Chapter 10

10

GWEN

" M ia! Come on!" I stand at the end of the hall off the kitchen, calling out my daughter's name for the third time. She doesn't respond, and I mindlessly wipe the pancake batter on my slacks. "Shit."

I glance at my son, Gio, his black wavy hair covering his eyes as he almost sleeps in his pancakes.

"Gio, baby." I walk over to the sink, wetting a paper towel to clean the syrup off his face. "You've got to wake up."

He looks up at me with a lazy smile, and I rub a little harder to get the syrup off his face, whispering, "I thought I told you to go to sleep at 8?"

"Mommy, I had to finish my book before the first day." His voice is small but earnest.

I look into his big blue eyes and immediately soften like I did when his father looked at me. Gio's luscious locks cascade in soft waves. His deep black tresses, which match mine, are striking against Nikolai's deep ocean eyes and mischievous smile.

But it's his brains; I don't know where he got that. At only five years old, Gio possesses the intelligence and savvy of a twelve-year-old prodigy, making him a mini Einstein in the making. He is currently teaching himself about every primate he can get his hands on because he has a deep passion for animals. Right now, his favorite is the lemur.

His eyebrows furrow, a frown on his face. "Did you know orangutans are going extinct?"

"I did. That's really sad." I give him a sympathetic smile.

He huffs like an old man who has seen too much of the world. "I don't like that. People keep wanting them as pets, and they weigh 285 pounds as adults, so that's just dumb." His pout turns into a yawn, and I kiss his head. "Plus, the places where they live are being destroyed."

"That's terrible, baby. Let's make a game plan to help them out tonight." I ruffle his hair, and he smiles at his cold pancakes, which reminds me of my daughter.

"Mia!" I scream again, but Gio sighs.

He looks up at me with wide blue eyes and a sad smile.

"Girl, if you don't stop all that yelling; it is 6:36 in the morning!" Nana Rose's slippers click down the hall, holding her hand to her forehead in annoyance.

"Mia doesn't want to go to school," he says matter-of-factly, stuffing a hefty forkful of pancake into his mouth.

"What do you mean Mia doesn't want to go to school?" Nana Rose snaps. "Back in my day, kids didn't have a choice if they went to school or not. "

"Is she sick?" I question, sliding two pancakes on my plate.

"No, but she didn't like summer camp, so she doesn't think she'll like school." Gio shrugs, picking up his orange juice and taking a huge gulp that leaves some OJ dripping onto his green t-shirt. Genius or not, my baby is a mess.

"Nana, please clean Gio up. I have to talk to Mia." I sigh, walking off down the hallway toward the twins' room.

I find Mia sitting on her bed, clutching her favorite stuffed animal, a well-worn bunny named Mr. Floppy. Her hazel eyes are downcast, and she looks up at me with tears gleaming in her eyes.

"Mia, honey, what's wrong?"

She hugs Mr. Floppy tighter. "I don't want to go to school, Mama." She speaks into the head of the stuffed animal, tears cresting her hazel-green eyes. "I'm not smart like G. Everyone will make fun of me."

I take a deep breath and smooth down her curls that match mine. Her dirty blonde color resembles Nikolai; sometimes, I can't help but stare at how much she resembles him.

"Mia, we do not say mean things to ourselves. What do we say?"

"I am smart," she whispers. "I am pretty. I am great."

"You are everything and more," I whisper into her hair and kiss her forehead, pulling her into my chest. "I promise everyone feels that way on their first day, and everyone will be learning and growing. No one knows everything, not G, Nana, or me."

"You don't know everything?" she asks with wide eyes .

I giggle, a bitter sound escaping my lips. If I knew everything, I would know where their father was. If I were truly growing, I would have told him years ago that we have two of the most wonderful kids in the world. I tried once when the twins were one, right before we moved out of D.C. to Maryland, to escape the pressure of the debts my father owed. No one knew I had children, and I never wanted Mason to find out and use them against me, so we moved in the middle of the night.

But before we left, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to let Nik know, but most importantly, I just wanted to see him again, to have him look at me like the world revolved around me, the same way he did that night when he rocked my world. The memory of his gaze, filled with warmth and adoration, haunts me. It's a look I've longed for every day since I snuck out of his hotel room.

I knew Nikolai owned that hotel we went to, so I went back and asked if I could get his email or number, and I was practically dragged out of the lobby. They thought I was a stalker or just trying to exploit their boss for money. After that, I tried googling him, but Nikolai Petrov is a pretty common name, and he was a ghost before I met him. Now, he's a figment of my imagination. The only proof we ever met are the twins and the button-up I stole and kept underneath my pillow because it used to smell like him.

Mia crawls into my lap with Mr. Floppy, breaking me out of my trance. I smile and nuzzle her cheek.

"I am always learning new things because nothing is better than learning."

"Really?"

I tickle her chest. "Really? Besides, you'll learn, have much fun, and make many new friends. "

Mia pushes Mr. Floppy closer to my face. "Do you think Mr. Floppy can come with me?"

"Of course, Mr. Floppy can come. He'll be your brave buddy."

A small smile forms on her lips. "Okay, Mama."

"Alright, get dressed in whatever you want except the princess gowns." I kiss her forehead.

Mia's eyes light up with excitement as she jumps off the bed and rushes to her wardrobe. She rummages through her clothes, pulling out a pair of bright pink overalls and a sparkly blue t-shirt. With a toothy grin, she holds them up for my approval.

"Perfect choice! You'll be the coolest kid at school in that outfit."

Once Mia is dressed and ready to go, she grabs Mr. Floppy's paw tightly in her hand. I smile and take her hand, leading her out of the room and back to the kitchen.

Gio looks up, his face brightening when he sees Mia. "Ready to go, Mia?"

She nods more confidently this time. "Yeah, ready."

After pouring an obscene amount of syrup on top, I slide her the plate of pancakes I made for myself. "Alright, eat quickly; the bus will be here soon."

As the twins finish eating breakfast, I pack their new backpacks with notebooks, pens, and snacks and zip up the bags. I hoist them onto their little shoulders and adjust the straps for a perfect fit just as the school bus pulls up out front.

"Okay, are we ready for school?" I ask, ruffling their hair.

Mia takes a deep breath, squeezes Mr. Floppy, and nods.

Gio laces his hand with hers. "Don't worry, I got you, Mia."

I pull them into a bear hug, kiss their foreheads, and watch as they rush from the front door to the bus.

Nana Rose is leaning against the wall, an expectant look on her face as she taps her ruby-red nails against the mug of her coffee.

"What?" I question, moving towards the kitchen sink to wash the pancake batter off my pants. Nana Rose follows me.

"You know this would be easier if you just told Nikolai that he has children." Her voice is sharp and demanding, as it always is when discussing this. "That man would not leave you to raise them alone."

"Nana, I told you. I can't find him," I snap, wetting a paper towel and rubbing out the drying tan stain on my black slacks.

"Bullshit, you could have called him." She uses the same firm voice she did when I was lying as a kid. I throw the paper towel onto the kitchen counter and huff, slouching over the sink.

"He changed his number. All I get is dial tone now." I sigh, but she clicks her tongue and roughly places the mug on the table. "Besides, I don't know what he does for work, but it is not legal."

"So you are so righteous now that you will work yourself into an early grave?"

I spin around and narrow my eyes on her. "I am working this hard only because your son still owes 200,000 to the fucking mob in D.C. If I don't make those payments, they will come for us, Nana. Do you understand?"

I walk closer, but Nana squares her shoulders and looks me dead in the eye with a sharp pointer finger.

"Do not talk to me as a child," Nana says, her voice leveled and stern. She takes a deep breath and continues speaking a little softer. "I am worried about you, Gwen. You work all night at that bar and all day as a receptionist. You don't sleep. You barely eat. Shit, you don't even have time to wash your ass."

"I don't know what else I am supposed to do." I sigh, leaning against the kitchen sink.

"Find him. Make him listen, not only so you can get a break, but because that man deserves to know he has children," she pleads, and I avoid her eyes.

I whisper, "I know."