44

All I Want - Kodaline

O ne whole week it's been since I last saw Amelia, and every day feels like a lifetime. One long fucking week of trying to distract myself so I don't lose my shit.

It's like I've been thrown back to those months before I started hanging around her. I wake up, head to work, come home, struggle to sleep—well, the lack thereof—and repeat. I've been pushing myself, throwing everything into work.

My body screams for me to stop, to rest, but I can't. My shoulder's a dull ache now, where it was once dislocated, and my ribs are doing better. I can breathe easier now, well... in the pain scheme of things. The doctors are pleased with my recovery, especially this quickly. I no longer need pain meds, but I occasionally still ice my ribs now and then.

Right now, we're getting rid of old furniture from the station, making way for new desks and facilities. I'm out back, tossing some old stuff from my desk into the skip bin.

"Easy there, tiger. Need a hand?" Daniels asks.

"No," I grunt, lifting a chair with my good arm, tossing it in. I look back at Daniels, who's standing there with a moon boot and sporting crutches.

My eyes soften for a moment, and I feel a pang of guilt for my mate. His injury is on me. If I hadn't moved closer to that house, Daniels wouldn't have come to get me, and he wouldn't have been hurt. I stare at his boot.

"Hey. Don't do that."

"Do what?" I say, my tone clipped.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. It's cool, mate. Protect and defend our own. Always," he says with a nod.

Protect and defend our own.

If only I'd done that for Amelia. If only I'd done that for my sister. If only I'd listened to myself over the past few months and not pursued her. The one time I make a sacrifice, the one time I do something for myself—something I'd been hesitant to do—and look where it's gotten me.

A sister who won't talk to me, won't even look at me; a mother who looks at me like she knows something but won't say it; and now Amelia—I feel like I'm losing her, too.

I feel as though maybe I already have.

I failed her. I failed everyone.

I sigh, the weight of it all bearing down on me. I shouldn't be lifting anything too heavy, but I don't give a fuck. The pain only spurs me on more to keep going.

My ribs now scream in protest, but the ache in my chest is worse. I busy myself, trying to push through the pain, both physical and emotional, but it's no use. It's always there, gnawing at me, reminding me of what I've done and what I've lost.

Daniels breaks the silence. "The council wants you to join some of the firefighters in addressing them about the incident."

I just shrug.

"They're calling you the town's local hero."

"They're wrong. I did nothing."

Daniels scoffs. "Who are you tryna bullshit? Because it ain't working for me, mate." He goes silent for a moment. "Is this about Amelia?"

My body goes rigid. "What?"

"Reynolds told me about her. Sorry," he says, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Says that your foul mood might have something to do with her leaving." Leaving? What's he talking about?

"Leaving?"

"Yeah, she went to Sydney. For some exhibition or some shit. I dunno."

Fuck. I forgot about her exhibition. I could kill Reynolds right now.

"What else did he tell you?" How the fuck does he know?

"Dunno, man. Go and ask him," he says, nodding to the station.

"Fuck," I mutter to myself.

"Hey, for what it's worth, she made you happy , Bradley. You changed over these past few weeks. Whatever happened between the two of you, get it sorted." Daniels says with a crooked smile.

How could I forget about her exhibition? She had asked if I'd be there, and I had told her I would be. And yet, I fucking forgot. How pathetic. That's the only word that comes to mind.

My heart sinks as I think about how disappointed she must be feeling. How could I have been so careless? I storm inside, not wanting to hear any more.

"Reynolds!" I bark out, searching for him. Woody and Stokes look up from their desks, confusion on their faces. They both point to the lunchroom, and I barge in.

"Bradley, what's up?" he says with a smile, sitting at one of the tables with another constable.

"How do you know that she left?" My voice is sharp, demanding answers.

His brows furrow for a moment before recognition forms in his eyes. "Rose told me. She said Amelia ran into her in town the other day and they spoke about everything."

"Everything?" I ask, not putting two and two together.

"Yeah, Amelia said she's taken more time off than she needs to, just to get away, to think and just wait…"

His words trail off, and I growl, "Think about what? Wait for what?"

"To see if things sort themselves out," he finishes, shooting me a knowing look. Does she mean my sister, or does she mean me?

I fucking told her I'd wait for her.

And I meant it.

I'd wait a fucking lifetime, for her, if it meant she'd come back to me.