6. Just Not That Type

Just Not That Type

M ara

Sunday morning, I woke up with his strong arm tight around my waist, locking me against his chest, my bum nestled in his groin. I lay still, watching as the early morning sunrise slowly lightened the room, soaking in his warmth, his scent surrounding me, assured by the sound of his breathing, deep and even, his chin resting atop my head.

Yesterday had been a good day. Any day that started tangled up with Zee was bound to be a good day. Those days gave me hope that we could get back to what we were before Zale’s job demanded so much of his time and attention, before worry over Olivia began to eclipse every discussion.

Bea, going on the offensive, angry that I couldn’t keep up with our visits two or three times per week, along with my work struggles, did not help my frame of mind either, it wasn’t just Zee. I just knew, for me, if he and I could get back to what we were, I could handle the rest.

Today the whole gang was coming to our place, Bex, Rhys, and their kids, Willa, and Rhys’s brother, Barrett. Willa was bringing the appetizers, Bex was taking care of dessert, and I was covering dinner.

I’d always loved the idea of Sunday family dinner, the family gathered together, eating, laughing, talking, and sharing. Unfortunately, in my family, these dinners went by the wayside when my dad passed, and my mother went off the deep end. With my mother’s unpredictable moods and sniping, Olivia’s meltdowns, and Willa’s absences, they never became a routine, at least not a pleasant one.

It was when my dad passed that I began visiting Bea more frequently with Olivia, two or even three times per week, as well as inviting her over for dinner at my place at least twice. In truth, it was the only regular outing Olivia could tolerate other than Willa’s. Willa, herself, had always been a safe place for Olivia. Visiting Bea got Olivia and me out of the house, and I felt like I was keeping my mom company as well as helping her transition through a difficult time.

I kept up the routine when I started writing, using the weekends to get most of my work done as Zale would be home to help with Olivia, but I grew tired of working when he was home. I wanted time for our family to do things together, so I cut back a bit with my mother.

As Olivia got older, she was better able to handle more activity and we added trips to the mall, parks, the swimming pool, and then the animal shelter. These were all good and necessary, but, while the outings were varied, the number of outings a week that Olivia could tolerate had not changed. Instead of going to visit Gran-gran two or three times a week, we visited once, and added two other activities to expand Olivia’s world.

This did not go over well with Bea, despite still having her to dinner once a week, despite endlessly explaining Olivia’s needs and limitations and our goals for her, as well as her goals for herself. She had been happy enough to drop in on Saturday or Sunday mornings for an hour to ‘make up for her lost visit,’ but she refused to come over at all since we got Sirius.

It was sad, but it was also true that Willa and I got our fix of family time with our friends, and with Zale’s brother Dean, his wife Sophie, and their kids. I loved them, so did Willa, and they loved us right back .

I could feel Zale coming awake behind me. He pulled me closer, tightening his arm around my waist, and dropped deliciously scruffy kisses onto my bare shoulder.

“Morning, baby,” I murmured.

He squeezed me tighter and kissed my neck in response. I could feel my thighs soften. I pressed back into him.

“Do I need to pick anything up for today?”

I loved the sound of his deep, sleepy voice in the morning. A keen awareness of his body engulfed my senses. I wanted to melt against him, skin to skin, fused, surrounded, covered, safe, and escape from the world for a brief respite with him.

I was ready for him. He could just slip right in. I would not ask. I would not beg this time, would not risk rejection, the fact that he didn’t ask, that he didn’t crave, was rejection enough. Maybe that wasn’t fair. I no longer knew what was fair and what wasn’t.

“Um…” I forgot his question.

He chuckled. “Sleepyhead.” He kissed my hair. “Do I need to pick anything up for today?”

Ah, yes.

“Beer, coolers, and fresh bread. We can go together, go out for a drive.”

“It’s easier if I just go. Faster. ”

It was getting to a point where every no felt like a rejection. I should not feel like crying over this. Something was wrong with me. Maybe I really was going through early menopause. Only a couple more days and I’d get an answer.

And hopefully a prescription.

He rolled away from me in the bed and crossed to the bathroom. I closed my eyes for a moment, took a few calming breaths to settle my disappointment, and got up to put on the coffee.

Over the next few hours, I started preparations for dinner, laid out the art supplies for the kids in the sunroom, and turned the spare bedroom into a mini movie theatre.

Whenever Amelie and Cole came over, I tried to do something special for them. This time I’d bought paper popcorn containers that had that movie theatre vibe, and I’d set up the slushy maker. I found awesome slushy cups in multiple colors and got them each one. They were cute, but their best-selling point was that they had tight-fitting secure lids.

We’d gone Italian style for dinner this time. A huge pot of sauce, with both ground beef and Italian sausage, bubbled gently on the stove. Fresh pasta sat ready to be boiled, garlic bread ready to be broiled, a pretty glass bowl of Italian style salad with red onion, black olives and peppers waited only for the homemade dressing and slivers of parmesan to be ready to serve .

I couldn’t wait to see what Willa and Bex had done with the theme. We usually did rather well, except for that one disaster. At least it was funny. We ordered out in the end, and we’d still stuck to our theme.

Rhys and Bex arrived shortly after three.

“Hey, chickie!” she yelled past Zale who had answered the door.

“Coming!” I yelled back from the sunroom.

I bustled over to see Bex, her hands full with dessert, surrounded by her man and her kids. It was still a surprise to see her like this. So much had changed in such a short time.

She’d only met Rhys the summer before, having been a widow for seven long, lonely years. By Christmas they had moved her in completely, and now they were getting married. She’d been coming here alone for so long, yet this tiny, chaotic tornado she currently traveled with suited her much better.

“Auntie Merry!” Amelie squealed, heading my way.

Amelie’s little arms curved around my hips, and she pressed the side of her face against my stomach. She squeezed me and took a deep, happy, breath. I peered down at her, my hand stroking back her pale blond locks. She had a sweet smile on her little face.

“Hello, little queen. You’re having a good day so far?”

She released me. “Yep! What are we doing today? ”

I was going to have to spend some time on Pinterest gathering new activity and art ideas to keep things fresh.

“Snowmen. We are making indoor snowmen.”

“How?” She asked, drawing out the ‘ow,’ her blue eyes comically wide in her small face.

“You’ll see. We’ll go there in a minute as soon as I help Bex unload.”

“Mommy,” she stated.

“Mommy?” I asked, confused.

“Not Bex, Mommy.” She confirmed.

“Well,” I laughed. “She’s your mommy, not mine!”

She smiled, satisfied. Every opportunity she could, she liked to confirm that Rebecca was indeed her mom. I was happy to give her that in any way I could.

“Hey, big man,” I greeted Cole. He was almost past the hugging hello stage, but he usually gifted me with at least one before they left.

“Hi, Auntie Merry.” He smiled, dropping his boots and coat in the hall. “What are we doing today?”

I laughed. “I’ll meet you in the sunroom. Just looking, no touching, until I get there, okay?”

“Yep! ”

“Indoor voices for Olivia, please!” Bex called after them.

He nodded and was gone, Amelie trailing behind him.

Rhys winked hello, then he and Zale headed to the kitchen to grab a beer and claim the best tv viewing seats.

Bex was already in the kitchen, rooting around in the fridge to make room for the dessert she brought.

“Oh, Bex!” I was amazed at what she’d done. “What is it?”

She lifted the lids proudly. “Sugar cone cannoli, and ricotta lemon cake.”

“Oh my gosh, they look incredible!”

She nodded, pleased. “They turned out okay!”

“Better than okay!”

“Smells good in here,” she commented, lifting the lid, and waving the steam toward her nose. “Mm. Yummy. You’re such a good cook, Merry.”

“Ah, c’mon, it’s just pasta.”

“It’s just pasta,” she mimicked. “It smells divine. I can’t wait.”

“Let’s go to the sunroom with the kids. Willa won’t be here for another hour at least. She said four, but you know how late she usually is.”

“Barrett is picking her up, so she won’t be that late.”

I stopped in my tracks, turning to give big eyes to Bex. “What? ”

“Cool your jets, ladies.” Rhys’s husky voice drifted across the room to us. “They are apparently just friends.”

We both turned to look at him, and Zale grinned at whatever he saw on our faces. Rhys threw his hands up in a placating gesture.

“Don’t shoot the messenger! I’m just relaying what I’ve been told.”

Bex and I looked at him, and then each other. We had identical, ‘oh you poor, naive man’ looks on our faces. We burst out laughing and Bex and I grabbed onto each other’s arms.

“Just friends,” she huffed. “One does not want to be just friends with a man like Barrett.”

“Can you believe this?” Zale asked incredulously. “They were the same when they were talking about you.”

“Zale!” I yelled, embarrassed.

“What? I’m starting to get a complex!”

“Oh, so you want to be in a position where Bex and Willa are trying to convince me to give you a shot?”

He shook his head in a sharp no, at the same time as Rhys rumbled to Rebecca, “They had to convince you?”

Barrett was Rhys’s younger brother and a veterinarian who worked with the animals at the shelter where Willa worked. She first met him when Bex and Rhys had gotten together. They’d become friends, but Bex and I were holding out hope for more .

Bex and I laughed at Rhys’s expression, and she refused to answer him. Instead, she grabbed my hand and we headed to the sunroom to play with the kids until Willa and Barrett showed up, on time, which was almost unheard of for Willa. Something which Bex and I were quick to tease her about.

“So, if you have Barrett as your babysitter, or your chauffeur, then you can be on time?”

Barrett shook his head but said nothing on his way to the fridge to grab his own beer as well as two more for Zale and Rhys. Bex and I relieved Willa of her platters and waited while she discarded her coat and boots.

“Ah, another man of so very few words,” I commented to Bex. “Rhys must be exhausted by the time you guys get home, having to carry the conversation,” I joked.

We all looked over, watched while Rhys leaned forward listening as Barrett and Zale talked animatedly.

“Maybe it’s just you guys he doesn’t want to talk to,” teased Willa.

“Humph!” I glared at her, then smiled. “What did you bring?”

“Bruschetta bread and antipasto skewers, bocconcini balls for the kids.”

“Nice!”

“Where are the kids?” she asked.

“Sunroom,” Bex replied .

“I’ll go say hi and then come do the bruschetta?”

“Sounds good,” I said, “and while you do the bruschetta, I’ll help them with the indoor snowmen.”

“And I’ll lounge like a lady of leisure!” Bex laughed.

Willa did not emerge from the sunroom for over half an hour. She was one of those people who spoke to kids with a true interest in what they had to say. She asked open ended questions instead of giving them the option of one-word answers. She’d say things like, “What was the best thing that happened this week?” or “Tell me something funny,” and they entertained her with their answers. Most were not shy with her at all. It was a gift to make someone feel that what they had to say was worth hearing, and she had it.

Dinner was delicious. Italian night was an all-time favorite theme, one we repeated many times, with many variations, and would do so again. The men contributed by taking over the kitchen clean-up. While they did that, I set the kids up in the spare room, and started their movie for them before rejoining everybody in the family room.

Bex and Willa already had their drinks. I went to get mine, pausing to wipe down the counters, the guys always missed something. Set apart momentarily, I saw them as if from the outside.

They were beautiful, all of them, inside and out. Together they made a stunning picture. Conversation was easy and unforced, laughter and smiles plentiful. I loved them. They loved me. I knew they loved me. I joined them, but for some reason I still felt slightly apart, slightly other. I could not explain it, but entering the picture, I felt like a blob of paint marring the canvas.

Barrett’s gaze returned to Willa repeatedly, as if magnetically drawn to her. There was a definite interest there, I hoped Willa would give him a chance. Rhys looked at Rebecca in a way I could only dream of. I don’t think I had ever elicited a look like that from Zale.

Maybe I’m just not that type.