Fifteen

Fifteen

Jude

When I leave the bar that night, I feel lighter. It’s probably stupid, but sharing stuff with Max and even Rowan, it helps a little. The ache that’s been in my chest for so long is still heavy, but it no longer feels like it’ll crush me.

I’m actually looking forward to going back to the apartment, seeing Rowan and Anastasia. I’m too old to need anyone around me, but it’s comforting. After being on my own for so long, it’s nice to be with my brothers again. It’s nice to know Rowan’s not angry after what I put him through.

I turn to start for their apartment, when someone reaches out from the dark alley and pulls me close. I stumble from the surprise of it and before I can right myself, I’m shoved up against the brick wall behind me, and Grant’s in my face.

My throat closes, and I try to pull back, but there’s nowhere to go.

“What the hell are you doing?” Grant hisses, shoving his arm up against my throat. “You stink of sex.”

I want to tell him to get off me. To go fuck himself. That what I do is none of his business.

But instead, all I can croak out is an apology. And I’m not even sure why I’m saying I’m sorry. Just that I want him to let go of me.

“You’re sorry?” Grant drops his free hand to my hip. “Why don’t we see how sorry you are?”

“Grant…” It’s all I can say. My whole body is shaking. It’s as though all those years I’ve spent out of Brooklyn didn’t make a difference. I’m fifteen again, and I need someone to save me. I need to…

Grant’s hand shifts to my crotch and squeezes.

I need to behave. Grant is dangerous. He wants to hurt people I love. And if I let him, then I’m just as bad as he is.

“Okay,” I whisper. “I’ll show you I’m sorry.”

Grant shifts his hand from my throat to the back of my neck so he can push me to my knees.

I let him. I feel the hot asphalt of the alleyway through the fabric of my jeans. I feel pain in my throat from where Grant grabbed me.

I told myself I’d never be in this position again, on my knees looking up at Grant, but I don’t know what else to do. No one’s coming to save me.

Grant stares down expectantly at me, and I know I’m supposed to unzip him. I’m supposed to take his dick out and put it in my mouth and pleasure him until he shoots a load down my throat. But it’s like my arms can’t move. I keep staring up at him, waiting for him to disappear. Like he always does in my nightmares.

With a grunt of frustration, Grant lifts an arm and backhands me across the face. My teeth cut into my lip, and blood explodes across my tongue.

Grant’s right. It’s time to be good. Time to do what he wants. Just one blowjob, and it’ll be over. At least until the next time he wants to see me.

The door to the office opens suddenly, and the sound of it snaps me out of this. Max is coming out. I can’t let him see me like this. It’ll disgust him.

I scramble to my feet and call his name.

Grant grabs my arm hard enough to bruise. “What are you doing?” he hisses.

I ignore him and keep my gaze focused on Max. He can’t save me, but Grant never did anything if someone was watching. All I need is for Max to come closer. Grant wouldn’t dare—

Or maybe he’d hurt Max. Grant could get violent. He could hit Max like he hit me, only worse. Because when Grant doesn’t get his way, it’s always ugly.

But Grant releases me with a shove and hurries out of the alley.

“Who was that?” Max asks when he reaches me. Then he frowns. “Jude, what happened to your face? You’re bleeding.”

“It’s fine.” I lift a hand to my lip, and my fingers come away bloody. They’re trembling.

“Hey.” Max catches my other hand in his, squeezing my fingers tightly. “What happened?”

“Someone tried to mug me.” The lie comes out of me quickly. How many times did I have to lie to a teacher about a bruise I had? A friend? It should be no different with Max.

“Did he get anything?” Max asks.

“No. No, you came out.”

“Well, come back in here,” Max says, pulling the keys out of his pocket. He holds onto my hand as he uses his other to unlock the office door.

When we step inside, he flicks the light switch, and I blink in the brightness. It feels weird after being in the alley.

Max shuts the door behind us and locks it. “We should call the police.”

“No.” My voice is sharper than I mean for it to be. But there’s no way in hell I’m talking to the cops about this. If anyone finds out, Rowan or Dominic will go after him again, and I can’t let that happen. I already messed up Rowan’s life. I can’t do it again.

Max chews on his bottom lip before going into the adjoining bathroom and coming back out with a wet washcloth. “Sit, okay?”

I do what he says, sitting on the edge of the chair in front of the desk.

Max kneels beside it and presses the cloth to the split in my lip. The coolness feels good, and Max smells good. And I feel safe again.

Max reaches up and brushes my hair from my forehead. “I’m so sorry. I thought I heard something, but I didn’t realize—”

“Don’t,” I interrupt. “It’s fine. Nothing happened.”

He hesitates before lifting his free hand to touch the back of my neck. But it reminds me of how Grant grabbed me there, pushed me to my knees.

I pull back out of his grasp. “I’m fine. I should get back to Rowan’s. I’m sure he and Anastasia are worried.”

“I’ll walk with you,” Max says.

“No.” The last thing I need is for Grant to see me with Max. He’d know in an instant that I’m sleeping with Max. And then Grant will really hurt him. I didn’t go on a single date in high school because I couldn’t risk Grant getting angry with me.

He had all this time to track me down; why did he wait until I got back to Brooklyn?

Hurt fills Max’s eyes, but he tries to cover it. “I really think I should go with you.”

“I don’t need you,” I argue. “I’ll be fine by myself. It’s like three blocks.”

I stand, so he’s forced to drop his hand with the cloth. But he says, “You don’t look okay, Jude.”

“I’m fine.” My knees shake, but I stay standing. I can’t believe I almost did that. I almost let Grant hurt me again.

“Okay.” Max backs off, but I can see the hesitation in his eyes.

Fortunately, he doesn’t fight me as I wrench open the door of the office and step back outside. Even though I know Grant is gone, I still check over my shoulder as I walk. I don’t get close to mouths of any alleys on my way back to Rowan’s.

By the time I reach the apartment building, I’m sweating even though it’s not that hot out. I take the stairs to the third floor and use the key Anastasia gave me earlier to let myself into the apartment.

“Jude.” Rowan’s voice cuts through the anxiety pounding in my head, and I turn to look at him.

“What happened to you?” Rowan asks. “I thought you left the bar a while ago. I was just about to call you.”

“Um, I was mugged. Sort of. Max came out after me, and the guy ran off.”

Rowan comes close and puts a hand on my chin so he can turn my head to get a look at my lip. “You want some ice?”

“No. I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.” I pull my chin out of his grasp, but the ghost of his fingers remains. He keeps watching me, and for some reason, I don’t move to leave.

“It looks like something Dad did,” Rowan says after a short silence.

“Yeah.” Grant rarely ever hit me. My bruises were always from Dad. And that was only if Dom wasn’t around. Because my oldest brother took every hit Dad wanted to give when he could.

“Jude.” Rowan says my name softly, and it makes me feel young. It reminds me of the moment he first walked in on me and Grant. He’d pulled Grant off me, then grabbed my shoulders, stared into my eyes. And whatever he saw was what made him turn and attack Grant with a rage I didn’t know my brother possessed.

“I’m all right,” I say. “It’s just been a long night.”

Like Max, I see the hesitation in his eyes. And I realize he suspects it might not have been a mugging.

My cheeks fill with heat, and I look away from him. I’m a grown ass man; I don’t need to let Grant bother me. If he’d done something, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. I fuck all the time. Grant would just have been one more.

But then I think of Max’s gentle voice, his lips swollen and red when we were in the shower. Grant wouldn’t have been just one more. He would’ve been—

I shut the thought down before it can take root. I can only look at Grant as someone who once fucked me. If I don’t… I’m not sure I can face it.