Chapter One 2

“Good thing I’m already in the shower,” I smile softly.

“Cole, you are gorgeous. Big fucking deal. You are not a size zero, but you know what?”

“What?” I sigh.

“I don’t care how big or small you are. As long as you are healthy, I could still pick you up and fuck you all the same,” he says bluntly. “I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I tell you that being in the friend zone with you is the last thing I want.”

“I don’t understand,” I say quietly.

“What do you want, Colette? For just a moment, force yourself out of that little bubble and tell me what you want. We have known each other for seventeen years and we have threatened this development in our relationship since we were twelve. Don’t act like this is sudden, because it’s not.”

I take a moment to just look at Hudson. I’ve seen the way he looks at me for a long time now, but I always thought there was no way he wanted more no matter the looks or the hinting at wanting more. I never considered that I actually had a chance with him. I’m so stressed and he is the only thing that brings me peace. So why don’t just take what I want?

Shoving all of my anxiety aside, I’ll make a split-second decision. If I think about it for too long, I will freak myself out, so I just do it. I stand up on my tiptoes and grab his face before pressing my lips against his. Regret immediately washes over me, and I try to pull away.

Hudson instantly pushes me back against the wall. He has one hand wrapped on the back of my neck and my chin is lifted with his thumb. “Mine,” he growls before kissing me hard. This time, I relax against him, and he grabs the back of my thighs to pick me up. I wrap myself around him as he keeps me pinned against the wall. We are completely and utterly lost in this kiss. It feels like all that is right in the world is guiding us through this moment.

“Fuck,” he sighs and drops me to my feet. He still has me pressed against the wall and I have my hands resting on his sculpted chest. Hudson is built like a brick wall. He is six foot three and solid muscle.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“It’s not that, sweetheart,” he says. “I’m trying to remind myself that someone hurt you. I have built up this fantasy in my mind about what this would be like when we finally got here, so I am just trying to dial it back a bit.”

“You fantasize about me?” I ask.

“Mhmm,” he says with a smile. “I have since I hit puberty.”

“I… really?” I ask, shocked.

“Yes,” he laughs.

“Is it wrong that I want to act on those fantasies, even though I just got raped?” I ask.

“There isn’t a rulebook for how to cope with rape,” he says. “You are safe with me so you can heal however you want to. I will say though, if it doesn’t include me fucking you in a shower… we should probably get out and get dressed.”

“I just want to stop thinking about it for a second,” I admit. “I’m also afraid that this is out of pity.”

“I am not going to pity fuck you,” he laughs. “Also, I’ve been jerking off to you since I was twelve. This is nothing compared to what I’ve pictured doing to you.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that,” I laugh. Hudson chuckles and shuts the water off before wrapping me in a soft towel. He ties one around his waist before we step out. I let him help me dry off and put on one of his shirts. He puts on a pair of gray sweatpants with nothing else, and it suddenly feels like torture. It is so hard not to look when he wears these damn sweatpants. Working in the gym, he does it frequently.

“My eyes are up here, Cole,” he teases.

“I think it’s looking at me,” I say. “Why do you have to keep wearing the sweatpants?”

“Because it gets you to look at my dick,” he laughs. “You suck at trying to hide that you do it.”

“No comment,” I say as we step out of the bathroom. “Am I taking the guest room or the couch?”

“Neither. You are staying in here with me,” he says. “Lay down. We can watch a movie.”

“Hudson. You don’t have to adopt me like a puppy,” I say. “I can sleep on my own.”

“That’s the thing, Cole. I don’t think you actually want to sleep alone. I know that I don’t want to,” he says. “If you do, you are more than welcome to take over the guestroom. Otherwise, you are sleeping in here with me.”

“How on earth does that work? That doesn’t help me thinking I’m in the way of you building a future for yourself,” I argue. “How are you supposed to be in a relationship with someone if your best friend is in bed with you?”

“The only person I want to be in a relationship with is you,” he says. “I had plans on telling you that tonight either way, so I feel like it’s only appropriate that I stick to my plan.”

“What?” I ask.

“I was planning to tell you how I feel tonight. You canceled on me, but I was still going to come over,” he says.

"How… how do you feel about me?” I ask timidly. Hudson walks around and pulls back the covers before getting into bed. He pats the bed beside me, and I sigh heavily before I lay with him. We are laying on our sides facing each other, and he is smiling softly at me. “So?”

“I think you should say what you think first,” he says.

“That’s not fair,” I frown.

“Humor me, Cole,” he says.

“Fine. I’m in love with you and it fucking hurts to be close but not close enough,” I say bluntly as tears well up. Maybe if I can scare him away, it will be easier. “I have this whole life built in my mind that I don’t think I’ll ever obtain. You will find some pretty little blonde to marry and I will have to just learn how to be alone.”

“I think I’d rather have a pretty little brunette in my bed,” he says softly as he twirls my mahogany brown hair around his finger.

“Hudson,” I sigh.

“Colette, honey. I’ve loved you since the day you punched me in the face on the playground,” Hudson says gently. “It’s always been you, Colette. It always will be you.”

“Please don’t mess with my head,” I say quietly. “Please don’t.”

“Come here, Cole,” he says. I move closer and he pulls me against his chest and lifts my chin. “I love you, Colette. I’m going to marry you someday, and I’ll put a baby in your belly. We will be together forever because we are soulmates, baby. I know we are.”

“Are you trying to breed me, river boy?” I ask with a sly smile.

“We’d make pretty babies,” he grins.

“A nerdy jock,” I laugh. “You know something, Huddy?”

“What’s that?”

“I love how no matter how bad of a day I’ve had, you can still make me smile,” I say. “Laying here with you… I can almost forget I was violently raped.”

“Are you feeling okay?” he asks.

“Yeah. No bleeding and I’m not sore,” I say. “I’m glad he used a condom, though.”

“I’m glad you slammed a nail into his brain,” he smirks.

“Am I going to go to jail for that?” I ask.

“From the sounds of it, they don’t want the police involved and whatever they have going on,” he says.

“You said there was a lot I don’t know. What do you mean?” I ask.

“I’ll explain tomorrow,” he says. “What can I do for you right now?”

“Fuck me,” I say, searching his face to see if I just fucked up.

“Girl… Don’t play with me. I’ll do it,” he says seriously.

“I need to get rid of the feeling of their hands on me,” I say. “I don’t like the memory of how he forced me to have an orgasm. They laughed and made fun of me… mocked me for crying… I need to get it out of my head, and I trust you with my thoughts. I don’t want to think about it.”

“I need you to understand a few things, okay?” he says.

“Which are?”

“The moment we do this, you have to stop pushing me away. You are not someone who is just a quick fuck, so it won’t be just a one-time thing,” he says. “I need you to be able to communicate with me, because I don’t want to hurt you.”

“How would you hurt me?” I ask. Hudson takes my hand and presses it against him. I thought his sweatpants didn’t hide anything, but I had no fucking idea just how big he is. He is unimaginably large.

“Is this fantasy, Hudson? Holy fuck,” I say, and he laughs. “That thing is not fitting inside of me.”

“Oh, I’ll make it fit,” he grins.

“I am suddenly grateful that those fuckers had average dicks,” I mutter.

“So again, I need you to communicate with me. I know you are naturally shy and quiet, but this is not the time for that. I need you to be honest with me if I’m hurting you,” he says.

“Okay,” I say. “Just… don’t break me.”

“I’ll keep you safe,” he grins as he rolls me onto my back and kisses me. I relax into the bed, and he slowly moves his hand down. He slips my panties down and breaks our kiss to pull the shirt off me. “My God, you are beautiful.”

“I can’t be the only naked one, Hudson. I’ll panic,” I warn. He smiles at me before sitting up and pulling his sweatpants down. My mouth falls open in shock as he gets them off and tosses them to the floor. “Hudson, I think we might be better friends. My organs are scared.”

“Trust me?” he says softly, gently kneading my breast.

“Mmm. Yes,” I sigh.

“I won’t hurt you, Cole. Just talk to me, okay?” he says. I nod and he kisses me hard. This time, it is filled with passion and lust. He gently runs his fingers up my inner thigh, being careful with the bruises that have formed. He pulls back from them just as he pushes two fingers inside of me. I immediately gasp and arch off the bed.

“Fuck,” I pant when his fingers expertly tease me from the inside. “Dear God, what are you doing?!”

“Has no one consensually made you come before, Cole?” he asks, as he curls his fingers and starts to fuck me with his hand.

“No. Oh my God, Hudson,” I moan. I am gripping onto his bicep, but I whine when he moves down on the bed slightly and I suddenly have nothing to hold onto.

“I’m about to blow your fucking mind then,” he chuckles. He dips down and flicks his tongue across my clit and tears well up.

“Fuck. Wait. Hudson, wait,” I almost yell.

“Who’s got you, baby?” he asks, kissing my inner thigh.

“Hudson,” I whimper.

“Every time a memory shows up, remind yourself who’s got you, okay?” he says. When I nod, he lightly sucks on my clit and a guttural groan comes from my deep in my chest. He steadily quickens his pace, and my eyes roll back as my pleasure starts to surface. It feels so different from before and I want more of it.

“Oh, fuck. Hudson. Oh God, I’m going to come,” I moan.

Hudson abruptly pulls his fingers out of me and rolls us on the bed so that he can pull me down to sit on his face. I try to move off of him, but he immediately wraps his arms around my thighs to hold me in place. I am so damn close to coming, and I want it so badly. I give into the feeling and rock my hips.

I moan loud and helplessly as my orgasm washes over me, but he doesn’t stop. I don’t want him to stop. This is unlike anything I have experienced, and I never want it to stop. Another orgasm surfaces fast and I am nearly in tears when he doesn’t stop. When a new pleasure starts to surface, it’s different. It creates more pressure, and for the first time, I start to fight against it. He doesn’t let go of me and every time I try to pull away, he nips my clit.

“Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Hudson, I’m gonna… Oh fuck,” I cry out when it suddenly punches through me. Behind the blinding orgasm is my arousal flooding out of me. I’m instantly horrified, but he growls against my pussy as he drinks from me.

Hudson finally stops and rolls us back, so I am lying down. I cover my mouth in shock. I’m so mortified, but he looks delighted. “You are fucking amazing, Colette. I could make you come all day like that,” he says before kissing me. The sweet taste of my arousal relaxes me, and he pulls away.

“I never… I don’t know what… I feel like I should apologize,” I admit.

“Cole, squirting is normal and amazing. I would happily drown in your come if I could,” he says.

“That’s disgusting, Huddy,” I laugh. Hudson smiles playfully as he moves himself to settle between my legs. I’m trying not to focus on the fact that he has a massive dick that I am definitely afraid of.

“Relax, Colette,” he says soothingly. “I promise, this will go much easier if you are not tensed up.”

“Do you consider yourself dominant?” I ask.

“I suppose so,” he smirks.

“Then I need you to just fuck me already. This slow lead up is going to make me panic,” I say. “I might still panic. Either way, don’t stop. I want this so badly.”

“Even if you fight me?” he asks before kissing my neck.

“Yes,” I breathe.

“Take a deep breath, Colette,” he says gently, pulling away to look at me. I have a death grip on his biceps, but I do what he says, and take a long, deep breath. On my exhale, he slowly fills me.

“Fuck,” I groan. “Bad idea. Abort. You don’t fit, Huddy.”

“Relax, Cole,” he says with amusement in his voice. He gently kisses my neck again and I start to relax. “Remember, I love you.”

“Wha… Oh fuck!” I scream when he abruptly slams himself inside of me. He is stretching me in ways that I’m not sure I should be able to stretch. He allows me absolutely no time to adjust before he starts to fuck me hard and deep. I am nearly silent as I arch off the bed and dig my nails into his arm.

“My sweet girl,” he mutters. “You look so beautiful stuffed with my cock.”

“It hurts,” I whine.

“You’re doing so well, Cole,” he praises. “Keep relaxing.”

He is slowly rocking his hips, filling me deeply, but not moving fast. I whimper and moan and eventually I relax and pleasure sweeps in. “Oh, dear God,” I moan.

“That’s my good girl,” he rumbles before kissing me hard. Hudson hooks his arms behind my knees and folds me, making me scream out when he starts pounding into me.

“Oh, please. Oh, please. I’m gonna come. Hudson, please,” I moan.

“Who owns this pussy, Colette?” he demands.

“You,” I gasp.

“Say it. Who owns this pussy?”

“Hudson,” I cry out again. I end up stuck in a loop of yelling his name as I slowly move through my orgasm. He ends up wrapping his hand around my throat but doesn’t cut off my breathing. He presses on the sides of my neck and something about it makes my eyes roll back.

“ Fuuuuck, Colette ,” he moans as his rhythm falters, and he starts to come. Instead of rolling to the bed beside me, he brings himself down on my chest, and I wrap my arms around him.

“Christ, Huddy. You are a monster,” I pant.

“Your titties make a great pillow,” he mutters, making me laugh. “Pillows shouldn’t be laughing. Be a better pillow, Cole.”

“I’m so tired now,” I say after a while.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, and then we can go to bed,” he says before kissing my chest between my breasts and getting up.

“I can…”

“Stay,” he says. Hudson goes to the bathroom and returns with what he needs to clean me. I’m expecting it to be weird for him to clean his come off of me, but it’s not. It’s soothing and a level of care I’ve never never received before. When he gets done, he joins me in bed, and I roll to snuggle into his chest as he wraps his arm around me.

The one thing about our friendship is that it was never abnormal for us to cuddle. Almost every time we end up watching a movie together, we end up in his bed or mine, and I always fall asleep. Maybe that should have been my first clue?

I try not to think about what happened today, but it sneaks its way into my mind as I’m laying here in his arms. I feel like this situation is breaking Hudson. There are some parts of his life that I don’t know anything about, like his work life. I know nothing about that gym or anyone he associates with. I think if we are going to be together, it’s time for me to socialize.