47

Say When - The Fray

Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

T he next morning, I wake up groggy, the events of last night slowly filtering back into my memory. I called in sick for work, not wanting to face the day with a hangover. As I stir awake, voices fill the space around me.

"How long has he been like this?"

"I dunno. He got pretty drunk last night."

"Bradley, drunk?"

"Yeah. I know, right?"

Fuck's sake.

"Wake him up."

"No, you wake him up."

I bury my face farther into my pillow and groan aloud. "I'm already awake," I grumble, my voice muffled.

"Rise and shine, sweetheart," I hear a familiar deep voice say, and I blink my eyes to find my brother and sister standing above me.

"What the fuck?" I say, my voice groggy.

"Bradley, get up," Liv says.

"No, piss off. "

"Don't make me jump on you, Brad. I will," Xavier warns. Oh, I'm so scared.

"Don't, he's still injured," my sister says. I feel my lips turn upward at her words. So, she does still care.

"So fucking what? More of an incentive to do it," Xavier retorts. He's such a fuckwit..

"I'm getting up. Fuck off," I grumble.

"What's this I hear about you getting drunk?" he asks, genuine concern in his voice. As I sit up, still feeling the effects of the hangover, Xavier's words sink in.

I shrug, not wanting to admit to the mess I've made. "Nothing."

"And smashing bottles? Mum had to clean up your mess this morning," Olivia adds, her disappointment evident.

Fuck's sake.

"I'm sorry," I reply, feeling the weight of their words. I need to sort myself out, but right now, I just need to get through this hangover. I look at Olivia, the question burning in my mind. "So, you're talking to me now?"

"I guess so," she shrugs.

"So, what does that mean?" I ask, furrowing my brows. Olivia ponders my question for a moment, and Xavier just stands there, watching the exchange.

"Do you love her?" Olivia's question catches me off guard, but instantly I know who she's referring to.

"Is that a trick question?" I emit a snort of amusement.

"No. Answer my fucking question," she insists .

"Oo, feisty," Xavier chimes in, earning a glare from Olivia.

As I sit there, contemplating Olivia's question, the truth hits me like a ton of bricks. Do I love her? It's such a stupid fucking question because the answer is so blindingly obvious. One that I hadn't been able to voice.

Until now.

"Yes. I love her," I finally admit, my voice barely above a whisper.

"But how do you know?" Olivia questions me, crossing her arms.

Without hesitation, I reply, "Because I've loved her from the very moment I saw her."

I pause, taking in a breath before continuing. "All these years, I've put up boundaries, told myself she was off limits, but it became too fucking hard to ignore. She's not just someone I love; she's a part of me, a part of my soul. And I'll continue to love her, no matter what."

Olivia gasps, a look of shock on her face. I'm stunned, too, by my own confession.

Xavier breaks the silence with a simple, "Well, I'll be damned."

"Then what the fuck are you still doing here?" Olivia questions so casually.

Confusion mars my face. "Huh?"

"Why haven't you left already? Fucking go and get her," Olivia says, her tone casual yet firm.

Xavier chimes in, "She thinks you don't care anymore. It's been a week, and she hasn't heard anything from you."

I'm getting frustrated. How does everyone seem to know more about this situation than I do? It's starting to really piss me off .

"I fucking texted her. Saying I'd wait for her," I explain, pulling out my phone to double-check that message.

But next to it is a red exclamation mark indicating it wasn't delivered. For fuck's sake.

In my drunken state last night, I mustn't have noticed when I'd checked our texts.

"She didn't get it," Olivia confirms the obvious. I sigh, feeling defeated.

"I spoke to her last night, though," I add, but the words feel hollow as they leave my lips. There was no confirmation in our conversation. I feel a sinking feeling in my chest, the uncertainty of where we stand weighing heavily on me. She never responded to my messages. Olivia shoots me a sympathetic glance.

"This is what she sent me last night," she says, lifting her phone to show me a series of texts.

"Fucking hell, Liv," I mutter, staring at the messages on the phone. I don't bother reading the rest, and I groan in frustration, feeling a surge of anger and desperation. "How could you not see that?" I can't help but raise my voice, my emotions boiling over. "I love her ." I choke on my words, shaking my head.

But it's too late. The words, while spoken, don't have the same impact because they're not being said to the person who needs to hear them. It's fucking devastating, and I'm left feeling crushed, knowing that I may have lost her forever.

"Oi! Listen here, don't fucking blame me for not seeing anything!" Olivia screams back, making air quotes. "If there's anyone to blame, it's yourself. Why didn't you fucking tell her you love her back, huh?" She shoves my chest. "You led her to believe you don't fucking love her. Why wouldn't you tell her?"

I stand here, stunned.

She's right. I never told her I loved her. I've been such a coward, stuck in my head, letting fear and vulnerability dictate my actions.

Since when do I fucking cower away from doing what's right?

I should have told her I loved her back when I had the chance. It was the right thing to do, and I just... didn't. I drop my head to my chest, absorbing my sister's words while my brother stays quiet beside me. Deep, burning embarrassment runs through me.

I fucking hate the way I am.

I fucking hate being so caught up in my head all the time. I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to fight off the chaos swirling in my mind. Hearing it all out loud is a brutal wake-up call.

It's like everything is now finally crystal clear.

"Bradley?" Olivia's voice is softer this time, laced with concern. I take a deep breath, exhaling loudly as I wipe at the tears that have begun to prick the corners of my eyes—tears I hadn't even realised were there.

I lift my head, meeting my sister's gaze. Her eyes are glistening with her own tears. "I'm so sorry," she says, her voice trembling. "I was so fucking hurt, blinded by my own pain, that I didn't even see you both were hurting, too." She reaches up to gently wipe the rogue tears that have started to fall down my cheeks.

Hearing Liv's words, a sense of relief washes over me, yet it does nothing to ease the ache in my chest. We've been stumbling around in the dark, each of us hurting without even knowing the full extent of our own pain.

"How do I even get there?" I ask, frustration seeping into my voice. "I don't even know where she's staying."

"One step ahead of you," Olivia says, typing on her phone. Xavier, who's been silent throughout this whole ordeal, does the same. In an instant, an address in Sydney appears on my screen, along with an email from Xavier containing a link.

I frown and click on the link—a return ticket to Sydney. Time of departure: ten fifteen a.m..

I glance at my phone. Eight thirty-five a.m.

"Fuck. I need to get dressed. I don't even have a suitcase."

Just then, Isla, who must have been standing at the door, walks in unannounced.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't eavesdropping, but I brought this by," she says, with a small suitcase at her side, wheeling it into my room. "Xavier sent a text saying you'd be needing it."

My heart swells with love for these people—my family. There's just one person missing.

"Go get your girl, brother," Xavier says, clapping me on the back. I pull him into a tight hug, tears welling up in my eyes.

"I love you, Xavier."

Xav freezes at my words, his breathing quickening as he tightens his embrace. "I love you more," he replies.

I hear Isla sniffle, and I pull away from Xavier to find her wiping at her eyes. "Sorry, pregnancy hormones," she says with a shaky laugh, and we all chuckle.

Xavier glances around and says, "Did we all catch that? Bradley just said he loves me—out loud." He points at me while nodding with a grin.

I chuckle and reply, "Fuck off, you idiot."

"I truly am sorry, Bradley," Olivia says, her voice cracking. "I acted so immature. I was just hurt."

"I know, and I'm sorry, too," I say. "We both meant our apology. Amelia loves you so much. She cares about you a lot."

"I know. I care too," she says softly. "So, we're good?"

"Yeah, we're good," I reply, giving her a gentle punch on the shoulder.

"If you ever lie to me again, I'll chop your nuts off," she warns, half-jokingly.

"Yeah, yeah. No need for drastic measures, princess," I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.

"Guys, hate to interrupt this beautiful family moment, but... time's ticking," Isla chimes in.

"Oh, fuck," I say, springing into action, filling up my suitcase with the essentials. We all pile into Xavier's Tacoma, the tension thick in the air. The engine roars to life as he heads toward the airport. My pulse races, matching the rapid blur of the scenery outside the window. Unease fills my mind, overthinking everything— what if she doesn't want to see me? What if I say the wrong thing? What if it's too late?

Nausea creeps up as I think this, twisting my stomach into knots. I grip the edge of my seat, my knuckles turning white. One word comes to mind: anxiety. It's anxiety I'm feeling. Ever since Amelia mentioned it, I've been thinking about it more, and she was fucking right.

She always is .

I've come to accept it. Anxiety gnaws at me, tightening my chest and making it hard to breathe. I swallow hard, trying to push it down, to focus on the task at hand.

As I board the plane, my heart pounds in my chest. I grip the armrest, my fingers tapping nervously as I settle into the cramped seat, my legs pressing uncomfortably against the seat in front of me. I shift, trying to find a more comfortable position, but my tall frame takes up most of the space. I thank God this flight is only an hour or so long. The engine hums softly in the background as I close my eyes, picturing her sweet face—her smile .

I can't wait to hold her in my arms again, to make things right, to start anew. The thought of seeing her, of fighting for us, is the only thing keeping me grounded.

Amelia has always been more than just someone I care about; she's the one who understands me in ways no one else ever has. Her kindness, her quiet strength, and the way her eyes light up when she talks about something she loves—it's all etched into my memory.

I think about the little moments we shared, the quiet conversations late at night, the way she fits perfectly against me when we cuddle. I miss her laughter, her voice, the way she makes even the worst days feel bearable. Every day without her has felt like an eternity, and I'm determined to show her just how much she means to me, and that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to win her back.

I know I missed my opportunity to tell her I love her.

I didn't understand the full extent of my feelings until I'd lost that chance. But now, I'm ready to be the man she deserves, the one who will stand by her no matter what. I want to build a future with her, to share everything—the highs and the lows .

She's my heart, my home, and I'm ready to prove that to her.