of what the fuckery, it hadn't even occurred to me- But now I knew, and I could do better. We could do better, be better, together.

"New me. New us. I'm not turning over a new leaf. I'm burning all of the old ones and sending them to Hell while I wait for new ones to grow and fall. A total do over." A smile lifted my lips when he rumbled his pleasure at the idea. Leaning into him, I pecked a kiss to his chin, then nipped it, making his purr stutter out as a deep rumble overtook it. "I'll make you a deal. From now on, I'll trust you with all of my bullshit, full length, deleted scenes stuff put right back in, all that jazz, balls to the wall, if you can do the same for me?" Brushing my cheek along his, I grinned when his rumble grew tenfold, until his purr was fighting with it, numbing my hands as they pressed to his chest, fingers sifting through his fur, and I pressed up against him.

Holding up my hand, pinky finger out, I waggled it as I waited for him to hook his with mine. Curving his pinky finger around mine, we gave them a shake, then sealed it with a kiss.

That kiss lingered, until he was curled around me, hands sliding down my waist to grip my ass and lift me up. "My Jo," he growled out between hard, urgent kisses.

"Your sisters," I blurted.

"They wait," he bit out, urging me to wrap my legs around him.

A snarl and an answering, "No poke! I take to Go'! See? Crazy huedman. Pokies… sharpies… Worse than- Jo!"

With something akin to horror garbling in his throat, Gopher's grip tightened on me, namely my ass. His head shot up at that sound and a fur covered ball holding a rather sharp looking knife to Doogie's throat marched into view.

That growl speak was distinctly Lo denaii but they spoke with a softness the males didn't possess. It was like she had a small voice and was trying to make it sound big.

"Ow. Stop pokies, meanie head female," Doogie grumbled, confirming that was in fact a female holding him hostage. "See? No know where seesters. There Go' you ask for. I take, no?"

The ball of fur with skin so pale she reminded me of a walking corpse lifted her head as Gopher growled something at her sharply. Her arms were the only thing visible in that lump of animal fur she was donning.

That ball of fur was a pelt coat with a heavy hood, thick pants and boots to match.

My jaw dropped as she jerked her chin, lifting her head higher, and her hood fell, revealing a tall, red eyed albino of a human-Lo denaii hybrid. Long white hair framed an oval face, thin nose with snooty little upturn at the tip, a small mouth that looked like it never smiled, and narrowed red eyes with a splash of pink at the centers. Curling her upper lip at Gopher, she bared her fangs at him and growled something at him that he bared his teeth more and snarled louder at her for in return.

My gaze darted between them. "Did you catch any of that?" I asked Doogie.

"She not nice. No like her. She smells," was all Doogie would offer, glaring at her from over his shoulder.

Gopher snapped his teeth at Doogie, who jerked backwards, sending the woman trying to hold him hostage stumbling back.

Spinning on his heel, he had her disarmed, his arm barred across her shoulders, effectively pinning her to his chest, in seconds flat.

"My Mama no like males that bully females. Mama also say, okay to fight females if you need ‘fend yourself," he growled in her ear before releasing her to send her stumbling towards Gopher and me.

Looking pissed at so easily losing, her fangs lengthened as she bared them, already long, black claws fully unsheathing until I wondered if she was the real life embodiment of Wolverine, looking ready to attack and try again, when Gopher snapped, "Amee-lee! ‘Nough!"

Whirling around on him, she snarled, "Yood not Mommedma!"

"I oldest!"

"Byed dis manies!" she hissed at him, holding up five fingers angrily.

"Ba no trust you for this!" he growled at her.

His comment made her flinch. It was like she curled in on herself at his rejoinder.

"Go' no mean like that," he corrected softly.

With a sniff, she glowered. "Where see-sees?"

"Go' hut," he rumbled out softly, then pointed in the direction of his place.

Avidly studying the exchange, Doogie offered with a sigh, "I show Crazy."

Amee-lee spun around to stare at Doogie as if he'd grown three heads. "I find," she snapped. "No need yood help!"

"Not help for you. Help for village, no male see you, think take female with pretty eyes, find she meanie head that pokies," he muttered, gesturing for her to lead and he'd bark directions and follow.

Amee-lee's face pinkened at his comments but she slowly nodded and allowed him to escort her to Gopher's.

"Well, that was mighty entertaining," I muttered, glancing from Gopher to Doogie and Amee-lee's retreating backs.

Gopher tore his worried gaze away from Doogie and Amee-lee, groaned, and pressed his forehead to mine.

"Lessen the grip on the booty, eh?" I gave my butt a wiggle. "It feels like you're trying to juice them, not grope them."

Gopher immediately loosened his hold but seemed loath to release them entirely. Eh— they could breathe now, that was all that mattered. Heh.

"You should probably go check on them. She might be trying to maul Doogie near your place and I'm not entirely certain it's in a her jabbing him with pokie things kinda way."

Gopher's head jerked back and he stared at me as if he wasn't sure she'd go that far.

"The rest of them are boy crazy. Maybe she's not so much boy crazy but hasn't found the right dude to get crazy about? Like, say… a tall, strapping human-Lo denaii hybrid that not only didn't flinch when she pulled a knife on him but politely disarmed her, told her her eyeballs are pretty, then offered to escort her home."

Gopher made a distressed sound.

"I understand now. We'll get back to this later." I pecked a kiss to his nose. "Go. Go on. Go make sure Dorothy's dingus doesn't join with your fangtastic twin," I teased.

"Gopher older," he muttered as he kissed me once, twice, the second time longer and lingering, before breaking away from me with utmost reluctance to go chase after his crazy sibling.

Walking back to my place, I felt a little lighter, like a weight's been lifted. The small smile tipping my lips fell as I thought about how far I'd had to fall before I finally woke up and started the arduous journey of digging myself back out.

Fuck, it was still a long way to the top… But I could do this.

I wanted to do this.

Hauling ass back to my place because, yeah, it's titties might freeze off fucking cold out here, I lamented not timing myself on that sprint back. I coulda set a record.

Going all out, back to the old Joanster, I opted for a quick nail polish, sans my glorious claws in favor of hurrying my ass up, did my hair, my face, though putting it on now didn't have that razzle dazzle feeling for me that it had once before.

Nope. My razzle dazzle feeling was patching things up with Gopher, being taken into his arms again and kissed like there was no tomorrow, that reconnection after trying to cut the ties for so long, fighting it.

No more fighting any of this. It took me forever to realize I was only punishing myself.

I wanted karmic revenge, and what better way than to show Rek how well I could live my life without him!

Fierce satisfaction filled me at the idea.

Even more so at the idea of making up with Odix, Tor/Hyde/Jeh-kal, Celuk, and figuring this all out. If that was even fucking possible at this point.

I'd tried so hard to cut them out of my life, once I had my wish I was left with even more misery and this gaping hole in my heart.

I was sick of myself, sick of wallowing in misery.

It took shutting out Rosa and getting my wish to be parted from my guys completely, to live in that hell, before I finally woke up.

Along with this feeling of rightness in getting my life back, getting my shit on track, there was the very real fear of rejection.

Gopher could have turned me down. He could have said it's all too much, I'm too much.

The others very well might not want to be with me anymore. I might be too late.

I'd be damned if I wasn't going to try anyway.

What's a few more soul crushing moments to add to my life? At least I could say I tried.

It was equally as nerve wracking dragging my ass up to Rosa's, basket full of apology goodies in hand. She was the catalyst, what really opened my eyes. I had her to thank for that jolt that woke me up. I'd been leaning on her far too much, enablingly so, in all of my chaos. Losing her was like losing my damn arms.

Zhuii's head jerked up at my approach. Kneeling beside the children, he was showing them how to check the fruit that had started dropping from the crazy tree they lived beneath. Kehko nearly whacked him in the face as she threw her basket in her excitement to see me and took off towards me at a run. "Jojo-me!" she squeed.

Zhuii and I winced in unison as the boys caught their big sister's words and joined in on the happy shrieking.

"Missed you too," I told them as they rushed me for a hug and I knelt to catch them.

Kehko squeezed me so tight I thought I heard something pop in my ribs.

Giving them all a bear hug squeeze back, I smiled through watery eyes. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come back," I croaked out.

"What's all the squealing for?" Rosa called out from inside their den. Her eyes widened as she stepped out and caught sight of me.

Leaving the basket for the kids to happily rummage through, a new dolly for Kehko and some bean bags I'd made from an old shirt for the boys to see who could toss them the farthest nestled amongst the treats, I smiled sheepishly and stood.

It was hard to say who was more pleased to see me, the kids or Rosa. She too came at me at a run. She was crying before we'd even made contact. "I was so worried," she blurted, the second I nabbed her up and gave her a Kehko approved squish. "I'm sorry," I started to say at the same moment.

"What are you sorry for?!" she burst out. "I'm the one that pushed things, pushed you too far."

Shaking my head, I argued, "You were doing what you thought I needed. Trying to go cold turkey without my cousin, my guys, it was the swift kick in the pants I needed. While I'm sorry we were on the outs, I'm not sorry it happened. I really needed it."

Rosa shook her head. "I didn't." Hugging me back to her, she mumbled into my coat, "Next time just let me give you the swift kick in the bottom for you and we'll get you there in half the time, no separation needed!"

"Deal." I couldn't argue with that.

"Joys. Jo back," Noyel drawled out sarcastically, though his lips tipped up in a smirk.

Checking to make sure the kids weren't paying any attention, I flipped him the birdy. He laughed.

"How did I not see how much you're like Doogie?" I muttered, shaking my head.

Rosa burst out laughing, Noyel sputtered, looking instantly offended, and Zhuii chuckled from his safe distance over by the other end of the tree with the basket ravaging kiddlens.

"Noyel not like Doogie!" Noyel burst out.

"You sure about that, No-yell?" I taunted.

"Yes!!" he grumbled, scowling at me as he walked up the den's steps to join us.

Scrubbing at her arms, Rosa jerked her head to indicate we should head inside. "Five more minutes! It's chilly out!" she called out to the little ones, who whined in unison.

"Five more minutes?" Kehko called out.

I laughed, because that was literally what she'd just told them.

"Hmmm." She pretended like she had to think about it. "Okay, but only five."

Kehko let out a soft little victory hoot and a soft, "Yessss."

Zhuii and Noyel chuckled, listening to the byplay.

"Where's Tokre?" I asked.

"Fishing," Rosa chimed in with a smile. She was so happy her mate was getting out and making friends and everyone was trying to learn his hand signing.

"Mama said Tokre told Celuk about a fishing place he found. They went to go look at it with Daddy," Noyel added.

"Which one is Daddy?" I leaned in to ask Rosa in a whisper.

"You mean Jo doesn't know?" Noyel teased, turning from the spot he'd taken near the stove to watch the bread baking to raise his eyebrows at me.

"I'd flip you the birdy again, but you might come up with some wild story to tell your uncle and tell him I was trying to be your creepy aunty, if only to torture me, seeing as you're so much like Doogie and all," I taunted right back, then stuck my tongue out at him.

"Doogie do what?!" Noyel spluttered.

Tossing him an overdone wink, I grinned. "Made ya look, Lots-o-yells."

Noyel made a disgusted sound and gave Rosa a look. "You sure you want to keep Kooky's Jo ‘round? She's loud and says… everything," he mock grumbled.

Rosa's face was pink from laughing. "I'm pretty sure."

"Och! Pretty sure, she says! Pretty sure!" Laying it on thick, I played it up. It felt good to let loose. God, I'd missed her.

Rosa came in for another hug, this one more bone squishing than the last. "I'm just so happy you're back," she mumbled into my hair between the telltale signs of her softly crying. Swiping at her eyes discreetly, she admitted, "I'd enlisted Mal to keep me up to date on you. She said- Aw, Jo, you really had me worried there for a bit."

My smile was small, rueful. "Believe me, there were moments I worried myself. It took me getting to that point to wake the fuck up."

"I'm so glad you're here," Rosa gushed. Taking my hand in hers, she gave it a squeeze.

"We got all the fruits!" Zhuii announced, grinning as three little chests puffed up proudly.

"Can we make the pies, mama?" Kehko asked.

"Jam!" Zhuel piped up.

"Muff-tins!" Tohkrii suggested.

"Yeah, ma, we want muffed-tins, jam, and pies," I joked.

"So not helping," Rosa singsonged under her breath as she joined them and Zhuii brought in several baskets full to brimming.

"All part of the fun," I singsonged back.

"There's enough here for all three and then some," Rosa announced, walking over to the baskets to examine the lot.

Spying the basket I'd brought amongst the fruit baskets, she glanced towards the children and then pointed at it. They glanced between siblings, looking as if to debate how they were going to divvy up copping up to it.

"I did it, Mama," Kehko announced.

"I help," her brothers chimed in, in unison.

"Did you not save a single thing for Mommy?" Moving the cloth in the basket, she frowned. "It's like they vacuumed it all up with their mouths. I can't even find a crumb of what you brought.

Pulling a small wooden container from my purse, I gave her a nudge and handed it over.

"Hah!" Rosa held it up triumphantly. Opening the lid, she made a silly happy noise. "Mine. They're all mine," she announced, then promptly took off to go hide her stash of mock-chocolate, mock-late brownies.

"Not even one for Zhuii?" her big blue dude asked, trailing after her hopefully.

Noyel laughed as he watched them go.

"You're not worried about it," I noted.

His smile was just shy of a smirk. "You gave the recipe to Mama," he said simply.

"I'mma tell her you said that," I deadpanned.

His smirky smile fell. "And you think I'm the one who's so much like Doogie? Pfft! Who's the Doogie now?!"

"Doodie?" the boys piped up.

Noyel shook his head. "Sorry. Didn't mean to get your hopes up. We'll go see Kunkle Doodie tomorrow, huh?"

"Teach throw rocks," Zhuel announced.

"Small rocks go far," Tohkrii added.

"Over water, right? Not, uh, at anything?" I mumbled worriedly.

"Over water," Noyel confirmed, eyeing me.

"What?" I muttered defensively, taking a seat at the table to eye him right back.

He shrugged his wide shoulders. "Seem… different."

My face screwed up into a frown. I was just shy of scratching my head on that one. "Different how?"

"Not bad. Just different," he replied, which told me nada.

"Right. Okay. Whatever that means." Shrugging right back, I tapped my short but freshly painted natural nails along the table. "Whatever."

"See." He pointed at me and lifted his nose to sniff the air. "Say things but you don't mean it, even a little bit."

"And I did before?" I spluttered.

"You say things when your feelings are hurt. You smell upset," he explained. "You're just saying things to be silly, pester right now. You're not saying it to hide or divert."

"Huh." My frown deepened. They could pick up on that crap, just like that, one hinty sniff? All this time? Well, crud. Of all of the things I could have said, I muttered, "You listen to your mother far more than she gives you credit for."

I mean, really, duh, Joanie. They can like, smell a Lo denaii babe's gender super early on in a pregnancy. Not with a human baby, apparently, or so I've heard Noyel's dad Lukar mention. Had something to do with a Lo denaii babe's development, he'd surmised.

Noyel cracked a smile and chuckled. "Tell Mama that for me sometime, yes?"

With a shrug, I made a face. "Perhaps. If ever I'm in a generous mood."

Joining me at the table, shoving a mug of hot tea towards me to pour one for himself, Zhuii, Rosa, and one for Kehko and her brothers each at their kiddie table as they began coloring, he rejoined me to sit across from me. Tapping his mug, he made a noise with his tongue and the roof of his mouth. "Not feeling generous?"

He was teasing, but I liked this newfound comradery.

"I smell like I've been smoochin' on your third-best friend or wherever Goph falls in the pecking order after your lady mate and fellow bro-mates or whatever. This is where you're going with this." It wasn't a question.

Noyel made a sad, tsking sound. "Needs to kiss you more," he surmised from the annoyed moue that pulled at my puss.

Nabbing up the kitchen towel between us, I chucked it at his head. "Rosa! Your mate's being mean to me!" I caterwauled, making the kids giggle from their front row seat at their coloring table.

There was a short pause, making me think Zhuii was trying to hold her up, before she asked, "What did you do to him?!"

"Oh! Did you hear that? She tossed me over for a boy!" Grabbing at my chest, I pretended to stoop forward in pain.

Noyel crowed like he'd just won this whole back and forth.

Grabbing up the kitchen towel from him to pretend to dab at my eyes, I mock sniffed and wondered aloud, "What would Kookypants think about all of this?"

"Rosie!" Noyel called out to his mate. "Cousin Joanie's being mean to me!"

With a giggle in her voice, she called back, "What did you do to her?!"

Zhuii cracked up along with her when Noyel let out a mouth-fart of a noise of disbelief. "Rosie-mine!" he fumed, struggling not to laugh.

Cackling like a maniac, I shot up, arms out, and did an absurd victory dance right there at the kitchen table. "Oh. What? Who's loved most now, huh, punk? Take that! Woot-woot!" The kids joined me as I danced around it, hooting and hollering, kicking up a fuss. "That's Auntie-Cousin Joanie to you, Noy-boy!" I tossed out, soaking it up when he made a distressed sound and made off down the hall where his mate had disappeared off to.

Settling back down, I took my tea to the kiddie table and shouted out as we colored our little hearts out. "Take your time washing clothes! We're fine in here!"

"Missed you, Aunie Jojo-me," Kehko purred, hugging my arm with all four of hers until I had to wiggle it to get more blood flow back to it.

"I missed you, too, baby girl," I told her.

She leaned her head on my shoulder, and I leaned mine on hers, and promised myself and her then and there to never get that far gone I forgot what matters most, ever again.