Eleven

Eleven

Jude

Once I get back into my hotel room, it takes me less than two minutes to pack everything into my bag. My hands are shaking, and my stomach keeps convulsing like I need to throw up.

Back when I was a kid, after Rowan had beaten him up, Grant still stopped by the school sometimes to see me. All it took was a security guard seeing him once, and that ended. But it was another driving reason why I had to get out of the city. Something about me made Grant keep coming back. And I knew he’d never stop.

A knock sounds on my door, and I go still, gripping my bag tightly. If that’s Grant, I can’t let him in.

But if I don’t, he’ll be so angry. Angry enough to hurt someone.

“Jude?” Anastasia’s voice drifts from the other side of the door. “Do you have a minute?”

I let out a breath and move to the door to open it.

She beams up at me and steps into the room before I’ve even invited her. “I hope you’re not in the middle of anything, because we’ve got a rush thing to take care of.”

“We?” I ask, closing the door.

“Well, yeah. Now that you’re here, Brigid and Dominic want you in the wedding party. So we have to go get you fitted for a tux. I managed to get an appointment for today.” She pauses and glances at my packed bag. “Are you leaving?”

“Oh, um…” In my haze from seeing Grant, I’d forgotten about the wedding. Forgotten about Dominic and Rowan and the whole reason I came back to Brooklyn. “No, I’m not. I mean, I am. The hotel. It’s a little loud for me here. I think I heard gunshots last night.”

I need to stop talking. If she knew me even a little, she’d know that none of that would normally be a reason for me to leave. I’ve stayed in way rougher places than this.

“Have you found a new place yet?”

“Not really. I—”

“Then come stay with me and Rowan.” When I open my mouth, she says, “I won’t take no for an answer. It’s good for family to be together.”

“Okay.” I tell myself that I won’t actually stay at their apartment because I’m a grown ass man and perfectly capable of being by myself. But the idea of being so close to Rowan, to a place Grant wouldn’t dare go into, is soothing. Maybe one night wouldn’t hurt anything.

“Perfect.” Anastasia flashes a brilliant smile. “If you’re good with a passenger, we can drop your bike off at our place before we go to the fitting.”

“You sure Rowan won’t murder me for putting you on that thing?” I ask, grabbing my keys and hotel card.

She laughs, and the sound loosens the knot around my stomach. “Rowan can’t tell me what to do. Now, come on! Let’s get out of here.”

***

Being around Anastasia is like being with a friend I’ve had all my life. She’s so comfortable, and it makes me feel more comfortable. Within minutes of hanging out with her, the moment with Grant in the parking lot feels like a distant memory.

She points out her favorite things about Brooklyn as we make our way to the tailor’s, and it almost makes me miss living here.

By the time we’ve reached the fitting, my muscles are much more relaxed. I feel like I overreacted, leaving the hotel like that. It’s not like Grant could get into my room if I didn’t let him. I’m not in high school anymore.

And yet…I still go home with Anastasia when we’re done. Rowan’s in the kitchen, stirring what smells like beef stew on the stove, and fresh croissants are on the table. He gives Anastasia a kiss as soon we come in.

“Hey.” He reaches up with his free hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Where’ve you two been all day?”

“Getting his tux ready.” She beams at him before turning back to me. “I’m going to set up the spare bedroom for you.”

“I can help,” I say.

“No, you stay here with Rowan. I’ll be back in a few!” She dashes off with a wave over her shoulder.

As soon as she’s gone, I glance back at Rowan. “I’m sorry. I should’ve checked with you first.”

“You don’t have to do that. You know I don’t mind having you here.” He stirs the stew again before looking at me. “Anastasia told me that you left because you didn’t think the place was safe enough.”

I shrug in response. I should’ve realized he’d ask why I left. And he knows me better than Anastasia. So his next question doesn’t surprise me.

“Did she catch you in the process of leaving?” Rowan asks, his tone free of judgment even though I feel like I deserve some.

“Yeah,” I admit.

“Is being here really that hard for you?” He shifts his gaze back to the stove, like that’ll make it easier to answer his question.

I hesitate, caught between the lie and truth. Rowan has always been there for me, even when I didn’t make it easy for him. And the last time I kept my time with Grant a secret, it changed everything.

“Actually, Grant was at the hotel.” I say the words in a rush, almost hoping he doesn’t hear them. As soon as I say them, I want to take them back. It makes me feel weak and pathetic, like how I felt when I was a teenager and Grant would fuck me.

Rowan stops, abandoning the spoon in the pot. “He was? Did he hurt you?”

“No.” I bristle at the implication, even though I know I have no right to. But I don’t like the idea of Rowan thinking of me like that. “It was fine. I handled it.”

“If you handled it, you wouldn’t be here.”

I hate that he points it out. And I hate that he does it gently. I should’ve told Dom. He probably would’ve made me go back to the hotel and get over my…whatever this is.

Rowan shakes his head and grabs the stirring spoon again, swirling the stew viciously. “I’ll kill him if he lays his hands on you again.”

“I’m not a teenager anymore, Rowan. He’s not going to do anything.” I think I’m trying to convince myself as much as I am him.

“We should go to the police.”

“And do what? Tell them some random guy talked to me in the parking lot of a hotel? That’s not exactly grounds for a criminal trial.”

Rowan’s hand stills. “He talked to you?”

“Yeah. And, no, I’m not going to tell you what he said.” Just the idea sends a rush of heat into my face. It was bad enough when Rowan walked in on the two of us having sex. I don’t think I could stand it if he ever heard the things Grant said to me. Not just in the parking lot, but at any point.

Grant got off on embarrassing me. He used to grab my ass in crowded rooms when we were in the back. Once made me give him a blowjob in a frequently used stairwell at school, talking about how hot I looked on my knees with his dick in my mouth.

I blush now just remembering it. Fuck, I thought I’d gotten past this. I’d taught myself to not think about it. I fucked some random guy the first night away from Brooklyn to prove to myself I wasn’t afraid of them. And maybe I’m not afraid of guys or sex.

But maybe I am afraid of Grant still. And I’m not sure how I’m supposed to stop.