Chapter 13

"Y ou're sure everything's fine?" Rosa pressed as I readied to leave after some much needed cousin time and my fill of hanging with the littles.

"On both these big ol' butt cheeks," I promised, sure the kiddos weren't within earshot of my dirty mouth. Holding up my hand, pinky out and waggling, I proclaimed, "May they both just fall right off and land in a wriggly puddle on the ground if I'm full of scat."

Zhuii, close enough to hear, far enough away to act like he wasn't shamelessly eavesdropping, made a distressed noise and visibly shuddered.

Grinning, I laughed as Rosa snorted and shook her head. Her hand lifted and she swatted my pinky waving away. "Your place is so much fun," I informed her.

"You just love that Zhu is so easy to get under his skin," Rosa chided, but she was still smiling. Her eyebrows shot up as my grin widened. "Don't you go picking on my mate. Cousin or not, if I can't beat your buns, I can at least tackle you and hold you down until someone comes along that can," she quipped.

"You would too," I said on a laugh. Wrapping my arm around her in a half hug, I gave her a squeeze. "I love all the fire in you, cous'. Tiger lady looks good on you."

Rosa glowed at the compliment.

That glow felt short lived when she reeled me back in for a rib aching hug of her own, frowning as she released me.

"What?" I asked softly. I knew that troubled look.

"I just… We don't really get to hang anymore, not like we used to- I feel like- It's like-"

"I know. Life. You've got a lot on your plate," I cut in quickly, much as I'd been lamenting the same. "Babies and husbands. You're busy."

She stopped me when we were right before the steps to climb outta her underground home. Leaning into my side, she bumped into my shoulder. "Missed your face."

"Pfft. I've missed yours too," I shot back.

She shoulder bumped me right back, then knocked me with her hip. "Snoochie boochies, bitch."

Knocking right back into her, laughing when she flew a bit farther than I'd intended, I murmured as I helped her back to her feet, smiling all the while, "Snoochie boochies, assbutt."

We stood there for a moment, chuckling to ourselves.

"Be kinda nice to have that thirdie we're always joking about," I commented as we made our way up the steps and stared out into the pretty snowy landscape. Her crazy colored tree with fallen leaves littering the ground were the perfect backdrop.

Rosa clucked her tongue. "And have another beast like you tearing through the village? Hah. No one would know what to do with us!"

"There's only room enough for one Glamazon in this furball infested one tato-corn-horse town, but, you know, that balance, just crazy enough to hang with me, normal enough to blend with you, I dunno, I think about how fun it could be." My shoulders lifted in a shrug.

"It's more of a village than a town," Rosa murmured quietly, "and there are plenty of ladies we chum with."

"Name one creature around here that you know you can trust the way you do me, missy." A soft, chuff of a huff left me. "And you know what, village, town, toe-may-toe, poe-tah-toe."

"That's not…" she started to say.

My hand lifted and my claws clacked sharply. It was as close as I was willing to attempt at snapping my fingers, it was so freeze your nipples right off cold as shit out here. "Doesn't matter. Back to the first part, woman. Name ONE."

She couldn't.

"That's what I'm saying," I said simply.

Rosa's face remained screwed up in thought, even as her cheeks pinkened. "You're right," she said finally.

"Mina is probably as close as we've gotten. Aside from her preferring to keep to her grouping and herself, that woman has her hands FULL. I don't know that she's ever taken time just for herself, total solo mission. Like, ever. Chore talk with her mother-in-law doesn't count. It's a shame," I finished.

When Rosa said nothing, I tore my gaze away from this weird, acid trip of a scene sprawling out before us, those odd, shimmering streams of milkyway flowing light effects I called a Lo denaura-borealis filling the sky, I blinked as I spied Rosa examining me instead of the living painting up ahead.

"What?" I muttered, putting a little grit behind it. Don't be looking at me like that, lady, like you know shit I don't wanna talk about.

Shrugging, she smiled. "Nothing."

"Don't nothing me. Spill them beans." It was more a demand than a question, but Rosa just smiled that annoying little knowing smile of hers when she knew something I didn't want to actually hear.

"Right. Whatever. Keep your secrets. All those slurped furballs you've been coughing up are starting to fill your brain," I shot back.

"Ugh. Crude!" Rosa backhanded me in the stomach lightly, absently, her face flushing in a telling blush all the while.

A sharp, bark of laughter left me. "Oooh-ho-hoh! So now I get to look at you all soft secret smiles now too! I mean, I'd always suspected, but you just all but confirmed! You Dirty Dan, you!" I teased her, gleefully cackling all the while.

"Shut up," she mumbled, her face redder than a tomato at this point.

My grin was unrepentant.

"I just meant, I like it, is all," she said into the silence that followed.

"Coughing up testicle hairballs after going downtown?" I quipped sarcastically, my smile nothing short of evil as I dared a peek at her to find her gaping at me incredulously.

"That you're aware, observant of others! That the rock in your chest could grow three sizes with a single comment, after you've crawled out from the one you chill beneath, when you were talking about Mina's lack of me-time so nicely! I've never heard you blurt something about anyone outside of our circle before like that before unless you were about to rant! Not fuzz licking hair balls, you- you-"

"Insufferable, fabulously fashioned wretch?" I finished with a winning smile.

"Pain in the ass," she spluttered out, yet laughed at the whole thing.

Eh. I knew how to have a good time.

With a jaunty pep in my step and my map in hand, I waved my free hand over my shoulder as I bid her good night, "Don't ever have to tell me how to have a good time… or you , apparently," my eyebrows waggled, "for that matter!"

"You're horrible," she called after me. Her laughter rang out as I put one foot in front of the other, the soft crunch of freshly fallen snow under my feet. My boots sinking in clean up to my ankles told me I better get the lead out or I'd be up to my knees in this ish pretty soon here.

Mina honestly probably didn't see the fuss with a gaggle of gal pals. She had her own built-in besties, beastie besties, if my guess was right, right there at her beck and call.

I'd fantasized about finding a best guy friend and falling madly in love, living happily, deeply, forever over the top with the TMI because that's just how we do it, ever after. My mega crush on Kooky could be attributed to that, and just how quickly I'd fallen in with Gopher. I'd really thought Gogo boots was that missing puzzle piece. Bookended with Rek, I thought we'd be that power trio that lived dysfunctionally functionally forever after, amen. Gopher would keep Rek in check, Rek would keep himself in check because he'd hate to feel one-upped by my sweet bean pole, and I'd have kept them both on their toes. It could've been a win-win all around.

I'm obviously delusional.

Now that I thought of it, spying Noyel still deep in rumbly speaks with a small group of males near the storage shed they'd built last cooler season, I turned back to ask Rosa with a squint in her direction, "Hey, what happened to Big, Tall, and Silent? He on an extended fishing expedition or what?"

"His first huge hunt," Rosa admitted proudly. "Khri and Celuk personally invited Tokre. I heard the thing they're looking for is enormous!"

"Hunt big beast," Zhuii supplied.

"Bluey didn't get an invite?" I wondered aloud before I could think better of it.

"Zhuii stay him's Lindy-mine. Keep mines safe. Tokre safe, too. Khri learn hand speaks," he came up behind Rosa, rumbling softly, wrapping his arms around her to hug her to him possessively.

Khri had learned Tokre's beast version of sign language too? I'd been working with Kooky on it of late. I spoke of Rosa and her guys so much, he'd asked how we communicate with Noyel's silent group brother and it had all snowballed from there. The next thing I knew, we were trying to teach each other the hand signs we'd both learned so far, trying to outshine each other in friendly competition and practice.

"Y'all are so cute it makes me sick!" I told them, instead of blurting out that I knew anyone on the hunting trip too. Kooky has said many times that Celuk is a good hunter. He'd praised Khri as well when prompted.

Feeling a little defensive for Kooky and all of his hunting endeavors, I'd bet he was just as good as those guys, maybe even better. Kooky wasn't a braggart though. Why didn't he get a mention like the others? Hell, I'd bet Tokre would come back talking all about him and his mad skills. He'd probably blow Khri and Celuk outta the water.

Smiling to myself at the idea, I'd just made it out of the first fat patch of tall snow under Rosa's tree when I heard it.

"Jo! Jo, wait!"

Whipping around, I thought I might be delusional for all of two seconds as Gopher came rushing up to me.

"Where the hell did you come from?!" I squawked.

"Talk Noyel. Waits for Jo," he called out, easily catching up to me to match my stride.

"I don't need an escort," I pointed out. Lifting the map in my hand, I waved it at him. "Looks like I'll be staying in town for a little bit."

"Bia's," he rumbled out softly, like the idea pleased him.

"His place is that nice, huh?" I joked.

Gopher shook his head, which had me frowning and pausing in my slush slogging march to stare at him. "I'm not going to freeze my ass off in a mud hut, am I?" I fretted.

"No. No. Bia' hut nice. Nice hut."

"Well, what then?" I spluttered.

"Bia' hut by Gopher." A small, sheepish smile stole over his face, a hint of that sweet shyness to him that had gotten me into this mess with him in the first place peeking.

Not knowing what to say to that without sounding like I was desperate, a sad ex, or a little bit of all of the above, I shrugged and mumbled, "Cool."

Gopher swallowed thickly, the small, hopeful tip of his lips falling at my lack of reaction.

What did he expect? I'd be over the moon?!

Not knowing what to do with that boy, I focused on putting one foot in front of the other and breathing while I walked. It was cold enough it proved an easy enough distraction attempting to manage the feat.

"Jo happy?" Gopher garbled out into our longstanding silence.

"Peachy," I was quick to reply.

We were close to the hut marked on the map, I noted as I pretended I needed to look at it every few minutes, anything that kept me from spilling my guts out to the guy. I miss you and your stupid kisses. Hold me!

I would not be that girl, the sad sap, pathetic one that breaks down crying as she tries to tell the guy how much he hurt her.

"Gopher… Gopher not happy," he rumbled out softly.

"Why ever could that be," I muttered under my breath. It was more rhetorical than anything. I was in a spicy mood with this dude, so sue me. Maybe stop practically throwing me away from you, hm?!

"Gopher bad male," he told me.

His admission had me stopping dead in my tracks to stare at him. Raising a single eyebrow at him, as if to say Oh? Do tell? I waited.

Fidgeting in place, licking his lips far too often, throat working, he nervously croaked out. "Bad male for Jo."

"Do you have that Lavi-shavi-doody-whatsits thing going on that I've heard mentioned before?" Deciding to cut the shit, if he wanted to have this all out, we weren't about to dance around anything.

When he gave a short, reluctant nod, I dipped my chin in acknowledgement.

"Are you really that worried you might hurt me?" I continued.

His second nod was more vigorous, even as his skin flushed that funny Lo denaii bluish tint tinged with light purple and pink edges more common amongst hybrids.

"Is there really nothing that can be done for it?" I pressed.

His head shake this time was much more reluctant, like he'd never heard of one before.

Hell.

"Did you- Did you know you had this when you tried to mate me?" My voice broke as I spoke. I couldn't help it. This was his problem as much as it was mine— maybe it was selfish of me, but I felt swindled, blindsided. And to top it all off he had this air of despair clinging to him that made me want to reach out and hug his ass, all that shit be damned, and comfort him.

"Jo." The male didn't say my name, he breathed it, uttering it so softly, sweetly, my chest ached to hear it.

Let me fucking love you! Grrr.

Before I knew what was what, he had me in his arms, curled into his warmth, pressing me to him in a breath stealing hug.

"Gopher no want no one but Jo," he choked out, hugging me to him even tighter, to the point I had to tap at him to let me up.

"There's got to be some way…" Pulling back, I eyed him. "What if I lead? What if we tie you up so you can't get all GRRR, baby, RAWR all over me but you know, not go full caveman or whatever?"

Gopher's expression went from hopeless to What the hell do you wanna do to me, woman? in seconds flat.

"Oh, please, like the idea of me riding you like a bull at the rodeo doesn't intrigue and titillate. You're too young to be this stuffy." A soft harrumph left me. Dropping my gaze, I pretended interest in the depths of my big yellow purse as he continued to gape at me. A simple no would have sufficed. Spoilsport.

What the hell else were our options?

"Might as well just come out and tell me you don't wanna be mates," I mumbled under my breath so softly a human would have had to strain to hear it.

That lump in my chest was pinching, squished right after that dash of hope filling it was stepped on.

How did he expect us to be mates yet avoid me except in small doses so it didn't set off his He-man instincts? It would never work. That's not a relationship! That's- That's worse than what we'd been before!

If I'd have been paying attention better, I'd have heard the soft growl in his chest as it slowly started to build.

"Mine," was all the warning I was given before he crushed me to him, the short clawed tips of his nails extending, slicing through my jacket to dig into my back.

At the sharp, pained noise I made, he tore his hands free of me and jumped back.

"That didn't feel nice," I admitted with a grimace. "Not gonna lie, but it's okay."

The look on Gopher's face, gaping at the red tips of his claws, he looked trapped in a horror movie horrified.

"It was an accident," I pointed out. "It's really not that bad." Oh, it wasn't good either but I wasn't at risking of bleeding out.

So… I might get a few boo-boos if we aren't extra careful. I was all in with Goph. We could figure this out, even if it meant stumbling along the way. I was dating beast men, for crap's sake!

When I went to take a step towards him, he snapped at me to back off.

"I think we should try the whole tying you up thing," I suggested. "You know, until you're used to us, uh, in that kinda way, and maybe it will get easier with time."

Jaw about swinging, incredulous, his pretty blue eyes shimmering with moisture, he burst out, "Hurts you, Jo!" Grabbing my arm, he shook it like Look! See what I did to you?! "Hurts! Gofur not safe!"

My heart stilled for several beats. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My eyes narrowed and my lips pursed. Everything in me stiffened. "What are you saying, fluffball?"

Starting and stopping several times, looking more miserable than I felt, he finally managed to garble out, "Jo know…"

"I don't," I snapped. But I did, and it was fucking killing me to hear it. "You're just going to have to fucking say it. Paint me a god damn picture, Gofur, because I refuse to believe you're giving up on us." Blinking away those pesky, lingering onion eyes from when I'd been helping Rosa chop up veggies for dinner, nothing more, I ignored the way my throat felt tight, my voice coming out an awful croak, and forced myself to finish. "I want to hear you say it. See those pretty lips form those damning words." My hand shot up, finger pointing. "I warn you, once you've said them, you can't take them back. I mean it!"

His body shook like he was visibly holding himself back, keeping himself from rushing me and crushing the fuck out of me as tears slid down my cheeks.

I didn't recall giving my body leave to make a total shit show of this. I'm stronger than that, I kept telling myself. This isn't my first break up. At the rate I'm going, it's far from the last.

"Well?" I barked impatiently.

"This no work," he whispered hoarsely.

"Coward," I muttered. Jerking my sleeve up, I started yanking at the bracelet he'd tied around my wrist. A growl welled in my throat as I jerked and yanked at it to no avail. It was on there fucking good. I'd never figured out how to get it off— I washed with the damn thing on.

"Jo…"

Letting the bracelet go with a growl, I turned on him, snapping angrily, "No. Fuck you. You don't get to call me that. Only the people that care about me get to call me that. I'm nothing to you. I'm Joanie or female, nothing more! You chose this." Giving him a look that told him exactly what I thought of him throwing in the towel so god damned easily, I spun on my heel and stormed off.

By the time I'd made it to Bia's place, I wanted to throw something. I was so mad and hurt I couldn't see straight. I was so fucking pissed I could spit.

"I didn't bring any other fucking clothes," I realized, because I hadn't been planning to stay overnight in the village.

Bia's place was a smidge bigger than the single ladies' huts, and better situated.

The fire was already going, a fat pile of those fancy, glowing rocks in the hearth. A small piece of wood burned beneath them, peeking. It was more sensible if it was lit when no one was going to be watching over it.

Kicking out of my boots, staring down at my sock covered feet, I had to wonder just how my life had gotten to this point. Just how much of this was because of my own dumb assery, and how much fate/life being a dick?

Why do I always attract the beings with huge hangups? Is it like seeing like? Am I just as bad?

Testing out the bed, finding it soft but not so much so that I'd be waking up with a back ache, I gingerly sat down. I tended to sleep on my stomach or side and too soft beds were so not my friend. Dumping my basket at my feet, I stared into the fire.

What am I doing with my life?

Glancing towards the door, I frowned. Hadn't been doing much better back on Earth, either. Was I doomed to be miserable?

I had my sewing… I was alright at cooking. I tried. My loved ones seemed to appreciate it. Boog and Rosa had been quick with the barbecue jerky compliments. I could wash things by hand now without messing them up…

I could redecorate a hut like no one's business. That last one was bullshit. My place was a hot mess, but I could dream. It's on my bucket list.

That's it? Cooking and sewing, cleaning? Daydream decorating? I'm a regular Martha freakin' Stewart. Har-har.

That's not at all what I meant and I knew it.

With a groan, I forced myself to my feet. Annnd nearly tripped over a small wooden crate set off to the side, pushed up next to one of the table chairs, in my distracted haste to get a cloth and some water to wash up and then crawl into bed and pretend Gopher hadn't just dumped me.

Dumped me! And not because I can be a total bitch or anything but because he didn't trust himself around me and he's too scared to try! ARGH! Giving in to the urge, I grit my teeth and a muffled screech broke free.

In search of a distraction before I imploded, I put all of my attention onto the crate.

A small note from Dorothy attached said these were extras she thought I might appreciate.

A very long nightgown with frilly sleeves I'd never be caught dead in was neatly folded at the top of the pile, some cloth wrapped bread, a small triangle of wax dipped blue cheese she knew I liked, two small meat pies I'd smelled baking earlier back at her place, dehydrated meat, vegetables, an assortment of fresh fruit, and a recipe to put the meat and veg together into the pot it was all sitting in. There was even a small piece of round, lumpy soap that smelled lovely, like lilacs. There was more, but the food and soap made the top of the list.

Pulling everything else out, I paused at the hand carved looking hook thing, a small ball of yarn, and instructions at the bottom. Next to them was an old, worn out crossword book and soft piece of cloth, and thin, short charcoal pencil, with a piece of plastic slipped between the pages. She used the plastic to place over the puzzles and work them, then wipe the plastic off.

It was the equivalent to a keep busy kit.

Glancing from the nightgown to the pitcher, seeing no place for extra water to be stored, I dumped the water into the small wash basin, set down the gown, slipped my boots back on, and made my way outside to scoop up some of the freshly fallen snow.

It was beautiful out, fat flakes dusting everything. It always felt like Christmas here. If only it ever was that way for real. I've been good all year, haven't I? What the fuck, Nick? The bitch in that one Christmas song wanted a convertible and crap and all I want is a relatively normal Yeti man without a ton of hangups to come along and convince me I'm the one and make me the happiest asshole ever. Is that so much to ask?!

One glance down at my boots and I sighed. Who was I kidding. If there really was a Santa, my ass would be on some sort of eternal black list. Thinking of my hijinks with Odix, a small smile tipped my lips. So worth it.

My gaze darted to the snow again and I held the noise in my throat back. I was not a whiny bitch. I was so not a whiny bitch-scuit.

Back to work.

I was nearly done with my task when the soft snap of a twig towards the back of the hut had me pausing.

"Not funny," I called out. "Nice try, but you don't scare me." Freaking Rek.

Nothing.

He'd have popped out by now.

I highly doubted it was Gopher pulling that crap, not after what had happened a little bit ago.

If it wasn't Rek, and it wasn't Gopher…

Unease slithered through me.

"Boog?" Taking a shot in the dark, I blurted, "Doogie? Seriously… not funny. I will so rat you out to your mom, dude. I won't even think twice about it!"

Still, nothing.

It was probably nothing more than a critter scurrying off to get home and find warmth, but I hurried back inside all the same.

Kicking out of my boots and sloughing off my coat once more, I really took in the place this time.

The curtains covering the windows were cute, a blue and white checked pattern. I wasn't sure how I'd missed them the first time— they gave the comfort over cutesy style of the room, bordering on austere, a much needed pop of color. The material was woven here, I could tell that much, but I was growing attached to the homespun look of things. If only I could get those assholes at market to make some material for me.

Not quite ready to call it a night yet, I opened the curtains to stare out and watch the snow fall and made myself a hot drink. Scooting all the way back on the bed, propped up against the wall, I sipped on tea and nibbled on a small piece of bread as the window was blasted with fat snowflakes.

I hoped Kooky, Tokre, and Celuk and all the rest were okay out there. This felt like the chilliest night since I'd gotten here.

It was so warm and toasty in here now, I felt myself staring off at the fire rocks drowsily.

At some point I fell asleep, bread crumbs and my empty cup in my lap.

A weird snuffling noise woke me. Thinking I might have been making it in my sleep, I lifted my head from its neck-aching slump, got one look at a wicked, bright yellow-green gaze dipped in red eyeing me from the back window, face pressing closer to the glass as it spied me watching it, and I screamed my fool head off.

Before common sense had kicked in to tell me I was being a flailing dumb ass, I nabbed my purse, hopped up, and ran right out the front door.

Unsure where I was headed, just far, far away from those scary Krampus eyes as my legs could carry me, I plowed right into a tall, thick figure lumbering through the snow.

Before I could scream, No! Bum-bum rumbled out tightly, "Too snowies. Why outs?"

"Th-th-the thing! Window! GRR. Scary!" I babbled like an idiot.

Bum-bum grunted, staring down at me with a sharp, unreadable look.

"Krampus! In the window!" I garbled out finally, thank god. "It found me!"

That word had the Lo denaii popping into action. Scooping me up, because according to him I'm too slow and my feet are naiked-ed despite my socks, a fact I begrudgingly pointed out because I wasn't keen on running to keep up with his long stride on frozen feet, to a dirty look that shut me right up from the male, took off.

Bum-bum, despite how big and lumbering the fella was, could haul ass in a jiff.

"Where are we going?" My teeth chattered as I spoke. My jacket was still hanging over the chair at Bia's. "Are we heading to gather the-"

"Jo stays safe. Bum-bum go," he rumbled out, all large and in charge, and I was shaken enough I simply nodded.

Walking right up to his place, the big male didn't hesitate as he unlocked his door and slipped inside.

I'd admit, my curious ass had always wondered about Bum-bum's secret lair.

This place was a freaking Tardis, way bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside.

Rows and rows of shelves lined his walls. Several chests ranging from enormous to itty bitty peeked from a small back room. A huge bed big enough to fit him dominated the left wall of the main room, a mismatched, patchwork pelt quilt covering the bed, those customary stacks of large pelts neatly piled at the foot of that monstrosity. Chests lined one wall, shelves, a small side table and enormous, hide upholstered chair, complete with horns coming from the top and fat tree branches fashioned into the arms and legs, was strategically placed right before the hearth.

Glancing around, he decided to plop me into the chair. With a warned, "No touchies," he shoved a woven blanket over my lap that'd been dangling over the arm of the chair, the thing swallowing me up in it, and took off. Relief swept through me when I heard his door lock behind him.

"This was so not how I'd imagined getting in here to have a peek," I muttered as I rubbed my hands together vigorously and snuggled down in the woven blanket.

Giving his chair a small sniff, even if I felt a little weird about it, I smiled. It smelled like him. This whole place did. Lo denaii had a unique scent to them. I'd heard many call it a sort of musk, and each Lo denaii carried their own unique… bouquet, layered over that.

Bum-bum made me think of sunshine after a big snow, a hint of that weird, crushed flowers and tree bark mix tingeing his home that gave me the warm and fuzzies.

Tucking the blanket around my feet, noting that those were not in fact large rocks used for his mantle but what appeared to be skulls. Very oddly shaped, large skulls. Yikes.

No touchies, he'd said.

Joanie don't wanna touchie nothin' if the skulls of his enemies are his main decor choice.

And Rosa thought I had weird taste?

Pfft.

I was content to sit here until he came back with good news, hopefully, hoping the tremors overtaking me subsided, when my shaking fingers knocked the lid off the short wooden crate in front of his small tray to my left.

A soft gasp left me as the lid fell, exposing a set of horribly familiar horns.

I knew those horns. I'd touched them, grabbed them- Those belonged to Fuck N Run.

Why did Bum-bum have Fuck N Run's horns?

My stomach twisted as I scrambled to put the lid on the box and pretend I hadn't seen a damned thing.

What did it mean?!

No. Don't even think it. I couldn't. Nuh-uh. Don't wanna. Shut up, brain!

No. Bum-bum wouldn't- He- He didn't need them. I had an inkling, but the hysterical part of me needed to play this out a bit longer.

Why would he steal Cuddle Monster's horns? Princess Hysterics blubbered, while Rational Joanie murmured, Honey, you know why.

But I didn't want to!

Queasiness had my belly flip flopping. Animal horns made up the light fixture over my head. It looked like it was powered by some sort of strange substance, like a glowing fungus, kept in the jars where lightbulbs or candles would have been placed if a human had made it. I'd never seen anything like it before.

The detail on the fixture was so intricate. The horns each had delicate carvings in them, stained to show off all the teeny tiny shapes leaping out from them. Leaves, animals, trees, even Yeti looking shapes, spread out across those horns. The light cast an eerie glow on the dark stain, like it wasn't quite a happy tale.

He'd stolen them. For, like, a project, Princess Hysterics babbled.

No, dummy. No. Wake up, Rational Joanie tutted.

He wouldn't do that, though… Not to a beastie that's so like him. That would be, like, murder, then, right?

Maybe back on Earth… but we aren't on Earth anymore. Eat or be eaten.

My Cuddle Monster wasn't a monster, not really. Bum-bum wouldn't. He only hunted bad guys and animals. Cuddle Monster had made a dick move in the end there but up until then shit had been going swimmingly.

Okay, it hadn't, but right before ditching me we'd totally found our groove. Or so I'd thought.

Thinking of Bum asking me over and over if I was hurt back then on the day he found me, my blood ran cold.

I couldn't just sit here, warming myself by his fire, not knowing if he'd killed my mate or not, could I?

Standing, carefully folding his blanket to set it in his chair, I had to ask myself if standing by my morals was worth the potential run in with a Krampus. And for something I wasn't even absolutely certain of. Or pissing off a very big and powerful Lo denaii who was more than capable of grinding my bones to dust…

Had my cuddle buddy been killed and that's why he couldn't come back to me?

Would Bum-bum really do that? Could he be so cold blooded?

Spying several more small crates on the side of the end table, I went for broke and began lifting lids. One had weird metal pieces in it, another those pink tea flowers I loved so much, that he looked to be propagating indoors, a tiny garden of sorts. The last was filled with pretty, swirly patterned white and blue vases. They were in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

My body went numb as I stared into that last box. The vase… the flowers…

The vase in my hut was a perfect match for both.

My breath left me in a soft whoosh and a wave of dizziness fell over me.

Had Bum been trying to secretly court me and saw Cuddle monster as a threat? Had my eccentric, wild mate been… I couldn't even think it.

I'd almost rather think Cuddle Monster had ditched me.

Bum chose that moment to swiftly unlock the door and pop inside, which didn't give me enough time to pretend I wasn't rifling through his shit like a nosy bitch.

"Uhm… so… I touchied," I blurted, staring at him, wide-eyed. Did I really know Bum-bum? Or did I just think I did?

Bum got one look at my face, his gaze slowly traveling from my caught red handed, fish mouthed gape to the lid of one of the crates in my hand, to said crates.

Reaching back behind him, he locked the door, the heavy wood creaking with his weight as he leaned back against it.

Bum had one single window, a sad affair that was too high for me to reach, too small to crawl through, and only that door at his back he was crushing to get the hello out of here. "What find?" he grunted out quietly.

He had a funny look in his eyes.

Wondering if this was how it felt to live out a murder mystery, where you know your murder may well start off this whole shebang, I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "Oh, you know… a little of this… little of that."

Cocking his head, he eyed me.

"Did you find him?" The words came out of me all high and tight. I felt like a fat little mouse being eyed by a lion. "The Krampus?"

"Jo see Krampus? Jo think see Krampus?" he pressed, folding his thick arms over his chest.

Holding up my hand, I promised, "I saw it. It was staring right at me. I woke up to its fugly face watching me, all pressed up against the window like a creepy, stalker weirdo."

Sucking in my cheeks, I held my breath, waiting for him to tell me what he thought I thought I saw— that hysterical female imagining things bullshit.

"Why do you have hybrid beastie horns in a box by your fancy chair?" More importantly, why were the ones on the top of the pile my hybrid beastie's horns?

Bum-bum's dark gaze met mine evenly. We stayed like that, waiting for one of us to break. When neither of us did, he rumbled out, "Kirch think Joadknee likes ‘tention. Say Rek say Joadknee touches feelies on Rek. Rek no want hurt Joadknee feelings."

He couldn't have shocked me more if he'd tried to stab me with one of those fucking horns or flat out admitted he was a cold blooded killer.

"Are you shitting me?!" Advancing on him, I shook a finger at him. "Is that what he thinks? That I'm an unwanted groper? Like I'm harassing people?! Those fucking assholes!" I exploded. A barrage of ugliness spilled forth, erupting from me like a deluge of curse word laden verbal diarrhea. Once it started, it just kept coming.

You'd think I was the lion advancing on the mouse, the way Bum-bum was staring down at me uneasily.

"Rek's telling everyone that? Is that what you think, huh? That I'm some weird, inappropriate groper? That I'm an attention seeking whore?! That I-"

Bum-bum gripped me by my shoulders, jerked me up, and looking a little panicked and lost as my voice grew and my face reddened, rage filling me at Rek's betrayal yet again, smacked his lips to mine.

This was where it got kinda weird.

Instead of a traditional shut ‘em up kiss, he pressed his lips to mine, almost in an odd, innocent mashing of our faces, mouth touching mouth, and that was it. We just stayed like that, lips pressing, effectively stunning me speechless, nothing more.

"Whut er we doowing?" I mumbled around warm lips.

A grunt left him and air puffed out across my face through his nose. He was breathing so heavily a wheeze was whistling through his snoot.

"Fiss hisn't how to kwiss," I felt the need to point out. "Wips mwove awound mwore. Sometimes thweres twongue."

Bum-bum jerked away from me then, his brow drawing down, until he was glowering down at me.

"What the hell was that for?" I blurted, reaching up to touch my lips, a question in my eyes.

"Makes stop," he grunted out, but his skin flushed a funny blue with hints of dark purple, the tips of his ears turning dark blue, and he kept clearing his throat, looking anywhere but meeting my gaze directly.

"You can, uh- You can put me down now." Oh, it was rather nice like this, but he hadn't sworn he hadn't killed my Cuddle Monster yet, and until he did, none of this was going any further than that weirdness he'd just pulled.

Staring at him, while his gaze darted around me, off to my left, my right, over my head, I felt it pertinent to hit him while he was feeling discombobulated. I had a better chance of him blurting out the truth, I felt.

"What did you do with my Cuddle Monster? There are more than one set of horns in there, but I know the top ones are his. They have a very distinct shape, color, and pattern. I'd know—I'd had my hands all over them for half the night." There. I'd said it.

When Bum-bum jerked like I'd slapped him and his gaze fell on me sharply, his shocked to pissed glower, I took that as a bad sign.

"Did you kill him?" I elaborated.

Bum-bum's death glare went from This is what happens when we don't mind our own fucking business to Did I do what now?!

"Kills him?" he mumbled softly.

"Well, technically them," I corrected, feeling stupid as I shoved my hands onto my hips and tried to look tough with my legs dangling midair.

Plopping me down on my feet, Bum-bum stared down at me from his full, towering height. His mouth screwed up like maybe he was mad but it was all wrong. It looked funny, overdone. Dude bro looked like he was pinching one in. "And what they gone?" he rumbled down at me, mimicking my hands on the hips stance.

Leaning in, I poked him once square in the chest hard, twice. "If I find out you laid one finger on my males' multipersonalitied head, I'm gonna have your fat noggin mounted on my wall, come next crazy snowfall. I promise you that. You think your bone decorating is bad, babes, just try me."

Motioning him to move the fuck aside, I smiled inwardly when he did, looking so adorably befuddled that if I wasn't worried he was a serial killer it might actually be kinda cute.

"Cau-dull mon-stare broken. Bad male. Not goot mate," Bum-bum grunted out as I tried to unlock the door and failed.

"Watch your mouth. That's my man you're talking about, and it's not for you to fucking say," I snapped at him, glaring at him from over my shoulder as I kept trying to work the door. Stupid door, stupid males thinking they know better! I paused as the thought occurred to me. "He has that thingy Gopher has going on, doesn't he? The lavastankyvitch thing— don't they? That's why they left me."

Bum-bum let out a sigh of relief as he reached over and unlocked the door for me. "Jes. No goot mates. Bad mates. No wants. Want-"

With a squeal that drowned out his little speech, I did a hop jump to reach his chin and jerk him down to me, and planted one on him that blew his mouth-to-mouth press-it-to- me-sessitation to shame. "Thanks, Hector! That's exactly what I needed to hear!"

Cuddles hadn't left me because he didn't want me. He was worried he couldn't be a good mate to me! It all made perfect sense now!

Rushing off, I spun back around. "The Krampus was absolutely nowhere in sight?"

Rubbing at his lips, swallowing thickly, pupils all blown to shit, he grunted a yes.

"And you swear you didn't kill Cuddles?" I walked back to ask.

Hah. Next time I wanted answers, I should kiss the shit out of him first. Though… that wouldn't really help my case with Kirch and Rek saying I'm all up in the touches and feelies. Ugh. Assholes.

Shaking his head wildly, Bum made funny grunting noises.

My nose crinkled, expression scrunching up in thought. "They can shed their horns?" I blurted.

Miming pulling horns off, Bum-bum nodded. He was still looking loopy from me laying one on him.

"He just gave them to you?" So they were friends, then?

"Pick up off ground," Bum-bum grunted out.

"Oh." Well, there were all my answers, then. "Well, thanks heaps for all your help! You rock, Hector!"

Like calling him Hector was the secret word to bring him back around, he grumbled, "Not name."

"I can't just call you Grr-Arggh. How do I know if I'm even saying it right?" I laughingly called after him.

"Feets naiked-ed," he called after me.

"I'm headed for my boots right now!" I pointed out, starting to jog away.

"No runs! Joadknee gets hurts!" he growled out softly.

"It's only running if I'm winded," I shot back as I disappeared around the side of a hut.

My feet were already pricking with pain, causing me to pick up my pace.

The thudding of heavy stomps behind me had me whirling around, wishing I hadn't wasted all of my heavy duty shit on the early days of Yetified living. Now I had only one can of pepper spray that worked properly left and I meant to make that shit count. Spying the beast coming, I relaxed as a big, white, fluffy bulldozer came charging at me.

"I wasn't running!" I swore, as Bum-bum rushed me, scooped me up, tossed his woven blanket over me, making sure it covered my feet, all in one fell swoop, and toted me off to Bia's.

"See, this is the stuff. This shit right here. The chivalry," I bullshitted. "It really fucks with a girl's head."

"No head fucks," Bum-bum rumbled out argumentatively.

"You only understand every other word I say if I'm talking a mile a minute," I gabbed as I reached up and gently pinched his lips shut, "you don't have a say."

"Have say," he grumbled. His mock huffing and puffing against my fingers made me laugh.

"Kirch no' say?" a familiar voice rumbled.

"Kirch no say. Rek talks from butts cheeks. No say things Jo. Kirch repeat that- that poop," Lukar barked back at Kirch, who was looking less than pleased to be called out over Rek and his stupidity.

"What did I do now?" I muttered.

Bum-bum rumbled something out in Lo denaii that had both males looking at him in surprise. They all started talking at once then, the second they spied Bum carrying me, Berkr and a few others that showed up as we did joining in.

A loud snarl from Bum-bum eventually broke up the ruckus, but I was so lost it wasn't even funny.

The crowd dispersed, but not before Kirch grumbled half under his breath, "Think she makes happy? Forced mates not happy. No love. No love, no happiness."

If that wasn't a punch to the gut. "I would never force anyone into anything!" I struggled to get out of Bum-bum's arms but the beast had my number, tightening his grip on me to keep me from wriggling free to kick Kirch's ass. "Ask your nephew-charge-adopted mini-you the truth! Make sure you can smell him when you do! Screw you, you-"

Plucked up, rolled in the blanket in an arm locked burrito, then turned face to face with the biggest badass in Yetidom, I glared at Bum-bum and started to let him have it too.

Lips pressed to mine, effectively shutting me up.

Jerking free, despite the way my mouth tingled from that whopper, I barked, "Stop kissing me to shut me up! I will not be silenced!!!"

Several males I could not make out from this high up chuckled at us.

"It's not funny! Keep talkin', jackasses! See who he smooches quiet next!" I caterwauled as Bum-bum spoke to them in their language and I shouted over them.

"Thinks he knows everything," I grumbled quietly, effectively quieted by the threat of more kisses. "He doesn't know jack shit… Meddling…" My voice started to rise but Bum-bum's warning rumble had me quieting down.

"You think you're funny," I went on as he escorted me inside and right to the bed. Grumbling all the while, he set me down on it, motioning for me to take off my socks as he went to close the door on all the drama unfolding outside, "but you're not. If anything, it's confusing." Lifting my chin, my hand shot out and I pointed it at him. When he grunted like, whatcha gonna do with that lil ol' thing? I tapped my index finger on the very tippity end of his nose.

Bum-bum let out a loud snuffling sound, chuffed, and pulled back. His face crinkled until he looked like a sour puss as he sneezed several times in quick succession.

"Kirch no know shits," he agreed, unearthing that monstrosity of an old' timey granny gown out of the crate I'd placed near the bed to motion for me to lift my arms up.

"Yeah, no." A snort of laughter left me. "I'm not a toddler. I can change myself, thank you very much, and much as I appreciate the gesture I am NOT putting on that thing."

Bum-bum glanced from the soft white material, then me. "Warm," he said simply. "Sleepies cloths." Jerking his chin at my damp clothes, he grumbled, "Wet. Takes off."

"Not in front of you I'm not." Folding my arms over my chest, I got my glare on when it looked like he was going to pull some of that too full of piss and vinegar to give a crap ‘tude with me.

"Why?" Several soft grunts followed his question and his eyes narrowed, making me wonder if I'd hurt his feelings somehow.

A spluttering laugh left me. "What do you mean why?!"

A deep, unhappy rumble built in his chest as his eyes narrowed.

Tough potatoes. Grumble all you want, rumble away. I was NOT getting down to my birthday suit with him standing over me like that.

When I sat there and glared at him and he towered over me doing the same, it finally hit me as I started to sway where I was sitting, just how damn tired I was. It's been a night.

His chin lifted, and mine saw that and doubled it. Eventually we were looking down our noses at each other in the weirdest draw of my life. What the fuck now? He wasn't going to just give up or give in, and my teeth were starting to get chattery.

"You have to turn around," I settled on, lifting my chin higher, until I wondered if I might be sending the wrong message exposing my neck to him like that. The stubborn melon head could probably see right up my nose at this rate.

"Why turns for?" he grunted out.

Seriously? Was he for real? You know what, fine. Starting to yank off my layers, one by one, almost angrily, I huffed and puffed with a shrewd look, "Gee, I dunno, maybe because I'll be butt naked in two seconds and I don't have any fur to cover up the good bits?!" Whipping off my last layer covering the girls, I slapped my hands to my hips.

Bum-bum's eyes went from suspicious to bug-eyed. There was a joke somewhere about him being the deer caught in my headlights, har-har, but I had about two seconds to put on that granny gown before my nipples froze clean off. The fire had died down while I was out.

Chucking my last shirt at his face, I nabbed the nightgown and wrestled it on over my head.

Once that was done, I shucked my pants and socks, and walked over to one of the two chairs by the small table to drape my wet items over the back.

When I turned around, I got one good look at Bum-bum and laughed.

"Oh, goody! I broke you!" My hands clapped loudly, so loudly he jumped, startled, which just set me off again, chuckling to myself.

Jerking the shirt covering half of his stunned face off as I passed him, I draped that one over the other chair and made my way towards the bed.

Bum-bum's gaze slowly traveled the room, looking less like his eyeballs might pop loose and more curious now than anything.

"Do you think this place is safer than mine?" I asked.

He gave a grunt of a yes and drew closer as I slid under the covers.

Flapping out the woven blanket he'd placed over me earlier, he got all up in my business, despite my halfhearted protests, and tucked it in with the other blankets.

"I can't recall the last time someone tucked me in," I muttered absently, frowning as I tried to remember when exactly that was and my mind came up blank. "I think Rosa put a blanket on me once when I crashed on her sofa back on Earth…"

Leaning in, he waited until our noses were practically touching to rumble out, "Stay. No uppies. Sleeps. No ups. Stay."

"Woof," I barked, then gently nipped the tip of his nose. "Whatever you say, big daddy."

Bum-bum jerked back, flat out gaping at me as his hand shot up to cup his poor widdle lightly nibbled nub of a nose.

"No funnies," he grumbled down at me, lifting his free hand to shake a finger at me like I was a naughty child.

This was weirdly kind of fun.

"If we're going to do this, Snow Patrol, we're gonna do it right." Pointing to my forehead, I instructed, "I'm gonna need a smoochy smooch, right here."

"Smooched-ed smooch?" he garbled out uneasily.

"Just a little one." My hand lifted and I pinched my fingers together, leaving a small space between them.

Leaning in, he was just about to peck said smooch to my forehead when I just had to go too far, bossing sweetly, "And then it's time for a bedtime story. How's about how you know my cuddle monster and where he lives. A map would do too… I'm not picky."

That kiss turned into a fat tongue darting out to swipe along my forehead wetly.

A long, girlish squeal left me and I slapped his rumble-chuckling puss away from me.

Pulling back, Bum-bum laughed like a madman at the wet hen glare plastered to my mug.

Hopping up, I grabbed the small pillow on the bed, smacking at him and chasing him out.

Laughing his ass off, hands up to easily bat away my pillow bitch slaps, he allowed me to herd him outside, a fact we were both painfully aware of.

"You just remember that I'll remember this!" I warned him, right before I slammed the door on his face.

"Lock!" he called out from the other side, lightly smacking his fist on the door.

"You ain't gettin' in here!" I snarked back, then smacked the flat of my palm on the door in return.

"Sleeps," he ordered, like that meant shit to me.

"Yes, daddums!" I sweetly cooed, enjoying the choked sounds from the other side of the door that followed.

Glancing around the room, bare feet chilly, toes curling into the hard floor, I shivered. Grabbing the woven blanket from Bum-bum, I wrapped it around me.

He was crazy if he thought I was just going to drop right off to sleep with a quick tuck in and a few gentle reassurances.

Did he think I was making it up? Kirch certainly had. He'd accused me of doing it for attention! I'd heard him with my own fucking ears!

I knew what I saw. And I so saw what I totally thought I saw, damn it!

Speaking of what I saw… I ran to one of the windows and shut the curtains, then the other one.

Curling up on the bed, huddled in the blankets, listening for any and every noise, sleep eluded me.

I had no idea how long I stared into the fire, focusing on breathing and not panicking.

It was easier when someone else was with me, but when I was all alone… Another shiver wracked my body and I pulled the blankets over my head, forming a hood. Alone was a totally different story.