Chapter 21

21

GWEN

N ikolai hasn't let me leave this room since I entered it. His hand stays firmly on my hip, drawing small circles as he stares into my eyes. I run my hand over his dirty blonde hair that was slicked back when we first started and now it lays a mess. He leans into me, softly, his eyes falling closed at the way my hands seem to bring him peace. "Gwen," he whispers, grabbing my wrist from smoothing back his hair again.

"Yes, Nik?" I respond, my voice like a feather, too afraid to break the peace we have found.

"Stay," he pleads, his eyes shut like a child. Just like Gio when Mia doesn't understand something he learned or his head hurts from reading with a nightlight instead of going to bed. "Don't leave this time, love."

"Where am I going, Boss?" I tease, scooting my body closer so that our noses barely touch. "I got another shift tomorrow."

He lets out a light scoff, bringing my wrist to his lips. He kisses my pulse point softly, lingering for a moment, before continuing. "Kotik, you have mastered the art of disappearing. "

I smile to myself, because at that moment I could tell him. I could show him photos of Gio and Mia. Tell him I've been searching for him, and the right words, but I could never find them. I could tell him that we are on the run and beg him to go get my children, our children. I could ask him to pay off Mason, or strike a deal. Shit, he could scare Mason shitless for all I care. Right now, I can ask him to be my prince charming. I open my mouth, ready to spill that I am not disappearing. In fact, if he wants me, he can have me for as long as he wants, but then he sighs like he has the world on his shoulders. His ocean blue eyes flicker to mine, and he yawns, "Please, Kotik. I don't trust you not to leave when I go to sleep. I need you to be here when I wake up."

A knot forms in my stomach, but I push through with a laugh. "You know Cinderella left Prince Charming at the ball and he found her." I poke his nose and he scrunches it, scowling at me. "Now they live happily ever after."

"Gwen, I am serious." He levels me with a glare, and I try to shift slightly away from him but he grips my hip tighter and stares me in the eye.

"Nik, I don't see myself going anywhere anytime soon, so chill." I kiss his lips lightly, but he doesn't really kiss me back.

Nik's grip tightens even more, his eyes hardening. "I can't just chill, Gwen. You don't understand. I looked for you everywhere. I told you I wanted you to come back to New York with me."

"And I told you I couldn't because I needed to take care of Nana and that is non-negotiable." The knot in my stomach twists tighter.

His eyes flash with frustration. "I told you Nana could come with us. "

"Nik." I roll my eyes and push away from him, a cold dose of reality washing over me. "No offense but I had just fucking met you. I still know jack shit about you. So sorry I don't want to follow some guy back to their hometown and be their live in sex slave."

"Some guy? I am really some guy to you?" His eyes narrow as I walk over to my thong, and despite the cold wetness, I pull them on. "So that night meant nothing to you?"

"Nik, oh please you have a system to get girls out of your hotel! A great one by the way, five stars! You really know how to make a girl feel special." I look around the room, finding the corset but no ribbon to lace it up, as if I had the fucking energy to even sit here and do that right now.

"Gwen, I would have gotten you room service while I'd eaten you out for breakfast. You didn't have to leave that way. You chose to," Nik snaps, his nostrils flared, eyes hardened and chest heaving as if he has just ran a marathon.

"Because, Nik, I am not some random whore. I have responsibilities. I can't just stay locked up underneath you forever." I grab his button up off the floor and roughly slide my hands into the arms. "The clock struck twelve. My carriage was now a pumpkin and my dress was shredded. The night where I was yours was over."

"So you admit it?" he scoffs, moving to grab his underwear.

"Admit what?" I roll my eyes, and he lets out an annoyed groan.

"For one night, you were mine and no one else's." He slides his underwear on, a wicked smirk playing on his lips as he strides over to me with a predatory gleam in his eyes. My heart races as I remember how it felt to be completely his, mind, body and soul. But I can't give into those thoughts now, not when Gio and Mia are still in danger, not with Mason hunting me down. I can't be anyone's, especially his.

His gaze pierces through me, demanding an answer, but I look away, feeling the heat roll over my skin as his eyes rake over my exposed breast under his crisp button-up shirt. I am tempted to surrender and admit that I am his, even if it was just for that one stolen night. The desperation in his eyes makes me ache to be claimed by him again and again, but the weight of the danger that will follow makes my chest feel heavy. My lips tremble as I struggle to find the words, knowing that the truth could shatter everything between us.

"You wouldn't understand," I whisper, trying to pull back, but his hold on me is unyielding.

"Try me," he challenges, his voice cold. "I've been nothing but patient, waiting for you."

"Nik," I snap back, feeling my own frustration rising. "You don't trust me, and I know that can't be good for you. A big Mafia guy like you needs people he can trust."

His jaw tightens, and for a moment, I see a flash of hurt in his eyes. "Gwen, I want you here, but I will not beg."

"Who's asking you to beg? I am telling you I can't stay here with you forever." I push back, my voice rising. "You can't keep me locked away because you're scared I will leave again. You can't demand I be yours!"

He takes a step back and runs a hand through his messy hair. "Do you have to be this fucking difficult?" he growls, his voice dripping with frustration and need to lash out. "You want Nana Rose here? Done. Kelsey? Done. A job running the whole fucking club? Done. Anything you want. Just…stay, Gwen. Fucking stay."

I take a deep breath, feeling the tension, and a part of me wants to build the bridge between us brick by brick. A part of me wants to tell him to defeat the dragon and fight my battle, but I can't. I won't. I lower my voice, softening my tone, "Nik, I can't just be yours. You don't trust me, and I don't really know who you are. It's that simple."

He looks at me, his eyes searching mine, but I can see the doubt still growing as he sighs, pulling away. "What aren't you telling me, Gwen? Because something is wrong, and you just need to tell me."

I hesitate, the urge to spill everything warring with my need to protect my children. "I can't… Not yet," I say finally, feeling a pang of guilt. "It doesn't matter what you do; the answer will be the same, Nik."

He shakes his head, a bitter smile on his lips. "Then how can I trust you when you can't even be honest with yourself?" He takes a step forward, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes before they open on me, cold as ice. "You don't feel anything between us? You want to lie? Fine. But when I have you on your knees screaming for me, know you could have had this the easy way."

The silence between us is heavy, the air thick and I almost feel like I can't breathe, as if I am equal parts excited and scared for my fucking life. I feel my heart breaking, or racing itself to exhaustion.

"Nik, I don't mean to-" I say quietly, but he stops me with a slow shake of his head .

"Gwen, you made your bed," he says, his breath feathering over my face, "now lie in it."

My breath catches in my throat, and before anything else can be said, Nik walks out the of room, leaving me alone, half-naked in his button up, just like I left him the first night we spent together.