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11. Brian

ELEVEN

brian

It sets my teeth on edge that Mina stormed out of here like that. I need to think about this job, but instead all I can think about now is punishing her. I’ve never been the biggest fan of brat subs, and more than one girl has a permanent scar somewhere on her body as a reminder of that.

Hell, Mina has a permanent scar from me now.

I don’t know what got into me when we returned to the house that day after she’d blazed in and taken out Matsumoto’s son. I felt possessed as I stripped her bare in the dungeon and tied her to the pole in the middle of the cell. I contemplated whipping her. I cracked the single-tailed whip a few times. It had the appropriate psychological effect. But it wasn’t enough.

I felt myself losing control, so I turned on the Chopin. I knew it would soothe her, but I also needed it to ground me so I wouldn’t cross lines I couldn’t uncross because it wasn’t about punishing her to harm her.

I just needed to mark her, to brand her. I needed her to have a vivid, solid reminder of who the fuck she belonged to and what that meant. But really, somewhere inside my lizard brain I felt like marking her this way could somehow protect her from ever coming so close to that kind of danger again.

But I am that kind of danger.

In my care she’s already been put at risk by two sadistic bastards who weren’t even me. Three if you count the shrink. I can’t stand the thought that I make her unsafe, that my very existence somehow puts her at risk. I need to make her safe. I need to keep her with me forever. I need to mark her as my territory so that when the other dogs sniff around her, they keep moving.

But I know carving the word Mine into her back with my knife isn’t going to protect her from the monsters in the world. It’s just me being another monster hurting her and making sure she never forgets that I should probably be put down—just a giant fucking reminder of everything I am and all the things I can’t give her.

I was afraid she’d look at me with fear and revulsion, that I might have killed the new spark that ignited within her, but I saw the flush of pleasure on her face when she looked at the word in the mirror. And I see how every time she gets out of the shower, after she dries off, she turns and looks at it, reaching back to trace the scar with her fingertips as though she can make it remain that way forever just by showing it attention, as though it’s a plant she’s caring for.

Mina always lets out a contented sigh after she’s done this. I don’t think she realizes she does it. It’s only one of the many signals that she’s not the scared, broken woman who first came to me. And yet, despite my initial uncertainty, I like this version even better. Though now I have new fears with her.

She can handle more now. I can let the beast out a little with her. But what if I push her too far? What if I harm her and can’t bring her back? What if I’m the one who breaks her this time? What if I become just another man who hurts her? I’ve already broken promises to her. But wasn’t she the one who initiated the changes?

Storming into a dungeon in lingerie to kill a man doesn’t exactly scream I’m a helpless girl who needs to be handled with kid gloves .

Does that make it better? Does it make it okay? I’ve never cared about these kinds of questions. It’s such a burden to care. I’ve always been hollow, intellectually knowing the difference between moral right and wrong, but a blank emptiness about those facts has always shielded me from my misdeeds. But with Mina? I actually feel some angst. I don’t like it.

I gather up all the photos, newspaper clippings, notes, and other sundry informational resources I’ve gathered for this job that’s making me crazier than normal. I stack the pile neatly and slip it into a large manila folder.

This act of organization settles my mind the smallest degree.

This is a bit of an odd job. There’s a man I’ve wanted to take out for a while. His name is Stryker. He’s got a lot of criminal activity going on that competes in some ways with our business. He’s operating too loud and too big, too close to us, and I don’t like it. But he’s almost impossible to get to. He always has far too many people around him. This is more than a one person job, and I know it, but I can’t risk Mina just to take this guy down.

On top of that I have two other contracts I recently took. They both have business dealings with the first guy. I just need a way to take all of them out neatly and cleanly. If I kill them individually, after the first one, the other two will get spooked and up their security detail. Less armed bodyguards is always better than more. I live in fear that someday I’ll get taken out by some glorified mall cop instead of a real monster like me. When the time comes and someone finally takes me out, I want it to be someone worthy.

I’d almost need an army unless some angel of death smiles down upon me and gives me an opportunity. But in this situation, I am the angel of death, so… I can’t exactly smile down upon myself.

I need to clear my head and find Mina. If she’s going to be a good girl for me, she’s going to prove it and not just pay lip service to the idea. After that first day and night when she tied me down and fucked me, we haven’t had that kind of sex again. Or any kind outside of the things we normally do.

I think she senses I’m on the edge with that. It brought up too many… feelings. I can’t… I told her I couldn’t… I’ve spent the past several weeks intentionally pre-occupied with work trying to shove it all down and not think about it. There’s this self-destructive part of me coming out that wants to blow things up with her so she can’t get any closer or see any more. And that’s not safe. For her.

I’m afraid of myself with her. I’m afraid of feeling with her. I can’t let her do these things, and I can’t let myself do things. I feel I’m always on the edge of completely losing control, of turning on her like some ill-tempered dog, all because I can’t handle all the feelings trying to move through me. I feel like I’m on fire from the inside, and I don’t know what to do to put out the flame.

I find her outside, swimming naked in the pool. I feel an eyebrow inching up. She’s full of surprises these days.

I hang back in the shadows, but no one would notice me right now, anyway. Every eye is on her. Every male gaze is filled with lust, and I want to go back down to the basement for weapons and mow them all the fuck down for looking at what’s mine. Don’t they see the word on her back? Don’t they know ?

I think I might combust when she finally steps out of the pool. Annette is there with a towel to wrap her up and guides her away from the group. I know that look on her face. It’s concerned House Mother Annette. She’s over there no doubt trying to convince Mina what an awful monster I am for carving a property claim into her back.

I feel like I’m watching a re-run. Didn’t we already play out the Oh no, someone must save Mina from the monster in the dungeon storyline? Because I’m pretty sure we did. But she was always safe with me. At least she was before these new developments between us. I’m not sure anymore.

The thing that has always kept Mina safe was the fact that she was like me in my pain and abuse. Our scars make us a matched set that belong together like a couple of macabre glassy-eyed dolls at Halloween. But now she’s also like me in my darkness, and I don’t know how that plays out for her. Yet she’s unafraid, like a moth dancing too close to the flame. But maybe she wants to be consumed. I can’t tell with her anymore.

Does she have a death wish? If we were both fucked up before, it’s a thousand times worse now.

I take a deep breath. I’m ready to interrupt this bullshit with Annette, and if everyone at the house wants to gawk, I’ll give them a show.

“Master,” Mina says, when I reach them, she lowers her eyes demurely when she speaks to me. I’m not sure if it’s a performance… her just playing the good girl in front of the others, or if she’s signaling to Annette that I’m here so she’ll stop saying whatever she’s been saying that’s likely to piss me off.

Because I know something very real has shifted in our dynamic.

I’m so confused right now. I love the stunning badass Mina has become. Watching her take out the younger Matsumoto and his guard was a show I’d buy tickets to watch again, but I also don’t want her to pretend to be the good girl for me. I want that piece of Mina back. I want her submission. I still want to own her, and I’m not sure anymore if she truly wants the same. The most horrifying part is, I’m not sure I care if she wants the same.

I’ve killed every man who ever forced her submission, who ever humiliated her in front of others, who ever hurt her and left permanent scars. I’ve done the last of those things, and I know right now I’m about to do the other two, and if so… then how am I any different?

She told me once how Jason said there was something inside her that made men want to hurt her and how she’d never find a man who could be gentle with her. Then against all odds, I found I could be. Am I about to lose that edge over the other monsters? I just need her to submit. I try to telepathically will her to understand this.

But what if she doesn’t need or want the same anymore? I feel lost, like there’s something screaming inside me, this hollow, angry, hurt sound, like a wounded animal, and I just need to hurt something to make that sound stop, to make the itch stop crawling over my skin.

I feel the anger boiling up inside me. It’s not even at Mina. It’s at this fucking situation where suddenly I, what? Have a conscience? Weighing right and wrong like some fucking hero? Good and bad? What the fuck is she doing to me?

I grip her by the arm and pull her back toward the rest of the group who hasn’t stopped watching this train wreck unfold. I turn her so that they can all get a clear, unobstructed view of her back.

“Take a good long, look, people. Embed it into your fucking long term memories. This. Is. MINE,” I snarl.

They all show the appropriate fear. Even the men have always been wary with me. Eyes are averted from mine. No one will save her from me.

I look to Mina, afraid to see the scared, broken woman I met that first night, but she doesn’t even flinch. I know I must be leaving a mark on her arm, with how hard I’m holding her, but she doesn’t try to pull away.

I want to shake her. I want to shout at her that she can’t trust me. She’s doing the same thing all over again, trusting a bad man who will hurt her. I want to whisper in her ear to Run . But even if I did, I know she wouldn’t. She’d stand, and challenge me to reign in my own demons. For her sake. For our sake.

I take a long, slow, breath, attempting that impossible feat now.

“Get on your knees,” I growl.

I’m strangely happy that we’re not actually on the concrete right next to the pool, but in the grass. I hold onto this one thought that tells me I haven’t lost all sense, that I can hold onto the need to protect her still.

She gracefully drops to her knees in front of me and bends forward, brushing her lips against my leather boots.

What. In. The. Fuck.

This is the subservient protocol we teach the girls. But Mina doesn’t do the protocol, she has never done the protocol. When she first came here, we realized she was too broken to even do that much. That level of humiliation was just triggering her into flashbacks from her past. And here she is, outside next to the pool with the eyes of about twenty people on her, kissing my boots like some slave-bot.

I bend and put my fingers under her chin to raise her face to mine, all I see in her eyes is glazed over lust.

This isn’t an act. This is real.

I take a long, slow breath. When I bought her and took her as my own, I promised this girl I would never hurt her. I promised I wouldn’t punish her the way I punished others. I wouldn’t take out my sadism on her. I would never make her bleed or leave permanent scars. I would never humiliate her or do anything sexual with her in front of anyone at the house. And now it’s like I have a checklist and I’m just ticking off boxes. One betrayal after another. One broken promise after another.

And yet I can’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

“You are going to show everyone here just how deeply I own you. You’re going to lay your submission at my feet for everyone here to see. There will be no question who the fuck you belong to after this moment, do you understand?”

“Yes, Master.”

She doesn’t hesitate. There is no falter or fear in her words. She trusts me, and I don’t deserve it. Am I about to break her right now? Just like all the other monsters? Just when she’s discovering and unleashing her own fire?

I unzip my pants and free my cock. It’s long and hard, ready to penetrate that sweet mouth of hers, ready to claim her in front of every gawking onlooker who neither has the courage to stop me nor the will to look away. I guarantee every person both trainer and trainee is turned on right now. There’s a fifty percent chance this could devolve into an orgy.

“Then show me what a good obedient cocksucking whore you are for your master. Show them all.”

She looks up at me and actually… smirks. There’s is nothing demure in her right now. I don’t know how she’s running this show, but somehow she is. And I feel something like relief and an unclenching of the tightness in my chest.

She greedily takes my cock into her mouth as though she’s a succubus who needs to drink my come for her very survival. No woman has ever looked at me like this. No woman has ever taken my cock down her throat with such relish.

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