Five Years Ago

Emmett gripped Siena's waist as he stood by her side at the front of the wine bar, whispering embarrassing things about their audience in her ear.

"Uncle Naman's fly is down."

"I wish I were as drunk as your grandma."

"Cam looks bored enough to blow her brains out."

Siena covered her mouth to hide her laughter. He always did this before she spoke at conferences, when she was nervous enough to throw up. She was just as nervous now, mostly because she hated being a spectacle for something as pedestrian as getting engaged. But also, she knew how much these events meant to Emmett and his family. She'd negotiated for days with his mother about her request for a multiday wedding, which sounded like a pure unadulterated nightmare to Siena. If it were up to her, she'd elope to Denali.

The stress of the engagement party also sucked. The entire week had been stressful. She was getting married, and yet she couldn't stop thinking about the massive pile of late reports sitting on her desk back at the lab. She had already caught herself multiple times ordering and reordering her to-do list in her head.

If she could just get through this night with grace, she wouldn't have to worry about another wedding event until the shower.

"I want to make a toast to my bride-to-be." Emmett raised his glass, and the room fell quiet.

Sweat prickled across Siena's hairline. She held her oversized wineglass in front of her like a bouquet, trying not to clutch it too tightly in case it shattered. Looking like a cabernet-flavored murder scene would be a great way to make a first impression on Emmett's family and friends.

"Siena intimidated the hell out of me when I first met her, and it's only gotten worse over the four years we've been together."

The room gave a polite chuckle. Siena could see Cam's eye roll all the way at the back table.

"I think about the last twenty-five years of my life, and I've had incredible mentors. My family, my teachers, my friends—who've mostly taught me how to get out of trouble."

Another polite chuckle.

"But no person on this earth has taught me as much as Siena has."

"Awww."

He turned toward her, and Siena locked eyes with him and grinned.

"That was unbearably cheesy," she whispered.

"You love it," he said, before returning to their audience. "I didn't prepare a huge speech because I don't want to spoil my vows, but I love you, Siena. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

She smiled sincerely then, because she loved him back. He'd been her rock since they worked as grunts in the lab all those years ago, two kids just trying to get through school. Life lost its sharp edges when he smiled at her. When he encouraged her. And yeah, maybe it was a little cheesy, but that was okay. Cam could roll her eyes all she wanted.

Emmett kissed Siena, and she leaned into it. When they parted, they raised their wineglasses higher.

"To Siena," said Emmett.

Siena interjected. "And to my mother, who would have loved you, Emmett."

The crowd cooed, and Emmett kissed Siena once more. "I would have loved her, too," he whispered against her lips.

Siena pressed her palms to the sides of Emmett's face. "This was perfect. Thank you."

Emmett nodded toward the tables. "Go find your dad. I think he's in the back, with Cam. You should tell him we saved him a seat up front."

Siena sighed. "He doesn't like crowds. People, really. I'll go find him."

She left the stage and cut between groups until she reached the back table, sitting between Cam and her father and stretching her arms out to either side.

"What are you doing?" asked Cam, eyeing Siena suspiciously while swirling her old-fashioned.

"Airing out my pits," said Siena.

Her father's blue eyes crinkled as he chuckled, and he grabbed Siena's hand as soon as she set it on the table.

She squeezed his fingers. "You hanging in there?"

"Haven't seen this many people at once since your mother's funeral. But I'll manage."

"Your pops was telling me many stories about the Yukon," Cam said. "Invited me to come check out his cabin."

"It's a ten-hour drive," Siena said.

Cam waved her hand. "That's nothing."

"From the nearest airport. After a fifteen-hundred-dollar plane ticket," Siena finished.

Cam blanched. "Jesus, Dave, you didn't mention that part."

He beamed. "Told you I was off-grid."

Siena's heart clenched. He was so proud of his distance—his isolation. The last time she saw him was three years ago, and that was only because she had made the trek to the Yukon.

But he was here now, and she couldn't be angry with him. People dealt with grief in their own ways, and her father was taking exceptionally long getting over her mother's death.

She missed him was all. And even now—even as he laughed and smiled—he felt a million miles away from her.

"Wilder incoming," Cam said, and polished off her drink.

Siena stood as Feyrer approached the table.

"Well, you look mighty dapper," she said, nodding toward his bright yellow bowtie.

"Tiffany picked it out," Feyrer said with a sigh.

Siena grinned. "She has good taste." Turning, she gestured toward her dad. "This is my dad. Dad, this is Dr. Feyrer, my mentor."

"Your daughter is brilliant," Feyrer said. "I'm honored to work with her."

Her father nodded, taking a long sip of his water.

Say something, Dad.

He rested his glass back on the table and wiped his chin with his sleeve. Behind them, a server dropped a tray, and someone yelled "Opa!"

Siena spun back to Dr. Feyrer with an apologetic smile. "Thank you for coming. I'm glad you're here."

He nodded, lifting his hand to squeeze her shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

Siena chuckled. "For what? Bagging Emmett?"

Feyrer's eyes twinkled. "Sure."

Siena glanced at Emmett, who stood near the front of the room with his family. As she caught his eye, he winked at her, and she feigned a swoon.

She returned her attention to the space before her, but Feyrer was gone. She spotted him as he slid out the venue exit and into the night, his jacket tossed over his shoulder.

Siena woke to screaming.

She was standing for some reason, the surrounding space too dark for her to see. But she could feel, her flesh crawling with a life of its own. Twitching legs scurried over her body, digging into her skin.

She gasped, and the screaming ceased. The noise had come from her own mouth.

Siena smacked at her arms until they were numb, flipping her hair upside down and shaking it out. She scraped her fingers through her locks, hands closing around twitching beetles. Their shells crunched as she crushed them.

Her vision flooded with light, and she stumbled into the wall.

"Sen! What the hell is going on?"

She recognized her room. Emmett, jumping from the bed. Rushing toward her.

"Get them off me!" she screamed.

"What?"

"Spiders, bugs, I don't know!"

"Where?"

"ALL FUCKING OVER ME, EMMETT. GET THEM OFF!"

"Sen... Sen!" Emmett grabbed her arms. "You're having a dream!"

She shoved him away and grasped at the hem of her shirt. She tore the garment from her body as bugs skittered over her breasts and stomach.

"Check the bed!"

"What are you—"

"JUST CHECK THE FUCKING BED."

She felt a beetle burrowing into her belly button and clawed it out, but when she lifted her hand, it had somehow escaped her grasp.

Emmett stomped over to the bedroom door and flipped on the harsh overhead light. He returned to the bed and ripped the covers back.

Siena scoured the sheets, smacking a bug from her arm. "They're hiding. They probably went into the mattress. We can't sleep here."

"I'm losing my patience," said Emmett. It was the dark tone he reserved for his deadbeat sister and no one else. Certainly not Siena. "I told you, you had a dream."

"I'm not a child, Emmett!" How dare he take that tone with her? Why didn't he believe her?

Emmett's shoulders sagged as he sighed. "Okay, okay. Sit down, and I'll check you for bites."

Siena crossed her arms over her bare chest. "I'm not sitting on that bed. No way."

"Then I'll check you in the living room."

"Fine," she conceded, following him from the bedroom. She sat before Emmett on the living room's modern couch, and he stood over her, dragging his fingers across her skin as he searched her.

They lived in a one-bedroom in South Arroyo, one of the nicest neighborhoods in the city, thanks to Emmett's salary. If there were bugs here on the third floor, then they infested the entire building. She'd need to notify the apartment manager. It would be a whole thing.

Emmett dropped his hands. "I can't find anything, Sen."

She smacked at something skittering from her shoulder to her arm, her eyes welling with tears. "You're not looking hard enough."

He sat next to her on the couch and wrapped his arms around her. For a moment she wanted to shove him away, but she was too exhausted to do anything but wilt into him.

He kissed her forehead. "I believe you. I'll call the apartment manager in the morning."

"Delusional disorder," Dr. Reyes said. "It is a soft diagnosis, so I want us to continue meeting regularly."

Siena's throat constricted as she sat on the couch in the psychiatrist's office. "You don't believe me?"

Dr. Reyes leaned toward Siena and folded her hands. "You and I have a strong doctor-patient relationship, Siena. You are an intelligent and very self-aware individual. It is often difficult to broach such diagnoses with patients, but I feel like we've built up enough trust between each other."

It had been eight months since her engagement to Emmett, and since then, the infestation within their apartment had grown unbearable. No one believed her: not Emmett, not his parents—not even Cam, who had told her she needed to go to therapy to manage her stress. Except therapy was expensive; she had a fifty-thousand-dollar salary and no mental health insurance. Emmett was paying the bill right now, and Siena was certainly racking one up: a handful of clinical therapists, an MRI, and now months of sessions with a psychiatrist. She hated the idea of relying on him for medication costs as well.

But she had no other option. Not even a parent to confide in.

"So I'm imagining things. I'm paranoid."

Dr. Reyes shook her head. "It isn't so simple," she said gently. "Delusional disorder is very rare and hard to diagnose because patients are often in good health." She nodded. "As you are. Delusions are also based in reality. It's completely feasible for your house to be infested with bugs."

Because it is!Siena had felt them crawling all over her for months, infesting her very skin. Wasn't that enough?

Of course it wasn't. She was a scientist and knew the rules of reality didn't bend for her. She hadn't seen the bugs. Emmett hadn't. Pest control hadn't.

Her eyes welled up, and she quickly blinked. "Why?"

"There isn't enough known about the disease to be sure." Dr. Reyes gave her a sympathetic smile. "Stress, most likely. You've just finished eight years of school, you have loans, you're getting married..."

"But that's just life. That doesn't make me unique."

"You published six papers last year, Siena. And now you're vying for senior research positions while you're still in your twenties. That is an extreme amount of pressure you're putting on yourself."

Siena wiped a tear from her cheek and looked away. "It's all I've ever wanted."

"And you'll get it. But maybe it's okay to lay off the gas a little. Give yourself another year to plan the wedding—I'm sure your fiancé will understand. You can even aim for fewer papers, and you'll still be prolific."

A long stretch of silence passed. Dr. Reyes was right. The real trick was convincing herself.

"I'm going to prescribe a minor antipsychotic. We'll continue psychotherapy for the time being and monitor your progress. How does that sound?"

Siena shook her head. This wasn't right. She'd struggled with generalized anxiety her entire life. She'd taken medication and gone to therapy after her mother died. Mental health was as important as her physical well-being.

But something felt off about this diagnosis, and even worse, she couldn't argue with it. Denial was a core symptom of delusional disorder.

If she didn't accept the reality of this disease, she'd never recover.

Siena wiped her nose with the back of her hand, sheepishly pulling a tissue from the box Dr. Reyes offered.

"I just want my life back," Siena said.

Dr. Reyes nodded. "And you'll get it. We'll work together to make sure that happens."