34. Maggie

CHAPTER 34

MAGGIE

“Hey, roomie!” Viv’s voice booms through the coffee shop. You can take the megaphone out a cheerleader’s hand, but her voice is always going to carry.

She takes the seat across from me and starts tapping out her order on her phone.

“You do realize that we aren’t actually roommates,” I say. After the stairs literally collapsed, the hockey house was deemed unsafe and was shut down by the college, meaning all the guys had to find alternate housing. That’s not an easy thing to do right before the semester starts, but when Theo said his neighbor was moving out, we snapped the place up. “I mean, we live in the same building now, but my place is two floors up from yours.”

“Potato, tomato,” she says with a dismissive wave. “Besides, I have friends on your floor, and that’s practically the same thing.”

It’s not the same thing at all, but I’m not arguing. I’m sipping my hot cocoa and enjoying every second of it. Afterall, I’ve earned it. At my appointment this morning, Dr. Dols said everything looks great and that our sweet baby is measuring right at twenty-five weeks. She tried to sneak a peek at the gender, but our little nugget was facing the wrong way. It drives me crazy because I hate suspense, but JT was cracking up. He’s a take-life-as-it-comes kind of guy, so he doesn’t mind surprises. I’ve had enough surprises to last a lifetime, but this little one doesn’t seem to care.

“Do you still need my help tonight? I’m not tryna brag, but I am pretty handy in the bedroom. When it comes to putting together furniture, I mean. Well, actually, just kind of in general. In the bedroom, out of the bedroom. Anyway, what time are Big Daddy and I putting this dresser together?”

“I’m not sure. He has practice and conditioning. I’ll message him and let you know.”

Viv nods. “I’ll just stop by after my last class. If JT’s not home yet, you and I can work on other things.”

“Are you going to help me study for my next exam?” I say, hoping the answer is no. The last time Viv was my study buddy, we got sidetracked two seconds in.

“God, no. We need to start planning my sweet little niece’s baby shower.”

“We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl yet,” I remind her for the fiftieth time.

“You might not. But I do. And it’s a girl. Are we doing full pink, or do you want to go the purple route? Personally, I love a hot pink, but you’re more of a blush girlie.”

“None of those. We’re not doing a baby shower,” I say, bracing myself for the impact of her outrage.

“Uh…whatthehell? You most certainly are having a baby shower. I’ve been brainstorming since the minute you told me you were pregnant!” Viv’s voice has gotten impossibly louder with each word and now I’m fairly certain that lifeforms on other planets know I’m expecting.

I wince and she belatedly slaps her hand over her mouth. “Sorry. I figured since your uncle knows and the guys know…Well, I’ll try to turn my volume down to five. How’s that? ”

I sigh. “No, you’re right. It’s not a secret anymore. It’s just…I don’t know. It feels like last year all over again.”

“Last year?” she asks. “How? Because JT is your boyfriend, and I am your best friend and we have not been sneaking around behind your back and fucking like rabbits.”

Leave it to Viv to make me laugh when I’m all up in my feelings. “Not like that. It’s just… Finding them together was bad enough. Getting dumped and finding out the last year of my life had been a lie was awful. Having to put on a happy face for the rest of the vacation was pure torture, but I did it. But after the fact, when we were all back at school and I was just trying to adjust to being single and living in the dorms again, well…” Sighing, I take a fortifying sip of hot cocoa.

“I remember. That’s when The Traitor started all those rumors about you because she’s a fucking bitch and a liar. But who’s doing that here? I haven’t heard anything, and if rumors were circulating, I’d know about them. I’d squash them like little bugs, too.”

For a brief moment, I’m catapulted back in time to last spring. I couldn’t go anywhere without fingers pointing or voices whispering. Bella started a rumor that I’d been cheating on Clay with a guy from my Probability Seminar. He’d graduated and we were nothing more than friends, but once Bella started the smear campaign, nothing I said mattered. Suddenly, Clay was the victim, and she was the sainted friend he turned to in his hour of loneliness and devastation.

It's so much bullshit I can’t believe anyone bought it, but then again, it makes sense. Clay and Bella were the darlings of our university. They were popular and beautiful, and they’d been friends since elementary school. Their families were friends. It was the cutest little love story, except for the fact that I was the one who’d been cheated on and betrayed.

That’s when I learned that the truth doesn’t matter. If the lies are loud enough, if the story is juicy enough, then people will believe what they’re told.

“There are whispers everywhere I go,” I tell Viv. “Sideways glances and pitying looks, and maybe it’s all in my head or maybe it’s my hormones but?—”

“But nothing,” Viv interrupts. “If shit’s circulating about you, it’ll stop today. And if somebody wants to say something, they can talk to me.”

My bestie might be pint-sized, but she’s fierce as hell and I almost feel bad for anyone who’s gossiping about the hockey coach’s niece who got pregnant with the goalie’s baby.

Almost.

A few hours later, I’m lying in bed, but trying to stay awake. Viv and her friend Jamie left an hour ago, but not before putting together my dresser, stocking my pantry with healthy foods and plenty of dark chocolate, and organizing the closet where I’ve been tossing anything baby related. We don’t have much yet, but we’ve been stockpiling diapers and wipes. I’ve picked up some basics here and there and Viv’s been adding to my stash. Her shopping addiction has come in clutch.

I know our friends want to throw us a shower, but the reality is that we are all college students, and no one really has the money for that. Josie has said she has some nice things to pass along from her little sister, and Booker’s friend has a two-year-old, so we’ll be getting lots of hand-me-downs.

My next exam is in two weeks and when that’s over, I’ll be able to relax a little. A friend from my Risk Management class works part-time at an insurance company and said the money is decent, so once my schedule frees up a bit, I’ll see about getting a temporary job that will help fill in the gaps until after the baby comes .

I tried talking to JT about finances and the future after our appointment this morning, but he had to run off to conditioning, so he said we’d talk later. That’s why I’m staying up—so we can talk and make some plans. Or maybe cuddle and reconnect. I know things have been crazy these last two weeks. We had to find a place to live, and JT’s been squeezing in all the extra hours he can while still giving his all to the hockey team.

I hate to be needy, but dammit, I need him, too. Not just because we’re having a baby together, but because he’s my partner. My person. The man I love.

I hear the jingle of his keys in the lock and congratulate myself for staying awake. A minute later, our bedroom door opens and JT blinks at me, surprised to see that the light is on, and my eyes are open.

“Hey, is everything okay?” he asks, concern lacing his words.

“Yeah, I’m fine. We’re fine,” I say, my hand idly rubbing my belly. “I miss you, though. I’m sure you want to shower, but then I thought maybe we could spend some time together?”

“Sure, of course,” he says, though he sounds anything but sure. “I know you said something about picking up some hours at that insurance agency, but you don’t need to. We’re in good shape, I promise. Just take care of the nugget. That’s your only job.” He presses a chaste kiss to my forehead before grabbing a towel and heading for the bathroom. “And hey, if you fall asleep, that’s okay. You’re making an actual person, Maggie. You’ve got to be exhausted. Don’t feel like you have to stay up this late for me.”

I’m not sure if it’s the smile on his face or the way his voice makes it sound like he’s doing me a favor by sending me to bed for my own good, but it’s the final straw for me. All the frustration I’ve felt this week, all the anxiety I have about the future, all the tension generated by the whispers and the rumors roll together to form one big boulder of emotion.

My mind is racing and I’m not sure if I feel like screaming or stomping out of the room or throwing something against the wall. I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to have sex. I want to be wanted. I don’t want to deal with gossips or think about the fact that I haven’t talked to Uncle Hudson in a month. I just want to feel like myself again. I want to be in control of my raging hormones.

But I’m not. So I burst into tears.