Twenty-one

Twenty-one

Jude

When I wake up, morning sunlight is streaming across the floor. I glance around the room, trying to remember which hotel I’m in. Then I hear Max’s even breathing beside me, and I remember. When my gaze shifts to him, my muscles relax. He looks so peaceful, his lips parted slightly.

Carefully, I slide out of bed and grab my jeans off the floor. Then as quietly as I can, I ease out of his bedroom door and head to the kitchen. I put some coffee on first, then start making eggs and sausage. It’s not going to be as good as Rowan’s, but I’ve had a lot of practice making them.

“Something smells good,” Max says from behind me.

I turn to look and find him already showered and dressed. “It’s not a Michelin star, but I think it’ll be okay.”

He gives me a smile before moving to the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. “You look nice like that. I could get used to seeing you shirtless making me breakfast every morning.”

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it. I barely cook for myself most days.” Even as I say it, I feel the same way. I could get used to doing things for him.

Max comes up behind me and kisses the back of my neck. “Sleep okay?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Fine. Until I rolled over onto my back in the middle of the night and felt the sting of your handprint on my ass.”

I grin and shift to plate the eggs. Then I turn and look at Max. “It was pretty fucking sexy to see you like that.”

Max blushes, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. He looks away from me before saying shyly, “I liked it.”

Heat shoots into my stomach, but I do my best to ignore it and sit the plates on the small dining table. I’m afraid if I let my mind think about last night, I’ll have to take Max back into the bedroom and do it all over again.

Once we sit, it’s a little easier with the food to focus on. But then I glance up and catch the way Max gingerly sits in his chair, and it makes me want him all over again. So I clear my throat and ask, “What’re you doing today?”

“Work,” he replies. “I’ve gotten a little behind, and I need to catch up before supply comes so we can do inventory.”

“Want some help?”

He flashes me a smile. “That’s nice of you to offer, but I think if you came along, we might not get anything done. As it is, you’re the reason I’m behind.”

“Oh really? What if we created a reward system?”

A spark flashes in Max’s eyes. “What kind of reward system?”

I shrug. “Whatever you think is fair.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, and they shock me a little. I’ve never had a problem pleasing guys I was with. But I always made it as clear as possible that I was in charge. It prevents me from getting caught in a situation like I was with Grant.

But something about Max makes me feel brave. Makes me want to go the extra mile and find something new. Still, it kind of makes my chest hurt to think about being trapped again, so I add, “But I get veto rights.”

His mouth picks up in a gentle smile. “Okay, I think a fair reward would be you naked in my office, on your hands and knees on my floor, so I can look at you while I work.”

“Wow. Someone’s been fantasizing about something.”

He blushes a little but watches me, daring me to take him up on it. Just like I did last night.

“Okay,” I say. That’s not too bad.

“If I finish before lunch, I get to eat you out.”

Heat creeps up the back of my neck, and I hesitate. I haven’t let anyone go near my ass since Grant. No one fucks me there. But I’ve done a few things with Max I didn’t do with others, so maybe it’ll be okay.

“All right, but I have to leave at three for the final tux fitting,” I hear myself say. I’m nervous, but blood is still pumping to my cock. Because the idea of kneeling there, knowing Max could see me the whole time, is hot as fuck.

Maybe it won’t be so bad if I let myself feel something outside of what Grant did to me.

***

Rowan’s working behind the bar already, so I take the side entrance into Max’s office.

“You’d better lock the door,” I say as soon as I step inside. “Because if Row barges in here at any point, I’ll kill you.”

Max laughs as he locks the door. “Done. But I did tell him not to interrupt me until three unless it was an emergency.”

Now that I’m actually in his office, I’m starting to get a little nervous. In my head, I know Max won’t hurt me. He’s not going to do anything that Grant would do. But the idea of making myself vulnerable to him scares me.

I think he can tell I’m a little out of sorts because he says, “You know, you’re allowed to have colors too.”

“No, I mean, yeah. It’s just… It’s been a while, that’s all.”

“You mean since you let someone else be in charge?”

“Yeah.”

He smiles, and it’s so full of kindness that I relax a little. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to.” I push the conviction into my voice. And I do want to. It’s just nerves from how long it’s been. From the fact that the last person to see me bent over was Grant.

Max studies my face for a second, so I school my expression, focus on the lust powering through my veins. I want Max. I want to know what his tongue feels like inside of me. A moan almost escapes my mouth just thinking about it.

Max nods decisively. “Okay. You can put your clothes on the couch.”

I strip my jacket off and toss it aside, then my T-shirt and boots. I hesitate just a second before unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them off.

Then I move to the center of the room, where I know Max will have a good view, and I kneel. A bolt of fear shoots up my spine, but I push it down. Just focus on how much Max will like this. How good it’ll feel.

Then I bend over, put my elbows on the floor and my ass in the air.

“Spread your legs a little wider,” Max calls from his desk.

I do what he says and take a deep breath. I’m expecting to only be able to think about the things I did with Grant, but to my surprise, all I can think about is how much I hope Max finishes work before the deadline. I want to feel him, and I’ve never actually had someone do this before. I’ve always done it to guys when they asked but was never comfortable enough to allow them to do it back.

Something about Max makes it feel safer.

Max works in silence for about half an hour, then says, “You look great like that.”

I grunt in response. My knees are tired, but he’s still probably sore from the spanking I gave him last night, so I guess it’s fair. It’s embarrassing to stay in this position, to know that he’s looking at me whenever he wants, but that also makes it feel incredibly sexy too.

After what feels like an eternity, Max speaks, triumph in his voice. “Done. And with an hour to spare.”

“I’m beginning to think you didn’t have that much work to begin with,” I say as I start to straighten.

“No, no.” Max reaches out and puts a hand on my back. I hadn’t even heard him get up from the desk. “Stay like that.”

A ripple of unease unfurls in my stomach, but I obey. Being on my knees with my back to him wasn’t so bad when he was across the room. But now…he could do whatever he wanted.

Max runs his hand down my spine and over my ass.

My head tells me to pull away, but my body presses back against his hand, seeking his touch. Because my body knows Max can make me feel fucking good.

“You still okay?” Max asks, his voice gentle. I think he might genuinely want to know. Like if I told him no, it would be okay.

I think of what he said, about how I was allowed to have a color too. It’s probably about yellow right now, but I say, “I’m green.”

“Okay.” Max settles behind me. His breath caresses my ass, and then his tongue slides between my cheeks.

I groan before I can stop myself. I knew it felt good based on reactions from guys when I did it for them, but I didn’t realize how good. The heat alone is enough to make my muscles clench.

He presses open-mouthed kisses on my skin before sliding his tongue over me again, stopping to lap in the center. When his tongue dips inside my hole, I cry out from the feeling.

“Shh,” Max whispers, wrapping a hand around my thigh to help me stay up.

I take a breath and try to come back down, but Max has other plans. He presses his tongue into me again, pushing past an extremely tight circle of muscle. As soon as he’s deep enough, he starts flicking his tongue up and down, side to side. He reaches under me with his free hand to play with my cock, sliding his thumb along the tip first to gather some moisture.

I grip the rug in my fists and press my forehead to the floor, trying not to cry out again. I have to be quiet. I have to—

Max pulls his tongue out to the tip then spears me with it again and again, sucking and lapping at me like he’s a starving man.

A whimper slips past my lips, and I try to pull away from the sensation, but he keeps a tight hold on my thigh, not allowing me to move an inch.

“Max.” His name falls from my mouth on a whisper, and then I’m coming, shooting my load all over his rug. He keeps thrusting his tongue in and out as I ride out my orgasm. I feel my asshole clenching over and over, like it’s trying to hold onto his tongue.

When I’m finally spent, he helps me turn over onto my back, away from the mess I made on the floor.

“Okay?” he asks softly.

I’m panting, so I just manage a nod.

He smiles a little and pinches my nipple. “What? I’m the only one who has to use words?”

“I’m good,” I say. “Great. That was… Fuck, Max.”

His smile widens with pride. “Thanks for the glowing review.”

I take a breath and stare up at the ceiling, feeling sated. But within just a few seconds, doubt creeps in. I shouldn’t have done that. I need to do something for him now. Make sure he knows I let this happen. That he can’t just do it whenever he wants.

I sit up to face Max. The smile is still on his face. He looks cute like that, his lips just a tiny bit swollen and red. But before I touch him, I glance at the rug, where I spilled all over it. “Shit. Let me get that up.”

“It’s okay,” Max says. “It’ll wash.”

“It’s messy.” Before I can stop it, a memory of Grant comes flooding back. He’d been relentless, touching me, fucking me, until he made me come. I’d spilled on his bed, and Grant had made me clean it. Lick it up while he watched. Maybe that would turn some people on, but all it did was embarrass the fuck out of me.

“It’s really fine,” Max says, bringing me back.

“I can’t just leave it.” My voice doesn’t even sound like my own.

“Jude.” Max puts a hand on the side of my face. “Come on. Don’t worry about that. We can clean it up later. I want to be with you right now.”

Oh. Right. Please Max first. Then I can take care of the rug.

Carefully, I get up on my knees and push Max’s chest a little to get him to lie back on the floor. He stares up at me with too much trust in his eyes. How does he not think I’d hurt him? I can’t imagine putting myself in that position. Never again.

I get Max’s clothes off in record time and when I’m looking down at him, that knot in my chest loosens a little. He’s so cute, and even though he could’ve hurt me when I was on my knees and vulnerable to him, he didn’t.

“You got condoms in here?” I ask.

Max nods. “In my bottom desk drawer.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Crawl over there and get one. And I mean it. Crawl.”

Heat blazes in his eyes as he rolls from his back up to his hands and knees. I stare at his round ass as he crawls to the desk and roots around in the bottom drawer. Then he slides the packet between his teeth and crawls back to me, his cheeks pink.

I take the condom from him and rub my thumb across his bottom lip. “Good job. Now lie back down.”

He obeys instantly, and I don’t give him time to breathe before I’m sliding a finger into him. He whines and bucks against my hand, so I add a second one. I can tell he already wants to take me, but I need a second. I’m still sensitive from coming the first time. But if he wants it, I should give it to him.

Grant’s voice worms its way into my head. Telling me that sex isn’t about me. It’s about him. Pleasing him. Making him come so hard his vision whites out. No matter if it hurts me.

Almost robotically, I roll the condom on and line myself up with Max.

He stares up at me, concern fighting its way through the lust in his eyes. “You okay?”

In response, I slide into him. Just like the other times we’ve had sex, his body draws me in instantly, like it’s been waiting for me. That tight heat worsens the sensitivity, but I keep it off my face. This is about Max. Not me.

He opens his mouth like he’s going to ask again, but I lean down and cut him off with a kiss. He moans in response and lifts a hand to press on the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him.

I pull out all the way to the tip, then slam back into him, pushing him across the carpet.

“Shit,” he groans, wrapping his free hand around my bicep.

“You know, one of these days, I’m going to make you work for this,” I say with a grunt as I pull out and thrust back into him.

“What the hell do you call spanking my ass until it was raw?” Max demands.

“I call that you getting what you needed.” Just remembering that turns me on more. The memory of Max bent over his bed, my hand stinging as I turned his cheeks red. “You did need it, didn’t you?”

Max bites his lip and nods.

“You want another one?” I ask, skimming my nose along his cheek. “Because I thought we talked about you using your words.”

“Yes, I’m sorry. Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, I needed it.” He takes a shallow breath. “I needed you to spank me.”

“Damn right you did.” I punctuate every word with a thrust, pushing him closer and closer to his desk, feeling a carpet burn setting into my knees.

I grab his left leg and put it over my shoulder, forcing him to take me deeper.

His mouth is open on a silent groan. His fingers are digging into the carpet, trying to find some type of purchase to steady himself.

I lean close to him, place my lips near his ear. The position forces his leg wider, and I almost groan. “Am I deep enough for you?” I whisper.

He nods, his cheeks flushing a deep red.

With a growl, I pull out and flip him onto his stomach.

He whines in protest, but I don’t give him a second to turn back over. I place one hand on the small of his back and smack his ass hard.

He cries out, his legs bouncing on the carpet.

“Color?” I demand because no matter how into this he seems, I need to know. I have to make sure.

“Green. Fuck, it’s green, Jude. But I need you back in me.”

“Not until you get this.”

He whimpers and rubs his dick on the carpet, trying to get some friction, so I slap his ass again.

“None of that. Push your ass a little into the air.”

When he obeys, his cock is left hanging, the tip barely touching the floor. I shift to kneel next to him. Then I palm his ass before spanking him again and again, watching his round cheeks turn pink and then red.

His fingers dig into the carpet. His face is red, and his knees are shaking.

“Jude, please,” he begs above the sound of my hand hitting his ass over and over. “Please, I need you in me.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you decided not to use your words.”

“I won’t do it again, I swear.”

“That sounds like a lie.” I smack him on every word then rest my hand on his ass. It’s on fire with heat, and when I shift behind him, I see his balls are nearly bursting. “Someone needs to come.”

“Please, Jude. Please.” His words slur, coming too fast and mixed together. “Please fuck me, Jude. I’m green. I’m so green. Just get back in me. I’m begging you.”

“All right.” Gently, I turn him back over, and he stares up at me. His eyes are wide, his pupils huge. I give him one second, and then I’m pushing back into him. His ass is unbearably tight now, and the heat from his cheeks feels like it could sear me.

I don’t even thrust twice before he’s coming with a shout, spraying his stomach and mine. I ride him through it and when he whimpers, I start to pull out, but he wraps a leg around me, digging his heel into my ass to get me to stay.

And that one move, the silent beg for me to do it, has me coming hard, my back bowing.

When I finally pull out of him and collapse beside him, my heartbeat feels like it’ll never slow down.

Max is panting. His face is flushed an adorable shade of red, and I feel like I could look at it forever. But then my gaze shifts from his face to the mess I made on the rug, and my stomach drops.

I push myself up to my knees and glance around. “You got any cleaner or something?”

Max leans up on his elbows. “What is with you and the need to clean up right after? You know we’re not doing anything wrong.”

“I know.”

“Really? Because it kind of makes me feel like you’re trying to wash away what we did.”

“What? No, no, that’s not it. I love what we do.”

“Then what is it?” Max’s voice is soft, full of curiosity. Devoid of anger. “Is it about your ex?”

I glance away from him. It feels like a weird conversation to be having without my clothes on, but I have to give him something. He’s been so kind so far. So understanding when he shouldn’t have been. I don’t have to tell him everything.

“Yeah, I guess. He just… It’s kind of hard to explain.” A knot forms in my throat.

“Well, take your time.” Max sits up and pulls a large throw blanket from the couch, then covers us both with it. Then he just sits there silently beside me, his shoulder pressed into mine.

“I wish you weren’t so nice.”

He laughs a little and finds my hand underneath the blanket. When he squeezes it tightly, some of the pressure in my chest loosens. Maybe I can tell him some of the stuff. It’s not like I have to tell him that I never wanted it at all. Even though in my head, I know it was rape, I can’t bring myself to actually speak the words. To anyone. But I have to say something.

“What I had with my ex was pretty fucked up. He didn’t want anyone knowing about us, and I was pretty young. I didn’t know I could say no to some of the stuff he liked.” That’s stretching the truth a little. I knew I could, I just couldn’t actually say no. I couldn’t risk my brothers getting hurt.

Max stays silent, his thumb massaging the back of my hand gently.

“He kind of got off on humiliating me. And I know there are a lot of people who actually get off on being humiliated, but I wasn’t one of them. I’m still not. And he knew it, but he would make me do stuff anyway.”

“Like what?” Max’s voice is quiet.

I shake my head before the words have fully left his mouth. “I don’t want to be specific. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” He’s silent for a second. “I just don’t know what to say. I’ve never been in a bad relationship. Is this why it’s so important that I use words when you ask me a question?”

I shrug. My skin feels hot. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“I don’t do it on purpose. Even though I do like what you do when I don’t use words.”

My mouth picks up in a smile at the blush on his face. “Well, I like doing it.”

He schools his expression. “You get under my skin in a way no one ever has, Jude. Sometimes it’s hard for me to find the words in the heat of the moment.”

“I have that effect on people.”

He laughs and bumps my shoulder with his. Then he sobers and says, “Look, I’m not your ex. You make me feel good, and I want to do the same for you. I like to explore and take things to the next level. But you can always say no if you don’t want to do something. I don’t want to embarrass you or hurt you. I just want you to have a good time when you’re with me.”

“I do have a good time. I have a great time.” I glance at the mess on the rug. “It’s just… Some things are hard to let go of.”