Chapter 36

W aking up at god knows what hour, I blinked in confusion. When did I sleep walk to a polar bear den and cuddle with the occupants, my sleep muddled mind wondered.

Tor, who was looking more Hyde than Jeh-kal with his horns out, sat up as I started to stretch. It was the eyes that gave him away.

Looking fresh as a daisy, I got the impression he'd been awake for some time but was chilling for my benefit, so as not to wake me.

Feeling conflicted by the idea, embarrassment rode shotgun as I fumbled around with my morning ablutions while he made himself handy with a pan and fat eggs I couldn't recall having on hand.

Possibly sensing my morning after that he actually stuck around for awkwardness, he made food and then informed me he had things to take care of as he plated it.

Taking his food to go, via a colorful-yolked breakfast sandwich, he walked over as if he meant to give me an affectionate good-bye but hesitated.

Ducking my head, I gave him a quick hug before pulling back to wrap my arms around myself.

"Eat," he rumbled out softly, not an ounce of judgment in his tone.

When I just stood there, waiting for him to leave, he jerked his chin towards the single plate on the table, then made a rumbling sound that said Get your ass in that seat and eat, woman.

"Fine," I muttered. Making sure to make a face as I passed him, I took my seat and dutifully shoveled in a mouthful.

Satisfied that I was doing his bidding, he gave a grunt of farewell and left.

The second he was gone, I got up and locked my door.

Instead of finishing my food, I walked over to the bed and flopped down onto it. Grabbing the bedding from the side he'd laid on, I buried my face in it and groaned. Why did these fuzzy bastards have to smell so good? Ugh.

I missed his grunting ass already.

With a start, a frisson of fear slithered through me.

I was so hooked on them, all of them. Rek. Gopher. Celuk. Odix. Tor and his many sides.

This was so bad for me.

Just look at what happened with Rek?! And just when I'd finally thought we were solid.

My gut churned. Bile rose. It could all turn on a dime. I had no way of knowing.

Rolling to my back, I tried to calm my racing heart, worried I might pass out from the panic of it all but it wasn't budging.

I was in love with them. All of them.

Fuck me.

When did they have all the power? When did I give it up to them?

I couldn't handle my heart breaking again, let alone again and again, and again.

Holing up in my room, too much time left alone to my thoughts, by nightfall I'd convinced myself the only way to protect myself from a broken heart was to break theirs first, to break my own one last time myself.

By morning I was waffling, wondering if I could really go through with it.

Convincing myself I just needed time in the end, and space, to work through all of this, I focused on just that, putting time and space between me and all of the things that hurt me.

A week on this train of thought and unhinged reasoning, excuses to huddle in on myself it was more like, become a hermit woman who only allowed their cousin and our thirdie into my inner circle, I was utterly convinced this was the way to go.

It was why, despite how heavy my heart was feeling about all of this, I told myself hardening it was the only way.

When Celuk tried to see me, I wasn't home. When Odix stopped by, I was conveniently unavailable.

My fancy new front door was unbustdownable. Tor had put that one to the test.

I had to do this. I had to protect myself and them.

I was broken, and all of this would only end in heartbreak.

It was the coward's way out, but I'd penned a letter to each of them and with the help of Rosa, who by my wishes had asked Doogie to deliver my messages to each of them and in the event they couldn't read English read my missive out loud, I'd broken up with all of them.

Well, except for Gopher, who was having some kind of crisis at his birth home, according to Doogie, who shuddered when asked to go out there and deliver it to him.

Waiting an additional month before daring to show my face in public, I'd grown oddly agoraphobic about leaving my hut at this point.

The fear of running into Rek and his… person, or any of my exes, appealed to me about as much as the idea of yanking my toe nails off with pliers.

Yet here I was, by Rosa and Mal's encouragement, smiling down into sweet little faces as Rosa's rambunctious boys made their fruit pieces dance in front of me and Kehko sang to go along with it.

My hair must look a fright with all the tiny bows Kehko was putting in it, but she'd looked aghast to find her fun auntie cousin looking pale, plain faced, not a stitch of makeup on or my nails done up to perfection, hair styled, nothin', in sight.

I honestly didn't feel like doing much of anything and I wasn't eager to explain it.

Depression is an asshole.

My gaze rarely darted from our party. Mal's girls were too cute for words. It was a treat watching them discover everything around them as we lounged picnic style outside.

All of Rosa's mates had come out today, as well as Mal's guys. The whole gang was here.

They'd picked a spot they felt was less known, so we wouldn't be disturbed.

Every time I tried to relax I'd immediately tense right back up. I couldn't help it.

Dorothy and her mates and sons showing up suddenly, unannounced, had Rosa and Mal staring at her in surprise.

Rosa glanced up at her mates, who each slightly shook their heads.

Booger looked to Mal and began to shake his head wildly like, hell, it was not me.

Khri was oddly quiet, staring down at his baby girl in his arms as if he was too engrossed in her to pay anyone any mind.

"Traitor," I thought I heard Rosa mutter.

Mal's cheeks flushed as she darted a look at Rosa and then her male and her face pulled into a frown.

"Celuk not come," he said with a shrug, mumbling the words softly for his mate.

"It's fine," I murmured, though I had to swallow past the thickness in my throat to get the words out.

"You're sure?" Rosa reached over to pat my hand.

Kehko glanced from her mama to me, then her grandmother. I smiled brightly, as if nothing was amiss. "Of course."

"I go say hi, Mama?" Kehko whisperingly asked Rosa, picking up on the tension between the adults.

"Of course, baby." Rosa waved at Dorothy, who smiled and waved back.

"Hope you don't mind!" Dorothy called out. "Spotted you all and thought a picnic would be a lovely idea."

"They knowed, Mama," Khri called out with a grimace.

Dorothy's overdone cheerful act fell. "Well, shoot," she muttered.

"Meedaw!" twin screeches cried out. Popping up, fruit pieces abandoned, Rosa's boys chased after their sister, who had a good head start on them, after their meedaw, as they called Dorothy.

The second my arms were empty, I held them out to Khri. "My turn, traitor," I called out sweetly, wiggling my fingers.

Mal snorted and Khri smirked but handed over Binc.

"Mine," I teased him, a genuine smile tugging at my lips when he growled and softly snarled, "Mine," in the most possessive display of daddy over the moon for his girls cuteness.

"I'll give her back." Rolling my eyes, I stared down into their baby girl's eyes and was immediately smitten.

This. I so wanted this.

But I wasn't going to ever have this.

"Have to give back." Doogie came and sat down right beside me, scooting in to play with his niece over my shoulder.

"Hey- Hey, baby hog! Wait your turn," I groused at him.

"I babies hog?" Doogie sputtered, gesturing at me wildly. "What you do?"

"Cuddling my niece-godbaby. Duh." With a sniff, I shifted so he could see her better.

Leaning in, he brushed a finger down a downy cheek. "Getting big," he told Khri, Boog, and Mal, who grinned like the proud parents they were.

"It sucks," I muttered. "I love them when they're this small." Leaning in, I gave her tuft of fluff on her head a good sniff. "Love that baby smell."

"What babies smell? Poop?" Doogie made a show of making a face and pinching his nose.

"Babies don't smell, Kunkle Doogie! That's not nice!" Kehko burst out, making us all laugh.

The boys, spying Doogie, cried out, "DOODIE!" and ditched their grab-daws (grandpas), Meedaw (grandma), and kunkles to charge straight for Doodie.

"Doodie?" Choked laughter left me.

Doogie shrugged but threw his arms open to catch the boys. Moving away from us, he played with the boys in the grass until Rosa called them back to finish their food.

"Kooky, mama?" they asked Rosa, one and then the other.

Clearing his throat, glancing briefly from his mother and fathers to Khri, Doogie told them, "Kooky hunt."

"Hunt what?" Kehko asked.

Doogie thought about it a minute before answering, "Loud, bitey beast. Snaps. Mean. Lots of colors."

Wondering if that was a jab at me, I gave him a look. Absorbed in the conversation with the littles, he didn't pay me any mind, so I dismissed it.

Awkwardness filled me, regardless.

Refocusing all of my attention on the little one in my arms, the whole thing was soon forgotten.

As our picnic wound down and we packed up, we ran into Mina and her family group as we were trekking back to the village.

Rosa and Mal come up on my sides, boxing me in protectively.

Mina smiled and waved as they passed. Her little ones stopped to hug me and ask when I'd be babe-need-sitting them again because they'd had a blast the last few times I had.

Veck, assisting Mina as she proudly showed off the new baby bump led the way, Bia and Tarnk in the middle herding their brood, and Kirch with their fussy youngest strapped to his chest brought up the rear.

Pausing before he'd have passed me, he stopped and turned to me. "He's beautiful," I told him, setting down my things to reach out and brush a hand over a soft brown fuzzy mane.

"Has Mina eyes, hair," he croaked out.

"And your stubborn temper?" I joked, smiling down at the fuss monster mini of him growling in his sleep.

Looking surprised as much as relieved that I would even speak to him, like he was expecting me to ignore him because of Rek, he reached out in a rare display of platonic affection and clasped his hand to my forearm.

When I clasped mine to his back, he smiled.

Dragging him closer to me, I whispered, "This does not mean I ever want to see or hear about him just because we're cool."

Kirch nodded and released my arm and we went on our separate ways.

Groaning as he fought to catch up to me with two blue furred demons clinging to his legs, Doogie glanced from Kirch's retreating back to me. "What hims say?"

"Showing off the newest addition. He really is a miniature of him, isn't he? What else?" My shoulders lifted in a shrug. Glancing down at my favorite nephews, I asked them with a wink, "Want a little help, fellas?"

"Yes!!" they cried.

"No!" Doogie countered.

"Aw, c'mon, Doodie," I taunted. "What's the matter, afraid of a little competition?"

"We race!" the twins announced.

"I gets Jojo-me!" Zhuel cried.

Dipping, I motioned for him to hop on my back. Shoving all the shit in my hands at Doogie, I took off with my race buddy in tow.

Scrambling to hold all my crap and catch up, Doogie bellowed after us, "No fair! She cheats!" His companion giggled like this was the funniest thing ever, then ditched his Doodie to enlist Zhuii to race with him.

Tokre joined in with Kehko, and soon they were scrambling for second place.

Doodie came in last, solo, unless carting all my crap counted as another person.

"Calls rematches!" Doogie demanded.

Stopping just outside the village, we rematched. He won the next one, of course. Then Zhuii, and then finally Tokre.

By the time it was all over, I was dead tired and my face hurt from smiling.

As I was escorted to and then dropped off at my door, I couldn't help but sense someone was watching me. Walking up to my door and unlocking it, I paused to stare out into the woods. Yeah, sometimes it felt like that odd sense Celuk was watching me, but other times… Ignoring what looked like horns peeking in the trees yet again, I stepped inside and closed the door, and nearly walked right into a rug set right by the door.

Doing a double take, I had a moment of what the fuck, like, is this the right place?

My bed was remade— fresh woven sheets in a rainbow colored display covered my bed. My comforter was missing. In its place, was the blanket from Tor. Folded and waiting for use, my mating pelts were neatly stacked at the end of the bed. Every single one but for Rek's. I'd buried that in the back garden on one of my bad days. Right after I'd set it on fire, cried that I had, put it out, then decided burying the smelly remains were the only option.

A blue-swirls vase with my favorite tea flowers sat on the table. My shelves were filled, beyond stocked. The fire was glowing, fresh heat rocks and wood stacked beside it.

The place gleamed like it had been cleaned top to bottom.

Walking over to the table to set my things down, the smell of stew in the pot and fresh bread tickled my nose.

I almost missed it, the small, glittering, curved, wand looking lollipop stick on my nightstand. Picking it up, I frowned at it. What the hell was this thing supposed to be? It almost looked like a- "OH MY GOD!" OH, my fucking god!

Nabbing up my purse, I ran out the door.

And nearly slammed right into the Lo denaii waiting in the wings, just outside of my hut, like some stalkerish idiot.

Thick fingers grabbed my shoulders, steadying me when I would have slammed right into furry pecs.

"I don't have time for this! Watch where you're going!" I snarled right as the male that had caught me blurted, "Jojoknee- What wrong?"

Jerking out of his grasp, I gaped at him for a full minute before thawing and coming at him with both hands smack-happy. "What's wrong? What's wrong?! You slimy, two-timing waste of fur! I'll tell you what's wrong with Jojoknee!" I bellowed at him as he blocked my ninja-windmilling slaps and punches. "You cheated on me, you piece of dog crap!" I was bellowing so loud I'd dare to call it a roar. "I hope she gives you every disease known to mankind and your babies look like hairless orangutans! I hope your dick turns green, itches and oozes and leaks pus, and falls off- I-"

"Stops! Rek no cheats! Stops!" he yelped and yipped.

Pausing to catch my breath, uncaring who heard and came to investigate, I glared at him with all the pain and anger I'd been holding in.

In a deceptively calm voice, I asked, "Did you choose to bring her here?"

"Rek-"

"Did you stop for one moment and think, what the fuck will my mate think if I just bring home some rando woman, or did that not enter your tiny, walnut sized nugget of a brain?"

"Rek no have- Rek not- Jojomine-"

"Jojomine? I'm not your Jojo anything!" I snarled, stepping into his personal space.

Rek was forced to take a step back, then another, and another. There was a small measure of satisfaction to be had in watching him trip over his damn feet and tumble to his ass.

"No listen! Let Rek ‘splain!" he sputtered, crabwalking backwards as he eyeballed my purse.

Rounding on him, I jabbed my finger down at him. "Listen? To what?! Is she still here?"

"Rek- What?"

"Is. She. Still. Here?" I demanded to know. It was redundant. Like I didn't know the answer. Like the whispers hadn't gotten back to me. Like Mal and Rosa weren't pissed on my behalf that he was running around trying to introduce her to every being he'd ever known, whereas I'd been, partly on his part, his dirty little secret. It was a bitch slap to the fucking face, is what it was.

Catching the glint of the horn in my hand as it caught on the sun, he blinked at it stupidly.

"I don't have time for this. For you or any of your bullshit. Not anymore."

Turning, kicking my boot up to send snow flying at him, I took off.

I got all the way to the corner, stared down at my horn for a minute, stuffed it in my back pocket, before turning around and charging at him right as he righted himself.

I came at him with a bellow, tackling him into a huge pile of snow. Lifting my purse up, I swung it at him, telling him all the ways he'd broken my heart and I'd never, ever, as long as I lived, forgive him, EVER, with each arm numbing swing.

Rek lifted his arms up, barking at me to stop and listen, let him ‘splain, but made no move to dislodge me as I straddled him and gave beating him about his upper body a go.

I was on my sixth swing when a cry sounded off from behind me and to my left. One moment I was ranting at him through screams and watering eyes, the next I was flying to my right. My shoulder took the brunt of my fall, my purse smacking me square in the face as I landed.

"Leave him alone!" a pipsqueak of a voice cried out.

A roar sounded off right as I shoved his flavor of the month off of me, reared up, and slapped her clean across the face as hard as I could. "Touch me again, bitch!" I snarled at her.

Expecting to find Rek coming at me, I jerked back as he grabbed at not me but the woman he'd thrown me over for.

Lifting her up by her jacket like she was a naughty pup, he walked her over to the other side of the hut, bellowed at her to stay, and was rushing back to me, lips pursed, poorly muffling the snarl in his voice as he swiped at something on my face.

I felt a little sick as I shoved his hand back and stood. Even more so when I realized that wet stuff he'd swiped off of my face was blood.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped, slapping his hands away.

"Hurt! You nose bleed," he grumbled, actually daring to look hurt that I'd shoved his help off.

"Fuck off! I'm fine!" Ugh. My nose so did not feel fine. It felt broken. Grabbing out the cloth I kept in my pocket, I dabbed at my upper lip. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I glared at him. "See? Dis is bwat yube dwo. Woo-en, eberyting. Jwust weeb me awone."

"Jo?"

Like the king of the worst fucking timing ever, Gopher rushed up to grab Rek and toss him clean out of his way.

Rek barked what I assumed were curse words in Lo deanii as he flew and landed in a heap of fishing baskets neatly lined up along the side of a hut nearby.

Like the perpetual tail I was told she was, his woman, whats-er-face, ran after him. I'd call her his whore but that seemed a bit overkill. He was the whore! That whore!

"Dode jwust shwo up and agt like eb'ryfing is fined. Yube just kweep misabearing and shwowing up an then agting like iss all fwine. Welw, iss not!" I garbled out as I glared at him through my fingers pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Jo-" Gopher looked torn and I just didn't have anything left in me for anymore drama.

"I weft yoow a note, dumping yoow. I'b done." Turning to leave him, trying to be a heartless monster and pretend the devastated look on his face wasn't eating me up alive, that's when I caught sight of them peeking around the side of his hut. Slim and tall, oddly beautiful if I was being honest, I stopped and gaped at the gaggle of Yeti women. "Yoow fwucking abs-hole!" I burst out, whipping around to jab an accusing finger at him, then at the furry womenfolk. "Whoo the fwuck ar they gwopefur? Huh?!!"

Frowning, keeping himself safely out of jabbing range, Gopher followed my accusatory digit pointing towards his place. His eyes widened and he cursed, a word in Lo denaii I actually recognized and considered the equivalent of fuck or shit leaving him.

"Yeah. Nwice," I snapped. "Emjwoy your hared-em," I angrily congratulated him before leaving him rushing towards them, barking at them, to stop, come running towards me with mumbled nonsense garbling from his lips and hands held out as if looking for some type of forgiveness I didn't have in me. "Swave it. I'b nod soop-rised eddymore."

"But- JO!" He was practically howling as he motioned for the furry womenfolk to get out of sight. He was oddly frantic about it.

Whatever. That's his deal. Not mine. Not anymore. Right?

With one thing and one thing only on my mind, I took off for Celuk's. He had some major fucking explaining to do!